Court appearance - out myself, or not?

[PaulaQ]

It's looking more and more like I'm going to have to evict the person renting my house. I'll need to make two appearances in the court, one to file the petition for possession of the property, and one for a hearing in front of a judge to evict the tenant.

All this stuff (the renter, problems with them, etc.) started before I was out to *anyone*. Now I absolutely don't give a crap what the renter thinks - he's a d-bag and this'll be the third suit I've filed on him, and this time, I ain't settling. He's history unless he gets me money before I file the suit.

On the one hand, my preference would be to show up presenting as female, and even though I'd have to use my legal name (haven't changed it yet - it's still early days...), I'd feel a lot more comfortable at the proceedings.

On the other hand, this could prove to be a distraction on what is otherwise a pretty straightforward case. (He's been late paying the rent - a LOT. I've had to file suit on him two other times because of this. We're done here - we want the house back, he can go find someplace else to live.)

I'll ask my lawyer about it - I'm not out to him yet either, there just hasn't been a need yet, but I guess there is now.

- OR -

I can just suck it up, and put on the guy mask for a few more hours. I hate this. I'm not totally sure I CAN do it. (I'd better be able to - I have to do it for my son's wedding in a few weeks.) I don't want to do it - but I also don't want to give this d-bag tenant and his sleaze lawyer any wiggle room with the judge. (It's a JP court.)

Part of me wants to prove I can do this as a woman, since I'm fulltime now. Another part of me thinks it isn't worth jeopardizing a really simple case against this peckerhead to prove a point to myself.

I dunno, what do y'all think? What would you do?

[Nigella]

... I can do this as a woman, since I'm fulltime now.

There is your answer

[arbon]

Full time is full time.

But I will say going to court as a woman while still having to go by your old name can get you a few stares and giggles from others in the court - I did that for jury duty lol

[PaulaQ]

Giggles I don't care about. Giving this jerk wiggle room to defer payment for another month or two because I had to reschedule the court date because their lawyer requires proof that I'm really ME is another matter. Oh yeah, also, my wife will probably have to show up at this stupid hearing - that is another wrinkle.

Well, I'll talk to my attorney so he doesn't have a heart attack when he sees me. I'll also see if I can get the suit filed while presenting female. (If I can't, then I guess that's my answer.)

I'm a lot more nervous about this guy using sleazy lawyer tricks - which he's done quite adeptly so far - than I am about outing myself in court. I don't really give a crap what they think - I just want my money or my house back.

Unfinished business is annoying. :|

[Badtranny]

Full time means full time.

BUT

There are no rules in this game. You're just a few weeks into HRT and your transition was rather abrupt so why does there need to be an arbitrary line?

A gender transition changes so many things in your life that living full time will come organically and need not be forced by the calendar. You will be full time someday one way or another but if you can legally pass as a man with just a clothing change than why not take advantage of it?

I was one of those "except at work" types for a year while I was openly transitioning and I went "full-time" after FFS and a BA. I didn't have any choice after that. I would be a very odd looking man at this point not to mention every identity document I have all the way to the Birth Certificate has been changed so going to court as a man would be ill advised.

Back when I was still presenting as a man professionally, I would have had no problem handling your situation as a man. It's your transition right? Do it your way.

[arbon]

BT is right Paula, there is not rule you need to follow, you should do what seems the most comfortable to you.

[vallerie lacy]

Paula
Sorry to hear of your d-bag tenant. If it were me, I'd man-up, only because it's a courtroom. I think we've all seen what morons some of these judges are. And because they wear a robe they think they can ,and do, get away with anything they want. Hope all works out in your favor and satisfaction

[Jorja]

Wait a darn minute...... it clearly says in the transsexual handbook on page 44......... ! Just kidding.

As the others have said there are no rules. Do not be like our President drawing red lines to cross. Do what you must do Paula with as little or no attention being brought upon yourself.

[PaulaQ]

Thanks for all the advice - I'm trying weigh what's comfortable (female presentation, by lots) with what's smart (pretending nothing's changed, male appearance.)

It'd serve my lawyer right though, if I showed up as female and didn't tell him. First time I went to his office, he had his twin brother come out and meet me. I'd met my lawyer in court before, but I didn't know he had an identical twin. So I'm talking to who I think is my lawyer, and he OBVIOUSLY has no idea who I am! When my attorney came out of his office, I was so surprised. They had a good laugh about it. Maybe it's my turn for a laugh - lol.

[linda allen]

Ask your lawyer. Take his advice. My opinion - if you are legally a male, go as a male. You don't need any distractions and you don't want to take the chance of offending the judge.

[sandra-leigh]

What does it take for you to feel sufficiently female in your 24/7 ? Slacks, top, light makeup, earrings... and what? D-cup forms, or would A-cup do for the day?

[MatildaJ.]

Ask your lawyer. Take his advice.

Exactly. Just like you would tell a doctor about your gender situation before any kind of serious treatment, you should tell your lawyer all pertinent details (including how difficult it will be for you to concentrate dressed as a guy, if that's the case) and follow his advice.

[Chickhe]

If you are so early on...then some things are more important than feeling good. Going to court is not a feel good thing. You want to go there and appear to be as normal and confident as possible. If there is anything unusual about you, it can tip the balance. Remember, this guy is going to polish himself up and try to make you look bad, so you don't want to help him even if its not true.

[Persephone]

I'd have to use my legal name (haven't changed it yet

There is your answer

Hugs,
Persephone.

[stefan37]

You can go however you feel comfortable. If I was going to court this early in your transition and my legal name was still male I would go as a male. I would want to feel as comfortable as possible and presenting as female with a male name would make me uncomfortable.

[TeresaL]

Dodge the bullets.

[Aprilrain]

If I were you I would go as a guy until I changed my name.

[Michelle55]

You want as much as possible in this case to be about the other guy and not about you. Since your name and ID is still male, I'd suggest going as a man is better.

[I Am Paula]

As much as I say that going drab is just stepping back into the lie, most of us who are in the process of getting our I.D. and name etc. together, still have to step into male mode sometimes. This may be the one.
At a wedding a few weeks ago I managed to pull it off wearing all women's clothes, too much jewellery , and my regular hairstyle in guy mode. Basically me, without boobs or makeup. An entire wedding in guy mode would have raised my anxiety to very uncomfortable levels. If drab causes you a lot of discomfort it may be worth a try.
Good luck, what ever you may choose.

[Niya W]

When I went before an admin law judge as Niya, it confused my ex employer. I was fighting for unemployment and they made an appearance by phone. After the third time the admin judge called me she, the employer got the hint and stopped using male pronouns.

[Kimberly Kael]

I tend to agree with the "ask your lawyer" sentiment. I'm also an advocate of finding your own path and not worrying about arbitrary rules, but you do need to consider the reasons for recommending a true Real Life Experience. A huge part of learning to live as a woman is not falling back on male privilege when the going gets tough. Would it be valuable to you, personally, to have the experience of succeeding in this endeavor as a woman?

[Angela Campbell]

I have to go with defer to the lawyer. He knows the courts and how they will react. In theory it should not matter what you look like, but we do live in the real world. If you want to win follow the lawyers advice.

[Di]

If it will not cause you too much discomfort I would say not to chance it make sure this case to be about the renter and not about you. Since your name and ID is still male even more so.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Do whatever your lawyer says. You hired him, take his advice.

[abigailf]

... Another part of me thinks it isn't worth jeopardizing a really simple case against this peckerhead to prove a point to myself.

I'm thinking come out to your lawyer first. However, if you are full time then you are full time. Dress however you want but just remember you are Paula.

My suggestion is to go as Paula, but I am about transgender awareness and will always suggest that.