Fear

[Stevie]

Until recently I was never a real fan of Halloween except for all the horror movies. Now I understand why. Every time I try to think of a costume to wear it always had to be something feminine. A cheerleader , French maid , or even a fairy. None of the guy costumes ever interested me. Now that I understand things better now, I look forward to Halloween but still won't dress up. My costume ideas still haven't change but I'm just too chicken to dress up in fear. I'm too self conscious on how I would look and what everyone will think. Just don't have the will power to be myself. I afraid of change. I don't have any support from my wife to give me encouragement so I guess I can now at least enjoy Halloween with a better understanding of myself. Has anyone else experience this and if so how did you come to terms with it.

[Miriam-J]

Like any fear, it's easiest to find the courage to overcome it if you take it a bit at a time. Identify the specific elements of your fears and analyze each:
- What are the consequences if it goes wrong?
- How can I reduce the chances of it going wrong?
- What alternatives can I pursue to prevent it from happening?
- What alternatives can I pursue if it does happen?

I've found the experiences of others on this forum to help immensely with this. For example, I learned that a police stop while I'm en femme is almost certainly to be a non-event (at least relative to my crossdressing). You have to evaluate your own issues, but courage can only be shown in the face of fear.

I wish you luck Stevie.

Miriam

[PaulaQ]

Are you afraid of others Stevie, or of something within yourself?

[Michellette]

Halloween is the perfect time to go out dressed up. You're not expected to be yourself so no one will hold it against you. You can always say you did it for fun or giggles. There is nothing to fear except a few friendly chuckles. Next month is the right time to take the first step. Best of luck to you.

[Debra Russell]

Just Do It ! you'll see no body cares......................Debra

[Beverley Sims]

The fact that you can dress and try out with less fear makes Halloween a perfect choice.

[JamieQ]

Just Do It ! you'll see no body cares......................Debra

Absolutely Debra! No one even cares!!!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Steve, A wise man once said, "The only thing that you have to fear, Is fear itself !"

[I Am Paula]

The way to get over fear of going out en femme on Halloween, is to start now. Begin by getting the mail, and taking out the garbage in a Carmen Miranda costume. Progress to doing you daily run around to the bank, grocery store, and dry cleaners while dressed as Wonder Woman. Finally, hit the night clubs, and dance like a meth addicted lab monkey, in your best Princess Leah outfit.
By Halloween you should have lost all your fears.

[Kate Simmons]

There is nothing to fear except fear itself in this realm Hon.

[Marcelle]

Hi Stevie,

Experience fear . . . most certainly. Anyone who says they never have is lying. Fear is how we protect ourselves albeit it can come to control you if you don't control it. This includes both "en guy" or "en femme". Regarding Halloween, yes it is a great time to present publicly if you have never presented "en femme" or if you are like me "limited knowing you will never pass/blend". My wife and I will be going to a Halloween party her as a pirate and me as a saucy bar wench. But that is me and everyone is different. Don't force yourself down a road to do something you are reticent to do . . . It could ruin your whole night if you think everyone is staring at you (even though they probably won't care). Only you will know when you are ready. If you know deep down that it is the right time then I say . . . pick your best costume idea and go forth and enjoy.

I am sorry, that you don't have a close support at home. Does your wife know about your dressing? Is she completely against you going out "en femme" for Halloween? These might be things you need to enter in the equation as well. If she is okay with it but doesn't want to see it, while it is not overwhelming support . . . it is something.

Good luck

Hugs

Isha

[suzy1]

Hi Steve, A wise man once said, "The only thing that you have to fear, Is fear itself !"

Fear is a part of our evolution, its there for a reason.
When I lost control of my van the other day in the wet and was heading for a wall I would probably have disagreed with you Blue. [I stopped in time, just]

Come on, give the girl a break, she is only human!

[And not such a wise man in my opinion Blue]

[JamieTG]

I know in my case I've always been too worried about what others think of me because I have low self esteem. Unless I thought I looked perfect, I would go out. Another example is that even in male clothes, I've always been afraid to go out on the dance floor because I think everyone will be staring at me.

[Stevie]

Are you afraid of others Stevie, or of something within yourself?

Both
Myself first then others.
I'm more afraid of what others think and say. Everytime I let my guard down someone comes along to make sure I put it back up.

[Stevie]

Hi Steve, A wise man once said, "The only thing that you have to fear, Is fear itself !"

One of my favorite lines

[Karren H]

There is nothing to fear except fear itself in this realm Hon.

and spiders! I hate F...ing spiders!!

[Stevie]

Isha,
Expect here I'm basically by myself. My wife knows but doesn't approve.

[Stevie]

Jamie low self esteem does have a lot to do with it.

[kimdl93]

Halloween had nothing to,do with it, but I have certainly come to grips with who I am. Fear is a healthy reaction to the unknown. At this stage, your fears can ho you avoid making impulsive choices. Instead, take a long slow path of exploration, focusing on understanding you are and what you need from your life. That's much more important than going out dressed at Halloween or any other time.

[PaulaQ]

@Stevie - I can understand fear of others, especially your wife, although I would submit that odds are, your wife will be the worst reaction you face.

What are you afraid of within yourself?

BTW, I'm not trying to push you one way or the other, more asking what bothers you.