So... do you really think you're fooling everyone?

[Frédérique]

I thought I was good at fooling everybody but looking back I was kinda obvious. My own mom hinted that I might be gay.

One day I was getting ready to tell my sister (the other one, not the one I’m living with) something very important (BTW, I was not going to spill the beans about my crossdressing). Once I did, she said to me, “I thought you were going to tell me you were gay!” That floored me – my own sister didn’t know me? Anyway, I think, at some point, she noticed that I was different in some way. However, she still doesn’t know that I’m a crossdresser. Meanwhile, all three women I have told (come out to) over the years ALL said, “It doesn’t surprise me.” I guess I haven’t been fooling anyone, eh?

[Brooklyn]

I don't hide my gender-fluidity. I am out and also femme, so unfortunately the people who seem fooled the most are some gay brothers who just assume I'm a Kinsey-6 and/or a drag queen. Fine... at least no-one thinks I'm vanilla. But like you said, I fooled myself for a number of years when I did not dress up.

[Jacqueline Winona]

All the people? Not sure, I'll settle for most of the people.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

I've hidden from myself forever. I became a paratrooper, then a Drill Sergeant. Now I am an Alpha Male business executive. Unfortunately during my formative years, the internet didn't exist. I felt that I was one in a million, a freak. It was lonely. If resources existed then as do now, I probably would have had the information, courage, and access to products to explore my gender identity.

But I became good at being a man. Successful, decent money, and I met a wonderful, beautiful woman with a calm soul that agreed to be my wife. I think she perceived some of the bitterness and resentment within me...and while sex was good, my libido was always torn between wanting to be with her, and wanting to look just like her. On some level I think she understood that the nice lingerie, hose and stockings, heels, skirts, dresses, etc., that I would purchase for her when shopping together was not entirely normal behavior. At the same time she appreciated this about me and enjoyed my sense of style.

When I came out, I told her that I lived vicariously through her all those years. She's OK with this, I think. I recently had a six month dressing hiatus, which reassured her that I controlled it, and it didn't control me.

I'm sure I seem a little off to my male colleagues. I don't golf, hunt, or fish, but I do love the Green Bay Packers, wilderness hiking/camping, and I am really good at building stuff. I believe the gals at work perceive me to be slightly more sensitive and receptive to discussions on girl topics, but that is probably just my imagination. I've been working on my false persona for so many years that I am really good at it.

Still, I don't "feel" like a woman. I don't find guys remotely attractive. As much as I would enjoy going into max pink fog and really trying to look like a woman, and live as one, I don't think the juice would be worth the squeeze to ever transition. I do like wearing women's clothes, especially hose and heels, but I think by now my road in life is fairly well paved. I guess it feels more like a private hobby with some erotic overtones, than a desire to change everything. Besides, to get my wasp waist and fit into a size 10, I would have to give up pizza, cheeseburgers, dark beer, and scotch. I'm not sure looking pretty all the time is worth it.

[Lynn Marie]

I'd like to think I fool some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the time, but there's just no way I can fool all the people all the time. There's just not that many blind and deaf people out there!

[BOBBI G.]

I don't feel as though I am fooling anyone, especially myself. I have no delusions of what I look like. Inside I am me and I am quite comfortable with that. People should accept me for who I am, not what I look like.

Bobbi

[Secret Drawer]

This thread actually taught me something. I always considered my non crossdressing behaviors to be "normal," and my CDing to be "weird." (For me CDing is actually more "normal" then dressing drab in my heart, but in so far as social norms are concerned...) When I came out to my wife one of her comments was "Well that explains a lot!" But even when pressed, she didn't elaborate. I suppose most people either don't pay attention or don't put the clues together for the most part. If I consider the non CDing part of my life then I suppose I am far more sensitive and not nearly as competitive as a "normal" male. I can't actually shut off my emotions in situations when I rarely have seen other men cry. I have been "hit on" by homosexual men, but have no sexual interest in men so it must be something along that gender chain that gives a false reading?
In so far as "fooling people," I know from life experience that people will believe what they want, even when faced with evidence to the contrary. Also there is something to be said for knowing when to put on the machismo and when to relax.
I think KellyJameson a few post up, really hit it on the head! I crossdress so that I can live longer! Hmm, gotta try that one.

[linda allen]

I'm not fooling myself, I am a straight male crossdresser, that's it. No gender confusion, no transgender or transexual tendencies. I just like to dress up and pretend I'm a female from time to time.

When I go out in public (not often), my hope is that I'm fooling everyone who sees me. In reality, I know I am not. It would be nice if I could arrange for someone to follow me and question those who have just seen me to find out what they thought they just saw, but that's not going to happen so I'll never know. At least nobody has ever made a scene or caused a commotion after seeing me dressed in public.

[JamieTG]

In my early 20's I greatly overcompensated by joining the Marines. I had a lot of guilt feelings and low self esteem back then so I was trying to prove I was a "real man". I'm glad I had the experience but it wasn't really a good fit. I did not feel comfortable trying to act the part.

[Bifrost]

I'm not sure I ever tried to hide my femenine side. I was always a little left-field and never had the physique or attitude to be a big, masculine guy.

After I came out to my SO (like 17 years ago), I actively came out to pretty much everyone and have been juuuust a little girly ever since. I don't try to hide my tendencies from anyone, though I do stop short of femming up fully in front of my kids who are very young and would not understand. Also I haven't (yet) worn any skirts or dresses to my current work (I have in past jobs).

[mary something]

I don't think I fooled very many people lol. I remember how my first serious girlfriend in my teen years tried so hard a couple times to get me to let her put makeup on me and do a makeover, she kept trying to tempt me by telling me that she thought I would be a pretty girl. I've had lots of people make comments throughout my work career that led me to think they suspected I was gay or trans. Don't think I've ever fooled anyone but myself .

For me personally it wasn't so much that I thought that I was a "manly man", but that I couldn't accept or understand that I was trans and still was attracted to women. At the time most of the literature and anecdotal evidence on the early internet seemed to point towards transsexuals as being not only effeminate but also attracted to men sexually. It was a really confusing part of my life because as a kid I wasn't allowed to play with girls, I remember once going over to a neighbors house and playing dolls and puppets with a girl who was a year older than me and I had a good time but after that my folks didn't allow me to play with her anymore. It sounds silly but I think the lack of social interaction with other girls as a kid delayed my realization that I was female even though my body wasn't.

[MysticLady]

So do you think you fooled everybody so far? How did you hide "it" or overcompensate?

I'm not out to fool anyone. What you see is, what you get.

[NicoleScott]

As for gender issues we all have them to some degree as technically we're doing things outside of the expected gender norms based on our anatomy. We are here on this forum because we all are "different".

Fair enough, Marleena. We are "different", but expected norms don't have influence inside the privacy of my home. Anyway, several of us posted that we are just regular guys who don't have gender issues (make that gender identity issues), but like to dress up at times. It seems to me that those with greater degrees of feminine identity are the ones more likely to have the need to fool and hide (pretend, for as long as they can stand it, to be "all guy"). The drive to dress is different for others.
Also, I wouldn't call pleasure dressing in private "hiding". It's just private. No one is served by bringing this out.

[Jaylyn]

I agree 100% with Nicole who would I fool any way. Certainly not myself or my wife as she supports me. I just love the feel and look I have when I wear my outfits and made up over the top. I really think sometimes I turn myself on or would enjoy a woman that looks as I do in real life. I am not out in public but within the confines of my own home my privacy my life. Who am I hurting making believe and enjoying my dress up time.

I'm not out to fool anyone. What you see is, what you get.

That's why we all love ya Mystic you are who you are. You don't leave anything or anyone to be fooled to believe your someone your not and us Texas gals are welllllllll you know what I mean..... Lol

[Jenniferathome]

Sheesh I feel like you bit my head off there! Okay so you've never hid you were a Cder to anybody, even your mom? Yes I agree you're a man but you look pretty feminine there. Do you feel insulted by the question? It's about hiding the fact we're (MTF's) too..

Marleena, you read between lines that are not there. I am not insulted in any way. My answer is a straight up response to your question. I don't "fool" people. In guy mode, I act normally. There are no hints that I am a cross dresser but not because I am hiding something. I am a guy first and a cross dresser second. They don't intertwine. And thanks for the compliment.

[Angie G]

Yes for most of my life. Even now my wife is the only one who knows.
Angie

[Stephanie Michelle]

There are only 3 people that know. Ex wife, former GF and current GF. When I told the current GF she said that explained alot that she always knew something was different than other guys. I am a very attentive to her needs, I show interest in what she likes, I love to cuddle. I even go shopping with her. Many other things that I wont bore you with. What the best part, is the fact that she wants Stephanie to go out with her. Not sure I am ready for that but its nice to know that she is in my corner for whatever I am willing to try. Never had an issue with people knowing my secret.

[Marleena]

Marlene, you read between lines that are not there. I am not insulted in any way. My answer is a straight up response to your question. I don't "fool" people. In guy mode, I act normally. There are no hints that I am a cross dresser but not because I am hiding something. I am a guy first and a cross dresser second. They don't intertwine. And thanks for the compliment.

It's Marleena and thanks for the reply.

This gives me a chance to say this thread is not questioning anybody's manhood or manliness. All CDers are gender non-conforming and most want to keep it private or hidden because it's outside of societies expected norms. I think it's great if some of you have never worried about being found out. This thread also proves we are all in different places and at different comfort levels.

Thanks everybody.

[Stevie]

Interesting. I want to believe no one knows except the one I told but always suspect others know already or think I'm gay.

[mariehart]

Once again we see the advantage of a forum like this. We realise there are plenty of others like us, maybe to different degrees. I realise now that I spent much of my life convinced I was hiding my feminine side from everyone, while ignoring the hints they were throwing at me, often gently, sometimes not so.

Going right back to school, several kids referred to me as 'sweety' in a bullying way although I quite enjoyed it. When I joined the part time army reserves, there were comments which I took to be normal army banter that everyone was subjected to. But it was harmless. As a part time unit many were from comfortable middle class backgrounds, not your typical army privates. But If I had gone into the full time forces I wouldn't have lasted five minutes. Later I realised that someone made a very obvious gay pass at me which I missed at the time.

That happened again in my job where a gay guy very subtly wooed me. But I missed all the signals. He must have seen something as did all the girls in the office as I found out later. That continued into other jobs where again a gay guy made a pass at me. Later when I did come out as TS to a friend. He told me everyone on my shift already thought I was gay because I acted so feminine. One of my managers must have thought so when I burst into tears in front of her over some issue. Certainly I was asked straight out several times. I always truthfully said 'No, I'm not gay.' I doubt they believed me though.

Also when I went to crossdressers group not quite knowing what to expect. I created a stir because to them I was clearly different. I remember several of them taking out cameras and taking pictures of me. I was flattered but puzzled.

I certainly don't fool my family particular the ones who know about me and I suspect the others too.

Most of all, I never fooled my wife who worked me out long ago but won't address the issue directly.

So who am I fooling right now? Only myself.

[Ressie]

I fooled my mom for about 5 minutes in the hospital back in 1953 lol.

[MysticLady]

That's why we all love ya Mystic you are who you are. You don't leave anything or anyone to be fooled to believe your someone your not and us Texas gals are welllllllll you know what I mean..... Lol

Thank You Sweetie. I luv you all, also. Go Horns

[sandra-leigh]

Not many people have said anything one way or another. A fairly small number said that they didn't expect me to be a cross-dresser, but so far the only person who has indicated "surprise" is my mother; oh and maybe my former boss. Everyone else it has been like, "Yah, so?" or "Ah, that explains it!" (i.e, that they knew something was different about me but had not pinned it down to gender.)

Did people think I was gay? I don't know. I was called gay many times since elementary school. I was never considered to "fit" as a guy. But not-fitting is not the same as people thinking you are gay or female.

[Rogina B]

I'm not fooling myself, I am a straight male crossdresser, that's it. No gender confusion, no transgender or transexual tendencies. I just like to dress up and pretend I'm a female from time to time.

When I go out in public (not often), my hope is that I'm fooling everyone who sees me. In reality, I know I am not. It would be nice if I could arrange for someone to follow me and question those who have just seen me to find out what they thought they just saw, but that's not going to happen so I'll never know. At least nobody has ever made a scene or caused a commotion after seeing me dressed in public.

Not sure why a few terms raise people's "hackles" so easily. "No gender confusion".."I just like to dress up and pretend I'm a female"...What is so tough about sliding under the "Transgender umbrella" for some of you? Baffles me entirely..Perhaps someone will explain to some of us...

[Debglam]

The short answer is yes - completely.

However I don't think I was "fooling" anyone. When I came "out" as a little child it was made clear to me that I was a boy, not a girl and anything else was unacceptable. From that point forward my whole life was a series of expectations that I was expected to live up to and I surely did! Whatever phase of my life that I was in, I "learned" what was "normal" and acted accordingly. I finally hit a point where I felt that I had gotten all the holes punched in my "guy card" and didn't want the damn thing anymore.

Jr high and high school, into early 20's, lots of people thought I was gay.

Me too! No Internet so I thought that they may be right. I mean isn't a boy who wants to be a girl "gay?" I hated being thought of as gay!

So years of acting "normal" have gone by and now that I am out and don't give a crap what people think, I am actually back where I started. A number of people that I am not out to think I am gay except this time around I love it! I love watching them try to figure out what is "different" and it is quite flattering to be occasionally hit on by guys and girls.

Debby