CD/TVs becoming TSs

[FionaAlexis]

Is there anyone here who believes that they are a CD/TV but are quickly moving towards being a transsexual? Or were you CD/TV and are now sure you are transsexual?

And what do you think caused your change in perception?

Or do you feel you simply labeled yourself incorrectly and you were always a latent TS?

Fiona xx

[tiffany2]

i am a cd/tv wanting to be a ts

[MandyTS]

Every TS is different, as is every CD. I am sure that you are right in that some people may CD as a way to quail feelings that get stronger. In many TS though crossdressing really never occurs until they decide to transistion.

It all depends.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I beleive that all of us CDs suspect that we may be TS, especially when we first start. Untill later we eventually realize that our desire to be a woman is really a fantasy about getting the ultimate CD "rush" or whatever we get from CDing.---Eventually get to the stage "Yeah its fun to think about, but it really would be a bummer to be stuck as a real girl". Thats why i caution Cders, especially young ones against being too hasty to make a decision. Indeed, this type of thing is exactly why Doctors recommend a lot of psychotheripy before SRS operations.

There are other reasons guys want to become women other than TS. Ultimate sexual rushes, Masochistic fantacies and a drive for more and more complete CD experiences.----Yes, the desire to BE a woman is THERE and it is difficult ro discern from actual TS-----Of course a few unfortunates find out the hard way that the surgery is not what they really wanted.----It us usually cited as a cause of suicides among post op TS patients.

I beleive if we CD long enough and actively examine the possibilities behind our own CD motivations, the truth will eventually become evident if we are CD or TS or not. My advice is never to "settle" on a conclusion too soon.

[jamie_44]

I am not sure just exactly where I am at on the cd scale but I have a very strong urge to become a complete woman. I feel like I am running out of time. I would probably do it now if I did not have the family committment.
It is tricky territory.

[FionaAlexis]

i am a cd/tv wanting to be a ts

Thank you for your response Tiffany. It's not one I had considered.

Why do you want to be ts?

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

I beleive if we CD long enough and actively examine the possibilities behind our own CD motivations, the truth will eventually become evident if we are CD or TS or not. My advice is never to "settle" on a conclusion too soon.

Good advice, Marina.

Is being TS or being CD - simply a question of degree? Degree of urge and motivation? rather than a fundamental psychological difference.

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

I am not sure just exactly where I am at on the cd scale but I have a very strong urge to become a complete woman. I feel like I am running out of time. I would probably do it now if I did not have the family committment.
It is tricky territory.

I assume you are 44 as your id suggests? Is your 'very strong urge' driven by this sense of urgency to do something before its too late? Or have you always felt strongly that you wanted to be a complete woman.

Fiona xx

[monicawyer]

Ever since I was a child of 9 I've crossdressed. I went through puberty convinced I must be gay. Then realised I wasn't and started dating girls (right to my current partner of three years) It's not until maybe three years ago that I started to think about the future, where I was, how happy I was, how much better I related to girls than boys, remembering my childhood and how I wanted a doll's cot like my sister for Christmas etc etc. Only once I started to really think about what I wanted from life did I start to think of the options. THEN I started to cross dress big time outside of work to the point that I now live as a woman as full time as my job will allow me. That's what really started me thinking - realising how much happier I am living in a female role - and how depressed I feel when I have to go back to being him again.

The dream of taking that big step toward SRS FFS etc and becoming a woman is a very attractive one but the reality of such a move is scarey as hell. The implications on my relationship (something the two of us have just started to discuss), the affect it will have on my career (it will probably kill it stone dead) the options for an alternative career (I'm in a skilled job and have few alternative options as I can currently see) money, my family, my friends.

I think that the realisation of who and what you are can come at any age. Some TS girls are very fortunate to realise their situation early on and then do something about it when the hormones and antiandrogens do their best work (ie as young as possible) A lot of TS girls don't realise until much later in life what it is they've been searching for for so long.

I also think self acceptance has an awful lot to do with it. Denial plays a big part in many circumstances, often due to the complicated lives we make for ourselves. For someone who's married and raising a young family, the implications of coming to terms with who and what you are can have a devastating effect on family and loved ones. So the situation gets swept back under the carpet.

I think that my change in perception came once I had accepted myself as a crossdresser and found the courage to do something about it (I've always been a bit of a coward!). For me it was always the intense desire to go out, doing normal things, just getting on with life. Going out in public is a very scarey thing to do, no matter how good or bad you look as a woman. Only once I was able to do that did I realise how happy (not excited) it made me and in contrast how unhappy I am in my male role. I now see myself as a transsexual and 2006/7 will hopefully see a big change in my life.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Good advice, Marina.

Is being TS or being CD - simply a question of degree? Degree of urge and motivation? rather than a fundamental psychological difference.

Fiona xx

TS, by my definition, is the condition where a bio male feels that he/she is in the wrong body---a male with a female brain, so to speak. Of course they will Cross Dress--they think that they are suposed to be women. more often than not though, having a female brain, they will be sexually attracted to other males. That may be a good indicator, although there are exceptions.

A CD cross dresses to escape from himself for a while or to express what he thinks is his female side---the CD is USUALY hetrosexual (there are some exceptions). there is also a sexual turn on element also (autoerotic) other CDs may have a fetish for female clothing or have a masochistic streak that turns them on.
----CDs also often THINK that they want to become women too, BUT when it all shakes down, its only for the prospects of the ultimate "blast", feeling or whatever CD does for them---But the urge is so great that it is very difficult to see beyond the "becoming a woman" thing.

I think one has to sit back and analyze one's self. Are you Hetro or homo, are you attracted to men--if so is it all the time or under certian conditions? What is the best thing about being a woman? Why do u CD?--etc. One can usually build up a personal profile that can permit a more clear image or reason one might persue becomming a female. It is important that FEELINGS can LIE in this situation driven by strong primal urges, so the more pure facts you can assemble about yourself the easier it will be to compair to known characteristics of real TSs and typical CDs.
Personally, I discovered that I CD for the RUSH I get by crossing IDENTITY lines.---And for the release of stress that exists in my male mode.---I thought i wanted to be a woman too at one time---but really for the above reason--I am sure that it WOULD be a rush and would be relaxing---for a while-- THEN I would be STUCK in another identy with a new set of stresses. NO, SRS is not for CDs, its pointless,. Its only forTS people who need their bodies to match their brains--and become a normally functional human.

[jamie_44]

I think the urge is strong because of the timing. I have also always had strong feelings for wanting to be a girl since I was a young boy.

[FionaAlexis]

I think that my change in perception came once I had accepted myself as a crossdresser and found the courage to do something about it (I've always been a bit of a coward!). For me it was always the intense desire to go out, doing normal things, just getting on with life. Going out in public is a very scarey thing to do, no matter how good or bad you look as a woman. Only once I was able to do that did I realise how happy (not excited) it made me and in contrast how unhappy I am in my male role. I now see myself as a transsexual and 2006/7 will hopefully see a big change in my life.

Thank you very much, Monica. It's an incredibly difficult situation - one the one hand you are happy to have found yourself and on the other hand scared of screwing up your relationship and your future.

So having arrived at this realisation - do you see any possibility that you might reverse your current views or find contentment through some middle path?

Fiona xx

[myrat]

God only knows how i used to feel and still wish i was born a girl. Ever since i can remember i always thought /felt i was a born a girl. During the Queen's Coronation we had a street party and i was dressed as a girl, and this continued when my father went to church !! once a week. Ive worked all my life a a male ( 38 years) but i in my heart and soul i know and feel i am female.Soory to bore you with myexperience but thankyou for this forum, its a life saver!!

[monicawyer]

Hi Fiona,

I've recently started to discuss the whole situation with my partner (actually she started to discuss it with me - she's very smart!). She wants to give me her full support whatever I decide to do. I do feel that should I go the direction I think I should take, our relationship will become a less sexual and more best friend relationship. But I would so happy to still have her a part of my life (and anyway, hugs are far more important than kisses). So I think the relationship (with her, at least) would be OK. Also, a lot of my friends know about me and would support me. As for my family, sister knows and supports, mum and dad TBC. Work wise, as long as I can pay my mortgage, I believe happiness is more important than wealth. I earn a good living from what I do, but it doesn't make me happy - so what's the point?

I think that given my age, and the honest understanding I've come to with myself about what I want from the future , a u-turn in my feelings is unlikely.

As for a middle path, I cannot see one. If I want to live full time for the rest of my life then really there is only one path. But I think that's what the coming year is for - a year to contemplate and prepare. A year to be sure of what I want. I don't want to make the wrong decision - but I do have to make a decision. I think I've made it already but a year of electrolysis and anti androgens will confirm it.

From your questions you sound like you may be having thoughts of a similar nature? I don't wish to pry but am always happy to listen

Monica x

PS - To myrat, don't ever apologise for sharing your feelings - that's what this wonderful place is for. I think it wonderful that you're so sorted inside. That's the most important part. Mx

[MandyTS]

Of course life is not so simple...

What if you are asexual... points fingers to me...

I don't know if I am a boy or a girl right now, and I have feelings both ways. In many ways I am not TS anyway because I am intersex but that is just another label.

While we know that sexual orientation is not directly linked to TS, I would think if you were TS you would like guys.

Personally I am letting my sexual orientation lead the way right now... I can go either way. When you are sterile and no functional you see the world a total other way!


BTW I crossdressed since I was young, but I saw it not as dressing but wearing clothing I liked... of course I realized something was wrong!'

Mandy

[FionaAlexis]

Ive worked all my life a a male ( 38 years) but i in my heart and soul i know and feel i am female.

Hi Myra - do you label yourself TS? Or you don't think about it in those terms.


Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

From your questions you sound like you may be having thoughts of a similar nature? I don't wish to pry but am always happy to listen

Hi Monica,

No, I'm not on the same path. I've been through all psych testing, emotional struggle and self analysis. I think I either don't want it enough or I'm not mentally tough enough to see it through.

I'm simply interested in whether some TSs evolve from years of cd-ing and the development of a female personna rather than an awareness from an early age. I accept that both are transgendered at birth and both end up transsexual.

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

What if you are asexual... points fingers to me...

I don't know if I am a boy or a girl right now, and I have feelings both ways. In many ways I am not TS anyway because I am intersex but that is just another label.

While we know that sexual orientation is not directly linked to TS, I would think if you were TS you would like guys.

Personally I am letting my sexual orientation lead the way right now... I can go either way. When you are sterile and no functional you see the world a total other way!


BTW I crossdressed since I was young, but I saw it not as dressing but wearing clothing I liked... of course I realized something was wrong!'

Mandy

Hi Mandy,

So you are intersexed? PAIS? Were you raised as a male and now you live as a female or are in a middle sex?

I think sexuality is quite irrelevant and TSs seem to come in all sexual preferences. I am not a very sexual person and considered myself asexual for some years.

What do you mean by - 'you are letting your sexual orientation lead the way?'

Fiona xx

[MandyTS]

I am a XX XY hybrid, I am a mix of characteristics and structure

(micropenis, some internal feminine parts (felopian tube, and some other stuff taken out when I was young). I have Kallmann's syndrome, my testies do not work, my pitutiary/hypothalimus does not communicate properly, I can not smell, partial taste.

I have not taken hormones for 10 years, the small amount I took when I was young started basic male puberity but I have no facial hair, look 17 etc. Any hormones I take now will push me into one puberty as another although I will have to do alittle work to reverse what testosertone did to me as a kid (voice and mild FFS).

I am basically choosing my sex right now, I can be male or female and I don't know which way to go. In someways I feel more female than male, and manierisms etc lean that way. On the other hand what genetillia I have does not matter, I have no sexual preference... no hormones, no preference, I am basically asexual. I am experiementing and am leaning towards like males over females.

When you are intersexed no assignment will ever be perfect. I am just trying to find the best middle ground, whether it be feminine male or masculine female.

I am writing a book about all of this, in my 23 years I have experienced so much it is increadable.

Just say I would play with dolls, cook and play house, then go outside and play with trucks in the dirt with the boys. I feel pretty, not handsome, I just don't really know, clothing makes no difference and it reality it does not matter what I pick...

I just want to be me... and I have to choose or die an early death...

Overall I think the outcome of estrogen trials and my overall sexual orientation will determine who I become sexwise. I am of the theory that a persons sexual orientation must be in line with their sex... i.e. I am heterosxual.

Mandy

[FionaAlexis]

Thanks Mandy - very interesting.

Your decision is quite different from a 'conventional' TS - for a TS its a choice between transitioning to their brain gender - or putting up with their genetic gender. For you its a choice between two genders and your brain is attuned to both to different degrees. I guess society demands male or female - though I think I read somewhere in my surfing there are some moves for recognition of intersex as a third gender.


Fiona xx

[MandyTS]

You are exactly right, I feel like a thrid sex. For me the choice is what "sex" can I express who I am the best... and it most regards it is female (due to clothing choice, expression, etc). I want to be in a heterosexual so that is the driving force... it will probably take years for me to find who I am.

Boy side...
I like to race and work on cars, get dirty and greasy, I am a computer nerd, a leader, Race bicycles.

Girl side...
I like to sow, cook, clean, make music, can find my way anywhere, very non assertive, emotional, want my own children, a baby, caring, nutering, etc.

Where is the mix do I lie is a big question. The best thing that I have learned is that any activity is not linked male or female. That has let me rationlize who I am inside and made my life easier.

Unforntunitly my body is falling apart, I just got rid of testicular cancer, now I only have one testie that does not work, my bones are weak at 23 years old. It is a hard choice in reality.

Life is never easy but God made me this way and I will find a way to be that... no op TS, male, female, third gender, etc, it does not matter!

Mandy

[Sarah Smile]

I am in the midst of trying to figure out who I am and am leaning towards the conclusion that I am a TG and may also be a TS (ie, I may want to transition).

I have dressed partially often since I was 10. At first it had a sexual aspect to it, but that soon disappeared. I have discovered that I have always had many feminine characteristics that I'd suppressed, and that the TG in me has been waiting all this time to come out. (I am 32 now.) I have never liked anything about being male and have always been unhappy with my body. I used to think such unhappiness was mainly due to feeling unattractive, but in reality it was mostly my masculinity, I realize now. Because I have a very masculine body, I had never really seriously considered dressing fully. I didn't think it would make me happy, since I'd think of myself as looking like a "guy in a dress", rather than a woman. Lately, that attitude has changed, as I have come to except my inner femininity more. I feel I need to do what I need to do to make myself happy, regardless of what others think. Now I just have to figure out what "that" is. Since I don't have experience in dressing fully and presenting myself as female, I have pretty much limited my public expression right now to what I call "feminine drab", i.e., jewelry, colorful and/or flowery clothes, and other somewhat "feminine" men's clothes.

So, basically, I am at the point now where I am trying to decide how much of my inner being is female and whether or not transitioning in some way would make me happy. I don't know the answer to that yet. Oh, and I am heterosexual right now (attracted to women only), if that makes a difference to your inquery.

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I beleive there are many TS's hiding out as CD's. They don't want to admit what they know inside is the truth about themselves. They think they are going to take it to thier grave with them, but later in life they begin to regret having not admitted the truth and wonder how thier lives might have been had they had the courage to come out younger when they first longed to be a woman. This was certainly the case with me

As for sexual preference as an indicator? Useless. I have read just recently, although I can not find the article at this moment, that the sexuality of transexuals breaks down as follows. 40% attracted to same biological sex, 40% attracted to opposite biological sex and 20% bisexual. Since sexual preference is determined at a different time in brain developement than our gender identity and our biological sex, it would be hard to say sexual preference is any indicator as to whether or not one is TS or CD.

In the end, only we know. It is what we tell others about ourselves that determines whether or not we are TS, TG, or CD. There is no test to be performed, or blood to be drawn or any other symptom that can say we are transsexual. It is when you feel like you are in the wrong gender body. Others can help us explore what we are feeling, but only we know.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[FionaAlexis]

I have discovered that I have always had many feminine characteristics that I'd suppressed, and that the TG in me has been waiting all this time to come out. (I am 32 now.) I have never liked anything about being male and have always been unhappy with my body. I used to think such unhappiness was mainly due to feeling unattractive, but in reality it was mostly my masculinity, I realize now. Because I have a very masculine body, I had never really seriously considered dressing fully. I didn't think it would make me happy, since I'd think of myself as looking like a "guy in a dress", rather than a woman. Lately, that attitude has changed, as I have come to except my inner femininity more. I feel I need to do what I need to do to make myself happy, regardless of what others think. Now I just have to figure out what "that" is. Since I don't have experience in dressing fully and presenting myself as female, I have pretty much limited my public expression right now to what I call "feminine drab", i.e., jewelry, colorful and/or flowery clothes, and other somewhat "feminine" men's clothes.

Hi Amber,

Thank you for your story which is interesting because you haven't really cross dressed so your female personna has not developed through experiencing 'being a woman'. In some ways it is quite like F2M story I read some time back elsewhere - he had by his own admission the perfect petite female body and dressing seemed impossible.

You are 32 now - when did you start feeling you were transgendered? Do you think you will now move on to dressing fully?

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

Hi girls,

I beleive there are many TS's hiding out as CD's. They don't want to admit what they know inside is the truth about themselves. They think they are going to take it to thier grave with them, but later in life they begin to regret having not admitted the truth and wonder how thier lives might have been had they had the courage to come out younger when they first longed to be a woman. This was certainly the case with me

Hi Elizabeth,

I take it you were a lifelong 'CD' who has more recently recognised you are TS. Are you in a similar position as Monica inasmuch you feel time is running out and there is a great urgency to deal with it?

The 'sexuality' breakdown you proved doesn't include 'asexual' ?

Fiona xx