CD/TVs becoming TSs

[carolanne_love]

Hi Denise

Just between us gals, how old are you?

I'm 57 and I KNOW what I am. I am a woman!! the only thing though, I have a man's body.

I suspect that due to my age and health (Type 2 diabetic) I cannot transform into a full female BUT I know I can do certain things to enhance my female attributes (breasts, no body or face hair) that, in turn will help me feel feminine while acting male throughout the work day. I already have 40B breasts and they hide nicely under a loose shirt, and just knowing I have them give me a certain amount of peace.


I too was (I thought) a crossdresser in my younger days (from about 7 ~ 8) right through to the point I realized and accepted what I was.

I don't feel there is a need to "Classify" yourself. You are what you are. If you feel woman in a man's body, then you are a woman.

My opinion, not necessariliy the opinion of this station.

Love Carolanne

[Jennaie]

I am a cd, more so a tv. I have watched these terms take on different meanings over the years. A tv being a somewhat "more serious" cd who feels an extreme desire to be identified in public as female and takes great steps to achieve that outcome. I don't know. I do know that I have a strong need to be validated as female and work hard towards realizing that end.

It seems to me that many cd's dress for sexual pleasure and get turned on by looking at themselves in the mirror.

This is not the case for me. When I dress, I dress fully, and my dressing does not include llingerie. I usually dress in the same clothing you would see the average female wearing at the mall or convience store. As a matter of fact, tonight I saw a woman wearing almost exactly what I was wearing not 30 minutes earlier. "She was so cute in my outfiit". I wanted tell her what good taste she had.

When I dress, "Which is almost every evening", I feel totally fem and yes, I would and could easily be with a male, "he would have to be very special to me". Which leads me to the next thought.

I am sexually attracted to men, but only after developing a very close relationship. It is an emotional attraction much more than physical. With women however, I am the same as most males, visual attraction is all I need to want a female. I have only developed deep feelings for very few men in my life, and never pursued any of those attractions.

What does all this mean? Am I ts or just a cd/tv? I will tell you first that I am old enough to never say never. If I could be an attractive woman, I would prefer it. I know that is not possible and a sex change would absolutely destroy my life. There would be no Mr. Right who was going to come along and be my life partner. There would be no company that would hire me at a wage that could afford a retirement. I would be poor, alone, and without a future.

As I stated in another post, If cosmetic surgury could accomplish for me what it did for Cindy Jackson, I would become female in a heartbeat. But that is not reality. Reality is that I was born male, and although I wish I had been born female, it just did not happen that way.

So I will close with this: I wish that I had been born female, I believe that I would have been more comfortable as a female, but that is not how things happened. Am I ts? I think more than likely, yes. I wanted to be a girl when I was little, but I wasn't. I learned to be a boy, a boy who hated team sports, but loved sports that were considered solo sports. I have been slipping into female clothing since I was a very little boy, and always will. As I am sure that I will always wish that I had been born female.

[ToyGirl]

Hi Fiona , My story starts much like everyone elses. I knew since my earliest memorys that i was meant to be female , i remember my first year at school , how i so much wanted one of those little summer dresses and to play with the girls , id look over to the boys playing football and not wanting to join them, i sat alone , a feeling id get to use alot in my years ahead. Catholic school , we were taught to pray, So i prayed everynight that i would wake up a girl.

>>>fast forward>>> im 20 now , was thin had long hair , was often being 'mistaken' for a girl. My GF's friend had her left her bag of spare clothes at my house and i was home alone. I hadnt cross dressed since i was younger. I just wanted to see what i looked like.

>>> fast forward>>> im 25 i live with my GF in Melbourne , shes not home and im here alone with all her clothes , even the ones i bought for her . I really seen myself for the first time , it was scary to see the woman i would have become in the mirror.

>>>>fast forward>>>im 27 single and full of hate, im in a helicopter about to be dropped into a wildfire , i rub my freshly shaved head with one hand and tighten my grip on my axe GRRR!

>>>fast forward>>> im 28 ive given up on life, im ready to die ,ive tried so hard to live as a man and do the right thing, i cant stand to live this way anylonger.

>>> fast forward>>> im 31 , i wake up and open my blurry eyes as the sun shines in my bedroom window , stretch alittle and look down at my body and smile. Prayers do come true , they just take awhile.


I did cross dress a fair bit in my early 20's , allways alone in private in my GF's clothes , i allways felt bad about it. The mirror was like a portal to a different dimension where i could visit the real me. Wasnt until 28 that i really educated myself on what was possible. Armed with that information and death snapping at my heels (and i use the term heels literally) it was an easy choice to transition. I havnt had SRS yet , but im the happiest ive ever been in my life.

[PTPJen]

I'm a CD, Been one for many years, am 50ish now, but want to take low hormones to help me in this area, don't want to be TS but consider myself Transgender and want the male look on occations, and female fem male look everyday. It's been a progressive step. CD to TG

[Kimberley]

Right now I am too confused to try and classify myself. We are polymorphic and so have elements of all ends of the spectrum in our personalities

Just my opinion.

Kimberley

[Lisa Maren]

I have thought of myself as a CDer for years, ever since I first admitted to myself that I was a crossdresser in 1995. Now, however, I think I may be a TS. I tested once as a 3 and later as a 4 on the COGIATI scale, but I don't look at that as necessarily anything concrete.

I just don't get so much about being male. I also hate the macho crap and I hate feeling like I'm supposed to be fearless. I don't want to be fearless, I want to be in touch with my feelings! Then there's the way men put a score on everything. Even on Yahoo! Answers you accumulate a score for answering questions, for pete sake. I never give a crap about score. I just care about feeling that I'm doing a good job, hopefully giving someone an answer that they need and that others approve of me (that last one may be debatable, but it feels like a feminine quality to me). There's so much that's different about me than males. When I'm around a group of men I feel... what feels to me like their masculine energy (I can't think of a better way to put it) and it feels rather alien (and not infrequently intimidating) to me; it always has. I'm quite comfortable around a group of women, though. Out of the 4 friends I keep in contact with, 3 are women and the women are the ones I take my problems to, not the guy.

I'm trying to unravel how early I had an idea I had a girly in me. When I was in pre-kindergarten (age 4ish), I hung out with a couple of girls. Boys aren't generally even interested in girls at that age. During my childhood, I know that, at least at times, I was seen/caught emulating a feminine mannerism (crossing my legs at the knees, tossing back my male hair as though it were female, trying to chew on a nonexistant ponytail while watching the girl next door do that when I was like 7, etc).

My only sister is 6 years younger than me, which means I never had girls clothes to wear (so I'd pilfer mom's pantyhose all the time) but there was one pair of white tights that must have been given to her by one of our family's friends that fit me (I know because I tried them on as soon as I found them).
At any dinner party at our house or elsewhere there were always pretty girls dressed in pretty dresses and pretty tights and I always wished I could be dressed like that, too.

I knew I felt no identification whatsoever with the boys' interest in sports, the way they'd talk about the games afterwards, sometimes arguing about it, always talking about the most exciting moves in the game. I never got that. Ever. I never gave a crap about the game afterwards. I used to love playing games like tennis, ping pong, and others without scoring, just for fun. Men rarely or never do that. They're all about clear rules, clear winners and clear losers.

Here's a kind of interesting one (which, again, is debatable): When I was in grade school (all boys school) I always felt kind of intimidated but when visiting one of the all girls schools in the city, I usually felt quite comfortable there.

Do I like to cook? I love to! Do I like to clean, well, not really, but here's a newsflash: neither do GGs! They like having a clean house, to be sure, and so do I, but nobody likes to clean. It's mentally unstimulating and tiring. (I don't believe in the whole "that's women's stuff" thing either jftr).

Anyway, what got me suspecting that I might be TS is a few things. The earliest thing was that it stopped being sexual entirely, not instantly but it did -- and also because I wanted it to. I wanted to wear my girly clothes and enjoy feeling like a girl without my "dumb stick" getting in the way. This was at least 6 years ago. Over the last 6 years, I began to understand how much I identify with women (and how little with men). You could literally take virtually any of the scenarios you’ve seen between a woman and a man when the woman involved said something like “You’re being such a total man!” and be assured that it’s the woman I identify with. Either that I or understand them both, but much more so the woman. It was also the fact that I realized that when I talk to someone about my problems, I hate it when they give me an answer unless I ask for one. 98% of the time I just want to be listened to, understood, heard, cared about, supported. In contrast, men bring their problems to each other to get answers and solutions. (This one might be debatable, but it feels feminine to me). There was also the fact, 10 or 12 years back, that I finally stopped feeling self-conscious about my strong emotions and decided I'd rather feel than, what, be a tree stump?? During my college years, I remember that there was a gender bender ball on campus ("Come as your favorite gender!") and I thought about attending as a girl -- not seriously, but not playfully either. I knew it would be fun to be a girl all night, all prettied up and wearing a nice dress and pantyhose. I also knew I was too scared to try something like that. I didn't really know anyone I felt like telling about that part of me or who could help, anyway. Interestingly enough, this was before I admitted to myself I was crossdressing. Mostly, the reason I suspect that I’m TS is that according to what my perceptions are of masculinity and femininity it’s the femininity that describes the majority of me.

Anyway, I’m trying to go to a group run by a post-op TS PhD to help me figure all of this out. Wish me luck!

Hugs,
Lisa

[FionaAlexis]

What does all this mean? Am I ts or just a cd/tv? I will tell you first that I am old enough to never say never. If I could be an attractive woman, I would prefer it. I know that is not possible and a sex change would absolutely destroy my life. There would be no Mr. Right who was going to come along and be my life partner. There would be no company that would hire me at a wage that could afford a retirement. I would be poor, alone, and without a future.

Hi Jennaie,

I can relate to much of what you say, though I never had any great desire for a Mr Right as a life partner and I've always filed my 'wife' thoughts under F for fantasy. But I guess an overwhelming need in my life is stability and security - even beyond gender so while I have explored the transition road I have always done a U turn after a short time. My fear of being destitute seems far greater than my desire to be female.

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

Wasnt until 28 that i really educated myself on what was possible. Armed with that information and death snapping at my heels (and i use the term heels literally) it was an easy choice to transition. I havnt had SRS yet , but im the happiest ive ever been in my life.

Hi Nicole,

Thank you for the outline of your journey. I'm glad things are working out for you now - and I trust death will keep its distance so you can continue to enjoy.

'Information' and accurate information at that - is so important. I think this is the greatest benefit of the internet that information is now so accessible.

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

Anyway, I’m trying to go to a group run by a post-op TS PhD to help me figure all of this out. Wish me luck!

Hugs,
Lisa

Thank you Lisa! I do wish you luck - but I rather think you have already figured it out. Perhaps you just need the stamp of approval - or reassurance?

I get along well with men at a work level - but I have never been comfortable with men [as a male] at a social level though I have enjoyed it in female mode. I think the expectations and the chit-chat are quite different. Men rarely discuss personal issues or relationships whereas women seem to hone in on those issues automatically and I rather enjoy that too.

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

I'm a CD, Been one for many years, am 50ish now, but want to take low hormones to help me in this area, don't want to be TS but consider myself Transgender and want the male look on occations, and female fem male look everyday. It's been a progressive step. CD to TG

Rachael Wallbank, a local TS was quoted in our local newspaper on the difference between TS and TG -

'Those who experience transsexualism also experience a compelling need to alter their body in order to bring it into better harmony with their innate sexual identity................

Transgenderism, transvestism and crossdressing refer to taking on the appearance of the other sex for varying periods of time, without the need for physical rehabilitation through genital surgery'.

Perhaps that fits with what you are saying?

Fiona xx

[Lisa OZ]

I thought I would put my penny worth in to this great thread and widen it slightly with another angle

Isn't it grand being different! I have been dressing on and off since I was 10 like a lot of you on this forum. I am quite frankly bored with most peoples conversation on TV shows, house, cars or whatever facile subject they are banging on about. This is different, yes there is angst, yes there are difficulties, however just like any other animal in the world there are infinite variables in our make up, we all happen to share the gene that likes the feminine aspects of human nature, surely that is a celebration of who we are and we should celebrate that and not get bogged down in the negative aspects. I do empathise with how people feel and as a personal example, l have lost my family and moved to another country for my 'Hobby". I know angst I can assure you.

Like a lot of correspondents here I am bored with talking about sport not the playing of it but the way it has been hijacked like most popular pastimes and made into this ersatz marketing TV blob. The ideals of pure sport as in the original Olympics are a testament to human achievement and progress, mind you I prefer an evening in satin and sheer black stockings. Maybe we could press for a new Olympic sport.

What matters in the end is your values and principles and how you treat each other. If you are a dickhead you will be treated like one. Random acts of kindness is the way to go. I paid for an old ladies coffee the other day who was sitting there all lonely at the next table. She struck up a conversation with me and I found her interesting and articulate and enjoyed the half hour we had together. On a whim I paid for her coffee when I went to pay for mine. I did not tell her I was paying, I just did it without her knowing. I am not telling you this for praise. It's what I do from time to time to make up for the crap that goes on in this world.


Viva la difference I say, now where are those new shoes

Love, life and a new pair of stockings

Lisa xx

[TracyDeluxe]

But, my take on the whole thing is that CD'ers don't become transexuals. One either is or isn't, and it's only a process of discovering who or what you really are, not a changing thing.

And, in my experience at least, it's a very twisty road, and wrong turns will be made, but then you back up, and make a different turn. If you live long enough, you may find out who you really are, but then again, by that time, you may not be the same person you were when you started your journey.

Life's a bitch, ain't it?

[Sarahgurl371]

Fiona I see this thread is still attracting alot of interest. Guess alot of us have questions. Myself, now more than ever.


I have been extremely confused lately. Am I just a guy who has this fetish, and its gotten out of hand? Is my wife right? Is this way more than I have admitted to myself? Is this FOR REAL? I am finding this thing to be all consuming, everyday, first thing in the morning till laying awake in bed at night. Am I just pushing this issue, is it just stuck in my mind? Have I a made a mountain out of a mole hill? Or have I only realized the tip of the ice berg?

I am scared to death most days, especially in social situations. Afraid the subject will arise and everyone will see me for real. Maybe there is some truth in that. Maybe I am just wanting to find that truth.

My story is similar. Started with Mom's clothes at or around 6 or 7. One of my first memories of childhood is getting caught. It certainlly wasn't sexual back then. But it did become sexual at puberty. I continued on for many years (10 - 15) just dressing when I could and satisfying the "urge". Always hating myself afterwards. But in the last few years I just thought about it, and started to question the why. Here I am now. Now I am 34, I don't know the most basic thing about me - Who I am.

Like many others, I never fit in with the guys. Never liked the normal guy things. Sports - hate em. Hunting and fishing - can't stand killing stuff. Etc. Etc. Got told many times by my Dad - Are you a man or a mouse?

Never feel comfortable in any social setting. I am not sure how it feels to be a man, but I am pretty sure I don't feel that way. Never felt big enough, strong enough, strong willed enough. Always the one who backs off my wants to please others. I realize that lots of people have self esteem issues, but that coupled with the "feminine" feelings inside make me really question who / what I am. I can be extremely emotional when I allow myself. But very afraid to let my emotions show around people.

Always seemed to be the guy the girls want to be "friends" with. Always kinda related to them better, just more common interests I guess. Always had to "suck it up" when it comes to being emotional. It just wasn't manly enough I guess. My Dad wanted me to be a strong man. Lately I am kinda thinking that may have something to do with the self loathing. I always wanted his approval of me, Not really sure he would if he truly knows how I feel.

Want so badly to be in love, to be loved for me and cherished. Afraid to let anyone in. Afraid people will run away if they knew. It seems the only time I am truly comfortable is when I am alone. But the last thing I want is to be alone. What a conflict.

Sexuality , yep its all messed up. Not what one might consider "normal" anyway. Totally understand about the above comments about the "dumb stick". Not happy with a masculine appearing body. Don't necessarily hate my genitals either.

It seems that defining characteristic I find, I also don't quite identify with it 100%. Wished I was a girl in my teens so badly. Guess I still do. But is wishing / feeling like different from saying " I am"? Or haven't I gotten there yet? Am I pushing the issue? And the whole ball goes round and round again.

I KNOW that the life I would lead as a TS would be extremely tough, possibly painful, could very well end up all alone. I know those who transition don't have it easy. Yet I still ponder it. Wish there was a pill.

Made up my mind, gonna go see a therapist who specializes in this stuff. Been recommended to do so by others. Get home, gonna make the phone call. Get scared. I will have to tell somebody about me. Give my name. Ruin the life I have spent the last 15 years building. Maybe I can last another day? Maybe tomarrow it will all make sense? I will finally have a little piece and inner quiet. Then I get accused by my wife that I am choosing this. Why would a normal sane person do so? Maybe I am not sane?

Come on here, read these post and think - can there be that many of "us" who have these questions? Maybe "they" are right. We are all just choosing this. Now I am thinking I have said too much. That I should just delete it all.

[Genevieve G]

I fought with, and thought about a lot of these questions, too. I always knew I was different & didn't really fit into a group, whether it was a group of girls or boys. So the isolation started for me at an early age, at which time I was crossdressing and it felt "right." It just wasn't about aesthetics for me, though. Mentally, it was right.

My dad was kind of a hands-off person, he never really voiced his expectations. Even if he'd been more overbearing things wouldn't have been different. I probably would have rebelled more than I did when I was a teen. For years, I've been suicidal, treated for depression by numerous psychologists--the whole shooting match. My current therapist defines it as transgendered "not other specified." Putting a label on it helps, but it doesn't change the shell that I'm living in right now. There's a lot of baggage that goes with this and I won't ramble. It just comes down to one thing and that's making yourself happy. A lot of times we forego our own happiness because we subconsciously realize that the ones we know or love don't understand TS/TG/CD. We try to make them happy or pacify them at our own expense. In my case, I drank pretty heavily for years. We all have our own demons, but I'd rather be a happy woman than a dead man. That's my perception. Now it's just a matter of money.

Tina

[FionaAlexis]

I thought I would put my penny worth in to this great thread and widen it slightly with another angle

Isn't it grand being different! I have been dressing on and off since I was 10 like a lot of you on this forum. I am quite frankly bored with most peoples conversation on TV shows, house, cars or whatever facile subject they are banging on about. This is different, yes there is angst, yes there are difficulties, however just like any other animal in the world there are infinite variables in our make up, we all happen to share the gene that likes the feminine aspects of human nature, surely that is a celebration of who we are and we should celebrate that and not get bogged down in the negative aspects. I do empathise with how people feel and as a personal example, l have lost my family and moved to another country for my 'Hobby". I know angst I can assure you.

Viva la difference I say, now where are those new shoes

Love, life and a new pair of stockings

Lisa xx

Hi Lisa,

Some of us reach that 'bugger the lot of you - I'm going to be what I want' phase and then pride in being enigmatic and a tranny. In my case was followed by 'where's this really heading?' - and a need to slide back into normality. And so I get into a revolving door.

Anyway hope things continue well for you.

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

I KNOW that the life I would lead as a TS would be extremely tough, possibly painful, could very well end up all alone. I know those who transition don't have it easy. Yet I still ponder it. Wish there was a pill.

Made up my mind, gonna go see a therapist who specializes in this stuff. Been recommended to do so by others. Get home, gonna make the phone call. Get scared. I will have to tell somebody about me. Give my name. Ruin the life I have spent the last 15 years building. Maybe I can last another day? Maybe tomarrow it will all make sense? I will finally have a little piece and inner quiet. Then I get accused by my wife that I am choosing this. Why would a normal sane person do so? Maybe I am not sane?

Come on here, read these post and think - can there be that many of "us" who have these questions? Maybe "they" are right. We are all just choosing this. Now I am thinking I have said too much. That I should just delete it all.

Hi Tammy,

I'm so glad you didn't delete your post - you have a real knack of expressing yourself and describing how you feel that really touches a nerve and highlights the real life complexities and dilemmas you face - and a lot of us deal with. Thank you for a really great post.

I also feel quite out of place in social gatherings which I think partly comes from lack of self confidence - and awkwardness in adopting the male role. I've often felt I'm acting out a part rather behaving normally. When I let my guard down I think I'm quite asexual now. In my younger days I decided not to drink alcohol and I've never been drunk - I was scared that if I got drunk this female personna would surface and the game would be up.

It is hard to live up to others expectations and sometimes it seems easier to be totally isolated. However, having been single and alone for long periods in my life, I can say that life and the decisions were no easier to make.

I didn't have great experiences with psychs in the past but I think things have changed somewhat. I'm sure it would be good for you to have someone [non-judgemental] to open up to. Good luck!

Fiona xx

[FionaAlexis]

I fought with, and thought about a lot of these questions, too. I always knew I was different & didn't really fit into a group, whether it was a group of girls or boys. So the isolation started for me at an early age, at which time I was crossdressing and it felt "right." It just wasn't about aesthetics for me, though. Mentally, it was right.

My dad was kind of a hands-off person, he never really voiced his expectations. Even if he'd been more overbearing things wouldn't have been different. I probably would have rebelled more than I did when I was a teen. For years, I've been suicidal, treated for depression by numerous psychologists--the whole shooting match. My current therapist defines it as transgendered "not other specified." Putting a label on it helps, but it doesn't change the shell that I'm living in right now. There's a lot of baggage that goes with this and I won't ramble. It just comes down to one thing and that's making yourself happy. A lot of times we forego our own happiness because we subconsciously realize that the ones we know or love don't understand TS/TG/CD. We try to make them happy or pacify them at our own expense. In my case, I drank pretty heavily for years. We all have our own demons, but I'd rather be a happy woman than a dead man. That's my perception. Now it's just a matter of money.

Tina

Thanks Tina.

So have you come to a final conclusion that transitioning is the way to go? Do you feel if you were female, you would be able to relate better and break the isolation? Or is your 'happiness' even a deeper feeling.

Fiona xx

[Genevieve G]

There would be nothing to consider if it wasn't for family. I've always beaten myself up over disappointing people. I think transitioning, although very tough, would be a welcome change. After denying myself of who I am for all these years, wanting to punch the mirror every time I looked in it, I really do feel that it would benefit me to transition. I can't help but be concerned for my family, though. It's such a tough thing. I agonize over this every single hour of every day & it never seems to get any easier.

Tina

[joanlynn28]

I don't know as for me I have had a long desire to be TS. The CD thing is more exploratory, seeing how I would look as a female. I come to conclusion that I would end up looking just like my sister. Not that that would be a bad thing. What I need to do is to seek counseling with someone who is experienced in these matters. I have a number from a therapist of mine, I just am too scared to make that first call. For the time being I as somewhat happy as a CD. But I really don't want to be a guy dressed up as a girl. What I really desire is to be a girl dressed as a girl. Like my father always told me, if you are going to go do something, do it right. "If it is worth doing, it is worth doing right."

[rachel1985]

Hi Girls!

I have to agree with a few people on here, i personally started wearing womens clothing by about 10, and never thought of it as anything other than natural. I used to wear normal underwear as any other girl in my class, i would find myself being attracted more to boys in my class and taking part in more female orientated classes, such as Home Economics, etc.
As i grew into a teenager, i started to become interested in girls, however the lust for a man was stronger still, and would still talk to my girl-friends more than my boy-friends.
Now towards the point of 16 i stopped wearing underwear, as i went into a steady hetro relationship, which towards the end caused me a lot of pain, and also had me in hospital due taking an overdose.
So from 18 when the hetro relationship died, i started to get the male urges again, so i decided to come out of the closet to my closest friends, and my family. My family automatically accepted this, and unfortunately i lost a few good friends.
So three years on, i'm a bi male, having been through my promiscous stage of life, having been with both men and women in the attempt to suppress one or the other, and i have now come to this conclusion, with the help of one of my old Secondry School Teachers. "To be gay, is to have too many hormones of the other sex" Now does this mean that i have more female genes in me, than male, so i seek attention sexually from men, however they find me attractive due to how i look?

I'm now 21, i have gone back to how i was at 10, still wearing the underwear, feeling natural, and not finding it as some kind of fetish, and being happy with myself, however also depressed and unsure of how people around me will feel.
I'm currently in a year old hetro relationship, with my partner having children from a failed marrage, with the future looking bright, however should i be rid of my clothes to be a good male role model to the children, knowing in my heart who i am and what i am, or do i kill whats currently been the best relationship of my life, and go down having the MTF op, and possibly ending up with someone who doesn't love or care about me?

England doesn't seem to have the open-mindedness of other countries, such as Taiwan, accepting He-she's, transvestites, and transexuals, and i would hate to feel outcasted.

However, in submission to myself, i shall continue being the CD / TS that i am, and give in to the fact that i am a bisexual male who enjoys the feeling of silk, and then also subduing the fact that i could be and want to be a woman.

This is around the time i begin to believe in reincarnation strongly enough, and now pray to god that i come back as a petite lady, with wisdom (unlike many girls of the UK today), and grow equally successful as i have in my current male role.

-----------------------------------------

That sounds deep, i must admit, however this is how i feel, and this was what was asked. From my heart and soul, i know truely who i am, i'm Rachel, and proud.

Keep smiling girls!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Lisa OZ]

Hi Lisa,

Some of us reach that 'bugger the lot of you - I'm going to be what I want' phase and then pride in being enigmatic and a tranny. In my case was followed by 'where's this really heading?' - and a need to slide back into normality. And so I get into a revolving door.

Anyway hope things continue well for you.

Fiona xx

Yes Fiona exactly my point relish being enigmatic, live for today, the way this world is going we will not be having that many of them. It is encumbent on all of us to live the way we want and not be burdened by guilt/regrets/what if's/maybe's. Intolerant Religon, bigotry & dysfuncitional families have no place in our lives if they do not enrich them and visa versa.

The question I pose for you and all over girls in the middle of the revolving door scenario is: Can you control these feelings or is it the way I am? If the answer is in the affirmitive go straight through the door that says: 'Freedom'
If not you will be forever racked by doubts that will attack your self esteem and erode your confidence in what you are.....To positive for most people? Try the inner voice when you are old and grey and you are sitting there thinking......if only.........

My love to you all from this sunburnt country with a big hole in it as we export all our minerals to the Chinese

Lisa

[Lisa Maren]

Fiona -- I think you're right. A lot of times I feel that if I had had their approval I would be much further along than I am now. Whenever I read a story of someone who was lucky with understanding parents I always feel so jealous. I am really scared of telling my parents about Lisa. They're going to have a tough time of it. My mom's a know-it-all personality and if she gets it into her head she's right on something you'll never convince her otherwise. Dad was in the military way back when. It's going to be difficult.

Tina -- I totally hear ya! I worry about how it will hurt my family, too, when I tell them about Lisa. They're the number one reason I haven't gone further than I have. Friends are somewhat easier. Two of my good friends know I'm a crossdresser anyway and they're fine with that. That leaves two more to tell, plus I'll possibly need to tell them all of the transexual part.

I wish us all luck!

Hugs,
Lisa

[Clare]

Is there anyone here who believes that they are a CD/TV but are quickly moving towards being a transsexual? Or were you CD/TV and are now sure you are transsexual?

And what do you think caused your change in perception?

Or do you feel you simply labeled yourself incorrectly and you were always a latent TS?

Fiona xx

[SIZE=3]Nope, i'm basically a crossdressing transgenderist. By that I mean, I could wear feamle clothes fulltime for the rest of my life, but I doubt that i'd ever fully transition by choice.

However, if something adverse happened to my male 'plumbing' (Cancer for example), I could go on to live as a female with hormones etc... In other words, I could transition to live as girl if it came to that. You could say I was 50/50 about the topic!


[/SIZE]

[Sally24]

I've questioned myself a few times about this very thing. The most recent time was after reading "She's Not There" by Jennifer Boylan. There were many parrallels between our two lives and thoughts. She was a woman mentally since birth. I on the other hand am more of the center road with alot of female in my brain but being very comfortable with my male role also. I try to work on my "techniques" as if I were a TS woman. This includes considering electrolysis to eliminate my beard. But I consider myself a serious crossdresser and trasgendered, but not a transexual.

[SexxxyBrianna]

I am a cd, more so a tv. I have watched these terms take on different meanings over the years. A tv being a somewhat "more serious" cd who feels an extreme desire to be identified in public as female and takes great steps to achieve that outcome.

There are many different usages and meanings of the term transvestism. Most experts agree that the correct usages is limited to:

When people dress in clothes normally worn by the opposite gender in order to identify with that gender in some manner.

When people dress in clothes normally worn by the opposite gender for purposes involving sexual arousal (transvestic fetishism).
A combination of the two definitions mentioned above.

Transvestitism is not an indicator of sexuality.