Why are we scared when buying female clothing?

[susan jackson]

What is it that makes someone who was born with a female body brave enough to venture out and buy something that is meant for a male, while someone who was born with a male body becomes a wreck when confronted with the concept of buying something that is meant for a female?

Surely, those who were born male are the superior gender? Are we not the alpha male? Are we not the guiding force of the family?

Or are we just a bunch of snivelling wimps?

I know a number of ‘real’ men, who love nothing more than playing rugby on Saturdays and think it has been a great game when they end up covered in blood (preferably their own); who think nothing of drinking 20 pints of larger on a Saturday night and then speeding home to watch the football on telly; who boast of all the ‘birds’ that they have ‘shagged’; but who become a quivering wreck on the floor when their wives/partners ask them to go to Tesco to buy a pair of tights.

One of the main quotes that always appear on television programmes around St. Valentines day or Christmas, when asking a man if he would buy something pretty for his wife/partner is that ‘the shop assistant might think it is for me’. Well, I have got news for you, honey – if you are reading this, the chances are that it IS for you!

So, I ask the question again – why are we so scared of buying woman’s clothing and accessories? In this day and age, I am sure that the people who work in shops have seen it all before and would turn a blind eye to us. I am even more sure of the fact that money talks and shop assistants will listen to it. Why do you feel the need to let your palms get sweaty and your voice to quaver when making a purchase? “It’s not for me, it’s for my sister’ is an excuse most of us have used in the past, but why not be honest. Why not just say ‘It’s for me – I’m a crossdrsser’.

Experience has shown me that the response you are likely to get is more along the lines of ‘Am I bovvered? That’s £14.99’ rather than ‘Bloody pervert. Hey Jane, call the police. I’ve got one of those here’.

Forget your nerves; don’t let fear get the best of you. Stand up and be proud of who and what you are. The more you get out there and are seen by the hoi-polloi, the more we will be accepted.

You mission for tomorrow is…hold your head up high, be proud and go and buy yourself something pretty!

All joking apart, and getting back to the original question – why are so many men scared of buying female clothes and accessories?

[nhlighthouse]

This is a great question and I myself am glad that it has been asked. That being said, Yes I did in the past quiver when shopping for femme clothing but I went in with the mindset that it was for my wife to justify my shopping.
Little by little that has changed and I shop for what FEELS GOOD on ME!I find it best if done in a place far from where you live and people do not know you.

Now if I can only get that Pedicure done!!!!LOL...Mychelle

[BillieAnneJean]

A couple of weeks ago another girl and I spent quite a bit of time in the women's dressing rooms at Burlington Coat Factory, a big box clothing store in the USA. She had about a dozen outfits to try on. I kept going back and forth from the racks to the dressing rooms as the tops I were trying on were too big and I kept going down in sizes from XXL to medium. I couldn't find the sizes for all so the combinations required trips in and out.
No one said anything. The room users totally ignored us. Even the guys waiting for their women ignored us.
I think it was the first time for the other girl.
If anyone wants to do this, find a more experienced girl to go with for confidence.
BTW I found four summer tops for $44 including VAT (OH WAIT, we in the USA don't have VAT YET!)
A white short sleeve with a single vertical ruffle down the front. A white dressy T type shirt. One each teel and purple ruffled all over tops. For less than ten bucks each. I needed some summer tops.
This is SO much fun!

[Launa]

Why are we scared you say?

Its because when you get to the counter at a womens clothing store, you will be asked some questions just like when you go through international customs at the border. If you don't answer the questions correctly then you're busted on the spot, taken away in handcuffs and you picture will be posted on the front page of the papers.

That's what shook me up for years...........

[linda allen]

Being scared about anything is all in your mind, nothing more. Just make up your mind and do it. Eventually you won't be scared any more.

[Ruthie Leather]

No matter how many times I try, i still find it really difficult to buy clothes. I can tell myself that it's no big deal until i'm blue in the face but i still get the shakes. Glad to hear it gets easier with time...

[EllenJo]

Great Question! I raised 2 daughters by myself and had no trouble going into stores and buying them clothes. Even as teenagers when clothes shopping took forever for them to decide on something I would run back and forth to the changing rooms and no one paid any attention. When I met my second wife she was amazed that I would buy her nice fashionable clothes as gifts. No man had ever done that for her in her life.

I am not passable by any stretch of the imagination and I shop for my girl things while in drab. I have no trouble and often get help from SA's who will let me use the dressing rooms. In most department stores I take my lady things to the men's side to try on and really don't care what anybody thinks. I love shopping for clothes and enjoy going with my wife to shop for her clothes. We were in a DADT situation for many years but she is now very accepting. She still offers to buy me things so I won't have to but I am not embarrased. I am not intrusive on other customers and am respectful of the dressing room situation in shops that cater just to women.

Susan you are right, we are the alpha males. We are the hunters and gatherers of society so why should we harbor fear of anything, especially something as simple as buying a skirt for ourselves? Man up ladies.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[NicoleScott]

Right or wrong, brave or chicken, doesn't matter. There are situations in which it is better to keep CDing private. There may be CDers who hold prominent positions, but that's no assurrance that every community/family/board of directors/etc. will be so accepting. Some CDers don't feel the need to risk their success for the cause of acceptance of other CDers they will never know. Some CDers dress for sexual pleasure and see no benefit to themselves or anyone else by outing themselves.
Here we go, once again, not respecting others' wishes to keep their CDing private by calling them "a bunch of sniveling wimps".
What you see as hiding, I and others like me see as keeping private matters private.

[daviolin]

Personally I don't know. I used to be one. But I got over it. Lets go shopping. Daviolin

[vallerie lacy]

Better be careful about that "alpha male" talk. If the other half sees it, she may kick your butt.

[NicoleScott]

Better be careful about that "alpha male" talk. If the other half sees it, she may kick your butt.

That's right - in the animal kingdom including humans, there are alpha females, too. At their discretion, they might allow a male to have sex with her. The alpha type, male or female, is a role in the family/community/society. Not every male is an alpha type.

[Rhonda Darling]

Personally, I'm finally getting pretty good going to stores (preferably en femme, but in drab also works) and buying pretty much anything I want. I've gone alone and used the dressing room at Kohls eith no trouble, but have yet to "invade" a D.R. Chock full of younger GGs. Give me a wing girl or two and I'm rearin' to go.

My early inhibitions probably come more from my grandmother and my aunt, rather than from my mom. I was strongly discouraged from looking in catalogs at women's intimates (how's a guy to learn, otherwise), and chased away from willingly helping with the laundry if it had anything other than sheets and towels. Those women did not trust men/boys to know or see anything about ladies underthings. Got busted when I took my cousin's bra and panties down from the clothes line to check them out. Thought I'd put the back EXACTLY as they were before, but Sherlock Auntie outed me and barred me from her basement.

Scarred for a long time, and growing up in a time where CD/TV/TG were synonymous with pervert, it's easy to understand the built in and built up/reinforced inhibitions to shop in the ladies department. The SAsof the period reinforced all this with disapproving glares, calling for the floor detective to hover nearby and watch, and ignoring requests for assistance unless it was Xmas, Valentine's day, or a "birthday". Even then, you'd best be looking for clothing that is clearly not your size, otherwise they locked you in an iron cage and hung you over the women's intimates department with a warning sign for other perverts to stay away.

Times have, thankfully, changed.

Rhonda

[Lynn Marie]

My shopping fears all go back to my school days when being branded as a "homo" or "queer" by other thoughtless children was terribly humiliating. My entire young life was devoted to "manly" endeavors for the sole purpose of finding the girl of my dreams and shopping for lingerie sure as hell wasn't one of them!

It really wasn't until I found my "dream girl" that I found I could shop for her without fear and that the SAs were actually impressed with my courage! Who'd a thunk it? Now I'm no longer competing, I just don't care to make others uncomfortable so I try to enlist the help of SAs and shop with confidence.

[kimdl93]

I haven't shopped for women's wear in male mode for a long time. I did for a coupe of years, held back before that by the fear that someone might find out my secret shame, including SAs that I didn't know and might never see again. Then as I began to accept myself I found I did not particularly care what others might think.

[Ressie]

I spent quite a bit of time in the women's clothing dept. Christmas shopping for my GF every year and there was nothing to fear. I would buy her sweaters, tops, jewelry but stayed away from the lingerie. There is good reason to fear holding up a negligee in the mirror or going thru the panties in the sale bin. For me the fear is someone I know will see me. That doesn't stop me of course, but I try to be careful.

[Beverley Sims]

When you start out there is the fear of the unknown and also learning womens shopping customs.
You are like a fish out of water until you get used to the surroundings.

[Jenniferathome]

...All joking apart, and getting back to the original question – why are so many men scared of buying female clothes and accessories?

You answered your own question, "One of the main quotes that always appear on television programmes around St. Valentines day or Christmas, when asking a man if he would buy something pretty for his wife/partner is that ‘the shop assistant might think it is for me’."

Now, the really intriguing question is, do cross dressers feel more angst about it than non-cross dressers?

[robindee36]

I think we sometimes create a lot of discord in our own minds about shopping and buying female clothing. Been there myself. As you do it more, your comfort level will build. It can be scary but a lot of the anxiety is self created.

If you would feel more comfortable, rehearse a few comebacks in the case of being questioned (which happens very rarely). Its for my GF, SO, etc may I have a gift receipt please. As the Halloween season approached, its for my costume...you can then be off to the change rooms with no worries. I am sure the other girls here have developed these responses also. Maybe that warrants a new thread.

Maybe the best thing to do is just jump in. Might not be as daunting as you anticipate.

Hugs and good shopping girl. Robin

[GroovyChristy]

Surely, those who were born male are the superior gender? Are we not the alpha male? Are we not the guiding force of the family?

You're joking, right?

[susan jackson]

Surely, those who were born male are the superior gender? Are we not the alpha male? Are we not the guiding force of the family?

Or are we just a bunch of snivelling wimps?

You're joking, right?

Of course

Put it down to English humour

[Lorileah]

I am afraid it won't fit and then I will have to return it. That is embarrassing

[Chickhe]

There is nothing to fear, except someone calling you out on your fear and then validating the fear by showing shame... The secret is to decide you are normal and to have no fear. Then if someone else has a problem, you can look at act like they are the one who is nuts... why are we scared in the first place, closed upbringing, media stereotypes, unknown environment, ego?

If you really look at it like buying stuff at the hardware store, are you and the sales people okay with a woman coming in to buy a chain saw?... yes, but its unusual, but there should be nothing wrong with it. You just have to decide its right and don't listen to anyone who says otherwise...and probably that will never happen.

[AveryS]

Returns are easy - they don't know who it was for and don't care. It's the browsing and trying things on that's hard to get over. I bought all of my own clothes so far, primarily at Walmart, Target etc. Although my favorite clothes all came from F21 online.
I'm one of the chickens that has a hard time, but I push through it. I don't necessarily have the courage to try things on yet -- which is how I know the returns counters don't care.

[Ressie]

I made a return at Penneys and the cashier looked at it and said, "I wonder why she didn't want it"? Then she made another remark of the top being cute. I just kept quiet, but it was embarrassing to me.

[MysticLady]

I'm not.............