Why are we scared when buying female clothing?

[linny_aggy]

we rn't really 'scared'..its only the feel of doing sumthing not really done that tweaks us..were i not a CD (or u for that matter), picking any gurly piece from anywhere wud be perfectly in order..

[Julie M]

I guess I feel, like others have commented, both ways. Not worried or embarrassed at all some times, and at others, very self conscious and potentially embarrassed. When I feel that way, I just skip it (even though I feel disappointed.)

[Eryn]

The first time I purchased female clothes I was very scared.
The first time I purchased female clothes en femme I was somewhat scared.

Fast forward a couple of years. I was in Dress Barn in Camarillo today. I had found a couple of items I liked and was carrying them on my arm. The salesgirl came up and said "Can I start a dressing room for you? I said, "yes, thank you!" She asked my name. I replied "Eryn, E-r-y-n" I continued shopping and she periodically took my new finds. Finally, I headed to the room with my name on the door. All the clothes were waiting for me. I tried on a Calvin Klein T-shirt dress and went out into the dressing room common area to look at myself in the large mirrors. Another customer was there and she said "I wish I were tall like you so I could fit into more things." I replied that being tall had its disadvantages as well and we both had a chuckle. Both the customer and salesgirl complimented the dress.

If this had been two years ago such close interaction with GGs in a dressing room area would have made me a nervous wreck. The only way I could develop comfort in such situations is to put myself in those situations over and over until I figured out what to expect and how to intereact properly. I don't believe that I am ever totally passable, but a healthy display of confidence seems to carry the day. I was in and out of 30+ stores at the outlet mall today and in every one I was treated as I wished to be treated with no anxiety about being out of place. When I'm en femme I'm a woman and that's the end of the story.

[Lexi Moralas]

Love Burlington coat factory ! Always find something there it's my go to for lingerie and especially shoes !

Heather dress ,
Super cute pic love the curls !

[Lacy PJs]

Perhaps in a larger, more liberal city it is rather easy. But when you live in a smaller, more conservative community, doing something... doing anything that might ruin you socially and professionally would and most certainly should make you nervous. People like familiarity. They like to deal with people that they are familiar with. They like to associate with like-minded people. So, when one does something that is totally unfamiliar to them, they tend to shy away from that which they are not familiar with.

Some here have decided to roll the dice and let the chips fall where they may. But I'm guessing that I speak for many others when I say that we have spouses, families, careers and social status that we are simply not willing to put on the line for what to some of us is nothing more than a rather quirky hobby. Again, that's not everyone, but many...

As the saying goes, put yourself in another person's shoes before you pass judgement.

Lacy PJs

[michelle60]

as a new member I have to say it scarey going shoping for underware but yet when I go with so shoping its not so bad I hope one day to be abel to go by my self

[jim1991]

Funny thing is I normally love shopping unfortunately when comes to shopping for womens clothes it is like dancing on the limb of what society accepts and rejects. Shopping for womens clothes literally incapacitates me fear. It doesnt help my gf doesnt like shopping so I either do it or I live with what I have. The few times I went shopping I had to play it off that I was going to a crossdressing party lol. I got a sense of my masculinity out of it but I yearn to go evening gown shopping lol.

Alexis

[Eryn]

Perhaps in a larger, more liberal city it is rather easy. But when you live in a smaller, more conservative community, doing something... doing anything that might ruin you socially and professionally would and most certainly should make you nervous....

Quite true, which is why I have a "no-fly zone" in my own community. It's a bit of a bother, but it makes things much more comfortable for my spouse and I.

[Ocelon]

People say there's nothing to fear, but I did get banned from a store over it.

[Jeri Ann]

Quite true, which is why I have a "no-fly zone" in my own community. It's a bit of a bother, but it makes things much more comfortable for my spouse and I.

I also have a no-fly zone but there have been times when outside the zone I have run into someone I know. It seems that I am always shopping for a "gift".

[ClaireTaylor]

For me, the level of anxiety has been linked to how prepared I was to be open about this facet of me. Early on I was petrified, but thanks to some really helpful shop assistants I'm a lot easier about shopping now. When I get a bad SA experience I make sure I let them know how much I'd planned to spend before leaving without gracing their tills.

[julia marie]

Lacy. I don't shop for women's stuff in my home town (even though there can be great deals here). A half hour to 90 minute drive is worth it if you are concerned about seeing neighbors, whether you are shopping in drab or en femme. Great way to spend an afternoon or evening. You might be amazed when you get to checkout. The clerks really don't care. For the few that do care, don't worry, they don't know you, they'll still take your money, and you'll probably never see them again.

[NicoleA]

The first thing I bought in a shop was just a few days ago. I probably wouldn't have been more nervous if I was robbing the place! Three days later I managed to walk into a lingerie shop and had a bra fitting, and that shop was only a couple of blocks from my office. I'm not sure where that confidence came from, but I hope it lasts.

[CindyCross]

One of my heels from one of my nicest red pumps in a very large (male) size broke. For a few months I dreamt and hesitated to bring them too the shoe maker. In the end I got my courages together and brought them to the shoe maker. Luckely I brought also the other one because he explained to me that the other one needed to fitted with the same end bit, so that they would have the same height again and make that lovelt sound "real" ladies make, and while he explained kept looking back and fort from the heels to me. It made me feel so feminine, I loved every minute of this experience. Here is a picture of these nice red heels.

[paula1964]

i love buying my cloths on ebay ..........................

[Leeza]

I shop with my wife, one day I am going to get the courage to go by myself. I have to change my attitude about not caring what people think.

[Maryesther M.]

I couldn't 'pass' in a million years and skirts, blouses & tights are about all I can find in High St shops that would fit me, so I generally buy items as though I'm the guy with the wallet, for other family members, so there's no scare involved.

Anything else, e.g. shoes, I must buy on the Net.

M.

[kristy321ca]

I honestly get scared because I'm not gay/bi. I want to be in relationships with women, so if I'm out buying clothing for myself and I potentially see someone I might date one day, it's scary to think about. I don't want to be recognized for what I'm doing. I just want to buy my panties and get the heck outa there!

[Desirae]

When I was younger, like 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, I went shopping at quite a few stores for women's clothing. This was back in the late 80s and early 90s. No, I never tried anything on in the store. I bought dresses and a few skirts. I just guesstimated sizes. If something didn't fit, I didn't take it back. No shoes. No lingerie. I even shopped at quite a few local stores in my town. On a few occasions, I drove out of town an hour or so.

Yes, the fear is from possibly getting caught by someone you know. And its from thinking about what the SAs and other customers must be thinking. It's the fear of getting labeled a perv, or gay. It's all of that stuff.

After my early 20s I couldn't do it anymore, so it DIDN'T get any easier for me. It got harder. The fear grew for me. I had to start ordering through mail order catalogs and eventually the Internet.

It's hard for me to imagine any store (Penneys, Kohls, Burlington, Macy's, etc) that have no problem letting a guy try on women's clothes in the dressing rooms. It just doesn't seem like something that stores would be willing to do because of THEIR fear of alienating their female shoppers. I would love to do this. I doubt I could do it by myself anymore. I'd love to be able to go in a store and try on some bras and dresses. It would have to be with someone much more confident than I am and, hopefully, some of that confidence could rub off on me. That's the only way I'd probably ever do it again.

And another thing is you don't know where all of your old acquaintances from high school and past jobs live. They might live in that town that's one hour from your house where you drove to buy some clothing, presumably which is in a "safe"place nowhere near your house, and just happen to be in the same store as you. You just don't know. Just driving and hour or two away doesn't guarantee that you won't run into somebody you know. Odder things have happened.

I know I just read a lot of posts where the poster said, "I don't care what people think". I think we all care, at least somewhat, what other people think. If you didn't, why would you take care of your lawn, or your house, or whiten your teeth, or lose 10 lbs, etc?

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Hey Cindy, those red pumps are awesome on you gal!

First time I gathered the guts to buy a bra (many years ago) I was on a business trip and went into the local Sears lingerie department late at night to avoid as many people as possible. I was so nervous about it that I grabbed the first one I saw that I thought was my size (big mistake) and went to the check out counter. The SO was a stern looking middle aged woman and she gave me a disapproving look that would kill. I was trying to play it cool and blurted out something like “oh don’t worry it’s not for me, it’s a gag gift”. She never spoke a word or stopped the disapproving look. I was mad at myself for saying such a stupid thing and letting her get to me. I decided then I needed to conquer that fear and it took some time and more experiences to get over the fear. I was able eventually to turn the shopping fear adrenaline rush into a fun adventure thing which it is to this day! I have always purchased en-drab but look forward to being more out in the future and shopping en-femme someday.

I picked up a nice simple blouse at Target a couple of weeks ago and the check out clerk said to me: “I don’t know who this is for but it sure is nice material”. I replied that I liked the fabric as well and it was for me. She just smiled and looked a little surprised at my honesty.

Hugs,
Stephanie

[Roli F]

I wear the pants in my house And I have the wifeys permission to do so

[PaulaQ]

We are scared because a man wearing women's clothes is still a social taboo. Fortunately, that's softening some, especially in stores that carry sizes that are apt to fit most of us. We are scared because it's in public, and we could be outed. We are afraid of the social consequences, or the consequences to our marriages if we are so exposed.

In some locales, there's still reason for fear.

[Tilly Vega]

You know there still is some feat,but overall I'm pretty chill while shopping. Nobody has ever said anything,and if they did I haven't heard anything lol I don't really care what others may think about it. Once I start transitioning seriously(electrology and Hormone Therapy) I'll be definitely buying new clothes. Especially some bras(yaaaaay!),and maybe some new dresses. When you realize that most people really don't give half a shit about you or what your doing you'll be much more relaxed

[Chardonnay Merlot]

I still am a little bit, mainly in shops I haven't been to before. But mostly, its pretty normal to me to shop for what I want. One thing that helps a great deal is I've managed to cultivate a cadre of salespeople and store managers who are supportive, friendly and want to make money.

That, and just being comfortable and confident on who you are is a big deal. I found that If I don't make a big to-do about who I am, nobody else will.

[immike]

I have never purchased any of my wardrobe in a store.It's SO easy to order clothing,pantyhose,heels online.