Are there accepting boyfriends or husbands of CDs out there ?

[cdmorganashley]

Hi, It seems there are an abundance of posts on here about members who are working on telling their female SOs, and some who have supportive female SOs, but I haven't found many posts about gay or bi CDs and their male SOs... so I am wondering if there are many male SOs out there and how do they react... I would also like to hear about CDs with CD SOs (I know that's a lot of abbreviating)...

Personally, I would be interested in a lot of these scenarios as I am bi, but I haven't come across a lot of postings that talk about these type of relationships... I personally don't have much experience with these dynamics so I would really appreciate anyone willing to share their experiences.

[CONSUELO]

I have been in a relationship with a gay male who loves me to dress up. He delights in sitting on the couch while I try on various items of lingerie and dresses and walk the 'catwalk" for him. He is happy to go out with me when I am fully dressed and treats me as if I were indeed a woman. I feel completely feminine around him and he tells me that when I am dressed he notices that I walk and stand differently and much like a woman would. I feel completely fulfilled when with him.

[Christa]

I "came out" to my guy about being a crossdresser after more than 15 years together. I would characterize his reaction as accepting, but not embracing. He's not interested in seeing me as Christa, but I feel relieved that I don't have to hide my drag bag anymore.

I'm not sure it's different coming out to a woman vs. coming out to a gay male partner. But I'd be curious to hear from other gay guys who have a CD partner. It's a rare breed of guy who has the confidence and compassion to be with a CD, IMHO.

[Barbara Dugan]

I am still looking that kind of relationship but most of the guys I met are just interested on Barbara or they are married

[Lorileah]

Accepting males. Yeah I have met a few. Now let's get to the nitty gritty. Are they accepting enough to have a relationship and go places besides a gay bar or their home (they won't even pop for a motel) for 30 minutes of fun (for them)? Nope those are far between.

[ReineD]

I'm not sure it's different coming out to a woman vs. coming out to a gay male partner. But I'd be curious to hear from other gay guys who have a CD partner. It's a rare breed of guy who has the confidence and compassion to be with a CD, IMHO.

There was a long running thread about this two years ago. Nine pages of post from gay CDers who mostly agree with you. Have a look:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ends+doing+how

[Sabrina133]

In my experience, gay men don't like feminine men who dress and like to present as women.

[Beth Wilde]

I'm a gay CD in a relationship with another gay CD, it really is the best of both worlds! The bottom link in my signature goes to the UK based site where we met and has a pic of us together and a link to my partners profile too.

[Sabrina133]

Hi, It seems there are an abundance of posts on here about members who are working on telling their female SOs, and some who have supportive female SOs, but I haven't found many posts about gay or bi CDs and their male SOs... so I am wondering if there are many male SOs out there and how do they react... I would also like to hear about CDs with CD SOs (I know that's a lot of abbreviating)...

Personally, I would be interested in a lot of these scenarios as I am bi, but I haven't come across a lot of postings that talk about these type of relationships... I personally don't have much experience with these dynamics so I would really appreciate anyone willing to share their experiences.

Well, I know there are a few of us here who are in a wonderful relationship with an accepting male. As for me, my experience was not so great. When i met my male SO, he didn't know i dressed - how he miss dont don't know. Anyway, when he realized i preferred to live as a woman, it ended badly. As your BF accepts and loves you as a woman - hon embrace it and make him happy.

[SometimesJen]

Morgan, you asked 2 questions, "about gay or bi CDs and their male SOs" and "CDs with CD SOs (I know that's a lot of abbreviating)".

I was just talking about this type of relationship with a close gay friend a few days ago (what a coincidence). We talk freely about how I'm almost his ideal build and how much that turns him on, and even moreso since I'm bi. I recently came out to him as a cd and asked whether that knowledge or seeing me dressed as a female would affect his attraction. While he has many female friends, he has virtually zero sexual attraction to women. Even the thought of female genitalia repulses him. He said that as long as he sees and thinks of me as male, he's still very attracted. If he thinks of me as male but dressed female it's a challenge to get aroused, but it's possible. He hasn't seen me so yet, but he thinks that if he saw me fully dressed as Jen, that he'd be turned off stone cold until I changed back to male presentation. He said that if I were his partner and came out to him, he wouldn't summarily end the relationship but it would be a huge challenge to stay in it because he needs that sexual attraction for a romantic relationship and anything that gets in the way would lessen his attraction. After all, if he wanted to be with a woman he would have chosen a female partner to begin with.

I'm not quite sure if I fit in your second question or not, because I'm a bi cd and my partner's a bi gg, not a gm. She and I also had this type of discussion last week. She's fabulously supportive, even enthusiastic, about my dressing and asked how I'd feel about her if she came out as a cd (cd'ing as male). I'll admit, it was a little challenging for me. No matter how she dressed, as long as I still saw her in my mind as the same partner I fell for I'd have no problem with it, but if I saw her as male - as a different person - I'd have to form that bond all over again.

Mink wrote... "i too often wonder about having a fellow crossdresser as a partner... it'd really be amazing ... someone who totally gets it... and would be "into" it hardcore... [sic]" Would it make any difference whether your cd partner saw themselves as the same person, only in different clothes, or as a completely different person?

Abigail, you asked how to present yourself. Think about who you feel you are and what your partner is looking for. Are they looking for a cd male, a bi male, a trans female? Consider how you want them to know you and then show it.

[jenni_xx]

I have an accepting husband, who I told about my cding the first time we met. It had a bigger, more active role early in our relationship, where intrigue/fascination (on both sides) played a part. Dan, my husband, is the first male partner that I told, and I was his first partner who is cd (at least, as far as he is aware). Over the last two years (we've been together since early 2010 and got married in 2011) however, it doesn't play as much part in our relationship. This though is more down to my own need/desire to crossdress changing somewhat during this time (I rarely dress fully as a woman, instead only partly dressing, and no longer attempt to hide my masculinity when I do dress). But I do feel incredibly fortunate to have an accepting partner, and I believe that his acceptance is down to how comfortable I am with it, as well as his own open-mindedness.

I would think that the percentage of gay men who are accepting of their partner's crossdressing is similar to the percentage of straight women who are accepting of their partner's crossdressing. For the same reason - gay men and straight women want a man for a partner. Because more cd's on this site identify themselves as straight and are in heterosexual relationships, then it is only natural that we'd hear more stories about the reactions they have had (both positive and negative) when telling their female partner. An important factor, in my opinion, in being accepted, irrespective of the gender of your partner, lies in us accepting ourselves, feeling confident, not feeling embarrassed, and being totally honest. In my case, telling Dan the first time we met, before we started dating, allowed him the opportunity to make a choice about whether to be with me before any emotional attachment had developed. In short, he knew what he was getting into, and it didn't faze him one bit. If anything, me being open and truthful right from the start, was something that he admired about me, and consequently was part of what he found attractive about me.