Need Advice: Wondering if SO Knows

[DanielleJean]

This morning when my SO and I were getting dressed, she asked me, "why is it, I'm the girl and I have leg hair, and you're the guy and your legs are smooth?" I told her that I got rid of the leg hair because it was dark and patchy as the hair no longer grows on parts of my legs and it looked weird. She asked me if I shaved it or if U had my legs waxed(she knows I get my back and chest waxed.). I told her that I shaved, and she asked for how long. Told her since the beginning of summer. She gave me a couple of pointers and said I may want to look into laser or electrolysis and I wouldn't have to worry about shaving.

Needless to say I loved talking with her about this. I also began wondering if she suspects that I crossdress. A few weeks ago we were shopping and she picked up a pair of panties, handed them to me and said "here" and gave me a devilish grin.

Anyway, I'm wondering if she suspects and if I should start to tell her about my CD'ing. And if I tell her, how should I go about it?

Any suggestions would be very appreciated. If any GG's read this I would love to hear from your perspective.

Thanks
Danielle

[Jenara]

I have a hunch she might know, or at least has a strong suspicion.

[DanielleJean]

Me too. Was thinking of resuming our conversation about leg shaving and see where it goes. If she does know, it seems like she's not freaked out by it at least now

[ReineD]

There's a thread, I believe, on the various ways that people have told their SO's. Over time I've seen several really good letters written and posted by members here and you can read them for inspiration although of course you need to modify them to tell your own truth. I think it's always a good idea to write it all out first, whether you plan to give the letter to her and wait patiently until she is finished reading it, or if you will follow an outline as you wing it. I would not give her a letter to read while you are not there.

I'd do this first to prepare, but then I'd introduce the conversation by asking her if she has anything that she wants to ask you about gender expression and mention the panty incident in the store and her questions about the leg shaving. Then follow her lead. If she says that she suspects something, it will give you an opening to tell her the truth. Do remember to say why you have not disclosed this before. If she doesn't understand your question, then you can follow up with saying that you have something to tell her, and then proceed with whatever plan you will have decided upon.

I'm assuming that you do want to tell her whether or not she suspects something?

[cdmorganashley]

While the panties situation does make me wonder I think we as CDs are hyper-sensitive to any hint that someone might know about us when in reality something like this may just be playful teasing and they may have no suspicions at all... if you are thinking of telling her I am thinking it may be a good idea to test the waters first by saying something about crossdressers in general and see how she responds... unfortunately even if she is accepting towards crossdressers her response might be a lot different upon hearing that her SO is one... I think you should tell her when you are prepared for the consequences of telling her as this could range from really bringing your relationship to another level, ruining your relationship, or anywhere in between--of course this is just my two cents, but that is how I would handle it.

[Kandy Barr]

Either she knows or is hinting she wants you to crossdress IMO...... Tell her if your comfortable with that and yourself, you'll not know otherwise. Besides it's best you tell her early rather than later or she finds out on her on...... trust issues and all that come into play if she finds out and you didn't think enough of her to let her in on this side of you..... I'm just saying. I'm sure others will chime in on this thread very soon with their advice.Best wishes on your success...... K

[Maria in heels]

Danielle...it looks like she knows. Since she has been giving you positive hints, maybe its time to let her in to your "closet"

[Jenniferathome]

Her playful ness about the panties may be just that. Whether she suspects or not, the best thing to do is to tell her. In my signature is how I did it. You can't leak this out or hope that she figures it out.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Danielle Jean, It sounds like the Crossdressers version of Russian Roulette, You never know how it will go.

[Sejd]

No matter how you do it, this is unpredictable. But fact is that she will find out sooner or later so sooner may be the best and only way. Good luck!
Sejd

[Angie G]

It's hard to say she may have given you the pantie trying tobe funny abuot the shaving you leg talk. Or she may be suspect.I'd ask why she offered you them. She just may be OK with the idea.
Angie

[Abbygirl]

I say give it a little more time - sounds like at the rate it is going, she will end up asking you point blank eventually- be ready because that would be the ideal time to fess up.

[Marcelle]

Hi Danielle,

Tough call. She may suspect but then the panties may be playful teasing regarding your shaved legs - though it does seem a bit of an odd way to tease a person. I would still go slow unless you are ready to tell her. Irrespective, if you decide to tell her and it goes bad, you need to prepare yourself for the possibility this may be a bridge too far for her.

Hugs

Isha

[Eryn]

As others have said, she may or may not know. Her actions suggest that she is likely to be accepting.

It might be a good idea to sit down with her and have a serious conversation. A good way to start is "Dear, there is something that is bothering me and I'd like to talk to you about it." Be prepared to answer the typical questions and also to listen carefully to what she has to say.

It is far better for her to become "officially" aware of your femme side on your terms. Even if she has suspicions she is probably not aware of the extent of your CDing or the hold that CDing has over us.

[Requal Jo]

Hi Danielle. While she maybe teasing or playing, play along and ask her if she would like you to wear them. This could give you the break you are seeking. She could only say "no" and then you will know her true feelings.

[Rachelakld]

Before you get overly serious in the relationship, I might suggest you ask her if you could model the panties for her, and if it starts to become a fun session, ask if she would like to see the rest of your clothes and maybe try some on herself.

[Jenniferathome]

DJ, joking your way into disclosure is a horrible idea. Cross dressing will not be a joke to her.

[Jenniferpl]

The fact that you are asking the question, answers your question. If you suspect she knows, than she does. Other than CD'ers, top athletes and models are the only males I can think of that have a legitimate reason for shaving their legs.

It sounds to me that she has opened the door for you to come clean to her. It may be time to fess up.

Been there done that. It will be terrifying but you will get through it will be a stronger person because of it.

[kimdl93]

Lots of good advice. In the end it doesn't matter if she suspects or not. Sooner or later you will want to clear the air about your CDing. If all works out, and she does accept, don't let self absorption make heleft out or neglected...

[Jillian Faith]

The fact that you are asking the question, answers your question. If you suspect she knows, than she does. Other than CD'ers, top athletes and models are the only males I can think of that have a legitimate reason for shaving their legs.

It sounds to me that she has opened the door for you to come clean to her. It may be time to fess up.

Been there done that. It will be terrifying but you will get through it will be a stronger person because of it.

I agree with Jennifer the sooner you get it out in the open the better. From your comments it sounds like she knows and is working hard to get you to open up.

[Steph_CD_62]

I think you need to tell your wife. How is another question. Since every relationship is different only you can determine on how and when to do it. In my opinion you should tell her as soon as possible since I believe honesty is the best policy. When you do decide to tell her I would suggest is a quiet place that has no distractions. And be prepared for a lot of questions, like are you gay, do you want a sex change, how often and how much do you wear. After your talk you might have a few web sites for her to go to, so she will know that you are not the only one. I have found this forum is a very good place to find answers.

I told my current wife with in a week of meeting her. The first time we talked I let her know that I had a lingerie fetish. She wasn't freaked out, and she didn't make the "normal" comment...... "As long as I didn't wear it" ......... I knew from the first time I held her in my arms, this is the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I didn't want to hide anything from her that MIGHT ruin our relationship later.
I do know that after I told her she did want a couple days to process everything. I didn't want to push her so I gave her a couple of days and those were really long days for me.

[JamieG]

I wouldn't assume she suspects anything. Before I finally came out to my wife: 1) she had seen me in tights on multiple costume occasions and knew that I liked wearing them, 2) had frequently joked about dressing me as a girl for Halloween, and 3) had me put on her French Maid costume as the result of a kinky game-of-chance we had played together. Yet, she had no clue I was a crossdresser until I told her, and it came as a bit of a shock.

There is no way of knowing what will happen will you do tell her. In the end it worked out really well for me. Others on this board have not been so lucky. I am in favor of tell, especially if it is eating away at you and damaging the relationship.

[WandaRae2009]

My wife didn't suspect for over 20 years. It was with her suggestion that I started shaving. She said my hair irritated her legs in bed. She liked them smooth. A few years after I came out to her, she said it made sense that I started shaving with just one minor suggestion.

[Shelly Preston]

Your best idea maybe to to come clean before she has to put all the clues together.

The link in my signature on "how to tell your partner" should help a lot

[DanielleJean]

Thank you all for your response and suggestions. I truly appreciate it. I have a lot of thinking to do and you have helped me to be able to do that. One thing for sure I need to be honest with myself as well as her. I also think I need to go slow with this. I am an off and in dresser and very underground, at least that's how I see it for now. One of the things I started to think after reading the replies is that maybe she is interested in this and is gauging my interest/reaction. I would love it if we could do this together. Over the last few years she has given hints/tips on grooming. She was the one who gave me the idea for back waxing and set up my first appointment so I would do it instead of talk about it. I talked with her first about chest waxing, then I did it and she liked it. I have overheard her talking with her friends and she has said she doesn't like body hair. I had already been shaving my underarms and decided to do my legs. And now I'm here.

Again I really need to think this through and make sure I'm not over analyzing or misreading. I appreciate your answers and patience. Please share anything you think would be helpful.

Danielle