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Thread: What they say isnt always what they mean.

  1. #1
    Junior Member Dannigurlfriend's Avatar
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    What they say isnt always what they mean.

    I have a long long time friend that is an exceptional person he is totally cool on many occasions he has expressed his acceptance of other peoples life styles. I was speaking with him on the phone this morning and after a few jokes on being about a crossdresser I half hearted told him I was, he let me off the hook by saying " yeah right" I pressed it and told him I truly was and that I had been most of my life.

    He hung up, I tried to call him back he wouldn't answer he sent me a text telling me he was busy with work and he would talk to me later. I apologized in a text and received no response. I should have kept my big mouth shut. I cant believe I have jeopardized this friendship such a mistake on my part.
    “All men are liars, said Roberta Muldoon, who knew this was true because she had once been a man.”
    ― John Irving, The World According to Garp

  2. #2
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Bummer. Maybe he just can't handle it. Maybe , after a time, he will accept it, but also maybe never. This is the one thing most just abhor, and won't accept , in a friend, or family member, or church member.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Barbra P's Avatar
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    Sounds like he isn't the friend you thought he was. I remember a fiend who was still in the Marines at the time (this was decades ago) who came to me for a loan until payday, just enough so his wife could buy some groceries and he could make the rent payment. I explained that I needed the loan paid back asap as I had my own bills to pay. I never heard from him again, never got my money back. I went by his off base housing a few times but no one would answer the door even though on a couple of occasions it was pretty obvious either he or his wife (or both) were home. Some times friendships are so fragile that eventually it becomes apparent that there never was any real friendship involved, just a friendship based on convenience.
    Babs

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member JustWendy's Avatar
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    Danni - Don't beat yourself up for speaking up. If it turns out that your friend really does have a problem with crossdressers, then your friendship wasn't jeopardized by what you said but by who you are. And it's your friend, not you, who is jeopardizing the friendship by his feelings. You have to ask yourself, if you found out that your friend had strong negative feelings for trans people, could you really continue to consider him a best friend? However this turns out, don't let it destroy your confidence in yourself.

    Wendy

  5. #5
    Senior Member 5150 Girl's Avatar
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    A true friend will most likely come around

  6. #6
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    One of the things I've noticed after six decades on this planet is some people become so accustom to you that they feel you are a like thinker. Somehow, although the subject may never come up, they spout off bias beliefs and worse. In my family we have the classical vanilla whites, blacks of varying shades, Native Americans, Mexicans, African-Mexicans, the mentally challenged, and, one undeclared cross dresser. You wouldn't believe the shit I hear from long time associates/friends who mouth off against one or all of the above.

    I congratulate you for putting your friend's narrow minded opinions to the test. Of course, he probably now thinks you're gay and want to bed him.

  7. #7
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear that about your friend. You've put your friendship to the test, and if he can't accept you it shows he's really not your friend. A real friend will accept you as you are and if that means a cross-dresser than that's part of who you are. Just be true to yourself, your true friends will accept you as you are.

    It's kinda weird how people don't like cross-dressers yet its okay to go on motorcycles, chase down a married man with a wife and kid in an SUV, paralyze yourself, and then accuse him (the SUV driver with wife and kid) of attempted murder. This is our crazy world
    I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.

  8. #8
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    Really, you didn't do anything wrong except drop it on him. His reaction may be a measure of confusion and denial. If he doesn't respond in a while, give him more time.

  9. #9
    A Lucky Girl Kim_Bitzflick's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that BUT

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend, but I think there may be another reason he hung up.

    MAYBE he was embarrassed by his comments about crossdressers and didn't know what to say.
    Last edited by Kim_Bitzflick; 10-03-2013 at 07:00 PM.
    Kim

    "I just gotta be me"

  10. #10
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    Thinking a week or 2 space might help your friend after the bomb drop. I wouldn't advise turning up in a skirt at the next meeting either.
    Last edited by Rachelakld; 10-04-2013 at 01:39 AM.
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  11. #11
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    Sorry this happened, Danni but as the other wise ones on this site have said 'if he's a true friend, he'll come around.' Hope that happens and that despite his feeling awkward he'll use it as an opportunity to really get to know who you are, not who he'd previously decided you were.

    Hang in there, you have nothing to be sorry for. Telling the truth is never wrong as long as it's not meant to hurt.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Joni T's Avatar
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    There's an old saying that I think might be appropriate here:
    "If you loan someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it".
    Joni

  13. #13
    Member nikkim83's Avatar
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    Maybe he is too, and got the shock of his life with your reaction to him dropping hints.

  14. #14
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Danni. Firstly, you did nothing wrong as you felt this was a friend you could confide in and you took a chance.

    I agree with a lot of the other gals, if he is a true friend, he will come around. He might just need time to process as that is a big thing to drop on someone. However, if he does not then he was never a true friend to begin with. I know there is little solace in that statement. I too have lost a very dear friend over my choice to live my life as I need to and it hurt deeply. I gave him space and he never came around. It was hard but I have moved on and who knows someday he may come around (I still hold out for hope).

    Hugs and sorry to hear about this (extra hug because you sound like you need it)

    Isha

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member vallerie lacy's Avatar
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    When the going gets tough__________. Hope he can handle it and comes around.
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  16. #16
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    See? We immerse ourselves in places like this site, which while it portrays us and our lifestyle in a positive manner, gives a false sense of just how accepted crossdressers really are in our society. Most people view it as totally out of the realm of "normal", and just can't wrap their minds around it. It's fine for other people, folks they don't know or associate with. It's fine on the streets of San Francisco. But it isn't fine in our own circles, and is shunned by society as a whole.

    I hope it all comes out okay for you. But this should be a lesson for everyone. It's not something to blurt out to just anyone. It's really not hard to see why most of us are closeted even from those who are closest to us.

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  17. #17
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    A true friend is someone who knows everything about you, and still likes you.
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  18. #18
    Senior Member Jacqueline Winona's Avatar
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    It is hard to know what to do sometimes. Accepting the concept of crossdressing in the abstract is a lot easier than accepting a friend, SO or spouse who actually does it. Best of luck, Danni

  19. #19
    Member Being Paige's Avatar
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    A ture friend will always be a friend and always be there for you!!

  20. #20
    Junior Member Stephy's Avatar
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    Angry

    Quote Originally Posted by Dannigurlfriend View Post
    I should have kept my big mouth shut. I cant believe I have jeopardized this friendship such a mistake on my part.
    I can't agree with you. The mistake was on his part not yours - you were honest and true to yourself. How would you have felt if you had gone along with jokes about crossdressers when you crossdress and have friends on this forum that do? You would have been doing a disservice to yourself and the CD community to go along with the jokes. I commend you for being truthful. If he doesn't accept something which is a big part of your life, then it's probably better that you part ways. But if he does come around, be understanding - we are all human and can't always react to unexpected revelations in the appropriate manner. Sometimes we need time to digest the information and learn how to interact with the person from that new perspective.
    I dance to a different beat.

  21. #21
    Member susan jackson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joni T View Post
    There's an old saying that I think might be appropriate here:
    "If you loan someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it".
    Joni
    There's another old saying:

    "Those who matter, don't mind
    Those who mind, don't matter"
    People try to put us down
    Just because we get around

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Danni,
    there is no judging how people will react.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  23. #23
    Member Caitlin_85's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joni T View Post
    There's an old saying that I think might be appropriate here:
    "If you loan someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it".
    lol...I love that. I never heard that on before...oh so very true!

    But I agree with the other girls...if they are a true friend they will come around. But I don't think you should have to apologize to him for revealing this side of you - However I understand why you felt you did. Hope it all works out for you.

  24. #24
    Senior Member
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    I agree with Marla. I get upset when people on this site say "Its ok just-- be yourself-- friends and family will still love you" I think that if you are not OUT to everyone then these statements should not be made.

    Quote Originally Posted by TGMarla View Post
    See? We immerse ourselves in places like this site, which while it portrays us and our lifestyle in a positive manner, gives a false sense of just how accepted crossdressers really are in our society. Most people view it as totally out of the realm of "normal", and just can't wrap their minds around it. It's fine for other people, folks they don't know or associate with. It's fine on the streets of San Francisco. But it isn't fine in our own circles, and is shunned by society as a whole.

    I hope it all comes out okay for you. But this should be a lesson for everyone. It's not something to blurt out to just anyone. It's really not hard to see why most of us are closeted even from those who are closest to us.

  25. #25
    Gold Member
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    Men often have fragile egos. Men who are secure in their masculinity and sexuality won't have any problems with GLBT. Men who are not secure tend to shy away.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

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