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Thread: Wife Found Out

  1. #26
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    Marsha...I hope that everything works out for you and the wife. Please remember to take things slowly, don't argue with her, and try to understand that she needs to work this out by herself

  2. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barbara_Jean View Post
    When people experience a traumatic event, they go through a process called "SARA" which stands for Shock, Anger, Readjustment, Acceptance.
    That's going to be the hard one. She may accept it, once your gone.

    Marsha, that sucks, that you got busted. Yes, I guess you may feel like you betrayed her but it was not intentional. My suggestion would be, don't baby her. Yes, talk w/ her but don't kiss her ass on every little thing. Own it, by letting her know that this is you and that you enjoy this and have embraced it. Don't promise her anything. You're going to find out if this woman really loves you or not. This is going too be the real test. It's going too be a rough ride so, brace yourself. She may want too turn your world inside out and upside down. Therapy might be good for her. JMHO

  3. #28
    Gen thechic's Avatar
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    Hope all ends well I know it will be hard,it will be the lying and the going behind her back with the photos that will be the big issue .you must regain her trust ,just let her have some time, then open up to her and explain to her, No lying. This will make or brake your relationship.

  4. #29
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    This is a tough one. Nobody likes being lied to.
    Rule #1 if your wife is ever going to find out it needs to come from you voluntarily. Being caught out is the worst route.

    Good luck - there's some great advice in this thread. And a lesson for those still sneaking behind their wife's back.

  5. #30
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    I would like to add a little advice. If you and your wife can talk calmly about the subject, of course, do so. But I would advise putting contentious issues on a list for discussing in therapy. Your counselor can help control the tone of communications and diffuse especially difficult subjects.

  6. #31
    Member Marsha Marsh's Avatar
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    Thanks Everyone,
    The Therapist we are going to see is one that I have just recently started seeing and she has a background of working with crossdressers. My wife seems to be doing OK over the last few days, but I am sure that she is hurting beyond anything I can imagine.
    This is really hard, but it would be a lot harder if I did not have all of your support and great advise. I would have made a lot of mistakes with out your help. Thank you and God bless.
    Marsha

  7. #32
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Marsha, I know I am not much help in these issues, but just a footnote to all the good advise so far.

    Allow her to see you upset over this on your own. Example: Let her come into the room and catch you weeping, in sorrow over this. Allow her to know you are hurting just as much as she is. You can tell her all day long, but until she sees your pain, I think it will take even longer to get over this bump in the road. Just my 2 cents. Good luck, as I feel your pain.

  8. #33
    Lacy Lacyfem's Avatar
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    I can only imagine what you and your wife are going through as my wife who I love dearly does not know either. I've been chastized before here for not being honest and forth coming about my crossdressing like it's a piece cake to let your SO know you love being what society likes to call us as perverted. So if found out almost impossible to explain as would have to go clear back to dressing in my mom's things when I was 9 years old and eventually dressing in most of the womens' lingerie in our neighborhood in my teenage years. Is a thearpist going to get your wife to accept so you can keep dressing or is she or he going to convince you that you are sick and to stop dressing if you truely love your wife and want to save your marriage. I can so feel for you as I've dressed for years and love my fem side and don't want to give it up much like I would think you don't either or you wouldn't be here asking for opinions. I know when I dress I feel great and fem and when looking in the mirror or having a picture taken I look pretty good and I'm very good at acting fem and letting that side out without going over the top. However, if not in a dark place, still not passable and would imagine if my wife were to see me she would think I would look rediculous and probably wouldn't blame her. Our problem is we didn't deal with this early on so when we went into our relationship it should have been out front as I now wish I had done. I would have stayed single filled my closets with fem things, some minor surgery changes and having a SO who loves me fem being either a man or a CD. That's hindsite which is worthless in your and my situation. It's nice for you to get your situation out here and as the gurls have a lot of ideas for you. Best of luck to you and if you'd ever like to chat just let me know as perhaps I can be more comforting and helpful. Hugs to you honey!

  9. #34
    Senior Member Suzanne F's Avatar
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    Marsha I know the pain you are going through. I came out to my wife voluntarily about 7 months ago. It was difficult and there have been ups and downs. But I wanted to tell you that there is hope. My wife has been challenged but remained supportive. She goes out with me and also let's me meet some ladies from this forum out in San Francisco on my own. That didn't happen overnight but we have worked through many issues. It is so great to be free from hiding who I am. I believe it is worth it! I am not saying this happens for everyone or even if it should be their goal. I just want to say that there is hope if 2 people love one another and are willing to work together.
    Good luck!
    Suzanne
    Last edited by Suzanne F; 10-06-2013 at 12:17 PM.

  10. #35
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    Good luck, Marsha.

    Make sure you find a good therapist - one who you both feel confident with. There are good therapists and there are therapists.

    Good luck and do the best you can do. You can't change the past. Don't try. Focus on the future.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member dominique's Avatar
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    Hi Marsha, this is how my wife about me. Well we cried together shouted at each other for a few days after it happened. What really hurt me was that every time i tried to touch her like just a little loving touch she drew back. But after a few months it got better and now we're happy. But I told her I'd stopped but I just couldn't do it. Its a very large part of who I am. Just keep at it and with time it should work itself out.

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