CD Ques. Not ur avg post

[Victoriana]

Hey girls...

I have a lot of questions but here is an update:

Crossdressed since young. Quit crossdressing for 7 years. I signed up for this forum a year ago in search of advice. I also dressed up fully a couple of times to see if I was making a mistake with quitting. I purged clothing and made the difficult decision to quit for good. A year later and I need to know if I am making the right choice. Should I continue to quit or should I crossdress (I want both). So, here are some questions that may help and are good for clueless crossdressers to know...

1) In a given week how many times do you dress? Out of that how many times do you go out? And if not, what do you do dressed at home?

2) Have your urges or need to crossdress increased more than normal as you have gotten older? At what age did you notice this?

3) Has being a crossdresser led you to a successful life or would you have been more successful financially, relationship wise, hobbies, etc. if you had not ever dressed? Has crossdressing been a distraction and by how much?

4) Do you have an accepting partner or wife? How many of you have ended up in divorces due to crossdressing?

5) ***If you only had $1000 to spend on what you desired right now either towards crossdressing or non crossdressing stuff, what would you use the money for? Would you buy more female clothes? Would you use it for a hobby or a lavish trip (without being able to dress)?

6) Are you ever satisfied with crossdressing? Do you constantly need to talk about dressing, dress up, go out, and explore more femininity?

7) Would you rather go out dressed en femme for a weekend or go out with all your male buddies and enjoy a night out (whatever it is one likes to do i.e. football, meeting girls, concert, etc.)?

8) Regardless if you enjoy dressing or not, if you really think of it all, would you choose to not be a crossdresser if you could?

Thanks for taking time to answer some or all of these questions. ***If you are likely to start a negative debate or more so an argument, don't contribute to this post please. Opinions are one thing being annoying and rude to others is another.

*** corrected statement

Thank you.

[Michelle (Oz)]

If you are against quitting and are likely to start a debate or more so an argument, don't contribute to this post please. Opinions are one thing being annoying is another.

Victoria I was about to answer your questions until I came to the above. I don't understand why you said If you are against quitting ... don't contribute .... Isn't the whole point of your thread to understand whether you made a mistake by quitting and whether you should resume CDing? So why ask questions when you have made up your mind already?

I have some similar experiences quitting for over 3 years but rather than be annoying I'll not post.

[Victoriana]

I think it came off wrong. You can be against it of course but if it will be a negative response I prefer no answer. And by negative I mean being rude etc. Didn't meant o offend you or anyone with this post. Just seeking info.

Thanks.

[cdmorganashley]

1) In a given week how many times do you dress? Out of that how many times do you go out? And if not, what do you do dressed at home?
this is really random for me, but lately i have been partially dressing a few times each week...lately i have not been feeling good about my body so dressing makes me more aware of how far i am from passing and while i want to dress it is too discouraging to see myself...i don't go out at this point, and when dressed i do the same things i do as not dressed, which is mostly relaxing and drinking coffee lol

2) Have your urges or need to crossdress increased more than normal as you have gotten older? At what age did you notice this?
urges have always been strong but there have been stretches when i made more of an effort to repress those thoughts and urges... i started seeing my current therapist around the age of 30 and talking about the urges has made me more accepting of them and also more aware of how present they are at almost all times

3) Has being a crossdresser led you to a successful life or would you have been more successful financially, relationship wise, hobbies, etc. if you had not ever dressed? Has crossdressing been a distraction and by how much?
i think repressing and denying my transgender identity has really hurt me in terms of being successful in life and i am trying to find a way to be myself in a way i am comfortable with, but it is a daily struggle

4) Do you have an accepting partner or wife? How many of you have ended up in divorces due to crossdressing?
i am single/never married and i feel like not telling previous partners kept me from feeling a true connection with those partners

5) If you only had $1000 to spend on what you desired right now, what would you use the money for? Would you buy more female clothes? Would you use it for a hobby or a lavish trip (without being able to dress)?
a lot would go towards dressing and probably a little on an ipod or video game or something

6) Are you ever satisfied with crossdressing? Do you constantly need to talk about dressing, dress up, go out, and explore more femininity?
i don't feel satisfied with being a male and i think about this a lot but i also have interests like any person so while i like to talk about dressing and femininity a lot i also spend time exploring my other interests

7) Would you rather go out dressed en femme for a weekend or go out with all your male buddies and enjoy a night out (whatever it is one likes to do i.e. football, meeting girls, concert, etc.)?
ideally i would just like to present as a female and do whatever i am in the mood for which might be something like going to a movie, yard sale shopping with a friend, doing something athletic, getting a coffee, visiting a library or aquarium or aquarium store, hanging out at home with someone special...

8) Regardless if you enjoy dressing or not, if you really think of it all, would you choose to not be a crossdresser if you could?
i really don't know as crossdressing makes me feel ashamed, embarrassed, and hurts my self esteem, but it also has made me more aware of what it feels like to be different and this has made me a more open-minded and tolerant person and that is something i treasure

[edith]

1. I dress on average maybe once every two weeks. I've never been out. I hang out around the house doing everyday stuff, and take loads of pictures.

2. My need to dress has become less insistent and more stable over time, as I've recognized that it's a permanent part of my personality and stopped the up and down cycle of indulgence and purge. It spikes when I suppress it or when I'm under stress.

3. Dressing hasn't seriously helped or hindered me financially or in my relationships. I have to consciously control it or it becomes obsessive.

4. My wife is supportive but doesn't understand our participate.

5. I would buy a nice corset and wig and makeup, and use the rest for my other hobbies.

6. My interest in dressing and desire to improve my appearance has not plateaued. As I said above, it can become unhealthily obsessive for me if I let it.

7. Currently, I'd rather hang out with my friends as a guy. Though like I said I've never been out dressed (yet).

8. Though it complicates my life, I wouldn't choose to push a button and stop desiring to dress, if it were possible. It's a positive part of who I am and has expanded my mind and my heart and my understanding.

[Victoriana]

Thanks for your reply. I think it is great you are working towards acceptance! Should make things easier I hope. As for me, the struggle to choose to accept or deny is what I am sorting out. Thanks again and keep on dressing if it makes you happy!

[Emily Barton]

1. Since I moved into my own place about a month ago I probably dress 2-3 times a week, either in the evenings or on a lazy saturday/sunday when I'm not going anywhere. I haven't gone out at all since the move yet because I know nothing about make-up and am finding it hard to motivate myself to start learning!

2. My 'urges' and needs have certainly evolved over time, but I think it's more to do with discovering myself than to do with how old I am/was. I was extremely lucky to have so many great outlets on the internet early on, as well as several key people who supported me, and all of that has led me to where I am now. Without those factors my need to crossdress and perception of it could well have been different.

3. I'd say it's about equal whether I did this or not - crossdressing hasn't affected me academically and it's certainly not affecting my job yet since nobody I work with currently knows. Relationship-wise it's caused some strain but much less comparitively to what some others have gone through - I'm lucky to have an accepting and supportive SO.

4. See above - no divorces here.

5. Hmm, it's a difficult one. I would probably push myself to pay for some kind of make-up lessons and buy all of the products I would need to accomplish as close to a passable look as possible. One of the major things putting me off right now is not having a clue what to buy - I'm perfectly willing to spend the money but I know that I would probably buy a lot of stuff that I didn't need or didn't work well for me. Of course, any left over money could go on more clothes and shoes!

6. It depends how you define 'satisfied'. I always feel like I have a lot of unfulfilled potential with it - I'll go for a professional makeover once in a blue moon and see what's possible and have a blast, but then slip back into my everyday life afterwards. I see some other girls who are doing their own make-up (and doing a fantastic job) and getting out in the world and it makes me wish I was doing the same. I'd love to just be out to everyone and be one of those people who was just themself regardless of what people thought.

7. I think at this point in time I'd go for the femme weekend but that might only be because for now I do it so rarely. It's not that I necessarily enjoy it more, it's just more of a novelty right now and a refreshing change of pace. Maybe if both were equally possible and happening just as often my answer would be different.

8. I think I would choose not to be, but it's really hard to put myself 'outside' of this and try to imagine my life without it in an impartial way. At the same time though, I don't find myself wishing I could get rid of this part of myself.

Thanks for some thought-provoking questions!

[Michelle (Oz)]

My misunderstanding Victoriana. I suggest that you take replies as they come - mostly they'll be helpful and ignore any that are apparently offensive.

I stopped dressing for almost 4 years when my second wife left me 'for a real man'. Caused me to hate myself for dressing yet the urge had been so strong. I sort of purged and lost some good clothes but kept a lot too. Role the clock forward to July last year and the urge/need to dress returned with a vengeance.

After some sessions with a psychologist and a good deal of introspection, I am now totally accepting of myself. Even if I don't understand the genesis of the need/urge to dress I sure know dressing is far far better than any antidepressant.

So to answer your questions and hope that you find validation in your search:

1. I dress on average four or so times a week. I go out each time; sometimes to work in the local national library, other times doing the grocery shopping, banking and the like. Occasionally I'll go to one of the many local attractions. Dressing and staying at home is NOT my thing.

2. The urge to present femme first stuck in my 50's and my need/urge hasn't much changed. There probably isn't much scope to increase anyhow unless I was to go full time and that isn't of interest to me. So ageing isn't relevant in my circumstances.

3. Probably neutral - some financial costs and definitely a time commitment but against that is a happy and fulfilling life. If I wasn't spending time or money on this it would be something else, previously scuba diving and 4WDing which were way more expensive.

4. My second wife and I divorced and my CDing was a reason she gave but I know our marriage was not good for some time. My 3rd and forever wife hates the thought of my dressing but loves me so much that we have settled into a DADT solution which works for now and there are micro signs of increasing tolerance.

5. Any funds go into a shared pot. Currently that's for renovating our garden but maybe there'd be a nice purchase on sale.

6. I'm always a work in progress but I usually have a particular aspect I'm working on. Improving makeup is always a constant. I can't talk at all about dressing at home so don't have that outlet. My current objective is to find quicker and cheaper ways of doing my makeup while maintaining the same standard.

7. I've always been a family man rather than out with the boys. Given my wife's position on my CDing that means weekends are with her as the husband she wants. In a perfect world I'd love to spend some time (weekend or weekdays) with my wife as girlfriends.

8. As Edith said, life is complicated but I wouldn't choose to change who I am even if I could. It brings such purpose and fulfilment, such love of life, such a different perspective interacting with others as a female. If my wife gave me an ultimatum to stop or she would leave, that would give me pause but I'm confident that won't happen.

Virginiana, I don't know your history and circumstances but my experience is that you can't stop the need/urge to CD. You have come back here because you have those same urges. It took me time to accept that I am different and not a bad person who needs to be cured. Having accepted myself others more easily accept me.

Best wishes in your search.

Michelle

[Beverley Sims]

I will answer as if I was twenty still.
One, about two or three.

Two, even then urges increased. Only when I found a girl or another interest, a new car or something else to occupy my mind would the activity wane and not recur for even a couple of months. No use purging, at this stage, the clothing becomes useful again. Just store it.

Three, I think I may have been better off financially and lifestyle wise a I did let opportunities slip by. I have no regrets, only think what might have been.

Four, My wife is vaguely accepting. No divorces or unstable relationships here.

Five, I would use it on my alternative hobbies. At age twenty just about all my clothes were fund for me.
My wardrobe was supplied by my room mates.

Six, Dressing satisfies and always has satisfied my needs. I have rarely needed to go to extremes, I was going out regularly and my company with the girls let me lead a female life. It was a natural thing to interact with guys as if I was a girl.

[Carroll]

1) Once or twice a week at home
2) No change
3) Has not affected any job
4) Accepting wife. Been divorced twice...CD played a minor role
5) I would save the money til I got my tax return and buy a replacement vehicle for my POS blazer. any left over goes to the wife and kids
6) I'm pretty good where I am at right now
7) Since I have no buddys to party/hand out with, I'd Dress
8) Nope. I am happy how I am

[SherriePall]

Your questions almost sound as though you were doing research on crossdressing. However, I will come back later and answer them as best I can.

[Stacy M.]

To me, this says a lot: "Should I continue to quit or should I crossdress (I want both)."

If you think of "quitting" as an activity, you're just fooling yourself... The pressure is building to dress again. Accept and embrace who you are, and try to look at dressing as a fun, positive outlet for your desires.

Just my two cents.
Stacy M.

[tiffanynjcd24]

This should be added to the questionnare section

[linny_aggy]

Edith dear..u've kinda made answering queries to Victoriana that much easy for me...u n me seemingly have the same lifestyle where CD'ing is concerned !

[Victoriana]

Your questions almost sound as though you were doing research on crossdressing. However, I will come back later and answer them as best I can.

I guess they do (like many other posts too) but I am obviously a crossdresser or ex-crossdresser and I am sure there are so many questions that have not been asked or have been asked in similar ways. I'm simply gathering some information to see whether it seems worth it in the long run. For example, if most SO's don't accept this or if it causes more stress than it is worth etc. But answer if you like . Like anyone who wants to stop crossdressing, they are looking for ways to quit.

And Stacy, I don't look at this as an activity. More a decision to be made. Perhaps my urge is stronger during the time we can all dress more freely. Thanks for your input.


Thanks everyone for your answers.

[sandra-leigh]

I am always dressed now, just more obvious sometimes. Recently my wife has become more comfortable in us going out together (for whatever, eating, groceries) when I am in a skirt, but I haven't tried her with me in a dress for those random activities. When I am not with her I wear a dress out if I feel like it and if it works for where I am going (e.g. not for physiotherapy as they need access to my back)

My wife became more accepting in time, as she recognized that I need to do this. But at the same time she handles it in part by withdrawing and telling herself that I am becoming a stranger and that it doesn't have anything to do with her.

Life for me would have been tremendously easier if I never had the seeds of this in me. It has been affecting me my whole life even though I had no idea. I literally did not know I was a "crossdreeser" (or more) until after I had a "major depressive episode" that is still substantially dragging me down a decade later, and the signs are that at least in part it was driven by an imbalance in my brain because I am TG to TS. But if I had not recognized that I needed to be TG/TS then I would be worse off. If the need is in you then bottling it in is probably not going to be a good long term strategy.

[Victoriana]

Thanks for all of your input. I may as well answer these ques. too.

1) In a given week how many times do you dress? Out of that how many times do you go out? And if not, what do you do dressed at home?
Zero because I quit. When I did, 2-3 times but then I'd stop for months or even years. Hardly ever went out. And at home, I took pictures and went on sites like this one.

2) Have your urges or need to crossdress increased more than normal as you have gotten older? At what age did you notice this?
Urges increase when: 1) overwhelming stress occurs 2) no gf 3) find an outfit you've never tried on before or a wig.

3) Has being a crossdresser led you to a successful life or would you have been more successful financially, relationship wise, hobbies, etc. if you had not ever dressed? Has crossdressing been a distraction and by how much?
It has distracted me. I believe putting energy into crossdressing (and usually with crossdressing it is a lot) takes away from other things/activities. It looks like it can put stress on relationships, etc. It is definitely another distraction and not sure it is worth it.

4) Do you have an accepting partner or wife? How many of you have ended up in divorces due to crossdressing? No. Can't answer this.

5) ***If you only had $1000 to spend on what you desired right now either towards crossdressing or non crossdressing stuff, what would you use the money for? Would you buy more female clothes? Would you use it for a hobby or a lavish trip (without being able to dress)?
If I have this "pink fog" like now, I want to buy women's clothing. But I think buying something else makes more sense. Maybe a 100 inch plasma television or something of that sort.

6) Are you ever satisfied with crossdressing? Do you constantly need to talk about dressing, dress up, go out, and explore more femininity? When dressing...no, always want to take it further due to curiosity mainly.

7) Would you rather go out dressed en femme for a weekend or go out with all your male buddies and enjoy a night out (whatever it is one likes to do i.e. football, meeting girls, concert, etc.)? Depending on the activities, out with the guys. But with pink fog, the girls.

8) Regardless if you enjoy dressing or not, if you really think of it all, would you choose to not be a crossdresser if you could? I would choose not to. But, I think we do have a choice and it is not impossible. And that is where I am at.


Am I actually choosing to crossdress without knowing it. I do not know. Is it all worth it? I really do not know. Some can repress this, some can't. If you can, I think you can quit. All I know is if I do buy clothes and crossdress again, the chances of me ever stopping becomes that much slimmer. Not sure what to do...yet.

[Dianne S]

1: I dress fully less than once a week... maybe once every 2-3 weeks.

2: Urges have remained roughly constant, but opportunity has increased as my kids got older.

3) Being a cross-dresser has not, as far as I know, impacted my success in life positively or negatively.

4) Yes, I have an accepting wife. No divorces yet. My wife does not enjoy my crossdressing, but she does go along with it and helps me with clothing and makeup advice.

5) I hate spending money, so I would probably buy some women's clothes from a thrift shop and save the rest. I am very cheap.

6) I am sometimes satisfied with crossdressing and sometimes I am not happy with my appearance. I don't constantly need to talk about it, but I do think about it a lot.

7) I would probably rather go out dressed en femme for a weekend.

8) If I were not a crossdresser, I would probably not choose to be one. But seeing as I am, I don't think I would choose not to be one.

[Lori Kurtz]

I lost a marriage because of CDing--after years of marriage, my wife caught me, and couldn't handle the concept of my CDing, and was hurt, understandably, by my dishonesty about it. While single for a few years after that, I dressed a lot--usually every evening. I was an auto-erotic fetishist dresser, and went hogwild with it. I didn't notice any particular increase with age. I was just a horny guy with a great way to find satisfaction. When I got involved with a new woman, I felt I had to choose between her and CDing (although she never had a clue). I never dressed up again. Now I feel like I'm too old to create the hot trashy female look I loved. So I just enjoy a little porn now and then, along with thinking about past thrills. And I enjoy this forum as a place to feel some kinships with "sisters."

I had no career repercussions, because no one knew my secret. I probably devoted less energy that I could have to my career, but I don't really regret anything careerwise, now that it's all over.

$1000?!? Yeah, send it today! It's not gonna turn me back into an active CDer, though. I'm 66 years old. If I dress up, I'll be an old lady, and not a very pretty one.

I'm active in my homeowners' association and my church, I enjoy theatre and music. Nobody knows about my CDing past, and since it is in the past, I don't have any of those old worries about somebody finding out somehow. It's a comfortable life. It could change if I meet the right person, but I'm okay for now.

My urge to CD was not a choice; it always was there and still is there. I was able to choose to not actually do it. I realize that that doesn't work for everyone--especially for our TS sisters. But it did for me. I don't regret anything, except for how marriage #1 turned out.

[Nikki A.]

I'm usually wearing something fem even if it is just panties.
My dressing has increased as I've aged, especially after my wife passed away. I guess I've realized that it is apart of who I am and I need to express myself. Yes I do go out, it seems silly for me to go through all the effort and sit at home. I enjoy interacting with people.
My wife was not accepting, but realized I had the need to dress. However we agreed on limits and in most cases stuck to them.
If I had disposable income it depends on my mood, I might spend some on Nikki and I would also enjoy my male side and do some guy stuff.
Would I choose to be a CD, frankly no. But I don't think it as something I can choose or not. I may stop dressing (and I have) but the feelings will always be a part of me. So I guess that means I'm satisfied with my CDing, but I'm always trying to be a little better at it.

[DebbieL]

Hey girls...
I have a lot of questions but here is an update:

There were a LOT of GREAT questions here, and I had a few for you.

Crossdressed since young.

How young when you started? Did you ever think you wanted to be a girl?
Did other people thing you were effeminate or "Sissy"?
Did other people ever assume you were gay?
Have you ever wondered if you were transsexual?

Quit crossdressing for 7 years.

When you quit, were you happier, or was there a struggle?
Did you find yourself wishing you could cross-dress?
Did you look at women in beautiful outfits and wish you could have sex with them, be dressed like them, or look as beautiful as they do?
Did your body or health habits change?
Did you gain weight?
Did you change your diet?
Did you exercise more or less?

I signed up for this forum a year ago in search of advice.

This is a great place to come to get the experiences of many different types of CDs, TGs, and TSs.
As you have probably noticed, every one of us is radically different, each with very different wants and needs.
The diversity of this group is part of it's appeal.

I also dressed up fully a couple of times to see if I was making a mistake with quitting.

How did you feel when you got dressed up? Did you feel happier when dressed? Or did it feel awkward?
Did you feel like it was a pain and a bother? Or did you feel like you had missed something?

I purged clothing and made the difficult decision to quit for good.

How do you feel since the purge?
What is your body and behavior telling you?
Are you happier now that you are not dressing?
Are you healthier now that you are not dressing?
Do you have more self esteem not that you are not dressing?

A year later and I need to know if I am making the right choice.

The only one who can really make that decision is you. If you feel happier, healthier, and more comfortable in your own skin when you never dress at all, then you should be happy that you've sorted it out for yourself.

Should I continue to quit or should I crossdress (I want both).

What is it that you really want to do? Do you just want to wear a few favorite items in the privacy of your own home?
Would you like to be perceived as a beautiful woman in a public place?
Would you be comfortable with just being an average looking woman who doesn't get much attention?

When you are cross-dressed with other people, do you feel more or less authentic about who you really are?

You don't seem to be a transsexual. If you were, I would strongly suggest that you get a therapist and determine whether transition might be appropriate.
Instead, you seem to just be someone who enjoys dressing up occasionally and doesn't want to give up the pleasure of dressing up once in a while.

What matters is that YOU are comfortable with your own choices.

Sometimes your body will tell you something. If, after you quit dressing, you started gaining weight, stopped exercising, and started eating more unhealthy foods, that could be a warning sign of a situation that could become even more dangerous. In extreme cases, it can lead to heart attacks, stroke, or even death. You don't seem to be in that situation though.

So, here are some questions that may help and are good for clueless crossdressers to know...

I'll preface my answers by stating up front that I am a transsexual, and am now in transition.

1) In a given week how many times do you dress?

Nearly every day. I actually have difficulty passing as male.
Even as a kid others assumed that I was gay because I was so femme.
From the time I was about 5 I would dress as often as I could, often every night.
I'd often sleep in a nightie or teddy.

Out of that how many times do you go out?

Until I was 30, never. I had gone out to the front yard a few times, but never beyond that.
I was too afraid of physical violence, getting kicked out of my home, getting kicked out of school, or losing my friends.

When I was 25, I told the woman who would become my first wife. She acted like she accepted it so I married her.
I dressed with her regularly at first, but eventually it dropped to about 3 times per year.

When I was 31, I was diagnosed as transsexual by a couples counselor. I started transition and was dressed up as soon as I got home from work until I was ready to leave for work. Even at work I under-dressed.

And if not, what do you do dressed at home?

When I was younger, I would often dress up completely and do the housework. I'd put on my mom's wig, a short skirt, sweater or blouse, panties, boots or shoes, and do the laundry, vacuum the house, even do most of the cooking. I'd even clean the bathrooms. I had privacy for about 4 hours a day during the summer and during my school year, because my high school was on "split session" and my parents were both working. My brother and sister would play down the street. So I would dress up most of the day.

2) Have your urges or need to crossdress increased more than normal as you have gotten older? At what age did you notice this?

Yes. The older I got, the more I wanted to be a girl. Dressing was just part of it. I had lots of girls as friends, and lots of gay friends.
I remember hearing about Christine Jorgensen and wanting to be turned into a girl myself. I must have talked about with with someone, because I remember talking about the daily hormone shots, surgery, and not being able to enjoy sex anymore. SRS back in those days left much to be desired.

I kept hoping that I would be content when I got married and was having sex with my wife on a regular basis. Instead it got even MORE frustrating, and soon sex was not part of the marriage, just 3 times a year "so he'd remember what he wasn't getting" (said my ex-wife to my sister). I was even treated as a victim of domestic abuse, she didn't physically abuse me, but she enjoyed causing emotional and sexual pain and frustration.

3) Has being a crossdresser led you to a successful life or would you have been more successful financially, relationship wise, hobbies, etc. if you had not ever dressed?

Yes! Being TS/CD has given me the ability to examine problems from many different perspectives, to see what motivates different types of people, and to look for unusual solutions to problems that often seem to others to be impossible to solve. I have seen how my feminine side helps me be a more effective leader and manager. It also helps me with social skills.

Has crossdressing been a distraction and by how much?

Sometimes. Often, it's a release, a way to cope with situations that might otherwise leave me overwhelmed with depression, despair, even feeling suicidal. I am a girl, trapped in the prison of a boy's body, forced to live a lifestyle that I neither wanted no chose. The sentence seemed to be for life, without the possibility of parole. There were times when I would wonder, and hope, that reincarnation was a possibility, because THEN I could die and go to a female body. Maybe if I lived a good life, I could be an American woman, with all the power and freedoms of an American woman, rather than being a girl in Africa or the Middle East.

4) Do you have an accepting partner or wife? How many of you have ended up in divorces due to crossdressing?

My second wife is very accepting. She even knows I want to transition. She has some input to the process as well.

My first wife seemed supportive at first, of the cross-dressing, but very soon after the wedding, made it clear that she did NOT accept it. She promised that if I quit smoking, she would accept the dressing, but when I actually quit, she made it clear she did NOT accept and never would.

5) ***If you only had $1000 to spend on what you desired right now either towards crossdressing or non crossdressing stuff, what would you use the money for?

Right now, I have too many clothes. I'd have a hard time buying clothes. On the other hand, I WOULD spend $1000 on laser hair removal or leg wax and other body changes.

Would you buy more female clothes? Would you use it for a hobby or a lavish trip (without being able to dress)?

Depends on the clothes. I have more than enough "Street Clothes", but I do like special outfits.

6) Are you ever satisfied with crossdressing? Do you constantly need to talk about dressing, dress up, go out, and explore more femininity?

No. I'm in transition, HRT for now. Not sure about SRS yet. At 57, I'm more like an old lady - a grandmother, or woman in her late 40s than a sexy young girl.

7) Would you rather go out dressed en femme for a weekend or go out with all your male buddies and enjoy a night out
(whatever it is one likes to do i.e. football, meeting girls, concert, etc.)?

I never liked sports, or hanging out with the boys. Even when the guys at work invited me to a strip joint, I knew it was a test, so I went,
but I paid the girls to model their cute outfits - to keep them ON rather than take them off.

8) Regardless if you enjoy dressing or not, if you really think of it all, would you choose to not be a crossdresser if you could?

Honestly, it has never been a CHOICE. The reality is that I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. I have the CHOICE about lying, pretending to be a boy.
I can dress like a boy, talk like a boy, even try to walk like a boy, but it's merely an act, to avoid being tormented physically, emotionally, or financially by others.

When I came out at 30, I felt honest and authentic for the first time in my life. I wanted to be a girl, to walk like a girl, to diet, to exercise, to dance all night long, to take care of myself. I enjoyed wearing make-up, going shopping with girl-friends, and being one of the girls.

In 1993, my ex-wife threatened to have my visitation rights revoked. She had connections through her fundamentalist Christian sister-in-law, to a fundamentalist social worker and fundamentalist judge who would order it based on the fact that I was a cross-dresser (which was by then official record).

I quit dressing, and in 1995, I even purged the wardrobe. I gained over 50 lbs in 6 months, and within 18 months, my weight had more than doubled. I had a heart attack.
After that, I felt like I was too fat to go out in public, so I didn't go out. Eventually, it led to a stroke and a second heart attack.

When I started dressing up again, on a regular basis, I dropped nearly 80 lbs, got back down to where I could wear pretty clothes again, and started dressing up.
I started getting more exercise, and eventually went from size 26 to size 16, and even some size 14 clothes.

I had been warned by the therapist who diagnosed me as transsexual that if I tried to "Kill Debbie" that Debbie would try to KILL me. He pointed out that I already had a pattern of depression that correlated to events that made me feel even more trapped in my male body (testicles dropping, hair growing, bass voice,...).

Thank you.

As I said at the start, what you choose must be what is right for you.
Even transsexuals are required to live as women as close to 24/7 as possible to help them decide if they actually want to transition to living as women full time.

Some therapists have even suggested that an effective "treatment" for cross-dressers who are NOT transsexuals is to make them look and act like women every day for extended periods, including the less comfortable aspects, such as leg waxes, eyebrow plucking, make-up, and wearing 3-4 inch heels for several hours at a time, preferably something that cannot be easily removed. This approach often separates the transsexuals from the casual cross-dressers.

Purging for a cross-dresser is just a variation of cleaning about the closet. For a transgender, especially someone tending to be transsexual, purging is a much more painful experience, like loss of identity, like the death of a loved one, even their own death. Often, a purge will be accompanied with acute physical pain such as back-aches, head-aches, neck pains, stomach cramps, or other muscular cramps. There is often a change in appetite, sudden weight loss or weight gain. Often, there will be acute depression, even suicidal thoughts. These are even more extreme when the purge is forced by others, whether family members, religious leaders, or other external group pressure.

Given that you purged for as long as you did, and made no mention of adverse consequences, you are probably not a transsexual, or at least it's a dominant factor in your life.

You may be predisposed. Measure your fingers. If your index finger is longer than your ring finger, there is a good chance that you are physiologically transgendered. Keep in mind that testosterone impacts brain development, bone development, and tissue development. What is between your legs is the WORST and most unreliable indicator. It takes very little testosterone to cause a body to produce male sex glands. It takes much more to produce male bones and brain structure. When testosterone levels are low in the first trimester, or the body does not properly process testosterone (a result of a genetic marker), the fetus becomes ambiguous, or even female, with the exception of male genitalia, and even these may be small, deformed, or testes may be missing (actually un-descended). There are even cases where a child has a uterus and has periods, with blood released into the bowel. Yet the outer most shell bears the few minimal traits of the male primary genitalia.

The finger test isn't hard and fast. However, many who show this trait are also less violent, more submissive, less aggressive, less competitive. These are also represented in the brain which has smaller limbic nodes and more "white matter" than males.

This is a useful link

[Victoriana]

Thanks for your replies. I see a mix of responses and some similar ones too. This actually helps me sort things out some. I think you can choose to quit (my opinion). It is possible. I think that crossdressing is great (since I have done it for a long time) but it comes at a cost (for some) from what I see above. Is it worth it is what I ask myself. Right now, and longterm, it seems to be no. I can't be sure and I may end up crossdressing but right now I think since I have quit for such long periods then why not try. The money spent, the distraction it creates, the stress on friends, etc, how much crossdressing actually interferes with...everything. And yes, the opposite can be said, if you suppress it you can create the same issues and stress. But with that I think every crossdresser can handle this differently and some need to accept it more than others. Some can handle limiting it or quitting and some just embrace it and enjoy it like many on here and I respect that! And to that I say keep on dressing if it makes you happy. And of course you can dress privately and most of these will make no difference. That depends on the crossdresser. So again, to those who replied thanks for your input!

Victoriana

[Sophie Yang]

1. In a two week period, 10 – 12 times per 14 days. If dressed, I try and always go out to eat, shop, just walk around, and watch people. Sometimes I just chit-chat with people, mostly at Star Bucks. I usually fly out Sunday mornings and return home 11 days later dressed. On occasion, when at home, my wife and I might hook up with some of the girls. On occasion, my oldest son has joined us. My youngest son just finished college and is home now. I assume he will join us when the opportunity arises.
2. I started cross dressing about 3 years ago, at the age of 53 or so. I know a lot of girls can remember cross dressing urges when they were very young. I may have had such urges, but I just don't remember having them. However, in general, I do not recall a lot from my childhood or adult hood. My wife would says I do not remember much at all. Drives her nuts. She has vivid memories from about age 3 onward. Once I started cross dressing, there was no turning back.
3. Since I started late, I would say it has not impacted my success at all. I have always been personally driven. Maybe that is what drives my cross dressing also. I cannot say that cross dressing has been a distraction. Once I recognized and accepted that I am a cross dresses, it has not really been a distraction. It is always there, like gravity. Unlike gravity, the male-female, the Yin-Yang, can get out-of-balance sometimes. I can call on one or the other when needed.
4. Wife is accepting. She just worries about my safety.
5. I would buy more clothes, but for my wife. She has lost a lot of weight and keeps putting off buying clothes for herself. My wife would say I do not have any real hobbies.
6. Never satisfied. Cross dressing is like everything else one has an interest in. It can always be improved.
7. I do not have a lot of male buddies, so I guess I would like to go out dressed.
8. Since I do not remember having any angst about cross dressing as a child growing up, never really had any bad experiences as an adult either, and accept it as an adult, I do not wish to give it up. I find it relaxing and enjoyable. I do not know why I would want to give that up.

[AmyGaleRT]

1) I tend to dress at least once a week, maybe 2-3 times. I go out at least a couple of times a month (for my meetup group, and for Lori's cabaret shows), and maybe more if I can run an errand or something while en femme. If I'm at home, I get online and gab. Sometimes I take photos. Recently, I've dressed as Amy for the purpose of cooking dinner; somehow I feel better doing the cooking as Amy.

2) It's had its peaks and valleys but overall has stayed fairly consistent.

3) It's opened up my social life to some extent but hasn't had any effect on my success in other aspects of my life.

4) My fiancee is accepting and supportive, and one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't come out to her sooner than I did.

5) I would probably buy some more clothes, yes. I might also buy a new phone and/or a new tablet, but that wouldn't take the whole $1000. I'd probably go and get a good makeover from someplace like MAC or Sephora, though.

6) I don't constantly need to talk about it, but it's another subject I can discuss with people "in the know." While I was driving my fiancee's friend around, we were talking about the HolyClothing dresses we liked, and about our nails and how to keep them from breaking, among other non-CD subjects.

7) I don't really have any "male buddies," so I guess it's out en femme by default. That sounds more fun, anyway.

8) I don't think I'd want to give up my Amy-self. She's part of me, just as my male self is. Without her I'd almost be "half-dead."

- Amy