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Thread: Where to begin?

  1. #1
    Member cdmorganashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Lexington, MA USA

    Where to begin?

    Honestly I am feeling pretty frustrated with my appearance/presentation both when I dress and also day-to-day and I could use some advice as to where a good place to start would be. One thing I have been really focusing on is losing weight and I have been doing a good job exercising and eating better, but there isn't much immediate return on that... I also have a very limited amount of funds for buying new things right now so I was thinking of looking for some women's tees that I could wear in male mode, but would make me feel like I was making a slight move away from a totally manly outfit every day--what do other's do and try to think about when they are feeling discouraged with where there femininity is at? In the past this is when I have purged/tried to suppress these feelings and that led to a lot of depression... I know I am not going to do that anymore, but this is kind of new to me so I would love some advice, especially if you have experienced similar feelings... thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Almost the Great White North...
    I know where you're coming from. I think you are on the right path in several respects. First, keep working on losing weight and improving your muscle tone and aerobic conditioning. These eventually will pay off and it doesn't really cost anything! And buying a few women's garments, like Ts makes sense too. Maybe some slacks or jeans - which can be fairly discrete, but at least you'll know and somehow that helps. Little things like plucking your brows in a slightly more feminine manner can help your mindset as well. Other than that, in my experience, a change in hairstyle and color can have surprising results.

    But most of all, be patient and keep experimenting and practicing.

  3. #3
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    New Zealand
    When depressed, i would swim until I was to exhausted then get angry and swim some more. My main meal would normally be like a 6 inch subway but if I was still upset, I would eat 1/2 and give the rest to birds
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at

  4. #4
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    For losing weight, keep a food journal. That has helped me in the past. Also being honest with yourself about your workout effort is helpful.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    I often wear light colored tops and shirts that give me an androgynous look.
    All female apparel of course.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Here and now
    Hi, well as for the great purge... I now box it up a nd bury it in the closet and see if I can quit. Of course 6 months later after major depression I pull it out and step up my game. As for working on a tight budget, JC Penny's has great style it's on fall clearance. $12.00 blouses for $3.00 etc. I bought 4 blouses for 34.00 with shipping. Some of them are my new favorites. Hope this helps.

  7. #7
    Silver Member paulaprimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    new york
    trust me that you are not the only one who feels this way. dressing makes me feel good so i do it for me, and yes at times i'm sure that i look terrible
    but one has to learn to be happy with themselves no matter what they look like. so if i can't look good, at least i'm feeling good

  8. #8
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    The Poconos PA
    As guys, none of us look naturally like girls. It takes time, effort, experience and perseverance. It never happens overnight. Sometimes we seem to be too close to it though. Just doing it and not worrying if we pass or not will help us to see things objectively, then it's just natural progression. Meet one goal at a time and the rest fall into place.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  9. #9
    Gone to live my life
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Hi there. I hear you with regards to frustration. Sometimes I think "hey I look okay" then I really look at myself and say "you look like a dude in a dress . . . get real". I agree with Kate S on this one, you have to stop worrying as few of us can truly every pass unnoticed, blend probably but up close and personal, we normally get read. I have seen that look of confusion up close and personal on people I have interacted with.

    I think you are going about it the right way, exercise, eating right, building up your wardrobe and practicing. It is really all we can do. Regarding exercise, what is it you are doing? I find high intensity form and function workouts burn weight and tone quite quickly but a lot depends on your metabolism and genetics. Weight loss takes time so patience is the key with that. Set tiny goals rather than a global "going to get to this point by this time".



  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    I you want to improve your appearance/presentation as a man in day-to-day life, there's really nothing to gain by wearing women's clothes. You most likely will not look better. If people on this forum spent as much time on their male presentation and male fashion (and not in some offbeat way) as they did on their female presentation, we probably would be the best-dressed group of people in the world.

    Anyway, femininity and wearing women's clothes are not one and the same thing. I may act more feminine while 'en femme', but I don't become more feminine. There are tricks to look more feminine, but for me it ends where it affects my ability to present as a 'normal' man.

    Think of cross-dressing as a hobby. Hobbies cost time and money. Sometimes you just have to make do. Also, set a goal. Do you want to be able to present well on both sides of the fence? Do you want people to think you're on the fence or over the fence?

  11. #11
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    I have a drawer full of pink tee shirts that I wear in male mode. Pink tank tops are nice too. When I get discouraged, I go shopping. You don't have to buy anything, but it's fun to look.

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