A Burning Question
Yes this is a burning question that we ALL have in our minds. WHY??
Why do we crossdress?
I know there have been hundreds of threads with questions like “Why do you crossdress?” and such, and I have read them all. It seams like there is something like this about every 2 weeks and it always solicits dozens of answers and responses like “I do it to express my feminine side” or “I feel as though I’m in the wrong body” or the classic “It’s all about the clothes. I like wearing women’s clothes”
But it all still goes back to the main question “Why?”
Why do you want to express your feminine side?
Why do you think you are in the wrong body?
Why do you want to wear women’s clothes?
As for me personally, I have wanted to be a female since I was 3 years old. I remember thoughts like “Why am I not a girl?” “Why can’t I wear a dress like my cousin?”
I was born in 1954, and back then it was Wrong to have thoughts like that. There had to be something wrong with me. Boys didn’t wear dresses (Well there was Uncle Miltie!) Boys were BOYS and Girls were GIRLS!
When I was four, my dad bought me a tent and put it up outside. It had a flap that I could close. I snuck some of my moms old dresses from the basement out there and put them on. I had to pin them up but I felt very good in them! WHY Did I want to do this??
As I got older, I started thinking about why I had these thoughts. Of course I HAD to be the Only boy in the world who wanted to be a girl!!! I mean NO ONE Else in my Family, or School thought that way! There MUST be something wrong with me!!
In high school I remember a civics class had a local police officer come in and give a talk. He showed some slides of some of the arrests they had made in our town. One of them was a man who dressed as a woman! The officer said He was called a “Homosexual Transvestite” They showed pictures of the mans apartment and all the paraphernalia they found when they searched it. There were women’s clothing all over and home made breast forms made out of gauze padding with baby bottle nipples attached. Now I KNEW my thoughts were wrong, in fact it was against the law!!!
But the burning question still lingered in my mind, even stronger now… Why? Why did I have these thoughts. What’s Wrong with me???
I would sneak some of my moms dresses and put them on.
When I was in my twenties I still had these thoughts and still didn’t understand why? It just got worse in my thirties and forties. I thought I had a mental disorder. Of course I could NEVER Tell anyone about these thoughts, that would be Terrible!! They would lock me up in a mental institute!
I went to Thrift Stores and got some cheap clothes to put on in my LOCKED Room! No wig, makeup or anything else, but I ached to have those things too! I just knew though that this was Wrong!!
Then I found the Internet. I stumbled on several sites and I discovered I was NOT Alone!! There are Hundreds of Thousands of people that feel the same way!!!!
I started searching for the answer to my burning question… Why?
I found this forum and started reading, then joined. As I said in the beginning, there have been a lot of threads on this subject which makes me feel that Everyone on this forum has the same question of Why, that bothers them just as much as I.
After all, we are MEN!!! Why do we want to dress as a woman?
I learned a technique as a manager in a very large office called “Peel Back the Onion” What this refers to is if you have ever cut an onion, you know it is made up of many layers with a solid ball in the center. The center is your goal. Peel the Onion until you get there. I have been trying this for years on our question, but I still have not reached the center.
Going back to the answers I listed in the beginning, Expressing a Feminine Side, Born in the wrong body, Just about the clothes… I believe that each and every crossdresser on this forum, on SOME Level, wants to be a Female.
I know there are those who say it’s only about the clothes, but if you also wear a wig, makeup breast forms, then it’s not ONLY about the clothes. Some part of you wished you were female.
Now I am not leaving out the Female Crossdressers! They have the same “Why” question!
I have read Dozens of Psychiatric papers and studies on this and they all speculate on a Why someone is Transgendered, or Crossdressers. It seams each paper I have read says something different on the subject, but they all say the same thing, “There is no Cure” Again I ask “WHY” I would give Anything to be “Normal”
I finally have resigned myself that I will never be cured. I will always wish I had been a Girl.
I have a GG Friend who knows about Barbara, and has gone out with her many times. She says she likes Barbara a lot better because Barbara is a LOT more fun! She is more talkative, makes eye contact, seems to be a lot happier and enjoys life more! People I interact with treat me as any other woman. So far, no one has indicated they know I am not a real woman, no one has said anything and my GG friend said she never noticed anyone looking at me funny, of course we can never be sure. But again this makes me ask even Stronger that ever WHY?? Why am I TWO different people?? Am I Schizophrenic? I asked my friend what she thinks the reason is and she said, I am “Hard Wired like this. It’s in my DNA” There is no way I can control it.
So NOW I have the answer after all these years……… God made me this way!
I didn’t ask to be born like this, God WANTED me to be like this!!! I’m not sure why, but he did.
There is NOTHING Wrong with us!! There is Nothing Wrong with crossdressing. It’s NOT against the law. We’re NOT Crazy!!
GOD MADE US THIS WAY!!!
I hope that some of you might have figured this out already.
For those of you that have not, I hope you might find some measure of peace with this.
Originally Posted by Jorja
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