Little boy blue

[Robyn2006]

For better or worse, seems I’m always looking back to that little scared kid I once was, dressed in my mother’s and sister’s things, trembling as I touched my mother’s lipstick to my lips to complete my adornment. It was exciting as hell, but I was so lost and afraid within it all… and like most, thinking I was alone in the world with my desires. Now, like most Saturday’s, I’m dressed to the nines, thinking I look pretty nice, quite feminine, but seems I’m forever looking back to that little boy/girl child I’ll forever have inside me, so unsure of anything. A little monkey on my back, I suppose.

Wondering how many of you often look back at your first ventures into womanhood? Was it a good experience, or like mine… insanely problematic.

[Gillian Gigs]

Aah, yes, the trembling as you touch/put on the _______. The excitement of it all, then the thinking that you are the only one in the whole world doing this. Yet we all kept going back to that particular article of clothing, then going a little deeper, after all if a little bit felt good, then more would be better. And the adventure keeps going on. It has been said that there is nothing new under the sun, and it took the internet to find out that we are not alone. I always find it interesting how similar all of our past experiences actually are. Looking back can either be in fondness or regret, regret is such a waste, because we can't change a single thing about the past. It is better to look in fondness and accept.

[Beverley Sims]

It is nice to reflect at what was, then it is back to reality.
I am always wondering what might have been also.

[Marcelle]

Ah . . . nostalgia is a wonderful thing. The only problem I find is that it gets you thinking about lost opportunities which unless we can invent time machines or immortality . . . we can't change. It does however allow you capture a unique moment in your mind and perhaps relive a good feeling.

While I can remember small points in my life (young boy) where I dabbled with my sister's clothes and undergarments my first true recollection was as an 18 year old posted with the military to Germany. My first serious girlfriend was shall we say . . . a bit out there and like to experiment. Heck when you are an 18 year old guy experiencing sex for the first time . . . everything is on the table. So when she suggested I would make a pretty girl for some bedroom fun, I screamed "no way" but inside I said "please". I agreed and we had an interesting night. The next day, I broke up with her because I was confused that I had liked it so much . . . my lost opportunity to explore this wonderful world as such a young age.

However, I relive that feeling every time I dress now (not the night time activity feeling just the thrill of dressing). The only thing is, back then at 18 I made a very pretty girl . . . now I look in the mirror and see at best a homely middle aged dude in a dress) . . . ah reality can sure kick the c#@$ out of nostalgia.

Hugs

Isha

[Robbin_Sinclair]

.......back then at 18 I made a very pretty girl . . . now I look in the mirror and see at best a homely middle aged dude in a dress) . . . ah reality can sure kick the c#@$ out of nostalgia. Hugs Isha

We all share that. Most of us were knock outs when we were young. With luck most of us grow older. Then, some of us weren't even potentially pretty, by conventional standards. And some of us die or get killed when we were too young.

Point is, we made it this far and you, Isha, stand out. Plain and simple. From one old man to a middle age dude, you are in a good place. So am I but my observation powers have become better. And you are still a knock out. Just in a different way.

Namaste.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Robyn. Oh those were some wonderful times when we were so young, innocent and confused about ourselves .

[Kate Simmons]

The first experiences of "becoming a woman" can indeed be very profound. Having the gonads to do it requires a lot of fortitude with trepidation but determination. Kind of like washes over a person with endorphins. I kind of miss that early excitement myself sometimes.

[Jennifer in CO]

I have to agree with Isha on the early looks. In my teens I passed with ease. But, I can attribute most of that I'm willing to bet on the kidney med I was taking since I was 13 that ended up being a very effective T-blocker. Going on hormones for 20 months when I was 21 (and still on the kidney med) didn't hurt either. Sporting 32B's and 135# even at 6' I made a very believable woman. There are frequent times I miss "her"...

[vallerie lacy]

Robyn,
First of all, you do look lovely. You seem to be looking at your past in a negative way. I think you should be looking back and enjoying the memories of your introduction into the "Pink Fog". I know I sure as hell enjoyed every piece of women's clothing that I ever had the pleasure, and I stress pleasure of wearing. Sure, we all probably took some crazy chances and some of us were caught and some weren't, but we were all enjoying that euphoric feeling we got. As they say, " when your world is full of lemons, don't be a sour puss, make some lemonade". It will taste much sweeter if you're all dressed up when you make it.

[suchacutie]

Sadly, I missed all of that! Maybe that's why when the idea that Tina existed appeared, it happened like an avalanche over 48 hours. The missed opportunity in my case appears to have been huge. My daughter saw an 8x11 of my high-school senior picture and quietly whispered to me, "wow...that picture is amazing...you know that today you would be called a "pretty boy"".

Sigh...so little time and so much crossdressing to do!

[lisa_cd]

I look back on it often....it plays like a movie in my mind at times...I do see myself as a child at times when I'm dressing...looking back on it...and it's all good, too. I know those thoughts will always be there with me...seeing the panties on the towel rack, not being able to resist trying them on...and I think it's very special....

[Stephanie47]

Looking back to my early years of cross dressing, I'd say it was not pretty. I don't know if I would have made up into a pretty young teenager. I was six foot two and, at one time I was 140 pounds. I had blond hair. My first love was my mother's nylon slips. I think the feel of the nylon enticed me into slipping into her slips. I can remember it was truly just the feel. Her slips were the only nylon material in the home. There was nothing else involved in it. So, how did I end up at 15 or so wearing her bras, girdles, panty, hosiery and dresses? And, then the makeup?

At some point I began to feel that all this was abnormal. For those of you who are young you are fortunate that you have access to information and discourse. A child of the 1950's and 1960's probably viewed himself as a "faggot." I am using that term in the context of the times. The word gay had not yet been co-opted by the homosexual community. I'm sure every young man thought he was unique. I never knew another male who wore woman's clothing. I never knew a gay male or woman. Even if you thought the reflection in the mirror was pleasing and your image of femininity, you probably thought you were defective as a man. It was very confusing. How could a teenager or a young man reconcile two different forces, liking young woman and wearing their clothes?

I'll take my life as it right now- sitting at the keyboard fully en femme and comfortable doing it. The early years were absolute hell.

[Frédérique]

Wondering how many of you often look back at your first ventures into womanhood? Was it a good experience, or like mine… insanely problematic.

I was little boy blue, too...

I look back from time to time, but I have happy memories. I was young enough to not know the sexual import of what I was doing, or why I was doing it – I just did it, purely for pleasure. I’m still doing that, getting a thrill each time I clutch my lipstick, usually with trembling hands…

[Aneline]

Insanely problematic! Like the time in high school when I started messing around with my sister's mascara, which was really hard to get off. One day at school a "friend" of mine started making fun of me saying that it looked like I'd been wearing mascara. Actually that day, it was bicycle grease because my chain came off on the way to school. But I was so nervous about my friends discovering my secret that I turned beet red, which made me look guilty. And there was the time my first wife found one of my lipsticks on my dresser. She said it was a nice shade. She couldn't handle the concept of me being a crossdresser so that marriage went down the tubes not too much later.

I still have difficulty getting my lipstick or mascara on straight some times because my hands tremble with excitement and nervousness.

[dana digs sweaters]

"Ventures into Womanhood"? .... not sure if crossdressing is a venture into womanhood. It was an adventure into female clothes while young. That was a good experience for me. Dressing was not a "game" to me since I was 7 on Halloween, I knew what I was doing then. The Venture, as an adult at 18, was ALL the steps I took to be out in public with the female image I created in the mirror to go to my 1st Tri-Ess meeting.

[robindee36]

Reflecting back, not a pretty thing. Our community was underground and very difficult for a newbie to find. Mostly all closet dressing in those times.

Now things are so much more open and the community so much easier to access. No desires to relive those early ventures, unless it could be in today's society with yesterday's body. And that ain't happening anytime soon

Hugs, Robin

[Laura Collette]

I feel that I really missed out when I think of myself 40 years ago (I'm a senior) with a slender body and a full head of shoulder length hair that I kept tied up in a ponytail at the nape of my neck -- with sideburns like all the other guys. Now I have very little hair on top. I could have presented as a really pretty girl back then if I'd had more courage and community. I could have had my hair cut in bangs or styled in some unisex fashion, but what did I know then? I was too busy hiding and feeling guilty. Now I'm 70 and have a belly... still pretty good legs though my knees are larger with arthritis. I guess in 1975 I wasn't ready and maybe the world wasn't either. So I'll make the best of it now. Thanks to this forum for keeping me company and helping me to feel better about myself.