Being approached by guys

[Talisker]

This happened to me a while back. I had the makeup done professionally but was first time out in such a public place (shopping in H&M, Burger king and walk around main station) so looked OK but am tall and probably dont move like a GG.

I was taking some photos of myself at the station and caught the attention of 2 separate guys. It was mid afternoon and busy. One smiled at me and if someone smiles at you its real hard not to smile back!!

I walked outside of the station and into a shopping area and one of the guys comes along side me so I immediately asked him "are you following me?". He said "I think you look pretty and do you want some company?".

At that point I panicked and wanted to escape (first time out in busy public place) so I politely said no and jumped on my foldable bike and cycled away.

He was an average middle age guy. Im never going to now find out what he really thought or what his intentions were. In hindsight perhaps I should have let him buy me a coffee at McDonalds.

Anyone with a similar experience and how did you react?

[Kate Simmons]

As long as you are totally in view of the public, what can him buying you a coffee hurt?

[ArleneRaquel]

Stay in a very public place is always great advice. But, if you find the gentlemen are on the "up & up", let them know that you are a male.

[reb.femme]

He was an average middle age guy. Im never going to now find out what he really thought or what his intentions were. In hindsight perhaps I should have let him buy me a coffee at McDonalds.

Extra gherkin (pickle or whatever in the States) with that coffee Miss?

Rebecca

[AllieSF]

Unless you are pretty street smart as a guy and have some experience out in the real world dressed as a female, it might be better to avoid taking someone up on an offer so soon. Later, as someone above said, in a totally public place full of people, maybe a coffee is not so bad. Good luck either way, and, enjoy your time out because it rally can be very addictive.

[Amy R Lynn]

Just remember to be safe about it. Buying a cup of coffee for you and talking with you would certainly not be bad at all. However, like someone said if he is on the up and up... you have to let him know that you are packing some man parts in the chasis... Never let that be a surprise. And if it were me.... I wouldn't let him take me home, yet.... there would have to be at least two more dates hun!

[Candice Mae]

I have no interest in guys, so I just walk a way. I've had them continue to chase me around, call me a b^*%$, and after my experience at 7-11 I just leave the area if I feel uncomfortable. I was actually thinking about getting a purse size can of pepper spray, but I don't want to find out what would happen to me if I missed or he could still attack me.

[sandra-leigh]

For the first conversation, it would be better to buy your own coffee. Sometimes accepting a drink or food is construed as you "owing" the person something.

I gather (perhaps incorrectly) that "dating culture" has... evolved... to the point where if a guy buys a girl dinner at a restaurant on their first date, then the guy believes he is "owed" sex in return on that very date.

[NathalieX66]

Hey, it happens.
it's no secret that some guys just want to get in your pants. I've had it happen to me too.

Maybe that really wasn't the reason, whose to say?

I don't mind the conversation,as long as we both know where the line is at. If he's a stalker, then it's game over. I'm gone. Bye.

We are a very fascinating bunch in society, it goes with the territory. If you are Paul McCartney, you better get used to the fact that swarms of people want to take a picture of you and sign autographs, and some will follow you home.....to the point of disrespecting your personal space.

I won't lie, I've accepted drinks from guys, even though I have no intention of getting together with them. i was more interested in letting them know who I am, which is possibly kind of naïve when I look back on it.

[Amy R Lynn]

Wow Sandra.... I think I missed the memo on that part of the dating games. I've been owed sex quite a bit it would seem. I can see your point, but it isn't always the case either. I have paid for many first dates, and I never expect anything other than a thank you in return. Maybe I'm different here (aren't we all??).

But it does pay to be cautious. Being overly cautious because we are presenting as something we are not, isn't bad either.

[docrobbysherry]

It's simply a matter of experience, Talisker. After awhile, even us straight guys r willing to carry on a conversations with men in public places. You'll know when it could be trouble. After all, most of us know all about what being a man is like!

[Beverley Sims]

It is easier to bail out now and reflect on what might have been.
When you gain a bit more experience you will then have the answers and conduct yourself accordingly.
For now, just get out of it.

[Vickie_CDTV]

The fact he was following you around like that should set off alarm bells, maybe it is me but that kind of thing comes off as creepy!

If you are not interested in men, then you did the right thing to not to lead him on and also risk an ugly confrontation should he read you later on. He was clearly interested in you, and his invitation was not to discuss business or something.

[sandra-leigh]

I am told that a common attitude these days is "There are so many fish in the sea that if you aren't willing to put out the first time, then you should be dumped because someone else can be found who is willing". Not unlike the "Work At Will" states employers driving wages down by lowering offers until they stop getting any applications at all.

Maybe it only works on the over-25's who supposedly have lost their chance to get married? I don't know. But the fiction I read about US university culture has plenty of "dump her, there are tons of woman who will put out cheap", so maybe it starts even earlier than 25.

[5150 Girl]

Well, On the one hand I like to get hit on because I do find it flattering, and quite the self esteem booster. It also serves to confirm that I have done a good job with my fem appearance. On the other hand, I am a lesbian and not into guys....

I just tel them I'm a lesbian and/or engaged. This usually does the trick. Once I ran into someone that didn't take no for an answer. He kept trying to put his arm around me. I politely brushed him off twice. The 3rd time I sunk my nails into his arm and looked him in the eye and said "What part of lesbian do you not understand" He finally got the message.

[vallerie lacy]

Talisker,
You certainly did the right thing. McDonalds coffee sucks.

[Lexi Moralas]

In have been approached by men a lot since I started going out; in a lot of different situations. When I first started going out I would wear the sexiest things I had short skirt thigh high boots ect and I would go to an adult Video store. I figured that was one place people would expect to see a cd so I was semi comfortable place to start showing my self in public plus my choose of cloths did not exactly fit in at wall mart lol. Well I must pass better than I think I do because I was approached by a guy almost every time, and they always seemed surprised to find out I wasn't a real girl. And the way I was dressed they always assumed I was a hooker either way. And would some times press the issue after I explained that I am not interested in men. It was always exilerating to think I passed as a real girl though for the life of me I don't see how. But it was terrifying at the same time. Now I save those outfits for the clubs. But even now in jeans and a sweater I still get approached almost every time I am out and even though I'm not in to men I like when they notice me. To give my self an out and keep the conversation from going to far I started wearing a cheep engagement ring and wedding band I bought at the accessory store at the mall for like $20. Works like a charm it give more legitimacy that I might be a real girl if some one is on the fence but prevents me from ever having to say it if they should ask me out on a date or something. I just hold up my left hand and " no sorry , I'm happily married. And I walk away. No one get offended or embarrassed works like a charm. Of coarse if you are in to guys this wont work for you.