So I was "seen" by my wife.

[Heather_Shirly]

Ok So I feel like a fool!

We recently put a security system in the house. Part of the system was a camra so we could watch the Dog.

Yesterday I was working form home so i decided to get dressed up. I spent the mid moring in a nice silk short and demi bra set and my nice satin robe. In the afternoon I changed into skirt and cami with my red lacy bra and a nice pair of black knee high stockings with lace at the top. No wig(i have yet to be abel to get one) and no makeup.

I was workign away and feeling like i needed a break so i went downstairs and walked right past the camra not even relizing it.

When my wife got home she asked me right out about it. As luck would have it she was checking the dog right at the same itme i was walkignto the kitchen.... OPPS!

As you can most likely extrapolate from this my wife does not know that I dress and has never met Heather.

She came home and asked me about it right away. I didnt know what to say so I said i was working on a holloween outfit. She took that answer and accepted it and said "I knew it was something like that." She also said she didnt know what to think at 1st and didnt understand what i was wearing... She brought it up a few times over the night and one fo the last things she said was "You did that all by yourself... How come you have deprived me of the joy and the fun i would have had of making you look right?" She also said things like if you are a crossdresser you shoud have told me before we got married. She wasnt pissed off and wasnt upset(or at least didnt show it) but i could tell she was trying to make me tell her I was a crossdresser and i just couldnt do that. There was no argument and no hard feelings and we pretty much laughed it off for the most part.

Advice anyone? I am not really ready to have heather hang out wiht my wife but i feel really bad about keeping that part of me secret.

I think that over time i would have said something to her. I told my 1st long time girlfriend i like to crossdress and dressed in a nice little satin babydoll with her but she didnt like it so i never ever told anyother girl i was with about me.

THoughts? Advice? How should i play this? Should I tel her i do enjoy dressing and see what she says or should i jsut play it down as i did?

It always seemd to be she would be ver un-accpeting of CDers and such.

[KrissyTN]

Hi Heather,

Hmmm I think I would tell her that you no longer want to deprive her of the joy of making you look right! '-)
Maybe tell her that you enjoyed the dressing up you tried and you would like to explore it some more ......for Halloween of course!


Krissy

[Stephanie Miller]

In keeping with the Halloween theme: "Oh what a tangled web we weave..."

So your "excuse" may have been bought for now (although I really doubt she bought it. Give her credit. ).
The question still simmers.
How long you going to keep it from her? Till the top REALLY blows off? She already put her feelings on the table with her statement "if you are a crossdresser you should have told me before we got married". Her feeling of being deceived can only get worse.
Time for a talk.

[Megan72]

Heather, I am with Krissy on this. I would tell her now. Maybe not because of her comments but because to me the gig is up and I would prefer to be honest with her. I used to try and hide in the closet and then to hide in the house but I am realizing that as a loved one of a CDer myself, I wish I would have known all of that person before he passed. I regret not being able to love them for all off them. Just my 2€. Megan

[MsRenee]

That would have been your best time to have told her.
Now when you do approach her about it she may feel decieved by you not telling her.
It sounded like she might be ok wih it since you told her that she would have helped you on your costume.
Just my input on it hun.Renee

[ReineD]

She knows.

It's apparent that her instincts are telling her so, since she kept asking you about it and she even mentioned the crossdressing. If you continue to deny it and you get caught on a different occasion, then it will have been confirmed that you were lying. Not too many wives are OK with that.

The best thing to do, IMO, is to tell her the truth and at the same time explain why you didn't tell her the truth last night: you were afraid to.

[Heather_Shirly]

Yeah i really think i handled it all wrong and paniced a little. Just used to being never able to talk to her or anyone about it. Maybe if she brings it up again i will try to talk to her about it.

She was smileing and laughing about it...

[franlee]

There is really nothing to choose from. You are caught. So cut your loses, take the time to set down and have an honest and completely open conversation with your wife. She is either going to work with you or not it's that simple. If she can understand that this is part of you and helped to mold you into the man you are then your marriage can actually strengthen from it. If not I am afraid your marriage is going to become a prison and terribly uncomfortable for both of you. Compromise and understanding with a touch of empathy on both sides is going to be the key. With this said do remember you didn't get to where you are overnight and it may take patience along with effort on both of you so be sure to be open to considering her concerns as to how this could impact you under unforeseen circumstances. There will be many questions and uninhibited thought and answers are all that will satisfy her needs. An you will be surprised at what you find out about your wife in the process. I have been through this process 3 times myself and it always worked out to a good or better conclusion.

[vallerie lacy]

Heather,
There comes a time when the jig is up. That time has arrived. It's not gonna be easy, but you have got to tell her now. If you continue to BS her, she may take your dishonesty about dressing to mean that you don't care about her. I wish you all the best and hope to hear that you talked to her and everything is ok.

[Diane1950]

It looks like you have nothing to lose by coming clean now. Go for it

[marshalynn]

Tonight, when she walks in the door, tell her you made a big mistake last night, you were afraid to tell her the truth, start from there and go on..

[Alice B]

The advise is simple. It is time to have the talk. Open, honest and listen to what her concerns are.

[EllenJo]

As usual ReineD is right on target. She Knows! She may not wish to admit it now but she knows and needs for you to come clean. My wife knew long before we ever talked about it. I was lucky as she understood that my caring and nurturing side were a big part of what attracted her to me over the years and that it came from my feminine side. Good luck and I hope it works out.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[gailprice]

Sounds familiar Heather I got caught by the wife.....But thats another story for another day.

Heather your 90% there. I know how hard it is to say those words "yes i crossdress". You may put the question to the wife example "how do you feel about crossdressing" or something like that. It's a hard one to call so only you may know what her reaction should be. Having said that she may lead you into a confession, Iv'e been there too.

Keep us posted on the outcome.

Gail xx

[Chickhe]

...you've really dug yourself in to a hole this time! ...but, The solution is simple. Bite the bullet and invite her out to a Halloween party with you dressed, maybe in a couple's theme. Make it a enjoyable and when she sees how much fun it is, confess a little bit to her...just enough to let her know that you enjoy it and have done it before. From what she said, it doesn't sound like she's really against it....might even enjoy it.

[Zylia]

So you forgot about the recently installed a camera system you installed to 'watch the dog' and your wife just so happened to watch the live stream (?) the minute you walked past the lens in your skirt, cami and black knee high stockings, weeks before Halloween? That's awfully convenient

If this is all true, I think your wife probably figured it all out by now. Come clean fast for the sake of damage control. Are you sure the cameras weren't installed for keeping an eye on you?

[robindee36]

Bummer Heather. Might be a good time to check the archives for ways to discuss this with your SO. It can't be ignored and won't go away. So you need to deal with it.

Again, really bad luck. Time to, how one might say, make lemonade.

Hugs and good luck. Robin

[Melissa Rose]

I think your wife suspects or knows it is more than just for Halloween. I would bet she was already suspicious or thought something else was going on. As others have said, it is time to have a more honest talk with her. Don't wait until she brings it up again.

[Julogden]

Yep, it's time to 'fess up.

[reb.femme]

I got caught by my wife wearing her nightie and dressing gown in Feb 2012. Lingerie had been a part of our private life, shall we say, so she wasn't overly surprised. However, this event left her with the impression, or rather I left her with the impression, that it was just lingerie. I didn't come out with the full deal when the opportunity arose.

I left it a couple of weeks, using Jenniferathome's how to tell your spouse letter, formulated my own declaration of truth and told her one weekend. I've been out now since April 2012. Not always plain sailing to be honest, but she supports me. No guarantees on the outcome, but I really think your time has come or risk the wrath of the gods a little latter.

Essentially, your other half was asking for the truth so , in the words of Elvis Presley, "It's now or never".

Rebecca

[Celina]

Echoing what others allready said... Perhaps best thing to do is have the talk, the sooner the better... Good luck

[UNDERDRESSER]

Yeah i really think i handled it all wrong and paniced a little. Just used to being never able to talk to her or anyone about it. Maybe if she brings it up again i will try to talk to her about it.

She was smileing and laughing about it...

Hmm, well, you were there, we weren't. Having said that, it certainly sounds like she's going to be OK with it, from the way you describe her reactions, sounds like you have an accepting wife, tell her. First read some of the other advice, and if she is accepting,

BEWARE THE PINK FOG!

That is, her acceptance is not carte blanch to go and get surgery, or any other "lesser' things you might be thinking of. Discuss with her your wishes, thoughts, confusions, etc. Find out her viewpoint, make sure you don't start making her feel unimportant.

[kimdl93]

Maybe she bought your excuse, maybe she didn't. But chances are good that you have raised her suspicion and I would guess that it's only a matter of time before she finds more evidence. You need to prepare for an honest conversation, take your lumps and hope she can adjust to a new reality.

[Heather_Shirly]

I think that if she brings it up tonight I am goign to ask her is she thinks anyhting is wrong with it or if she would be un-accpeting. IF i get postive answers then I think i might dive in and tell her my history of CDing and explain how i would be scared of losing her so that is why i didnt tell her the truth last night.

If she doesnt bring it up then maybe I will have conversations that will work up to it.

Thanks to eveyone that posted. You all kind of posted what I was already thinking.

[Megan72]

Heather, I think you should initiate the conversation and not be pollyannish about it. The fear of the unknown is a very powerful influence and if she is not sure about you being sure then that is a bad combination. Take charge of your behavior and be proud of who you are. Be a confidant woman. That does not mean be a jerk... I simply mean that if you calmly tell her who you are and what you enjoy, and where you want it to go, then she will feel better about it knowing that you know what you want...it will then be up to her to decide on her level of acceptance and together you can come up with boundaries and plans.