CD or TS? How does one know?

[cicigurl]

How does one know if they are just merely a crossdresser or if they are a transexual? I'm curious to know if others are struggling with this question or if perhaps it's an indicator that I am deffinately a transexual and trying to avoid it? Do some transexuals that have wives that they love that do not support transition use crossdressing to cope? Perhaps it's just a question of which is more important to me? My relationship with my wife or transitioning? I just don't want to hit old age and regret my choices.

[Lynn Marie]

From what I've observed, CDs are happy with their plumbing, not interested in hormones, and are pretty much obsessed with dressing. TS's, on the other hand, have always wanted to be girls, hate their plumbing, go crazy with hormones, and are pretty much obsessed with dressing!

[Jennifer Marie P.]

CD only do it part time and Transsexuals go all the way to be a woman.

[linda allen]

If you are seriously wondering this about yourself, I suggest counseling with a proffesional who specializes in gender issues. It's not that simple. There's no quiz that you can take to find the answer..

[MysticLady]

Who Cares. I mean, why waste time on finding a label for yourself. Just be you. Don't worry about what others think you should be. Isn't that what were up against from society, anyway?

[I Am Paula]

You mention CHOICE in the last sentence. IMO, if you feel there is a choice involved, you probably aren't TS. There is no typical TS or CD, so go with your gut.

[Kate Simmons]

There is nothing "merely" about being a crossdresser. It has a lot to do with our feelings and who we are. TS's feel they are in the wrong body, most CD's do not. You can access the TS section of the Forum. I suggest you read some of those threads to see if you have similar feelings.

[Karren H]

Personally I don't struggle with any of those kinds of questions.... and I'm not ready to remove any body parts.... though I am into feminization pretty deeply.. I also don't label myself.... I'm married and totally faithful so my mortals prohibit me from venturing into any kind of TSish area.... and when I get old.... older... I will have no regrets... I made my choices based on the best info at the time and enjoyed doing what I was doing for as long as it lasts... things change and shit happens... but it will not make me wish I chose a different route.....

[arbon]

If your ts most likely you'll eventually feel you have to transition even if it means losing everything, wives and all.

[MatildaJ.]

From reading these boards, it seems like transsexuals find that crossdressing helps them feel better temporarily, and then it makes them want more time as female, until they want to spend all their time female and are unhappy whenever they are male. Basically, if you are miserable, then you need to do whatever it takes to be less miserable, and that may mean transitioning.

On the other hand, if you're not miserable as a guy, then you may be able to keep crossdressing as just a "vacation" you take from your regular life.

[mary something]

does the idea of taking hrt and feminizing your body sound appealing? How about having boobs all the time even in front of your parents, coworkers, and friends? Does the idea of finally expressing what is inside you fully make you feel exhilarated and frightened at the same time? If you choose not to and to stay as a male how does that make you feel? It seems this experience can be different for each of us and the things I've written are certainly not requirements.

If you're considering transitioning you should probably consider finding a gender therapist who can listen to you and help you understand why you are feeling the way that you are.

[Angela Campbell]

Are you a woman....or a man? That is the difference. If you are a man who wonders if he is TS then likely not. If you know....really know inside....you may be. A person who cd's and likes it and it helps them feel better temporarily, and then it makes them want more time as female, until they want to spend all their time female and are unhappy whenever they are male, they are very likely NOT a transsexual. It is knowing what you are not what you want to be.

It is like Arbon said as well, knowing you may have to give up everything in your life to make things right, and feeling like you must do it anyway.

[cicigurl]

Thank you everyone for your two cents! Yes, I want HRT and complete feminization of my body. Not positive about SRS yet. But perhaps I just need to come to terms that I can't have that. I'm a genetic male and should live within that realm right? I can still be feminine without transitioning. I've been at this point before in my life and a therapist blocked me from hormones for some reason. I hated it! I wanted to start them right away. Then I turned to Buddhism and found temporary peace just accepting my physical appearance as it was. I realized that the soul is genderless and that we all end up at the same place spiritually in the end anyways, male or female. I also fell victim to gender stereo types and thought that I needed to stop doing the "manly" things that I did enjoy such as fixing things, lifting heavy things when needed, fishing, drinking beer, swearing, ect. I also don't want my father and older children to be sexually attracted to me. That scares me and makes me feel awkward and foolish. Especially since my father tends to be very derogatory towards women, sex and their bodies. I also encountered pitting and scaring during the electrolysis I started to get. I got scared that I would never look feminine enough. I'm attracted to women so that ups my odds if I stayed a man. Three years later and the whole thing hits me again. The interesting thing is that it comes at a similar time as before in that there is a lot of stress in my life. So which comes first the chicken or the egg? Does stress make me self sooth by feminizing or is my emotional net just simply overflowing now? Lastly my pregnant fiancee makes transitioning a boundary for which she can not cross with me. She doesn't want me to waste her time and I don't want to waste hers either let alone my own. I feel so guilty even bringing this stuff up right now given that she is pregnant, but we have a very emotionally open relationship and she has a super emotional radar so I can't/don't hide anything from her. I'm finding it harder and harder to mentally stay a man during sex. My mind is automatically going to female mode and I become a non-op transexual in my mind and she knows this and feels it without me even telling her even though I'm on top. Funny thing about this all is that she used to be in a serious relationship with a woman and she was the man in that relationship. But it didn't work out and she never proclaimed herself a lesbian. She is Bi with a strong lean towards men and wants to be with a man as a life long partner. Even more strange is that she wants to have a penis. So I consider myself very lucky as I'm with an amazing woman that I love and adore. I'm just not sure about living full time as a man anymore. We have yet to spend much time playing with gender roles in the bedroom. I think ordering a strap on is definitely in order! But she wants to be the feminine one in the relationship which isn't going to happen anytime soon being as pregnant as she is. I guess as I write this I'm realizing that I'm lucky to have a woman like her and that I need to just give things time and a chance for us to explore together. The answers will become apparent over time I believe.

[Beverley Sims]

Read carefully the replies here, they have been well thought out by experienced people.
The question is important for your future.
Until you get really strong feelings that interfere with relationships and life do very little but seek advice from professionals that can recommend treatment.

[thechic]

TS means Taking some large sacrifice's ,Great upheaval, but coming out happier.

[lisablack44]

As a lifelong CD who started at 8 years old, I'm 52 now, and who is married to a post op transsexual, (9 great years, and going strong) I have some real world experience on this subject.
I have always wanted to be a girl, jealous of the way they look, the way they dress, the easy...(ha! ha!) life they seem to have. I have always under dressed, and dreamed of how great it would be to just take the plunge, and be a girl 24/7.
But, being born male, I figured I would have to live as a male on the outside, and CD when I could, besides, I was the only weirdo who ever wanted to wear girls clothes?... I used to ask myself? what the hell is wrong with me?
I grew up before the internet, and there just was not the information about CDing and Transsexuals available like there is now. Then, Life got in the way, College, Babies, Careers, Businesses, nasty divorce etc... I guess she didn't like my choice of panties?. In any case, now single, kids off to college, dressing all the time except for work, (Engineer) I tell myself I'm going to meet someone who supports my dressing, and will accept me for who I am... I refuse to spend the second half of my life miserable. I met my wife online, she was Pre-op MTF TS, going thru a divorce, seeing a therapist, taking hormones,and planning on having SRS. She had a high profile,high paying job, great insurance, (They would pay for most of the SRS) She still dressed, and acted mostly male at work. When she finally set a date to start her required 1 year 24/7 living as a female test, she did talk to her HR department, and they would support her transition. Legally they had no choice. The men at her work made her life hell! The women for the most part supported her. They actually had a plant meeting where the HR department threatened to instantly terminate anyone who harassed her. This was an Automotive supplier plant in the Midwest. In any case, she survived the 1 year, finalized her divorce, and had her SRS, about 6 months later she had Breast Implants done, legal issues handled, birth Certificate changed, name, military records etc... She was now Physically, and legally a women. We could now legally be married, and move on with our lives. We decided that we wanted to have a fresh start, and sick of the cold weather, we decided to move to Florida. So here we are now, 8 years later living in Paradise, she is totally a female, and if you did not know her history, you would never guess. Consequences? Her 2 boys have disowned her, her 5 brothers and sisters have disowned her, and said that she is dead to them, her parents who are supposedly good Catholics, still call her by her male name. although they do call occasionally, and ask why she never calls them... Sometimes, I will come home from work, and see that she has been crying, and ask her what is wrong? and she will say that she talked to her mom, and that they just had a family get together, and she is crushed that she is never included. She told me a couple of month's ago that she wonders if it was worth it? Although, when I talk to her about my feelings of gender unhappiness, she says that she understands what I am going through, but that she never thinks about gender any more... she finally feels she is in the right body. The bottom line is this... you have to do what makes YOU happy. but remember there are real consequences for your choices. I think it was a Bob Segar song that said "Every form of freedom has a price"? Good Luck! Lisa

[Lorileah]

Are you a woman....or a man? That is the difference. If you are a man who wonders if he is TS then likely not. I

Just wanting hormones or certain body parts isn't the answer. There are hundreds of CDs here who would take hormones just to see how it felt and there have already been a few posts by CDs who want (or got) boobs. I say if you have to ask, you ain't

[Kimberly Kael]

There is nothing "merely" about being a crossdresser.

Truer words were never spoken. There's no particular pride or glory in being transsexual that anyone shouldn't have in being true to themselves in whatever form that takes. When I attended my first getaway aimed at CDers I vividly remember attending a lunch where one of the other attendees asked if I was going to transition, or if I was "just" a crossdresser. I was thoroughly annoyed by her attitude which, if anything, may have put off my eventual realization that I was indeed transsexual. I didn't want to buy into her elitist brand of snobbery.

I'm also not entirely convinced about the notion that TS individuals have zero choice. There's doubtless some truth in it for those whose gender dysphoria is severe, but even then there's the choice of how and when to go about their transition. In my case I have a very clear female identity but I only felt like my path was clear once I weighed the pros and cons and came to the conclusion that I'd clearly be happier living openly as a woman instead of keeping that knowledge to myself. I might very well have waited until I was closer to retirement if social conditions hadn't changed as they did over the past twenty years.

There's no definitive test or list of characteristics that make a crossdresser, a transsexual any more than there is for a man, a woman, or any of the other categories we like to impose on humanity. Most of the CDers I've met seem to "saturate" on time spent en femme and enjoy returning to their male role ... but not all. Similarly, some of the TS women I know describe their transition as the only way they could go on living, or knew from a very early age, but neither is completely universal. The important thing to recognize is that there's a huge difference between the fantasy and reality of social and medical transition. If the risk and hardship of permanently upending your life still seems like a good thing on balance and with due deliberation, you may be transsexual.

[Kate Simmons]

As Kimberly expressed, getting to know yourself and what makes you happy are the real guidelines. I heard of many a TS that later regretted doing the transition as they still felt they didn't fit in anywhere. I originally planned on transitioning after the Army as I thought that was my only option at the time. One family later, I learned I could still express my feminine feelings and remain a man. You have to be totally honest with yourself regardless of what you eventually decide to do, however. Good luck in your journey my friend.

[MatildaJ.]

Yes, I want HRT and complete feminization of my body....I don't want my father and older children to be sexually attracted to me. That scares me and makes me feel awkward and foolish. ....She wants to be the feminine one in the relationship which isn't going to happen anytime soon being as pregnant as she is.

There are a lot of things going on here, and I think it sounds like you would benefit from more sessions with an experienced gender therapist. Your last line about how your wife isn't feminine because she's pregnant was very offensive to me. It's one thing to assess what you feel like inside; that doesn't mean you get to judge other people (whether genetic women or transwomen) as inferior.

And why are you thinking about your father being attracted to you? Do you think all fathers are sexually attracted to their daughters? That sounds like another issue for you to bring up with your therapist.

[arbon]

TS means Taking some large sacrifice's ,Great upheaval, but coming out happier.

Unless they weren't TS to start with then its lose lose.

[cicigurl]

I didn't word that correctly she told me she doesn't feel very feminine. She feels like a fat cow.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Its funny how so many responses come from people in the TS Forum

there is nothing "merely" about being a cd... from a perspective of genetically having a male body, ts and cd share the behavior of breaking the "rules" of gender...
apart from messing with those rules, the lives we lead are totally different.

Also
This statement is NOT true
.."if you have to ask you aint" I am living proof of this.. happily transitioned and questioning all the way...

In fact, i'd say in my personal experience its the opposite.... If you are really really really truly asking yourself this, then you "is".... lots of cd's fantasize about it..but there is no serious consideration given to spending what can be $100'000s, spend an enormous amount of time going back and forth to very painful electrolysis(I know some cd's do this too of course!), suffering physical pain, and of course potentially giving up everything in their lives "merely" to transition..

see what i'm saying...if you are approaching this from the perspective of how wonderful it would be, how special you'd feel, and how much you'd enjoy being treated as a woman...that smells a lot like a form of cd'ing...
if you are starting to worry about your job, looking at your finances, suffering through thoughts about your family(parents/kids/lovers) and friends and how to deal with them...that smells a lot like what ts people go through

Cici, the best thing you wrote in all your posts was about how your nature will become apparent in time... this is so true... and so your short term best quality of life is to enjoy it...dress more, express yourself more, explore your options...
in this way, you can gather information and more perspectives from others...you can't ignore what other people think!!! they have valuable information for you...

If you take it day by day, at some point, you can step back and think more about your nature...its a very deep, difficult and existential concept

...and you are best served to have all the information available before you go digging around inside your head

...from the TS side I hope you figure it out and I hope you aren't TS
...it's much trickier to have a decent quality of life

[robindee36]

Who Cares. I mean, why waste time on finding a label for yourself. Just be you. Don't worry about what others think you should be. Isn't that what were up against from society, anyway?

A rare convergence of thinking, but I agree with Victoria on this. So much wasted time and effort, so many sad and sorry feelings when we try to find a box to fit into. If you get enjoyment from dressing, then go forth and dress for goodness sake. Why the heck would we want to do this thing we do if we didn't enjoy it?

There are enough other folks out there who will provide the labels and little boxes for us. No need to worry about this ourselves.

Personal rule number one for dressing....HAVE FUN WITH IT.

Hugs (you too Victoria , Robin

[kimdl93]

This comes up all the time. In truth, some people know from birth that they are inhabiting a body with the wrong external genitalia, and are most certainly transsexual. Some people really just like the clothes and presenting the illusion occasionally of being a woman. But your question suggests a CD/TS binary. It isn't....try to imagine CD and TS as two poles on a broad and diverse spectrum of behaviors and gender identifications. Also, one's place on that spectrum may change over time - either because you gradually learn more about yourself, quit repressing, or discover and enjoy new possibilities.

Of course people struggle with the question - not necessarily because they are one or the other, but because they haven't become fully informed on the meaning of the terms and haven't peeled away the layers of self doubt, confusion and denial that make it difficult to discern one's own nature.