Where do YOU draw the line?

[Frédérique]

Do you have a boundary, and has it moved over time? Have your SO, job, family, and other circumstances set the boundary for you? Given the opportunity, would you take it further? Or, do you feel that you have reached a point of balance? If you are at some point of stasis, how did you reach it?

I reached a point of balance without trying to do so. Maybe I’m attuned to my bio-rhythms or something. I have self-imposed boundaries, based on common sense and my own resources. I am not interested in taking my crossdressing any further, since I’m happy as I am. I retain a healthy appreciation of wonder at all times, turning the innocuous into the magical…

PS - When I "draw the line" it's an outline (I'm an artist)...

[Suzanne F]

The line has moved for me after coming out to my wife 8 months ago . Now I go out fully dressed and love it. I readily admit that this is more than clothes for me. I from a young age wanted to be a girl. I want to find the balance between who I am and what my wife needs. We are working together in this. It is scary but worth it! If I had my dream I would be totally out and dress whenever I wanted, maybe 24/7. That is not possible now. It may never be. But today I have enough and my wife has enough. That is enough!
Suzanne

[Bea A]

Just this past weekend, my wife and I had a major discussion about boundaries. Her deal-breaker is doing anything that alters me physically (SRS, hormones, BA). I told her that I absolutely detest EVERYTHING about male clothing and have moved all of it to the guest room. I have assured her that she will always come before Lisa. The status quo of dressing intermittently was no longer acceptable to me. So now... My male clothes are "work" clothes - those necessary for my job to support our family and maintain our privacy to those I am not out to yet. Any new clothing, shoes, jewelry, etc. bought other than "work" will be exclusively female and are just "my clothes". I have worn panties 24/7 since coming out to her 6 years ago. I am content with this.. and so is she. My dressing is no longer a hobby or want.. it is a need. Outside of the house will be "stealth" - so as not to risk our privacy - with the exception of Tri-Ess meetings. My purse sits proudly on the counter. My makeup case is on the vanity in the bathroom. Life is good !

[Allesandra Rhodes]

I reached my balance a few years ago. I can safely say I've done it all and had my fun. From my teens into my twenties and beyond, coming out, going out, dressing infront of family, having relationships in which my SO knew all about me etc.. My environment doesn't allow me to dress outdoors, although with some careful relocation that will change. I doubt I'll ever physically try to alter myself. I've found that happiness doesn't come from looks alone. I have the things that I earned, and a few friends online to talk to and perhaps meet (as I have in the past). I am for the time being "comfortable" in life.

[Darla]

I'm still kinda finding my way through this whole mess, and the limiting factors are about the life I've constructed for myself. Kids, family, wife how not really accepting, a community that's a little less than tolerant or non-judgmental. But I have to take ownership of my own life and say that it was of my own choosing - not some life that was chosen for me.

That said I feel like with no constraints and unlimited financial resources I'd be living in a studio apartment on the way to transitioning, dressing 24/7 and presenting all the time. And oh yeah, with a gorgeous boyfriend too.

So yeah - I'd e trying to take it as far and as fast as I could until for some reason someone tried to get in my way, and even then I'd pivot on crocodile skin heels, duck and weave and go straight to the finish line.

Whew. What an admission. Good question.

Darla

[KateSpade83]

I'm just a clothes crossdresser, I'll never have a sex change. Will never mess with men, either. But I thought about getting temporary HRT for awhile - the Mods deleted my thread about taking HRT temporarily so I might have to ask that question again. I want more of a hourglass figure, but if HRT prevents me from getting an orgasm I guess I don't need it. And it would be embarrassing going shirtless if I had breasts.

[I Am Paula]

Kate Spade- No doctor will ever give you hormones to get an hourglass figure. Self medicating is like Russian roulette with five bullets in the gun. You said it, you're a crossdresser. HRT is not for you!
Read this before the mods delete your post again.

[Rogina B]

For me,I don't believe in a fixed line similar to someone describing ethics.I work for myself,my skills are in great demand,and I don't have the fears from putting it out there.However,I am a realist and don't feel that HRT is good for my body with what I do for work,and I know my transition ship sailed long ago. So,I will continue to live a gender fluid life and be true to myself,no matter what.When something brings inner peace and happiness,you had better embrace it cause life is way too short. My thoughts,anyway.

[PretzelGirl]

Boundaries? What Boundaries? Mine still seem to have that fluid movement to them. Right now I don't let it get into work deliberately (I may get seen downtown), a few family members don't know yet, and ..... that is it I think. I have been around friends, family, my doctor, and many thousands of people who shop. I have long hair, pierced ears, and way obvious on the ongoing electrolysis results. So I am only into this a little.

[giuseppina]

As for (semi) permanent changes, I don't see going beyond one or two pairs of holes in my earlobes. Breasts and hips can be achieved with prosthetics. With my family history of male cardiovascular issues ending lives before 70 years, I don't think HRT is wise given the risk of unwanted blood clots in the wrong places. I don't dislike my genitals as some transsexuals do. I do have a fantasy of breasts large enough to be uncomfortable without a bra, but it will remain a fantasy barring unforseen, and in my family unlikely, medical issues.

I don't see going out in my hometown where I presently live. It has one of the highest incidence of hate crimes in the country.

[sandra-leigh]

The "hourglass figure" is a function of "waist to hip ratio", which HRT is unlikely to change (beyond what you might get by losing weight in other ways.) In normal circumstances, waist size is a function of rib cage size, which HRT does not change in any way.

[lauren_m]

I've been thinking about this post since I saw it last night, and this is the best I can come up to visualize things: For me, there are two somewhat concentric circles. The larger circle represents my boundaries, and I know that it's changed over time, based on whatever my life situation may be at a particular time. The smaller circle represents my comfort zone, and that, too, is dynamic, probably more so than the larger circle. Being conservative and prone to inertia in many aspects of my life, I've seldom had to worry about where my exact boundaries are, because my comfort zone is not likely to bump up against them, much less push them to expand. But it *is* an intellectual exercise that I find interesting on occasion.

For example: Going out in public? Within the big circle for a long time, but it took many years for the smaller circle to swallow it up. A trach shave? Within the big circle, but the small circle hasn't come very close so far. Face lift/nose job? Pretty much beyond both circles. Seeing a gender therapist? Within the big, occasionally within reach of the small. Self-medication? (Look, that's a bad idea, we all know it, and we all condemn it, but I'm just being honest here) I have to admit that it's snuck within my boundaries in times past, but my comfort zone fortunately kept me safe. SRS? Beyond both circles, though the larger has come close somewhat close to grazing it in times past. [On a different vector: Underdressing? Within my boundaries, I guess, and possibly within my comfort zone, but not something that's ever appealed to me].

So that's the way my circles work, but I'm more interested in what causes them to expand and contract over time. There have been times when I've felt so hopeless with my look that I haven't wanted or dreamed about expanding my borders. And yet there have been other times when, faced with the same shortcomings and challenges, I've been motivated to expand my boundaries and do whatever I can to squeeze out every bit of femininity I can muster.

Which leads me to Ashley: Do you think that your ease and tremendous success in switching between looks, and the acceptance that you've found in your current lifestyle has made it easier or harder to maintain the boundaries that you've set? Have they ever been significantly broader?

[Brooklyn]

Which leads me to Ashley: Do you think that your ease and tremendous success in switching between looks, and the acceptance that you've found in your current lifestyle has made it easier or harder to maintain the boundaries that you've set? Have they ever been significantly broader?

Since my main boundary is HRT, and I currently do not feel a need to transition, it's easy living within that limitation. But I do know hairdressers who have successfully transitioned and I love how the beauty field and my personal needs/interests compliment each other now. The downside is that the more I learn, the more effort I have to put into my femme looks. No bad hair days allowed!

[cdmcconnell84]

Personally, I don't think that my boundaries have changed that much in many many years since I started dressing. Maybe when I was *first* thinking about it, but it's been so long that even though there are still several experiences I've never had or really pursued, I can't remember a time when anything that I've done to this point really seemed impossibly beyond my comfort zone.
That is, I've dressed privately and publicly, some friends know but few members of my family though I've always sort of planned to tell them eventually, and I've grown my hair our, pierced my ears, taken supplements and consider taking real HRT after a few therapy sessions.
Most of my limits in practice have to do with my SO who is mostly encouraging, but is concerned (quite reasonably I'll) admit about any permanent body modification. So the only major point of tension since I've never had any real interest in SRS is the fact that I've thought about HRT.

[edith]

For me crossdressing is essentially a serious hobby. I spend a lot of money and time on it, and it has changed my male presentation somewhat. I've shaved most of my body hair and have reshaped my eyebrows. I ditched a beard that I'd been maintaining for several years. I'd like to get my ears pierced and start going out dressed at some point.

I won't do anything that would permanently compromise my ability to present unambiguously male. So I won't have my face whiskers or leg hair lasered, though I would love to be permanently rid of my back and possibly chest hair. And obviously I wouldn't consider HRT or surgery of any kind.

[sandra-leigh]

My desire for after I'm retired is pierced ears and shaped eyebrows.

Carla, if you've got more than a year or so before retirement, you might want to think more about getting your ears pierced sooner. The Beauty section and Accessories section here has many stories of people in environments in which they thought pierced ears would be a Problem, only to have only one or two people notice and no-one to care for more than a few minutes.

[Lynn Marie]

I'm perfectly happy right where I'm at. I'm not anxious for anything other than a 50th anniversary Mustang!

[AmyGaleRT]

My boundary certainly has moved over time. In my earliest days, it was limited to strictly at home (or in another "controlled" environment). After having come out to my fiancee, I gradually moved to emerging from the house into the world. Now I go out as Amy to a number of different places, without fear, and have, indeed, achieved some status in the local TG community as a result.

How much farther would I move the boundary if I could? I would go as far as piercing my ears and laser hair removal if I could, and if my fiancee didn't object. (She would object to ear-piercing, not so much to hair removal, I think.) But I am absolutely not a candidate for full-time living as a woman, let alone for HRT or anything beyond that. That's my ultimate "no-go" line.

But I will probably be refining my skills at presenting as Amy for many years to come, and I will be organizing the local meetups, helping out sisters here, and participating in the greater TG community of Denver and Colorado. That's more than enough to satisfy me.

- Amy

[Celina]

The line has moved for me after coming out to my wife 8 months ago . Now I go out fully dressed and love it. I readily admit that this is more than clothes for me. I from a young age wanted to be a girl. I want to find the balance between who I am and what my wife needs. We are working together in this. It is scary but worth it! If I had my dream I would be totally out and dress whenever I wanted, maybe 24/7. That is not possible now. It may never be. But today I have enough and my wife has enough. That is enough!
Suzanne

I honestly have no idea where my boundaries are. But Suzanne F's reply sums it up quite well for me. I can really relate to the wanting to be a girl thing(not sure if that's completely gone actually). And i'm doing my best to find the balance between what my GF expects of me, and at the same time trying to get Selina more out in the open. I haven't ventured outside of the house yet, perhaps I will some day

[Jackie7]

I think my boundaries have contracted. Ten years ago, I went out in the city all the time and in my eighborhood often enough. I had a chip on my shoulder about my "right" to dress and was willing to be in your face with it. I was considering HRT and possibly surgery.
Then I met my accepting and appreciating wife, who encouraged me out in her (now our) social circle. I have plenty of chances to dress at home and socially, I dress often and better than I used to, more age-appropriately. And I find I am no longer angry and driven, and now prefer to avoid in-your-face hassles and headaches. I do go out, but not defiantly. I've taken HRT and surgery off the table, not right for me at my age (67 now) and have come to view transition as a road not taken in my life. I haven't "grown out" of anything, but rather have grown into myself.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ashley, I don't have any lines I just dress at home my wife knows but just doesn't want to see it.

[linda allen]

Well, my line is drawn in pencil so it can be erased and redrawn, but for now, it's keeping my dressing from anyone I know other than my wife. I will occasionally go out, but I either leave after dark or finish dressing in the car and I change back before I come home. My outside activities are walking in a park or downtown city streets where I won't have extensive dealings with others.

[Jaylyn]

Ashley I was born dressing as I have said many times before. My mom was so wanting a girl as her first that she actually had already sewn me many small baby dresses. You gotta remember this took place 64 years ago women actually sewed... It took her a while to realize I was a boy apparently as she dressed me in the dresses she sewed. There are many pics still today of me in those. Caused me lots of embarrassed moments growing up as other family members would see the pics. She would let them cut my golden locks of hair until I was around four. My dad was all man and he finally had enough when he saw that she had painted my finger nails and had sewn some bigger sizes dresses for me. He took me to town and I experienced what sitting in a barber chairs was all about. He bought me cowboy boots and jeans and shirts. I actually loved being with dad and would ride with him on his oil field pumping rounds till school started for me at seven. Dad thought he had changed me back to my boyhood but I still loved playing when in moms makeup. Though now I just had to hide from dad. Mother enjoyed watching me and would secretly dress me also. I was really messed up but went to school as all boy. I had though the physical and mental extra stimulus of sneaking around and dressing behind my dads back. This went on till one day I was playing in moms hose and it had another physical effect on me at about age 12 was aroused by the dressing. I felt inside it was wrong but couldn't stop. My Sunday classes had been separated into the boys classes and girl classes at about that time also so I acted all boy in one life and secretly acted physically when I dressed. I finally decided to just be a boy. I did all the rough and tumble sports in school and stopped dressing. I then fell n love I thought my senior year and enjoyed all the teen stuff that came with that. I had a football scholarship to play for a big school but decided that I didn't want to play football anymore. I never dressed again until I was out of school and had married my life long friend and love at the age of 21. She wore lots of makeup and panty hose and was super gal to me. I still love her today 64 years later She knows I dress today and she is the one that noticed how when she was playing around once put some lipstick on me and the increase in the love making that just caused. Ummm I guess to make this long answer shorter to the questions I asked is no I can now dress to my hearts extent, be accepted by the one I love, she helps me feel my feminine feelings, and just around the house and few places around our farm/ ranch is all I ever need to take my dressing to. The ride to where I am today has been wild and fast and four kids later with nine Grandkids that don't need to know their G-Pa has a feminine side has made me happy. I have reached the balance in my dressing. I have thought of meeting other dressers but have chickened out every time. I live just a few hours of San Antonio and have talked with your friend there about meeting but for me I'm ok with life as it is now. By the way your profile pic is beautiful.... Sorry I wrote my whole life story in stead of just answering the questions but maybe you can see why I still enjoy the makeup and the CD today.

[jessiejess112]

Interesting topic and replies.
For me, I'd never dress in front of my family (parents, siblings, cousins, etc.). There's no need to, anyway, especially with the way I dress. Also, I go through very long spells where I don't feel the urge to dress at all (years, even), so HRT is not something I would consider. I just wouldn't have that level to commitment to it.

[ginafaye]

big line is it all has to stay private, adult kids,grandkids work and such ...but wife is very open about anything else...and this works for us