When Will We Own It?

[Stephanie47]

Another lecture from the pink fog. I'll turn the tables on you. Am I the one with the problem? Have you ever considered the problem lies with the person we are interacting with? Why do so many wives cringe at the thought their husbands like to wear female clothing? Why do school administrators have a crisis on their hands when a male teacher shows up dressed as a woman? Why do the guys in the tavern parking lot yell dispersions at you when you pass by? Is it because I have a problem with my cross dressing?

We live in the real world. I know some gays and lesbians. They do not hide in the closet anymore, but, the vast majority of gays and lesbians do not run around with a sign saying "I'm gay" or "I'm a lesbian." Maybe, it's just a privacy thing.

I know many men who go to chick flicks with their wives. I know many men who do a lot of the baking and cooking. Or the laundry. They do all the domestic chores. They are not cross dressers. It's a chore that needs to be done. Actually, in society it is the woman who needs to assert herself in the man's world. That's where the bias resides. Some of it is self imposed. The world is changing. Unfortunately, I do not shave my legs which are almost void of hair anyway, but, maybe I should shave my arms. Maybe I should wear my wig rather than a male rug. Maybe I should wear one of my dresses, heels and hosiery when I shop. I just don't because I do not want to draw attention to the viewer unfounded bias and embarrass them.

I don't have a problem. They have the problem.

[Frédérique]

The only thing that these excuses accomplish is to reinforce shame in your own mind.

In YOUR mind, you mean. I just crossdress – I don’t bother making excuses for it…

[Lorileah]

the answer is "never". Why? because it is easier to ignore than confront.

[Jaymees22]

I think this works as an answer, of course I'm not brave enough to use it myself. Where can we order the T shirts though?

[StephanieH]

Good points... "I lost a bet" isn't working like it used to...

You've used that one too? Geez, I thought I was being original with that...

[reb.femme]

.......Like a lot of people recommend, including me, it is each person's decision, not mine. I refuse to coerce others to do what I think is correct. I don't have to live with the consequences of their decisions and neither do you. They do!.........................Why do I want to go through all the potential hassle, worries and frustrations just to be able to brag here on this site to mostly complete strangers that I am out to everyone? I don't!

I can only say I am in total agreement with your excellent reply Allie. I picked out the two sections for clarity, but it really is down to personal choice. Nobody knows the lives of others here but are convinced their way is the only way.

When was the last trans death? Maybe there is good reason to say then, I shaved my legs because....!

Rebecca

[sl-Stephanie]

I tend not to make excuses. But my wife makes them. When we are shopping at a store for me, she will hold up a dress in front of me and say "I think this should fit your sister" I then answer back "or me." so most of the excuses are made by my wife. I have been wearing a toe ring for about two years now. The wife still does not like me wearing it around friends and family. (when I wear guy sandals) and I keep telling her that I don't care what people think I like it. but she cares she doesn't want to try to explain why her husband is wearing a toe ring. she always tells me you don't want them to make fun of you do you? so some times they are made for our loved ones.

[Brooklyn]

I also wish more of us were out of the closet! Those of us who are willing, however, need to set a good example and help the vanillas feel more comfortable with cross-dressers. Positive changes will result and remove some of the social stigma that keeps most of us hidden. Young people are generally more open-minded towards us in my experience.

[Princess Grandpa]

While being out in public dressed freaks me out, I am getting better and better at saying "it's for me". Seeing my dad with my nails painted was a bit rough but whatever. Very rarely will I buy something I haven't tried on anymore. It's an amazing rush knowing its going to fit when I get home.

Hug
Rita

[julia marie]

If you shop en femme you no longer have to use the "gift for my wife" line or even say "It's for me". Everyone knows, and golly it's refreshing.

[Natalie Wood]

Great points Jaime. Thank you for the good advice.

[Allesandra Rhodes]

Myself there's no more excuses, that includes publically. Not shouting everything from the rooftops but I'd rather be a 100% bloke than lie to people. If they ask and don't like my answers that's their problem. This may not work for everyone in all situations, however it is the way I have become.

[Tashee]

My old friends at the gym all shaved. Now I'm wondering?

[Marcelle]

Hi Jamie001,

Not totally in agreement on "we are making excuses". Regardless of whether you are out and about or at home "you are owning it". Specifically, you have taken ownership of your life in whatever method you deem appropriate for your situation. I have a supportive wife and she gives me latitude to explore which means I have been going out more an more and not hiding the fact that I am in a guy dressed as a woman (glaringly obvious). Should she suddenly say it is "going out" or "me" then I would have to reconsider the strides I have made and work toward middle ground . . . doesn't mean I am making excuses but that I am begin pragmatic. If I can live with my decision then I am still "owning it".

While it would be great if we could all do what we want with no knock on effects, we can't be naïve to the fact we do not live in a Pollyanna World. I have had good experiences to date but I believe on bad moment could drive me back into the closet so I stay guarded and wait. Others have their reasons for not being a "CD Poster Child" and I respect that. In the same vain, I would hope that those who don't go out and read about my adventures don't think I am bragging or wagging my finger. My recounting of my travels is to share what I have discovered to those who may be thinking about going out themselves.

If you accept who you are and take lengths to express it to the best of your circumstances be it out it public or in the closet . . . you are owning it.

Hugs

Isha

[rachel_rachel]

I have both ears pierced, I shave my legs, I shave my chest, I do my own shopping and when asked if its for me I say "it might be" and wink or smile..
I do what I do because its what I choose to do...
Recently I was forced to resign a voluntary position because photos got out.. Has that made me stop? No it's made do more.
I'm not hiding, just deciding who knows and who doesn't.