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Thread: Ria's First Time at University

  1. #1
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    Ria's First Time at University

    So I was going to make a vlog about this on the day but work rather got ahead of me in the end, so I thought I'd write this post instead as I know many wanted to hear about it.

    As you can imagine presenting female at my university for the first time was both very exciting and very nerve racking at the same time. I'm quite a confident person in general and on the day I wasn't actually that worried, but there were two things I was a little anxious about. One was obviously the toilet situation, which I'll talk about in a minute, and the other was the actual walk there. It's about a 20 minute walk to get to the uni from my house, and slight wind was forecast for the day. This worried me because I didn't want to start to sweat during the journey, thus making me possibly smell bad, and would likely mess up my hair and/or make up. It may be autumn but it's still very humid. Likewise I didn't want it to be windy either, as my hair would be all over the place. I tend to style my hair in a specific way because it does a good job of covering my very masculine brow line. Anything that causes my natural male appearance to shine through makes me feel wrong when I'm in girl mode and also increases my chances of being read as a 'man in a skirt' by others and possibly stared at. Thankfully none of this happened. It was cold enough for a coat (one that does a very good job of making my back and shoulders seem less bulky) but not windy. I didn't notice a single stare or awkward look or anything of the sort the whole way there, nor on the walk back home later that day. It felt brilliant to be able to just walk the streets in the morning as normal with my housemates.

    Actually being in uni was quite surreal for the most part. I wasn't really treated any different at all, which seems to be a recurring theme among people I'm out to now. I was referred to as 'he' and 'Ryan' a couple of times but others called me 'Ria' and 'she'. Naturally my whole class isn't going to completely aware of Trans Etiquette right off the bat, so I wasn't bothered about being misgendered as male. I did have a very nice chat with my one of my class mates who I've only really starting talking to more since coming out, which was a lot of fun, and I also spoke to one of my tutors who is only in once every week or two. She's not the one who I initially came out to when we first had tutorials for our projects, but she had previously seen my blog on our course website so she was already well informed, so it was great to go through everything with her too. I did notice a few of my class mates staring at me with interest though. One of them later said something along the lines of 'sorry if I was staring at you, but you looked so pretty today' and another it turns out wasn't sure who I was. She has deleted her facebook so I when I sent the message out to everyone that I was Bi-Gender she obviously didn't get it, so she spent all day very confused as to why there was this girl that looked like Ryan sitting in Ryan's space and being all close to Ryan's girlfriend all day. She did say something along the lines of 'if I didn't already know you I would have thought you were a girl' which is always nice to hear ^_^

    But as I mentioned earlier, the toilet problem. It's a constant problem for most gender variant people and I'm no different. If I'm out and about I always use the ladies if I'm Ria, but at uni I was a bit more worried about doing that. Obviously I don't 'pass' completely for female all of the time, and not at all if I have to speak, so using the ladies in somewhere that's more private or less trans friendly than the Shopping Center or the local Gay Pub is a bit nerve racking. Firstly, as I said my class mates naturally don't know everything about Bi-Gender or Transgender people, and I didn't want to have to be trying to explain it in a toilet where there is also likely to be strangers about. Much bigger problem than any of my class mates (who are all wonderfully accepting and delightful people even if they don't understand everything yet) are the College students. Our University was brought out by the college next door and they now own the entire building, have converted most of it into an extended part of the college, leaving only our small bit as the actual university. These people are mostly fresh out of secondary school, aged 16 -18 and generally not as open minded and liberal as my arty friends. While it's doubtful any of them would freak out if they saw in the ladies loo (and it's questionable how many of them would read me as male anyway) it's still naturally a worrying part about being Trans. At the end of our corridor is a single male toilet, which just has a cubicle and a sink in it, so if you're using it anyone that walks in will only see a locked door and just walk out again anyway. There is no female toilet here, the closest ones are in the college and the canteen. I'm thinking of talking to some of the staff about maybe getting this changed to a gender neutral toilet, as it would things delightfully easier for me and any future trans students, but would also allow the girls to have a nearby loo as well.

    Overall, an awesome day. Can't wait till next week ^_
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member Ellie52's Avatar
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    Ria
    Fantastic and very well written. I really enjoyed your post and feel very happy that you have such accepting peers. I cant wait for the next installment. You should be very proud of yourself....Best wishes Ellie

  3. #3
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    I'm very proud of myself and very proud of my friends too ^_^

    This time last year I was only just starting to take tiny steps out of the closet and look at me now!
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

  4. #4
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    Ria,

    A great story. I too struggle with the toilet issue but to date have limited my stays to areas where there is either a gender neutral toilet or family toilet. Have not tried to brave the "girls only" club on that one as I do not pass whatsoever.

    Well done and congrats on your inaugural trip to uni.

    Hugs

    Isha

  5. #5
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Hi Ria,

    Firstly, congrats and sincere kudos to you for your life changing decision. I read your story and tried to place myself in your shoes, to sense that feeling of vulnerability yet complete satisfaction with the direction taken. I would love to have my life over again to be in such a position. However, the ravages of time and testosterone make that a no goer now.

    I was at Uni studying part-time for a law degree back in 2007, (2.1) and I know that the people there would have been OK with me had I come out. I think Uni in the UK engenders that spirit.

    May your life be full of similar experiences and pleasant times. Oh....and good luck (should you need it) in your studenting (my own made up word) .

    Rebecca
    Flying high under the spell of life!

    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

  6. #6
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    I think I may actually brave the girls toilet sometime soon, perhaps not this coming Thursday as it'll be Halloween and I don't want any strangers to assume I'm a man in costume, but certainly in the weeks to follow.

    The UK in general does seem to be pretty progressive in regards to LGBT issues in most places, I'm very lucky to be in one of them ^_^
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

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    All I can say is thank you, and I am very happy for you. The tolerance you display to others not understanding of you goes a very long way to our society as a whole.
    I wish you all the best.
    Sincerely, no really really sincerely Susan.

  8. #8
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    I learnt pretty quickly that's not as easy for everyone else to grasp as it is for me, and it took me years to get a hold of myself and really begin to understand myself. I think the crossdressing/transgender community in general can be pretty insecure and defensive and it sometimes causes us to unintentionally seclude ourselves from the cisgender world. A lot of the time we have good reason to be defensive, but if we're not rational about it then we risk giving power to those who are actively against us
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

  9. #9
    Member AllisontheGoddess's Avatar
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    I'm happy for you, seems like everyone is moving toward on their trans journey--I should probably do the same :/. Going to uni like that takes some guts. I'm proud of you Ria !

  10. #10
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    Aww thank you, It's certainly the kind of thing you have to work towards a little bit. Other times you can just jump in at the deep end if you're confident enough but with something as big as this you have to build up to it, but I'm so glad that I did
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

  11. #11
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Ria,
    Most other students are understanding and I am sure if you use the disabled toilets you would be fine.
    As others get to know and accept you youcan then up the ante, on all things transgendered.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  12. #12
    Member Violet-13's Avatar
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    I think your lucky to be in a such a Accepting coarse, I know if my class mates would ether shun me or make fun of me if they found out about my interests
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  13. #13
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    I'am happy for you and best wishes - hope all goes your way....................Debra

  14. #14
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    Awesomeness. You are so brave and I'm sure you will inspire others to be brave too.

  15. #15
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beverley Sims View Post
    Ria,
    Most other students are understanding and I am sure if you use the disabled toilets you would be fine.
    As others get to know and accept you youcan then up the ante, on all things transgendered.
    I'm not sure where the disabled toilet is actually lol, although I'm sure we have a few


    Thanks everyone ^_^
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

  16. #16
    Woman in Progress Aly Cat's Avatar
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    Great info! I recently wrote a post asking about this very thing recently as I will be going back to school very soon and plan on starting from day one as en femme. I have been wondering how reactions and whatnot were taken and acceptance levels and that sort of thing. I hadn't even thought of the bathroom situation! Hmm...
    I live in the states so I'm hoping everyone will be ok with everything. The location I am going to be moving to is a more liberal area so I might be ok. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is doing this! (Or will be soon :-) )

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Alexis.j's Avatar
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    Thats great, thanx for the follow up.
    Do you intend doing it permanently?
    The converting to gender a neutral restroom sounds promising.
    Rock on.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Abbey11's Avatar
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    Ria, wow..... Your so brave and sounds like you have a great group of friends around you, that kind of friendship is a true gift, look after them.
    As I said earlier on your site, your a real inspiration to me, good luck and fun with the rest of your journey
    Abbey x

  19. #19
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eva Lynn View Post
    Great info! I recently wrote a post asking about this very thing recently as I will be going back to school very soon and plan on starting from day one as en femme. I have been wondering how reactions and whatnot were taken and acceptance levels and that sort of thing. I hadn't even thought of the bathroom situation! Hmm...
    I live in the states so I'm hoping everyone will be ok with everything. The location I am going to be moving to is a more liberal area so I might be ok. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is doing this! (Or will be soon :-) )
    Good luck Eva, if no ones given you any reason to think that you won't be accepted then I think you should go for it. I'll have a look for your post.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alexis.j View Post
    Thats great, thanx for the follow up.
    Do you intend doing it permanently?
    The converting to gender a neutral restroom sounds promising.
    Rock on.
    Well I'm Bi-Gender, so if the girly feeling takes me then as long as I can (I have to get up earlier and preferably have a shower the night before) I'll go in girl mode, and if I feel like I a guy I'll go in guy mode. Sometimes I will definitely need to go as Ria though, near the end of last year I was having real problems with Dysphoria sometimes, I'd be completely unable to concentrate and I'd be leaving early a lot. This year so far I've been in the full day and often longer every time I've been in because it's such a weight off my mind
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

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    Ria, Your young, beautiful and brave. I'm an old gal and take inspiration from you. Live life on your own terms and know you have fans wishing you well. The details will work themselves out. Have fun at uni and do well. Love Kristy

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    We are all proud of you Ria never forget that.
    You are blazing a trail for the next generation and helping the cause of trans people in your area.

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    Ria, your wiser than your years. Good luck to you!!!

  23. #23
    Member SatinSarah's Avatar
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    A great story and so encouraging... Hope it continues in such a positive way..
    All girly on the inside...time for the outside too.

  24. #24
    Hi, I'm Ria xdressed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KristyE View Post
    Ria, Your young, beautiful and brave. I'm an old gal and take inspiration from you. Live life on your own terms and know you have fans wishing you well. The details will work themselves out. Have fun at uni and do well. Love Kristy
    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    We are all proud of you Ria never forget that.
    You are blazing a trail for the next generation and helping the cause of trans people in your area.
    Quote Originally Posted by chrissy111 View Post
    Ria, your wiser than your years. Good luck to you!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by SatinSarah View Post
    A great story and so encouraging... Hope it continues in such a positive way..

    Awww you're all so nice ^_^
    Bi-Gendered, Goth/Metal Fan, Atheist, Artist and British

  25. #25
    My Ship has sailed? Barbara Ella's Avatar
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    Congratulations Ria. If you handle University as well as you handle your first day, you have a bright future ahead of you girl.

    Barbara
    He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
    - Friedrich Nietzche -
    I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.

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