'Newbie here' Do I need to see a professional help?

[Nirali]

Hi friends, I need to let some internal pain out and share some of this with you. Really am hoping for an honest response and really appreciate your reply;

Being a part time crossdresser is fun, but to me it feels more like a double edged sword. I understand that some of us including me do this for fun and some others crossdress for their lifestyle. Well I live alone up north in England and started crossdressing at 12 then had a break for about 15 years, to include school, college, undergrad and postgrad so I never really had the opportunity but always had fantasies about crossdressing. But unlike some, my fantasy has been to dress head to toe and meet/ date/ go out with guys (non- crossdressers). To make this even worse, I fantasied about what I would specifically wear for hours and procrastinate over my work.

Initially I thought this was nothing but a fantasy and quite 'stupid' and 'crazy' and should focus on my career. Unfortunately, this procrastination has been affecting my performance at work which is concerning me.

Well the truth is I have spent a lot of money the last few months (since I started work) to feminise myself and spent hours on YouTube to learn the art of applying makeup. Unfortunately for me it doesn't stop there, I just cannot stop thoughts of how I would love to end up with any guy to make my dream come through. The worrying thing is firstly, why a guy eventhough I am dressed as a girl? Secondly why any guy (my human nature is not to act like and be degraded).

This fantasy feels like its about to explode and I must let it out and have my dream come through. If I told you I never had a gf in the past and was never keen on getting one will this explain my problem? I am attracted and very turned on by guys when dressed and not so much when not dressed.

Please can you advice me, do I need to see a counsellor or psychologist to deal with this problem? This can't be normal, right?

I need to stop this the right way !

[Maria in heels]

Nirali...first off, welcome to the forum and I know that you will find some of the answers that you are looking for. I do think that you need a psychologist to discuss some of your feelings, as you are leaning towards a "one night stand" which could be wonderful, but also devastating. You need to take your time, yes the shopping is ok, dressing is ok, but don't go rushing out just yet. It's no different than being a young girl, ready to start dating, and wondering what to do. Think of yourself in that way, and remember, be safe. It may just be a fantasy, something that you have thought about for a long time, and sometimes fantasies belong just where they are...dreams. If this is to become a reality for you, then take it slowly, and explore and learn. Either way, please take your time...

[Kate Simmons]

Many of us have experienced the starry eyed feelings of a "prince charming" when en femme. How to deal with it when the "ball" is over is the burning question. If you are afraid or ashamed of your feelings, it may be prudent to seek professional counseling my friend.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I think that if your cross dressing is interfering with your work, you do need help. You sound unhappy and you also need to deal with that. I hope you find peace!!!

[Beverley Sims]

The feelings and experiences are normal but are not usually carried out.
If you feel that there are things you can not control yourself, professional help is advisable.
If you can control your feelings and meet a girl who is sympathetic to what you do, your feelings are likely to change again.
One thing though when this occurs, resist the urge to purge and just put the clothing in a plastic bag and mothballs till a later time.

[CarlaWestin]

Just a comment about fantasies. Something I've learned is there's a big difference about the fantasies in your head as compared to how they play out in real life. I've learned over the years that the head dreams have no boundaries and therefore no consequences. In physical reality, it's a whole different story. I don't think I'll be going to work as Carla anytime soon although, in my head, I have no problem with it.

Oh, and welcome to the forum.

[Lynn Marie]

First off, you are not unique! There's a lot of people who feel just like you do and lots more who feel similar to what you do. Any guy can provide you with a date for the evening, but it's considerable deeper than that. Talking something like this over with a competent professional is your best bet by far. Avoid conjecture and guess work. There's a lot of ignorance out there.

[rachael.davis]

If crossdressing / lifestyle curiousity is affecting your day to day life, yes go find someone to talk to.

[Jenniferathome]

Nirali, you're gay. So what? That is not a "problem." There are a few gay cross dressers here who post. Do a search of the site. You need to to simply admit you're gay and you'll be free.

[giuseppina]

First, welcome to the forum, Nirali.

I get the feeling from your OP that your fantasy may be interfering with your daily life. If such is the case, then yes, seeing a duly qualified and licensed mental health practitioner is a good idea.

There isn't anything wrong with fantasy per se, but when it interferes with your daily life, it is a problem worth investigating.

[Nirali]

Nirali, you're gay. So what? That is not a "problem." There are a few gay cross dressers here who post. Do a search of the site. You need to to simply admit you're gay and you'll be free.

Jennifer, I am going to be honest and you are dead right. I just can't come to terms of admitting this about myself.

What do you think I ought to do ? I have been in the dark about my sexual orientation and thankyou for giving me helping me believe in this. Truth I never had any experience with any partner and had no interest in girls.

Problem is what do I do about this now ?

Can't believe how great this site is and how your input has helps me mentally.

[Lynn Marie]

Gay is exactly what I thought also. Just didn't want to scare you. So now you might want to talk to some gay folks who like to dress up. Not necessarily Drag Queens. There's a big difference.

[Jenniferathome]

...Problem is what do I do about this now ?...

Well, good question. My honest answer is, I don't know. Seems like meeting people and beginning your life would be good but I don't think hanging around in gay bars is the answer. There must be a LGBT group of some kind near you. There are a lot of members from the UK here, perhaps just ask the question here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...Places-to-Meet

I'm betting you will get all kinds of advice. good luck.

[Barbra P]

I too thought you were probably gay and just hadn’t reached the point where you were ready to admit it to yourself. Coming out and saying “Yes, I’m gay” doesn’t mean you have fully accepted the fact. Gays like crossdressers may go through their entire lives never fully accepting themselves.

My extremely limited understanding of English medicine is that you don’t have to pay $200 and up an hour to talk to a Psychologist. I would strongly recommend that you seek some professional help so that you better understand your own self. I also think you may be suffering from depression although I’m not qualified to make that call. A Psychologist might recommend group therapy where you could meet other young gays going through much of what you are experiencing yourself. You also might contact a LGBT organization in your area; they frequently have social activities where you can meet other gays. LGBT organizations here will generally have lists of Doctors, Therapists, and other professionals in the area where you can get help.

My knowledge of cruising in England is even less than my knowledge of English medicine, but I do know that cruising here in the States can be fraught with dangers. The last thing I would recommend you do is to don your sexiest dress and head out to the local pub with intentions of picking up some man and getting laid for the first time in your life. That adventure while sounding exciting is far more likely to end poorly, maybe even in disaster with you seriously injured.

Take care and I hope everything turns out fine for you.

[Nirali]

Forgive me for sounding so naive but what do you mean when you say I can seriously get injured ? I don't understand that.

Thanks for your response its really appreicated

[MatildaJ.]

what do you mean when you say I can seriously get injured ?

I think the idea is that sometimes straight men are attracted to a cross-dresser or transsexual, but get angry & violent when they discover that they aren't out with a woman. Some other men know perfectly well what they're doing, but hate themselves for wanting it, and so they also can get angry & violent after the sex act is over.

[Nirali]

I think the idea is that sometimes straight men are attracted to a cross-dresser or transsexual, but get angry & violent when they discover that they aren't out with a woman. Some other men know perfectly well what they're doing, but hate themselves for wanting it, and so they also can get angry & violent after the sex act is over.

Gosh, I never knew that and that's scary....

Thankyou so much

[Rachelakld]

Excuse me, I'm from Yorkshire.
1) go to gay bar
2) if you see something you like, say hi and politely introduce yourself.
3) after a few dates, ask your new friend if he minds if you play dressup

That will be 40 quid Thanks

[Nirali]

That's true but do gay guys like crossdressers?

[Lorileah]

Nirali, usually not. They like men. But there are men who like CDs who hang out at gay bars

[Barbra P]

While many people in the main stream associate crossdressing with being gay the reality is that the percentage of gay crossdressers is roughly the same with crossdressers as it is in the general population, maybe even a little less.

As far as whether gays like crossdressers, it varies, some are OK with it some don’t like us. Some gays who are activists pushing for gay rights think we are infringing on the effort they have put forward to become accepted. I’ve met gays who say that the LGBT community shouldn’t include crossdressers and many don’t even think people who are TS should be included – LGB rather than LGBT. I suspect that the gays that have a problem with crossdressers might be more accepting if they know the crossdresser is also gay. Ignorance, bigotry, and intolerance abound, including in the gay community.

If you’re going to a gay bar I’d consider going in drab, to check the water so to speak. See if there are any crossdressers in the bar, meet some people and after a few evenings you should have a pretty good idea of what the general feelings are in that particular bar.

In the States, and I suspect in England as well, there are cases of gay bashing – beating up gays just because they are gay. This happens less now than twenty or more years ago, but it still happens. The same can be said of crossdressers, some men will take exception if they approach you and then discover you are really a male. Some of these men may think that the way to appease their embarrassment at being fooled by your true gender is to catch you when you leave and rough you up. Unfortunately the world is full of ignorant jerks.

[Nirali]

Sounds like it will be a challenge for me to meet Mr Right !

[Barbra P]

Just remember that Mr. Right may be looking for his own Mr. Right and you may be him.

[Nirali]

Just remember that Mr. Right may be looking for his own Mr. Right and you may be him.

That's always nice to know

I am still shocked about my true self and this forum is 'special' place now

[Starshine24]

Hey there! I came here to offer my two cents but unfortunately I'm in the same boat I don't think about it as much, especially with the misses around me. But often I do wonder, and when I am dressed up it's even more so. I think we're just different, darling I can say I don't think of it to the extent you do, but from what I can understand of it all, I believe that the same feelings that make us who we are, are the same ones that drive those fantasies. I doubt I will ever have a one night stand with a guy over it though. The closest I ever came to that was I kissed one on a dare. But brighten up though, we don't need a quack to tell us I'm crazy because I already knew that