Hi friends, I need to let some internal pain out and share some of this with you. Really am hoping for an honest response and really appreciate your reply;
Being a part time crossdresser is fun, but to me it feels more like a double edged sword. I understand that some of us including me do this for fun and some others crossdress for their lifestyle. Well I live alone up north in England and started crossdressing at 12 then had a break for about 15 years, to include school, college, undergrad and postgrad so I never really had the opportunity but always had fantasies about crossdressing. But unlike some, my fantasy has been to dress head to toe and meet/ date/ go out with guys (non- crossdressers). To make this even worse, I fantasied about what I would specifically wear for hours and procrastinate over my work.
Initially I thought this was nothing but a fantasy and quite 'stupid' and 'crazy' and should focus on my career. Unfortunately, this procrastination has been affecting my performance at work which is concerning me.
Well the truth is I have spent a lot of money the last few months (since I started work) to feminise myself and spent hours on YouTube to learn the art of applying makeup. Unfortunately for me it doesn't stop there, I just cannot stop thoughts of how I would love to end up with any guy to make my dream come through. The worrying thing is firstly, why a guy eventhough I am dressed as a girl? Secondly why any guy (my human nature is not to act like and be degraded).
This fantasy feels like its about to explode and I must let it out and have my dream come through. If I told you I never had a gf in the past and was never keen on getting one will this explain my problem? I am attracted and very turned on by guys when dressed and not so much when not dressed.
Please can you advice me, do I need to see a counsellor or psychologist to deal with this problem? This can't be normal, right?
I need to stop this the right way !