Google "trans panic" and you will get an idea of what she means.Originally Posted by Nirali
If you do opt to start dating men, be very careful, like any GG would be. Meeting and going off with strangers you just met can be very dangerous, as it would be for any GG, plus you have the risk of violence for being trans on top of it.
Take it slow, one step at a time, Nirali. Beginning CDing and dating men at the same time seems overwhelming to me.
I began dressing late in life and assumed I must be gay because of my fantasies of being the woman with men. It took me over 10 years to come grips with my dressing and still am trying to figure out where I'm going with it!
It took me nearly 10 years to figure out I wasn't gay. That my dreams of being the woman with men was simply a dresser's fantasy!
I suggest u tackle one issue at a time. Which may be difficult for u. An experienced, qualified therapist could help u organize your thots and priorities!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
welcome to the forum, Nirali.
all I can say everyone has gave you good info
I would seek out a professional to help with your feelings
Hi Nirali, welcome to the forum!
If the Pink Fog is affecting your work performance, I think it's important to do something to keep yourself in check. You might want to discuss this with a professional.
This is a natural progression and I think that things will stabilize for you if you can get yourself looking believable enough to go out in the mainstream. My SO was also distracted for a few years, but things are balanced now that s/he has incorporated the dressing into her daily life. S/he goes out about twice per week and has been doing this for years now, so everything seems to have fallen into place.
It's "any" guy because you are not attracted to anyone specifically, but instead to a faceless man. You're not alone. There are many threads in this forum about CDers who fantasize intensely about being with men while dressed. I've just responded to someone else with an explanation so rather than repeat it I'll just post a link to my response:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post3340667
My SO also didn't date until quite late. He told me he just had no clue how to approach a girl. And like you, he also was focused for many years on a post-grad degree and then obtaining tenure.
Reine
Welcome Nirali. You'll find lots of good support here, but you might want to find a knowledge professional to talk to. They can assist you in sorting out all the emotional conflicts you're sure to struggle with. Happens to all of us, and therapy helps.
Hi Nirali. Just a guess about what might be going on. Straight CD'rs commonly fantasize about being with men when dressed. But if you really are gay and were in denial about it, then that might explain your comment above. Dressing fantasies might have been a way of letting your true sexuality escape while giving you the feeling that you were not really gay and that this was just due to the dressing fantasy.
If this is true, this might also explain your obsession with dressing fantasies, it was the only way your sexuality could come out. Obviously sexuality is a very strong motivator. So perhaps if you were to allow your sexuality to come out in a non-dressing context, (which might be difficult if it has become strongly associated with dressing), your interest in dressing might decline, though probably wouldn't vanish. I might be wrong, it's just my two cents.
Welcome, Nirali. Youhave had lots of good advice here, and I would just add thatrisk voidance ia the nmw of the game. Not just the risk of violence, but disease as well. Be creful, and meet your date the first few times somewhere public and safe. Good luck.
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!
Hi Nirali. Just a guess about what might be going on. Straight CD'rs commonly fantasize about being with men when dressed. But if you really are gay and were in denial about it, then that might explain your comment above. Dressing fantasies might have been a way of letting your true sexuality escape while giving you the feeling that you were not really gay and that this was just due to the dressing fantasy.
If this is true, this might also explain your obsession with dressing fantasies, it was the only way your sexuality could come out. Obviously sexuality is a very strong motivator. So perhaps if you were to allow your sexuality to come out in a non-dressing context, (which might be difficult if it has become strongly associated with dressing), your interest in dressing might decline, though probably wouldn't vanish. I might be wrong, it's just my two cents.
oh wow, this thing about dresssers fantasies and faceless men, is it true, is it widespread?
It summarises me perfectly. I'd love to be dressed and extremely feminine and be taken by a handsome man but I am not attracted to men at all and when i was once kissed by a gay guy I found it disgusting (no offence, it just wasnt my thing). it's a revelation for me to hear about this as it has been so confusing. I had assumed it meant I wanted to be with a ladyboy or something but thats not my thing either. frustrating stuff
welcome to the forum Nirali, you sound a bit like me
Michele Tara, in the post above mine you write:
"I'd love to be dressed and extremely feminine and be taken by a handsome man but I am not attracted to men at all and when i was once kissed by a gay guy I found it disgusting (no offence, it just wasnt my thing)."
I encourage you to look into the attraction to the self as a woman. If you were truly attracted to men, you would not have felt disgusted.
Reine
I agree with your overall point, but just wanted to say that I'm attracted to men, and yet sometimes I don't like kissing particular men.
Well, that's true. LOL. But I think for Michele it was more about the notion that she had kissed a guy. A lot of members here have shared similar stories.
Reine
Thanks all for your help. Because of your efforts I managed to set up an appointment (through previous cancellation) with my counsellor tomorrow afternoon. I am an aumni member back from postgrad but still have to fork out 60quid for the hour :S so hopefully it will be worth it.
Some of the responses you have made such as totally fine being attracted to guys as cd made me really confident.
Seriously thanks to you guys for being so honest.
Will keep you posted.
How many women have you slept with?
Welcome, Nirali. Like many have said before, this is a great forum to exchange ideas with many different types of cross dressers. I am a bi-sexual CD that enjoys being intimate with men while dressed. It is important to remember to always play safe, but thanks to the internet and modern times there are many more outlets for meeting men who enjoy CDs than there were even twenty years ago.
You should be honest with men who you might want to have a date with and tell them that you are wanting to take things very slowly. Being upfront with people before meeting up can prevent many awkward or uncomfortable situations. Also, use judgement when meeting guys (like all dating people do!) Ask yourself, is this a regular guy in the community looking for some fun? Is it someone who seems sketchy or may not be an honest person? And hosting has always seemed safer to me than traveling.
There is risk in many facets of life, but if you can become more grounded and accepting of yourself, you may be able to use more sound judgement and make better decisions.
Sorry, maybe i should start a separate thread, i dont mean to hijack this one and hope its relevent to Nirali as it seems we are coming from a similar place.
Im not attraceted to men, I mean I can appreciate handsome guys but not in way i would want to do anything. but when im submissive and in feminine mode I would love to be dressed up and seen as attractive. For me its a very sexual experience and I'd love to be taken or to do very naughty things to a guy but not anyone specific and if i try and imagine their face i cant as it turns me off. (although other parts of their body i can imagine well!)Having said that, in my normal day i'm quite alpha male and girls like me, its just that when i sleep with them i sometimes wish i was in their body and they were in mine.
does that make any sense at all or am i crazy? Does this sound familiar Nirali? good luck with the appointment x
Michele I can see how we are similar and I too have the desire to be to be dressed up and seen attractive and submit myslef to a guy.
In fact I just got back from my appointment from the counsellor and she was great. Firstly I explained my situation as a crossdresser and how I never had a gf or have been attracted to females in any form or shape although they make great friends. The key to seeing her was me being honest. Of course I was asked if I ever had a gf or bf, been on a date?-no!
She did simple 'tests' such as showing me 4 different females with minimal clothing full figure. I was asked to give my thoughts and reactions- I wasn't getting an urge other than thinking where I can get those heels from.....I know I know but couldn't help it.
Moving on it was 4 males with minimal clothing. Interestingly I found two of them quite gorgeous and was attracted eventhough I was not crossdressed, but had no urge to go further. Things changed when she made me focus on just my inner when I am crossdressed and provide my natural feelings towards the guys in those photos. It was clear to her how I reacted and suddenly how my attitude changed to a positive tone.
She then asked what I would dress on a date if it was a guy, how long would I take to get ready for them and why that long. Same questions if it was a girl except my response was no longer than 20 seconds and quite monotonous. These questions clearly helped me open up about myself and she expressed how normal I was as an individual and there was nothing wrong being attracted to guys when enfemme.
I was strongly advised to join local cd groups/ meetings etc which I would love to which could help this urge dissolve in my system.
Secondly, taking everything safely and slowly is probably breaking the final ice barrier. This involves dating guys who are genuine cd admirers. The only two ways she recommended me was either via a friend or on a dating site. She did warn about the consequences, but I need to explore myself and it does involve taking that risk! I have been looking around and have found this site http://www.crossdresserdating.co.uk/ which seems legitimate.
As I am writing this I feel really relieved, excited and confident about myself. However make no mistake I am nor ordering that lbd and those killer heels until I get the opportunity to meet some of you guys here and talk this through a lot more. Your support has been second to none !
Will keep you posted
Nirali
"You should be honest with men who you might want to have a date with and tell them that you are wanting to take things very slowly. Being upfront with people before meeting up can prevent many awkward or uncomfortable situations. Also, use judgement when meeting guys (like all dating people do!) Ask yourself, is this a regular guy in the community looking for some fun? Is it someone who seems sketchy or may not be an honest person? And hosting has always seemed safer to me than traveling"
Taylor you are dead on right there. After meeting my counsellor she said the exact same things such as taking things really slow and being upfront and honest. The side I posted was specifically for dating crossdressers and there are an abundance of guys who admire crossdressers its astonishing. Its going to be hard nip picking the honest and genuine admirer and YES will be hosting for sure.
Thanks for your kind advice
Last edited by Nirali; 11-06-2013 at 11:46 AM. Reason: Insert comment from Taylor
0 and don't intend to go up on that lol
Michelle and Nirali, you're both new here. Believe me when I say that we have many, many threads about CDers who want to be with men when dressed, yet they say they are turned off when the reality presents itself. This is because they are not attracted to the men and the reality of being two naked male-bodied individuals having sex is a turn off for them. They are rather attracted to the thought of themselves as sexy and desirable women and the imaginary guy is the perfect foil for this. A prop so to speak.
Of course there are also CDers who are genuinely gay and bi, I would guess at about the same percentage as there are gay men to hetero men who are not CDers, or maybe a bit more. Who knows. But gay and bi CDers tend to enjoy men when they're not dressed too.
Reine
Insanely curious but no idea how to start with
Are you comfortable with yourself? If so, I don't think you need help. I started crossdressing in my teens. Although I later tried to share it with my wife it did not go over very well. I spent many years not dressing and feeling ashamed of my self. However, thru the internet I have found a resource that has helped me enjoy being me. When I am dressed (as I am now) I have I feel I have accepted that part of myself and enjoy it.
Hiya Nirali
You don't say where abouts you are apart from northern England, but there are a few of us meet up occasionally for a night out on Canal Street in Manchester. We are all (probably!) straight, but you'd be welcome to join us if you fancy a night out sometime. I don't know if you are familiar with Canal Street, but it's the centre of Manchester's gay village. The bars etc. round there are very accepting of any and all LGBT and straight people. It's a great place for occasional crossdressers like me - no-one cares what I look like.
Please send me a personal message if you are interested or if you just fancy a chat.
**-* Kath *-**
Let them see that their words can cut you and you’ll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name, take it, make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore.
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
Thank you Reine, its so reassuring to hear your words. Its so easy to think there is something seriously wrong with me, knowing its common kind of helps. I dont know what i am but at least i now know im not alone. Thank you x
Michele, the best way to find out is to actually have sex with a man and then see how you feel. Reality and fantasy are not the same and bringing a fantasy to reality is the best way to find out who you're really attracted to ... and it could well be that you are most aroused at the thought of yourself as a woman, which I suppose is its own sexual orientation.
Can you see yourself in a romantic relationship with a guy? What about with a girl?
Reine
Hosting may not be the best thing to do, with a guy. If it goes bad, he will know where you live. That is scary. I hosted once, and there was no penetration sex, so he did not want to meet again. I would like to host, because i am too poor to go to motels. Meet at a public place first, and get the feel of the situation. If my harsh, cruel brother stopped over and found me dresses, let alone with a guy, i would be in for years of persecution, and harsh ridicule, from my toxic family of origin.
