Encountered A CD'er While Shopping...

[RebeccaLynne]

... and was at a loss as to how to react. I didn't want to upset her outing by letting her know I knew, yet at the same time, I really wanted to reach out to her, and let her know that I was one, too.

Let me set the stage... I was at Big 5 Sporting Goods in Lakewood Shopping Center last Wednesday, looking for the RG side-zip waterproof 8" boots. They were on sale for $35, and I needed new ones. I wear size 13's, and they only had up to 11.5 on my side of the aisle. I walked around to the other side of the aisle to see if there were any more, and she was there. She was wearing a skirt and calf-length boots, and was taller than I am (I'm 6'). Our eyes met, and she had the "deer in the headlights" look. I so badly wanted to say hi, compliment her on her look, and mention that I enjoyed crossdressing, too. Instead, I just smiled, and said, "Excuse me, I'm just checking to see if my size is over here". I didn't want her to know that I'd clocked her. She just seemed so vulnerable.

Before anyone questions whether or not she was a CD'er, let me assure you, she definitely was. You can't get that close to a fellow sister and not know. I've questioned myself ever since, and feel bad that I didn't make myself known to her, and offer the hand of friendship.

I realize this topic has been covered previously, yet until faced with the reality of an unexpected encounter, one never knows quite what to do.

TBS, I still have regrets that I didn't make myself known as a kindred spirit, and at least offer to buy her a coffee... might have made a new friend.

Did I do the right thing? Or was it a missed opportunity to reach out to another person who might have appreciated the interaction? Thoughts?

[Danielle Gee]

Rebecca: I think what you actually said was perfect! It probably did more for her confidence then anything.......Danielle

[Mark/Rebecca]

Ive often thought I should have approached a pretty tranny that I had encountered with "I just want to be sure someone tells you how lovely you look today". That fairly compliments her not on her gender but her femininity and beauty. However I have noticed when I am underdressing, I find being offered assistance by a man intimidating.

[Joan_CD]

I guess I would ask this... Would you walk up to a man wearing a toupee and say gee your hair sure looks real! I don't think I would want someone coming up to me saying you look great, as good as a gg. I think you handled it perfectly!

[Beverley Sims]

It is a missed opportunity, but a wise one.
Unless there is a face to face confrontation and you need to put the person at ease, let all opportunities be missed ones.
There are plenty of places to meet other than in passing.

[mikiSJ]

Ive often thought I should have approached a pretty tranny that I had encountered with "I just want to be sure someone tells you how lovely you look today". That fairly compliments her not on her gender but her femininity and beauty.

,,,and if she wasn't pretty, what would you say?

[NathalieX66]

I bumped into one purely by accident in Macy's , we crossed paths, and she fled the scene like a bat out of hell. I didn't even noticed who I bumped into until afterwards. She was very well dressed, in a skirt and stiletto heels, but a bit skittish.

It takes a while, sometimes years, to feel comfortable being this side in public. I was there once, so I know the feeling.

The reality for me, is I just treat any cd'er as a normal person. You want to be treated as a normal person in public, right? That's what you get from me.
I don't even bother to approach other CD/TG people if I see them, they deserve to be treated as normal people. If I saw Paul McCartney in person, I wouldn't even approach him unless he approached me. That poor guy gets fans and paparazzi chasing him all the time.

When I'm I'm out & about as a woman in public, I don't want to be gawped at, I just want to fit in. That's all the affirmation I need.

[jjjjohanne]

I would think that talking TO a skittish CD in public is going to force them to try to produce a feminine voice. If they cannot, then you are forcing them to out themselves. What is the etiquette on that?

Is it, "If you cannot talk the talk, then don't walk the walk"?

[thechic]

You acted 100% correct, I admire you.

[BWOemerger]

almost the same experience in Twin Falls, ID Target this afternoon. I was with my wife and we crossed paths with a lovely CD. While I would like to interact I know from my own experiences that there is no good way to approach, so it better to just let them be and create a post hoping they see it and make contact with you.

[Wildaboutheels]

I think it it is very easy to project our own thoughts and feelings onto others, based on what we ourselves might desire. I also DON'T think it possible to read minds, [despite so many claims here to the contrary]nor FAIR to bust others based on nothing but their "presentation". A "normal" female may not be pregnant just because she "looks" pregnant.

"She" might have been flattered? It's possible. But you might also have sent her running for her car.

Far too many here assume they "pass/passed" just because so few folks will say anything.

^^^^ What that translates to is it does not matter if one "passes" or not.

[Tracii G]

I think you did the right thing.
I don't think I would mind if a CDer approached me and said hi sister in discrete manner but thats just me.

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi,

For me, I think the best all-purpose reaction I could give someone of how they present is to simply acknowledge them with a smile and act normally in every way. When I come across men dressed like men, I act normally. When I come across women dressed as women, I act normally. When I come across a man or woman crossdressed, I think the ultimate thing I can do for their comfort is to act normally.

I personally would cringe if anyone zoned in on me despite their intentions, good or bad, and put me on the spot in some way. I'd be uncomfortable with that. But I wouldn't hold it against anyone who tried to be nice. If intentions are good, that is the key for me.

Cheers,

Kalista

[IMJenn]

Kalista, I like the way you broke that down. That made me smile actually.

If someone were to acknowledge me as a "crossdresser" when/if I go out, I would be terrified myself. I'm not saying this is how everyone will act, but I'd get out of there as quick as I could. I just want to blend in and let Jenn be Jenn. If there was some secret hand signal or something to say "Hey-me too!" that might be different, but I don't know of the existence of such a thing.

[alicia45]

I had a similar experience on a night walk in my old neighborhood, except I was the skittish one. She was passable and very pretty, but definitely CD. We had the occasion to move around a crowd together and I didn't say anything, much less a "hello", because I was the nervous ugly duckling. We both clocked each other, and moved on.

[Lynn Marie]

If you see me out and about, please feel free to compliment me and make my acquaintance by buying me lunch or dinner. I may look cheap but I'm no cheap date!

[LelaK]

First thought:
My first comment was: Where can I find a t-shirt that says "I Crossdress!" I should've specified a girl's t-shirt, maybe Hooters. And it should go with a skirt or hot pants. Right? If you were out dressed and saw a CDer wearing that, would you then have any inclination to say, Hey, me too? Would you want to get acquainted?

That first idea was meant as humor, although it would be neat to see someone wearing such a girl's t-shirt, whether she were a CDer or a GG, that says I Crossdress.

Second thought:
It occurs to me that there might be ways to actually greet a CDer without much chance of outing her. How about complimenting her attire? Or asking for a date? Or having casual conversation? I'm sure others would have better ideas.

[cyndi13]

I think you did the right thing as well. Being one of those skittish CD's any sort of been "outed" would have sent me running

[Kanwal]

I also feel this is the right approach

[Chickhe]

You did the right thing. One year I was testing the waters at a party with my wife and someone dressed in drag approached me and asked me if I was a woman or a man. When I spoke it confirmed that I was a man, but he then said, 'Oh, you are just like me!'...and which point I sort of ended the conversation. I wasn't prepared to be in a conversation all about CDing in front of my wife when we were just out having fun and I wasn't sure how she would react. It's not that saying hello is not okay, its making an assumption that they are the same as you... I know when I first went out, I wound have been mortified if anyone was to draw any attention my way and it pretty scary because someone you don't know is approaching you and without a voice you're going to be put in the spotlight. It's best to just say something neutral and if they want to talk to you they will let you know.

[Marcelle]

I agree with most in that you did the right thing as it is difficult to know how she might take an a casual encounter. Some may be okay with it but others may feel backed in a corner and it may ruin what could be their inaugural outing. I have not bumped into any CDers while out but unless they approached me (which I would not mind) I would not approach them. I would most likely smile (passive support) and move on.

Hugs

Isha

[StacyChambers]

Before anyone questions whether or not she was a CD'er, let me assure you, she definitely was.

Because she was wearing pantyhose?

[JamieQ]

I think you did the right thing.
I don't think I would mind if a CDer approached me and said hi sister in discrete manner but thats just me.

I would not mind either...I think I am comfortable enough that if someone approached me I would welcome it...just has not happened yet....

[mikiSJ]

I think we need a secret wink or smile or handshake.

[jjjjohanne]

I suppose, from the happy posts people place on here, the best thing to say to a CD in the wild is, "Good afternoon, ma'am." Or anything with ma'am in it.