Why do people stare?

[Stephanie Miller]

Do we feel we are "clocked", or cause ourselves to be "clocked" more than we should?
Let me explain. I remember very clearly that many years ago I was walking through a mall, I was looking down into my purse for a stupid little piece of paper that I had written a color choice of lipstick I was going to buy. After I found it I looked up, I immediately started to look around to see if people were watching me. (Don't really give a diddly anymore).
After a bit it dawned on me. If I was looking at someone when they happened to look my way, they would immediately lock on to me longer than a momentary glance. And now that they were looking if they saw something that didn't fit it would cause them to look more in depth. So I got to thinking... would that same person have looked and scrutinized me at if I hadn't been looking at them in the first place?
So I finished walking, using my peripheral vision to see what number of people actually looked my direction if I WASN'T looking at them. The number was surprising. Very, very few actually looked. By looking I actually drew their attention to me for a longer period.
Taking this little experiment a bit further.... the next day while in drab I did the same thing. Walked and watched people - they would look back instead of just glace past. Walk and watch out of the corner of my eye and they would short glance, if at all.

So where am I going with this? I'm trying to get the point across to the girls just getting out in the world that unless you bring the attention upon yourself with eye contact, others really could care less. Go have fun and stop looking for people that are watching you. For the most part they aren't ----- unless you give them reason.

There's probably many other tips some of the "regular" out an about girls here on the site have, so it would be nice if they pass them along too.

[Eryn]

6'+ GGs and get stared at quite a lot. Why should I be any different? I stopped worrying about it.

[Starshine24]

Thank you for this!! It is very uplifting for me to hear. I have posted about my nerves being a wreck getting 12" from a door, but after this it makes me want to try just walking g out in the yard for a little bit.

[jenni_xx]

My own two cents.

It's all to do with ourselves - being and feeling more self-conscious, taking such a brave step outside into the big wide world. We are the centre of our own world, and when we take such brave steps, it's perfectly natural to think that others will regard our steps outside with just as much significance and importance that we ourselves ascribe to it. The truth is - other people don't ascribe the same level of importance. Other people ascribe no degree of importance. Other people are just going about their own business like they would any other day.

So a stranger clocks you? What happens? They may giggle, they may double take, it may even become a story that they tell their friends or partners later that same day. But they won't ascribe any importance to it, simply because it's not important.

I've experienced a wide range of emotions when I've gone out. From being fully dressed and presenting as a "woman", to mixing and matching, and wearing feminine attire while not hiding the fact that I'm a man. I've felt my heart pound against my chest, scared witless about encountering other people out in public - to other times not caring whatsoever and just going about my day. The reactions from the public on either occasion? Exactly the same. From either not noticing, to not caring, to noticing and not caring, to noticing and having a momentary giggle, maybe even a double take, but then continuing about their own business.

The point I'm making is that most of the fears, the excitement, the adventure, reside only in our own heads. No one else really cares. Certainly no one as much as we do, put it that way.

So just be yourself, go about your business. Wear what you want. And stop worrying about what other people may or may not think.

[Candice Mae]

I've tried this before and end up catching guys checking me out. Seeing the guilty looks on their faces just made me feel even more uncomfortable.

[Jill Devine]

Take note of how GGs walking around do not make eye contact with anyone. The tune everyone out.
Take note if how guys walking around tend to make eye contact with most people (or at least they really look).
It's subtle but very real. I think its a primal inbred instinct of the male (hunter) to be more alert and observant. GGs have a way of tuning out the world around them in a crowd.

[Leah Lynn]

Some advise to avoid eye contact, others, to look them directly in the eye. Personally, I'm one to look anyone in the eye, as to say, what are you looking at? A challenge, if you will. To avoid eye contact, always looking away, marks you as a potential victim. Looking at people will signal others that you are confident and in charge of your surroundings. Many will say that this is wrong for CD's and TG's, but I prefer to own the situation, or at least give that appearance.

These tactics may not fit your particular psyche, and I won't try to convince anyone to do what they feel isn't right, but it's worked for me.

Leah

[Kittie]

If someone looks at me I generally don't feel it's because they're reading me, not anymore at least and if they are, it doesn't really matter. I'll always look someone in the eye and smile, quite simply because simple human moments like that are lost on most people - if I receive an equal response it reminds me that there are still people in the world.

[JamieQ]

I have never noticed any stares but I have noticed men and a few women "checking me out". I probably bring some of this on myself; I am blondish, my skirts tend to be on the short side, I wear hose barely visible enough to detect and I usually wear tennis shoes or high heels, rare occasion boots...in other words most of my legs are showing. I found it easier once I got rid of sunglasses and actually look people in the eye when looked at...I just say "hi" or smile and thats it...I think avoiding eye contact would make someone stick out even more...and do not hurry through the mall or store and especially do not dart back and forth about the clothes rack...leisurely stroll through...IMO.

[Stephanie Miller]

Yes Jill, you are so correct. My wife has a way of "tuning" me out now for 35 years.

As Leah Lynn suggests - "own the situation". I agree to be aware and own it. But I differ on the amount of time to own it. I will gladly own it when needed. But to make eye contact with everyone, all the time, TO ME is just bringing too much unwanted attention.

Your no different than anyone here Starshine. We all have our good days and our bad. Some people prefer to just jump in and others put their toe in first. You may need baby steps - BUT their YOUR steps. They are something to enjoy. But please do as much as you dare when your young instead of being like a lot of us old biddies that dream of what could have been had we taken charge of our own lives earlier.

[TxKimberly]

Another lesson to take away from this - if you are unusual or do something unusual, oh, say, like cross dressing, you sort of need to expect that some will be curious. It is not necessarily that they are rude, they are just curious. You should be prepared for this and not give it undo attention.

[Helen_Highwater]

I've tried this before and end up catching guys checking me out. Seeing the guilty looks on their faces just made me feel even more uncomfortable.

As a guy, that's what I do, I check out females. This I do in two ways; one as a guy who admires females; two as a CD who is "checking out the opposition", looking for the fashionista diva with the great dress/shoes/boots,makeup, you name it. Something I can emulate, something I can use to make Helen look better.
But if I wasn't CD, I'd be eying the ladies 'cause that's what males do.
Remember that and you'll feel less self conscious. It's what's perceived, not what is.

[Beverley Sims]

If I make eye contact I smile, it happens often not much with men at all.

[candykowal]

Gosh, I don't even think about it anymore unless I am interacting with someone.
I was at the Avenue department store this past weekend buying boots and it was just like any other purchase in guy mode.
I was catching one sales associate checking out my professional make over I had specifically done with shopping in mind..not too made up.
I am sure she was puzzled at my gender...for a while.
There are place I do avoid just because I am not sure of the area.
But yes, just being confident and composed, comfortable with yourself is sure a key to being accepted!

[JeanneF]

Let them stare. I've given up on caring if I "pass" or if I'm "accepted". I'm a fellow human, and they can either deal with me or not.

If we constantly live in fear of people realizing that we're a crossdresser or caring what other people think, then we'll never find ourselves accepted in society.

You know why gay people are (for the most part) accepted in our society? Because they made it a point to be visible to the public and make people realize that they're also human. It's been a fight for 40 years but it's worked. The reason why CDs aren't accepted is because too many of us are hiding in the closet afraid of what the neighbors or the people at church will think.

[GretchenJ]

My own two cents.

It's all to do with ourselves - being and feeling more self-conscious, taking such a brave step outside into the big wide world. We are the centre of our own world, and when we take such brave steps, it's perfectly natural to think that others will regard our steps outside with just as much significance and importance that we ourselves ascribe to it. The truth is - other people don't ascribe the same level of importance. Other people ascribe no degree of importance. Other people are just going about their own business like they would any other day.


The point I'm making is that most of the fears, the excitement, the adventure, reside only in our own heads. No one else really cares. Certainly no one as much as we do, put it that way.

So just be yourself, go about your business. Wear what you want. And stop worrying about what other people may or may not think.

Yes, very true. It's something I have work on in both in guy mode and in girl mode, but I least I can function somewhat in guy mode

[docrobbysherry]

Actually, I believe there's a huge difference in vanilla's attitudes depending on whether or not u MITE PASS!

Because the only time I can pass is on Halloween, I just experienced what I'm talking about. The curious, flirty, or often unsure look on men's faces at Halloween.

Very different from the rest of the year. When the expressions r; disapproving, scorn, feined ignorance, or complete derision! Men stared at me on Halloween whether or not I was looking at them.

On other occasions, masked or not, if I look at folks looking at me they usually look away immediately!

[RoryKitrick]

I can second that just being tall gets you noticed, no matter how inconspicuous you are otherwise. In fact, I met someone the other day who I've never met, but he said he's seen me around, because I'm 'that really tall girl'. It's usually the way people know me.

I think the best way not to get stared at is to not act as though there's anything /to/ be stared at.

[DeeArel]

I find that there are generally 2 kinds of people you pass when out and about. The lookers and the tune outers. The lookers check out what appears interesting. Most of them will stare if you let them. Walk tall and proud with your head up. Be aware of your surroundings and the people. When you make eye contact, smile, and hold the eye contact and they will look away. Trying to be tuned out invites stares. Stare long enough and you can read others' flaws.

[AlexisWest]

I think they are stunned by our beauty.

[Sejd]

I agree with Leah. Looking away is not the safe thing to do. I always look people in the eyes and stay strong. If somebody looks at me, I look back and give then a smile. So far, it has worked.

[Chickhe]

I've experienced a few things related to this. One, people may stare at you, but you can't read their minds, so you don't know why they are staring at you. If their jaw doesn't fall open, they probably didn't read you...they may just think you look a little unusual. Two, if you look nervous and suspicious, people will watch you...you are best off having a purpose...to go buy something specific rather than just wondering around a mall. Three, even if you are discovered almost no one will make a scene. Four, if someone does approach you, you need to be confident that you belong and that you are doing the right thing...never run and hide.

[Lexi Moralas]

I've tried this before and end up catching guys checking me out. Seeing the guilty looks on their faces just made me feel even more uncomfortable.

I like to catch guys Checking me out , it make me feel good about how I look.
That's probably why I don't get clocked more often, guys are to busy looking at my ass they don't see my face. Lol
I do wear a wedding ring to deter them from actually approaching me though lol
But in general the more I go out the less I care If I get clocked or about what other people think

[Lorileah]

People see what they want to see. So unless you decide to look like you picked up your outfit at a Goodwill explosion, most won't care. If you have someone look at you just look back and smile. One of the ways to protect yourself when out walking at night is t0 let the person you pass or who is behind you KNOW they are there. That is as easy as saying "Hi". When you do that it makes them know you know. Don't try and hide away.

I always smile and say "hi" if I notice eye contact. The smile makes me prettier for one thing (less masculine) and the other person is disarmed and have two choices, say "hi" back or to look away themselves.

[Tracii G]

You are right Lori