Kids..... Starting to notice

[Amy R Lynn]

So.... I am a single father of two amazing boys! I love them more than anything else. I have full custody of them.

Tonight I was putting my son to bed. I leaned over to kiss him good night, like I always do. He said my hair was tickling his face. I have hair just slightly past my shoulders. Then he said that I needed to get a hair cut. So I asked him "You don't like my hair the way it is?" He said "No, you look like a girl dad."

I explained to him that I liked having long hair. And that if its something that you like and it doesn't hurt anyone else, it should be ok.

I'm not really sure where to go with this one. My father really doesn't like my long hair. He usually gives me some grief over it. Of course my Dad is bald. So it could be more of a jealousy thing. I wonder if my Dad put him up to saying that, or if that is how he really feels.

I can't change who I am. I'm not really sure where to go with this. The son that said this to me is seven. My older son is nine, and hasn't said anything to me about it.

What suggestions do you ladies have? Are there any single fathers in the same boat as me here?

[Michelle Crossfire]

Most men lose their hair when they get older. I say wear it while you got it. Besides, before you know it, they will be teenagers and you can return the favor when they get into whatever the fad or fashion will be at that time.

[Erica Marie]

My kids were the same way, when they were younger I had decided to shave off my mustache and they said "dad you look weird, grow your mustache back", then a few years later I decided to shave my legs and they questioned that. If you dont make a big fuss about it they forget real quick. At least in my case.

[RADER]

When I was a teenager, the "Beatles" where a big new thing; And I remember my
Dad telling me: "Don't think, you are going to have long hair like that"
Well I am about 2/3 bald; in fact when I get a hair cut, the barber gives me some
Simonize on top just for a shine effect.
If you keep your hair in a nice fashion, it should not be undesirable to your son.
Lots of movie stars have long hair, so why not you.
Rader

[Tracii G]

You are the parent you set the guidelines.
You could tie it in a pony tail so it doesn't get in the way when you kiss him goodnight.

[LelaK]

I think you said the right thing.

This summer my brother asked me when I'm going to cut my hair, that I look like a Hippie. He was kidding and I laughed. I haven't heard criticism of long hair on guys since the early 70s when I started growing my hair.

I'm mostly bald now, but I wear a cap to hide that. I was playing catch with a girl once in the 80s and had my cap on, then went to my room to rest and took my cap off. Then she came looking for me to play some more, but didn't recognize me without my cap on. When I told her I was the same person and had just taken my cap off, she said put it on. So, ever since then, I've almost always had a cap on. I don't like my bald head either.

[Jennifer in CO]

My daughters and I when they were small would have "hair growing competitions"...I never lost. Youngests hair is now down at her butt as mine is crawling up my back. She commented this past Sunday that she has finally beat me (knowing mine will never get that long again). O how I miss those headaches from butt-length long hair and a braid as big around as your wrist....

[Chickhe]

You are free to cut your hair the way you want. Kid's just ask because they are trying to figure the world out. Tell them lots of guys have long hair and if everyone looked the same the world would be a very boring place. For you father tell him at least you hair is growing out and not inwards... Most men are very self conscious over being bald, so a retort related to that topic will stop his negative comments about your hair pretty quickly.

[Beverley Sims]

Hair you can get away with but there are other things that will come out later.
I hope you are prepared for the future.

[dawnmarrie1961]

I had 3 children. Two girls and one boy. My son was the one that had the most difficult time with my transitioning. Mostly because of what his friends would say to him.Kids can be cruel to each other. I always told my son "I am your father, I always will be. That will never change."
Today he's a grown up man. We had our difficulties over the years but now we are closer than ever. He just got engaged last week. I look forward to walking my son down the isle and giving him away, since I never got a chance to do that with my daughters.
Presently I am taking care of a 4 yr old boy. His father does a lot of traveling for his job. I promised the father that I would never do anything to influence his son in regards to his identity. Sure the little guy asks me questions every once in a while but they are harmless ones. He notices things.Just as most children do. I am honest with him about who I am. I can only hope that he will learn to respect all people regardless of what they might look like or what gender they choose to be.
This is how we change the world.
One person at a time.

[Stephanie47]

Don't beat the issue to death! Kids make observations concerning their surroundings all the time. You gave him a simple answer to a simple question/observation. When my daughter was pre-school age she was riding on a city transit bus with my wife. My daughter became absolutely hysterical because the bus driver had long hair (pony tail) and a beard. She said boys are not suppose to have long hair. Girls do! My wife casually explained there was nothing wrong with boys having long hair. Case closed. Yesterday I was in Costco behind a young dad with his toddler daughter in the shopping cart. I watched her eyes examining everything around her. I quipped to the dad that his daughter was really observant and nothing was ever going to get passed her.

As Beverly said, later on the boys will become more observant and there will be bigger issues to confront and explain. There's an explain or quip I like when being asked a question: "Keep it simple, stupid." That means don't go overboard with an explanation as if you're giving a thesis.

[Tracii G]

I posted a pic on my FB wall and my oldest daughter made a comment about earrings and my hair and she said its like I don't know you any more.LOL
I asked what wrong with earrings? She replied nothing. So it seems I'm not allowed to change my looks. Ha
My youngest daughter I met at a club last weekend with her husband ( drummer in the band that was playing) and she never said a word and wasn't phased in the least.
Funny how kids react to things. Be straight forward and give a simple answer no matter how old your kids are LOL.

[Devin C]

Lots of good advice here for sure. I'm so glad I joined this site

[kimdl93]

Your son has his own thoughts and expressed them. If you want to live openly with them, you'll need to be honest about it.that doesn't mean going into too much detail, but in a matter of fact manner.

[mikiSJ]

Well, at least you son isn't 46 and would probably through me out of my house if he discovered my femme side.

At some point they are going to realize their father is a bit different than their friends' fathers. Start setting the stage for the 'talk'. The more honest you can be with them the easier will be their acceptance. Remember, they will be carrying a burden of needing to hide something very important to them, their dad dressing, from their friends and the rest of your family.

[Brooklyn]

Keep your hair the way you like it and never lie to your kids. You don't have to explain more than they need or want to know; just be truthful and don't make too big a deal out of little things. Mine poke fun at me about all my stuff, which is fine. They know that I love them more than anything, that I try to live with integrity, and also give great pedicures.

[Kate T]

Firstly I doubt that your boy has been "put up to it" by his grandfather. Kids just notice things and hair length is a big gender differentiator in modern society. I wonder if it is a face recognition thing because I fairly routinely wear skirt / dress etc. around my kids and they rarely if ever comment but as soon as I put a wig on.... well daddy looks like a girl as far as they are concerned then. Go figure :shrugs:.
I don't envy your situation. Luckily I have a beautiful wife and mother of our children who provides support. So the kids see mums response to me and think "well if she doesn't care, why should we". Unfortunately you don't have that luxury. Just love them as much as you can (which I'm sure you do) and make sure they know that they are your number one priority and they will work it out. Kids can be cruel but they can also show us the best of humanity and they have no preconceptions and inhibitions. You will be fine.

[Stevie]

Children at that age do notice girl and boy things. Sounds like he was just pointing it out to you.

[suzy1]

He is only 5 years old. Don't take him to seriously at that age.

[linda allen]

You don't have to cut your hair based on your son's one time comment. If it's not causing you problems in other areas such as your career, you can leave it long. Next time your son complains about your hair tickling his face ask him if he would rather you wear it in a pony tail.

I think you will find it increasingly hard to hide your crossdressing from your children as they grow older and explore the house. You may have to make some changes or consider letting them in on your secret.

Best of luck.

[Valarie]

Our son is 4 and he is very observant, I love that about him. My wife loves painting my toes. But I would feel bad and wear socks so he would not notice, (so he would not tell grandma, my mom) one day my feet were just killing me and I took them off. He noticed the blue paint and said, "Dada why are your toes painted that's for girls." My wife responded that she wanted to paint them. He didn't say anything after that. A week later she had painted them magenta shade, he noticed again and said, "why are they pink now?" My wife said, "because I wanted to." He said, "Oh I like the blue ones better." Children are very observant, I think it just depends on how they see the world. My son already now because of my father in law wants his hair short when before he thought it was cool we both had long hair.

[NicoleScott]

Amy, I'm not surprised at your father's attitude about long hair, as he was brought up in a generation when men generally had short hair. I am surprised, however, at the kid's reaction to your long hair, as they were raised in a time when anything goes from pony tails to buzz cuts for men. So I wonder, are his observations about you just about hair, or might you be giving off other clues of femininity (as he perceives it)?
After a decade of buzz cuts, I am starting to get thin on the top, and I am now letting my hair grow so that I can have (last chance) a pony tail I never had. The tables have been turned, as my teenage son, who had long hair for years, recently got it buzzed (his idea-nobody made him). He doesn't care one way or the other about my hair.

[Amy R Lynn]

I do try to hide Amy as much as I can from them. They have enough on their plate right now. They don't need to be burdened with keeping this a secret from their friends and family. They have seen my toe nails painted, my pierced ears, and long hair. They have no idea that I dress up as a girl and go out when they are not around. I agree that is just hair. I wouldn't cut it just because of one comment about it. In fact I wouldn't cut it, unless I wanted to. Which at the moment, I don't want to. I love being able to tie my hair into a pony tail, braid it, curl it... etc... Love it. So I'm definitely not going to get it cut any time soon.

I dread the day that I have to have the talk with them about Amy. I know that I can't keep it hidden from them forever. Eventually something is going to come up. I agree that being honest is the best answer with all of this. I'm also not big on long elaborate answers. To me long answers are trying to hide something. I appreciate all of the advice here! Thank you.

[sperow2003]

One of the main reasons I daren't expose my dressing up activities is the fear my wife and I have always had of the kids' innocent comments at the worst moment when other people are around so I stay in the closet.

[ReineD]

Your son is at the age when it is important that boys be boys and girls be girls. And he gets his info from all our social cues. The only advice I have is to explain that both men and women can have long hair, just as they both can have short hair. And also that the length of a person's hair doesn't make them boy OR girl. You might want to find pictures to show him and you really don't have to go back far ... either the '60s, or current rock stars.

Here's a google image search for men with long hair:

https://www.google.com/search?q=men'...=isch&imgdii=_

As to the comment itself, my adult son wore his hair just grazing his shoulders and over his ears all the time he was in high school and college. And then all of a sudden he got it cut short. In answer to my question, he said it was because he had got a comment at his part-time job by someone who told him it looked "gay".

I know that there are three major groups of men who do consistently wear long hair: hippies, intellectuals, and some back woods country boys. All are staunch individualists who don't mind bucking the system.

PS. My SO's hair length is mid-back. My conservative sons have not said anything about it to me, but they do know that the hippies were in vogue when I was a little girl and that I love long hair.