Self-Image - Do You Feel Like a Woman?

[mary something]

It's a simple logic problem if the answer is that you have to self identify first
...but if you do that , and then do NOT live even socially in your self ID'd gender, that's what causes all the problems transsexuals deal with as they end up living only inside their heads..

Humans are social creatures, we require socialization with others or we risk serious physical and mental health issues. Socialization with other people is transactional in nature. Someone could identify as a turnip inside their own head if they wanted to but the problem for TS people is that unless they feel that their internal and external life is in harmony it's empty and devoid of meaning, just like Kaitlyn said.

So instead of trying to describe and pin down what it feels like to be a woman I'm happy to say that this is my path to harmony.

[LeaP]

...not self id'd gender, social gender...

Surely it's both. Even if you don't "feel" like a woman, there is a knowing. That it manifests in such common ways and early in life (in most cases), that you are driven to live it in such a visceral way, makes it also a self-identification issue - almost certainly based in physiology. The last thread focused on consciousness, this on feeling, both in an attempt to dig below choice. Neither is quite right. While I believe there is a base level of unthinking consciousness in which instinct acts (which may be nothing more than life itself), there are many levels of awareness and mental activity that are above that base, yet rooted in physiology. Adolescence invokes some of them, as does the maturing of the adult mind.

Gender awareness is in there somewhere. Were it as easy as feeling one way or another, or living one way or another, I think the internal conflicts would be far less. Simple choice. Were the self-knowledge completely rooted in either full awareness or the base level of consciousness, we would not be questioned as we are.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

doesn't that imply self identification is even more meaningless except in the context of helping you to determine what you should do with your life...
in other words, whether or not you should change your body or your social role to match your gender?

in fact, what I've experienced is that many transsexuals say they knew since their earliest memory (lets leave out that I don't believe everyone that says that)..but the rest of us didn't... we were confused, upset, on and on ....

I, for one, could not be confident that I self identified as a woman until I actually went out and did it socially...which then informed me enough to go and change my body...I saw this a lot in my group therapy...

this leaves me to feel that my self identification was actually irrelevant to what I actually did...I didn't know until I did it!!!! I can't look back with perfect memory...so perhaps i'm overstating what I didn't know because I was so in denial..

I have often said that in my mind, I have a suspicion that what I feel today is similar or the same thing that a cisgender person feels... this is an incredibly empowering and quality of life improving idea.... before how I self identified was a messy jumble of emptiness, denial, compartmentalization ...now its not...
and its not possible by self identification only...

[Ginger Maxim]

Your basic question, Do I feel like a Woman. The answer to that for me is, No....
When I dress femininely I most certainly do. I want to be loved by someone special.
But to fully answer your question is to answer No. I do not feel like a woman inside 24/7. I have been asked this so many times during counciling and I can honestly say I do not. But the dreams and fantasies are so very strong. ie: even to go as far as hormone treatments, breast augmentation, but that won't ever happen. They are dreams and fantasies. While being dressed I would like it to be possible, but as soon as the clothes come off, so do my dreams and fantasies.

The only real issues I have are that the dreams and fantasies are becoming stronger and the want and raw passion to dress full time is getting stronger. I am not sure if it coralates to my incredibly strong desires to be with men more and more now. My fantasies a re growing more and more each day. But this won't be possible as long as I am with my GF... I know she won't let me.

As you can tell, I am quite confused on the inside, but no I do not believe I am a woman on the inside.

Ginger...

[Lilo]

I also agree with self-identification being most important. Only after fully self-identifying one can fully self-accept. I feel that I struggle the most not because "I dont feel like a woman" but because I certainly dont yet feel like a REGULAR woman. This causes lots of issues related to outward expression and social acceptance. As long as I continue feeling like an 'odd' woman, I will lack the necesary confidence to go 'all out' and gain acceptance. That is why I consider self-identification (not just as a woman, but as a regular woman) and self-acceptance need to come first. I am not sure if this lack of confidence is common or just a part of my personality.

[LeaP]

There are obviously different patterns.

One is the classic Type VI scenario. Unambiguous knowledge, virtually from birth. The toddler screaming, "but Mommy, I'm a girl!" (or boy)

Another is the out-of-the-blue late bloomer with little or nothing in life to-date to indicate a gender concern.

A third (mine) is repression. Lots of early and life-long indications. Knowing yet not knowing. Occasionally actually knowing and either forgetting (things from early life) or pushing it away.

I'm sure there are plenty other variations.

I agree with the idea that what you do winds up the most important thing. More so all the time, in fact. That's partly because I also find confirmation in it. I also understand the pragmatic points that you are making.

But, Kaitlyn, you protest too much! "Only" important in the context of what you do with your life!? That's a pretty significant qualifier.

Is the experience of "feeling" feminine important? I don't know - it's not a feeling that I've experienced much. Acknowledging a conscious experience of a female identity isn't the same thing at all. But I'll note that GGs have many affirmations (and affronts) to their sense of gender. Some of them are about femininity, some about other things.

I just believe that I would have remained stuck forever had I not experienced what I did.

The responses along the lines of "I have no idea what it feels like to feel like a woman" remind me of silly philosophical arguments on questions like whether or not we perceive color or feel pain the same way. Really? I know people just love to dwell on their existential differences, but it takes a certain posture of ignorance regarding the physical realities, don't you think?

I think the better bet is that all of us are "feeling" the same thing.

[PaulaAnn]

Hi LeaP;Well # 3 you mention is pretty close to my situation.Well I don't know what any other woman feels like;I understand what they experience....all I know is that I feel like one and after 50 years of doubts and a host of other negatives,I'm where I aught to be.Yeah ,I feel like a woman,I think like one,therefore I am. YMMV.
PaulaAnn

[Kathryn Martin]

Is the experience of "feeling" feminine important?

What are feminine feelings, I am stumped.....

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Lea

Oh I think we are all basically feeling the same thing as well assuming that you are a woman... Maybe the question is to talk about what important means. What is important to each of us can be very different!
Clearly I overstated my thought carelessly.....its important to understand yourself...


The "I have no idea...." quote is right from my sister..LOL... The context was as a response to my statement that I did feel like a woman...at the time, those were words I used to describe what felt

[LeaP]

What are feminine feelings, I am stumped.....

The ones you were having just before your classmate punched you in the mouth for offending his sense of propriety. (Substitute own story as needed.)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

LOL...

the ones I was having when I sat there in middle school with my legs crossed (like a girl!) and got punched in the head and called faggot..

[stefan37]

I have no idea what it feels like to be a woman. I just know finally how it feels to be me. To be called maam while wearing jeans, tee shirt, no makeup or earrings. To see mail and correspondence arrive with my new name. To hear those around me use pronouns appropriate to me. Feminine? Hardly. I still work in a male industry and need to continue working with the skills I have been given and learned to make a living. Running my business is way more difficult than transition. But I am finally experiencing what it feels like to have the freedom to express my emotions. Changing my name has taken transition to a much different stage than just saying I am transitioning and living as a male or in between. Don't get me wrong I am in a very awkward stage and get gendered male more frequently than I do female. But to be able to live my life as I feel I need to is indescribable. it will only get better as I unlearn those many years of male socialization. Many times I feel as I am cramming for a test learning years of female socialization into a few years. The trip can be wild at times, but to date has been very positive. Glad I am doing it.

[gonegirl]

The ones you were having just before your classmate punched you in the mouth for offending his sense of propriety. (Substitute own story as needed.)

Dang it!... I thought feminine feelings were all to do with what colour panties you are wearing.

...and just when I thought I was done with therapy!

JK :-)

[LeaP]

... legs crossed (like a girl!) and got punched ...

There you go again, bringing up those things I had forgotten ...

[Badtranny]

But, Kaitlyn, you protest too much!

NEVER!

Kaitlyn is one of the estemed few here who never wavers in her position or philosophy. Her opinion may change as she is faced with new information (after all she actually used to argue with poor little me) but everything she says has the ring of truth.

She speaks from the heart and only of what she personally knows. Many of us here have surrendered what we once thought to the experience of a real life transition.

Unless you yourself have walked the path, than you should be careful of where you're stepping.

[Jorja]

Back in the days when I was "trapped" in that male body, I longed for a time when I could feel like a woman. What does a woman feel like anyhow? Asking several women over the years I got the same answer over and over. I just feel like myself. Guess what? Even now, thirty some years later, I just feel like me. Yes, I now have the physical appearance of a woman. I walk like one, I talk like one. I dress like one. I live like one. I love like one. I must be one. Life is too short to try and figure out all this useless stuff that doesn't mean anything to anyone except on a web forum for conversation. Get out there and live life.

[DebbieL]

Short and sweet, yes. I ALWAYS felt like a girl trapped in a boy's body.
I didn't like boys when I was in elementary school, and played with girls when I could.
When the other girls started growing breasts I got so jealous!
When I started growing hair on my face and body - I wanted to kill myself - and tried several times.
When I found out I had a bass voice, I was devestated.
When I finally started dressing in public - I felt free for the first time in 30 years.
When I look at myself in the mirror and see a male face and body, I'm disgusted.
When I look at myself in the mirror and see a woman's face and body, I'm happy and content!
When I finally started growing breasts, I was like a teen-age girl.
When my wife told me I had to dress age, size, and situation appropriate, I kept thinking "OH MOM!!" - now I know why girls get so frustrated with their mothers.
Yes I Feel like a woman - and for the first time in a very long time, I feel happy, peaceful, and contented.

[Beth-Lock]

What are feminine feelings, I am stumped.....

How about it being the intuitive understanding that it is a fact, that you are a woman, and bringing the rest of your life, including the perceptions of and reactions of others to you, into consonace with that, since that is the only way out of some sort of unsatisfactory mixed up life.

[mariehart]

Oddly enough I've been thinking a lot about this very subject lately. Clearly like most of us here, I don't feel like a woman. I think that my final acceptance that I am essentially female came when I finally realised this. It took a long time though with many missteps on the way. Nobody feels like a woman or a man or a boy or a girl. We just feel like ourselves.

One of the problems with being TS is that it's never quite so straight forward as it's sometimes portrayed in the mass media. Even the other day I read a story in a woman's magazine of a girl who transitioned aged 21. There she was tastefully posing nude and gushing about how wonderful her life was now. Genuinely pleased for her and envious in a nice way but sadly I feel her story reinforces the cliché of the three year old who knew something was wrong and suffered societal consequences of her gender dysphoria. Where does that leave the rest of us who lacked the insight at the time? It was stories like that back in the day before the internet allowed a little more clarity of the subject that ensured I had difficulty with accepting my own issues. I didn't fit the cliché, so I decided I must be just a transvestite. It took a long time for that illusion to fall away.


I didn't feel like a girl aged three or four or eleven when I started cross dressing and wishing I would wake up in the morning as a girl. Worse still I played with boys things and even if I did love to play with girls things. Not only that I was attracted to girls so I really couldn't be one. Ignoring the fact that my first big crush was on a boy in my class. I went through much of my life deluding myself that I was acting like a man. But in retrospect I was only fooling myself because most anyone who got to know me saw my feminine side. I remained largely unaware that my carefully contrived male persona was paper thin. I was shocked to the core eventually when a friend told me that everyone I worked with believed I was probably gay. Looking back that must have been true in previous jobs. Also I realised later my family thought so too.

If there's one thing that can be done for people it's that we strip away the notion that we must tick a number of notional boxes and fit the clichés before we can accept who we are.

If I'd known better earlier in my life. I most certainly would have transitioned. Now it's too late. I have every day of the rest of my life to regret this.

So I do believe it's an important point in terms or our acceptance of who we are.

[ReineD]

I have a question for Beth and others. Is feeling like a woman at all connected with knowing that one is a woman?

[Pink Person]

I live in two worlds, the world inside of me and the world outside of me. I don't live in only one or the other. Both of them are real. I imagine that other people live in two real worlds also.

Is your reality the same as mine? No, because I live in the good reality and you live in the bad one. Ho hum, I 'm glad we settled that issue.

Ladies and gentlemen (I think that means everyone), personal gender identification and social gender identification are both very important characteristics. Go ahead and make your own salad out of them.

P.S. If you have lost your self-image, wait until society violates it. It will usually sound an alarm when that happens.

[Kathryn Martin]

I have a question for Beth and others. Is feeling like a woman at all connected with knowing that one is a woman?

My answer is no, not at all. What does feeling like a woman mean? Is there an overarching paradigm that makes all women feel alike? Awareness that I am a woman is simply that, a recognition of a simple fact arising from how we interact with our bodies and others. It is a far cry between "I am her" and "I want to look like her", "behave like her" etc. There are obvious clues but people seem to be hell bent on ignoring them. It could reveal something they don't want to know.

[mary something]

I think people can experience this differently. During the period of my life when I was seriously questioning myself and trying to figure out who and what I am the feeling at times that I felt like a woman was an important confirmation to me during the process of understanding my identity as a woman. I can't define it existentially of course but I've had that feeling before. As I expressed myself more naturally to my inner being and the world confirmed back to me the truth I have always been scared of inside there was times that I felt that sentiment. I found it as confirmation that I wasn't crazy and it was a good thing lol.

Girls in our culture learn how to be women while growing up, I did this a lot later in life than the average girl. For me having the feeling at times that I felt like a woman was confirmation, however maybe it was the only way I could express that to myself I sure as hell wasn't a man?

[Contessa]

i don't feel like a women, I feel like myself. I feel like I should have known this some time ago. But within the last few years it has bee driven out of me. I kept it hidden on the inside from others. i now present an image as I should. I am me. i might look somewhat like a man but I am actually Fem-male. I am as much like a woman as I can be though that is not the sum of my parts. I probably won't go on HRT or have SRS. But will forever present as what I am. I have always been a bit of a wimp a sissy as I felt I didn't fit.

Now I am good I am ok. I am relaxed as I am dressed and have on makeup whic sort makes me look like the fem-male I have always been. I am as others have said at peace. I am happier than I have ever been. I feel like me, Hi my name is Contessa.


Tess

[Kathryn Martin]

I hope you do not believe that literary license can be granted in this matter. As you know, language is very important. And the question asked was simply the wrong question. If the shoe fits keep feeling "like a woman" and "feel you are a woman". It is astonishing what feeling can accomplish. And keep searching to answer your question. It's a doozy.