my gf doesnt accept me anymore :(

[lilmissjenny]

as the title says, my gf (the girl pictured with me in my profile pic on here) no longer accepts me as a crossdresser . i told her in the beginning when we first started dating and it shocked her of course but she accepted it as part of who i am. well about a year ago, she was pregnant with our daughter and she all of a sudden didnt want to accept the fact that i cd so she has pretty much made me stop and that upsets me because being a cd, as i stated, is a part of who i am. i havent dressed in awhile and it sucks because i want to, but if i do she says she will take my daughter and leave me. i AM able to under dress but that doesnt really make me feel that i am a cd. blah!! i dont know what to do, so i come to you all for advice what to do. thanks everyone.

[clarisse-tv]

Hi,

she might be feelling aggressed in her feminity by your feminine side and the fact that her life is changing with the baby (probably with hormonal work) . Maybe try to hide a little more your cross dressing for some months and talk with her when you found out new way to live all together with the baby. My wife always fear that our kid discover it so we have some secret rule like no visible X dressing while kids are in the house.
hth and you'll find a positive output to this crisis

cheers

[Nyaahaa]

Although I haven't had much experience in these problems my main thought is, just to explain to her that, you cross dressing is part of you, explain how it makes you feel not being able to Cross dress and really ask her why she is suddenly against it? She might be worried for your daughter or wanting to seem normal in front of people whom wouldn't really understand. If you are honest with her she may allow it! Even if you can come to a compromise like certain days or scenarios not being able to.

Hope this helps slightly!

lots of hugs from lucy!

[Dawn cd]

Jenny I'm sure there's more to it than what you're telling us. Has your gf told you why she's uncomfortable with your dressing? Was there a particular event that triggered it? Have you discussed her reasons? Would she be wiling to seek couples counseling? People don't change 180 degrees without some reason.

[lilmissjenny]

well as i stated, i told her from the start that im a crossdresser and she was fine with it but from what i can gather since we had a girl she find my cding to be "gross" because i guess she doesnt want our daughter to know that i like to wear womens clothing. i LOVE womens clothing...i love everything about them and i still have all mine in a box in our closet and it makes me upset i cant wear them when i want to. heck, she doesnt want me to shave anymore. she used to like it when i did. its so frustrating and upsetting that i cant do something that is part of me and of who i am, and is fun to do!

[ReineD]

Your story is a familiar one, especially after a new baby is in the picture. What used to be fun, kinky bedroom play has now become a source of potential embarrassment should the child grow up with a dad who wants to dress as a woman all the time. How will the child cope with this at school and with her friends? Will she be teased and laughed at? Is she expected to keep a secret from a young age?

I'm giving you an extreme position here, but I'm wondering if this is what your gf is thinking about, when she says that she is no longer comfortable with the crossdressing.

So the two of you have to come up with a compromise.

How do you feel about your daughter knowing? What about your friends, other family members, co-workers, boss, etc? Because kids don't keep secrets very well. If you agree with your gf that the CDing should remain private, then tell her this. And the two of you can negotiate times when you can crossdress. Maybe at night when your daughter is sleeping. In turn, your gf needs to realize that it can't all be black and white, all or nothing and the crossdressing is more than just a harmless kink in the bedroom. You need to express femininity and it is not a choice for you, but it doesn't mean that you want to become a woman or that you are gay (which is the first thing that a lot of GGs think about).

So I'd suggest you start talking to your gf about not having it be all your way, but not having be all her way either. Find someplace in the middle where you can assure her that you do not intend to spend a lifetime CDing in front of your kids.

Good luck!

[Jenniferathome]

Jenny, does your post suggest that absolutely nothing changed in your cross dressing from when you told her to now? Frequency is the same? Going out or not is the same? Purchase share the same? Is the only change that she now doesn't like it? What precipitated her attitude? Arguments? Poof...went from accepted to not?

[Rachelakld]

Yep, kids are bad at keeping secrets, if she finds strange stuff, she will talk to everyone to assist her with a world view.
Would a few hours away from home each week be okay with her, that's what I tend to do.

[Tina_gm]

From what you have said so far, I can only think that your CDing is in her mind at least interfering with you being a father to hers and your daughter. Is there a reason why you two have not married? I am not suggesting you should, to each their own when it comes to marriage, but perhaps now that there is a child, your role as a father needs to come 1st. Even if you are doing this, the CDing could make her feel that it isn't. I would only suggest some good communication about your role as a father and that she may need a lot of reassuring that CDing will not interfere with that role.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Unfortunately you can not fault her for not being accepting of you as much as you would like her to be because that is "part of who she is". People are taught to think and behave a certain way growing up. It's hard to get around the "programming" without destroying who that person is. Sure it would be nice to be able to go in and edit out all the lines of code that we don't agree with but wouldn't that make them less of the person we fell in love with?
The only programming that any individual needs to worry about is their "OWN". In a world filled with MACs and PCs , and various other operating systems,there is always a way to learn to co-exist.

[Diversity]

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but when our children came into the world, I made my children and of course my wife the ultimate priorities, and I shelved my CD'ing desires for over 25 years - only CD'ing in the deepest closet when the urges needed to be satisfied. It wasn't until many, many years later, after our kids moved out that I opened up to my wife about my CD'ing. It's great you were so open with your wife up front. Perhaps when things settle in with your newborn child that your wife will once again become more accepting than she currently is. Give her time and keep communications open with her. Take things slowly, and put their needs ahead of your own. Good luck to you.
Di

[kimdl93]

I think I understand. Your gf is in nest building mode. What seemed fun and unthreatening before parenthood has new implications for impending parenthood. Besides, and I mean her no disrespect, she's dealing with a lot of hormonal issues. Talk calmly with her, listen to her concerns, express yours and then focus on the child. That doesn't mean self denial, but rather, it means assuring your gf that you take the child's welfare as your top priority. And give her some room to process and adjust to the idea that you can be true to your obligations and true to yourself as well.

[LelaK]

It may be worth pointing out that society changes and is already changing and men are starting to wear women's clothes just for style or fashion or good taste, rather than for wanting to actually be feminine or female (or crossdressers?). It's much like long hair, earrings etc.

[Steph_CD_62]

So the two of you have to come up with a compromise.


So I'd suggest you start talking to your gf about not having it be all your way, but not having be all her way either. Find someplace in the middle where you can assure her that you do not intend to spend a lifetime CDing in front of your kids.

Communication and compromising on both parties are very important.

When I was married to my first wife I kept all my crossdressing behind a locked bedroom door, and I did the same when I married my current wife. Sure I wanted to dress more, but my kids were more important. I would wear panties a couple days a week all day, that helped but it still wasn't enough.

When I was getting divorced from my first wife, I told my lawyer about my crossdressing and he said that is shouldn't be an issue.

In between marriages I had full custody of my kids so my dressing time was really cut down. I would take a weeks vacation while the kids were in school, just so I could dress and do some shopping for about 6 hours a day.

Now my kids and my wife's kids are out of the house so now I dress whenever I want. I under-dress all the time and wear more a couple times a week and usually all day Sunday. I would dress more, but as a compromise with my wife I don't. She understands that dressing is part of me and she supports me, she still isn't 100% thrilled with it.

[Beverley Sims]

I suggest you do a little give and take for a while.
No use being headstrong when you have a commitment such as you have.
Maybe you have pushed it too quickly for her.
Slowly is six to twelve months at least.
Go easy and maybe you can patch the relationship up.

[Valerie1973]

Con Grads on your little one! Sorry to hear the SO no longer accepts. She may be going through some postpartum depression. The focus is now your baby. Your life is no longer yours and you are a dad now. You may just have to hang up your dress for awhile and its all about baby. But you both will have to come some agreements and compromises. Be patient with your SO shes a new mom and shes all about that. Dressing up is going to have to take a back seat and your life cant evolve around CDing. Explain this to her and let her know its part of you but her and the baby will be first. Hopefully with time and communication she can be accepting again. But you'll have to turn it off for a while and keep it low key. It sucks dude, but its the one way to keep your daughter in your life. Tell your SO this is something sacred between to two of you and not for your daughter. Your baby girl will see the man, her father. If she just cant come around to it anymore, be that man for your daughter, and remember your problems are just yours and your SO's and not to shared to the four winds of the earth.