My boss just came out to me(friends for 14 years) I don't know what to say!?!? Help me! I've never seen him so happy , he walked in as a woman, had a glow & confidence like I've never seen before, I don't want to kill that for him or make him regret his outing to me. I don't want to say the wrong thing, so I joined this forum for guidance. I'm happy for him, he's usually miserable & seems lost. Please tell me what to do!!!!!
So glad you are here Mum and welcome.
The best thing is accept it and be genuinely happy for her/him.
Using proper gender pronouns is important to. If she is presenting as a female then her if male use him.
Its very confusing to someone not versed in this lifestyle so read here and ask questions that is the best way to learn.
Once you have 10 posts here you will be able to use the private messages and if you wish to chat I'm here for you.
That one is easy. Just treat her exactly as you would a genetic woman. You can start by referring to her as "her!"
Yes, it is easy to make that mistake. We all do. If it happens, quietly say "Oops, sorry." and move on.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Thank you ladies, so I guess my question should really be is DO WE TALK ABOUT IT? Or just go about our day.. So when she walks in , we are just two gals giggling about earrings.... But when he walks in its back to business & I shouldn't mention her? I'm very sincere in this, I've never seen him this happy! So I want to support "them" , I just don't know the rules?!?!
The only rule is respect for others as you normally do.
They are still the same person but a transgendered person that is "out".
It takes guts to do this and its not a joke or something to make light of.
The happiness you see is her being able to be herself and present as she feels inside.
Its different for everybody as you will see if you do some research on this site.
Most general conceptions people have about us/TG people is totally wrong just keep that in mind
I would suggest that you should ask your boss what she would prefer. This would include asking her to let you know the point at which she wants to be referred to as female in business correspondence or on the phone. Likewise, if only the two of you are in the office and she happens to be dressed as male, then does she prefer you switch to male in order to "keep in practice" as male-mode might mean that she is expecting visitors who are not to know as yet.
TRACII-thank you! Can I tell him that she's prettier? Nicer? Happier? Because gurrllll it's true! He has been so unhappy & miserable for years, but the other day when SHE walked in, a happy beautiful person stood before me. May I add with a gorgeous lip color, & can I ask him what it is, or do I have to wait and ask her? This is what I mean by rules.. Can I ask him questions about her.. Do I treat them like two people or just one.. I have so many questions but I don't want to hurt feelings or offend anyone, I'm not like that at all.. I just have no one to ask, that's why I'm here. I want to know, I want to make him/her feel like they can count on me to be their friend. I appreciate any advice good or bad. Also I see HIM 5 days a week, I work side by side with him.. So this is why I need to know the "rules" so I don't make them uncomfortable & I don't get myself fired... THANKS TRACII- you're sweet to help.. Btw great pic!! Oh & I only met her once, no name was given, so am I suppose to name her, or did he already give her one?
Sandra-Leigh thanks for responding , this is my problem.. How do I bring it up? It's ok to do so now, right? I know this is very hush hush & I don't think he's told anyone else.. She told me that she has a storage unit by that doubles as a beautiful closet.. So I know his wife doesn't know, or isn't excepting her in the family.. His wife is mean, miserable, & now knowing about her I think the wife is black mailing them. She lives in another state & spends THOUSANDS daily, he can't say a word to her, he fears her! Hell I fear her too! He's a surgeon & this would ruin him.. I feel honored that he came to me, & just to see how happy he was to show me her, I'm happy for them... She was very sweet & nice to be around... Him not so much!
Last edited by Lorileah; 11-09-2013 at 12:01 AM. Reason: merged posts. Please use the edit button when replying to more than one post. Saves sapce :)
Perhaps you should sit down with your boss over coffee and say I have so many questions... Would it be ok to ask them so I understand everything. And then mention all these things. My guess is your boss will be happy to answer them and it will probably bring you closer. Your boss obviously has a tremendous amount of trust in you and would probably enjoy the conversation!
Last edited by Tamara Croft; 11-09-2013 at 09:28 PM. Reason: no need to quote the post previous to yours
When she's presenting as female, refer to her using her femme name (I presume she has one!) and with the right gender pronouns. If she looks great and happy, I say, tell her that; she will probably very much appreciate the validation of her femininity! I'm sure she won't mind telling you what her lip color is.
In male mode, you might try referring to his femmeself by name; see how he feels comfortable referring to "her" and just do as he does. Sometimes I'll talk about "Amy" in the third person when I'm in male mode, just for convenience, for instance.
I doubt you'll get fired if you're genuinely happy for her and appreciate her as a woman. I'll bet she'll love that, in fact; I know I would.
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
If he's was a great boss as a man, trust me girl...he'll be a better boss being who he really is. Support him, and have lunch with him. He might end up being your best girlfriend! If your boss is happy, if your spouse is happy, if your best friend is happy.... be happy for them. You might be surprised what you will learn about yourself....about acceptance and tolerance.
Joan-as soon as the make-up was off, there was Dr D-Bag... So I don't think I can ask him, right? I guess I have to wait for her to come back... I don't know if theres a personality disorder.. I'm serious when I say SHE WAS SO FRIGGIN NICE! I liked her a lot! That tie & white coat turns him into .... Well not so nice words.
Hi, and welcome...
You must work for a fairly small company, several years ago at my old company, a colleague of mine transitioned , and arrived into the office to begin yer year of RLA. The HR department issued an email the day before reinforcing the work policy as it related to discrimination in the workplace.
After a couple of days of the whispers by the water cooler, things eventually went back to normal, at that was pretty much that. I can't add to what the others said regarding how to act, but just treat her the same way the day before she decided to make herself happy. Eventually she will sense that the friendship between the two of you have not changed, and then business as usual.
This is a really big leap for him. If he was a good boss before, he'll be a better boss now if you all support him. Don't let your own prejudices torture this man who had to take the leap of faith. He obviously trust you and his employees to support him, or if you don't, well... who pays your paycheck? Not to say he would be vindictive, but if you're vindictive against his lifestyle, what should you expect? Support him. He's got alot more balls than most of us and he just needs some support right now. A hug and a word of support might be in order. Besides, if the boss is happy with who he is, then he will probably run a better business and that means more for all who works for him.
It may be difficult for you, just be sure to keep him from overdoing it and swamping everyone with his desires.
He is likely to get carried away with his new acceptance so help keep a lid on it by watching reactions around you.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
more power to him/her for coming out to his/her employees. and all you have to do is be supportive
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I just want to thank all of you! Y'all are so sweet, and have given me some great advice... I am learning a lot here.. Like I need to moisturize & shave my legs more.. You b!tches look great, I'm jealous! I'm over here in yoga pants, a camel toe that looks like a folded mattress ,pop tart & wine all over my shirt, I haven't shaved my legs since the first cold snap,& I have a knot in my hair that looks like bob marley dreaded my head. I just wanna have a slumber party make over with every single one of ya's!!! Thank yews so much!!!!
WOW! That does appear to be a little odd... such a noticeable mood swing. That has to be confusing to you... It would be to me!Originally Posted by Mumstheword
your welcome, thank you for your kind words
Your post is the first great laugh I had today!!
Jennylynn your pic made me get off my ass and shave my legs! My husband thanks you
And with all that you look more beautiful than any of us could hope to be. We thank you for your kind words!
In your post you didn't say whether you are male or female. The reason I mention that is that in some work places genders react differently when someone comes out. That said, one important thing you should remember is to address your boss as she or her whenever she presents as a female. If you support her decision to present as female treat her with all the dignity allowed any other female. You mentioned how happy she was in coming out, and that could be an asset to you and others in your workplace. Also,ifshe isn't already a member of this forum, encourage her to join, he may find a great deal of joy interacting with all the sisters here.
Luv andJill
Straight, into Fantasy Land
Mumstheword, your comment about getting off your a$$ and shaving your legs reminded me I need to do same. I'm proud to be one of the b!tches here, and I welcome you to the forum.
Hi Mums and welcome.
Reading before chatting I got to thinking. Your looking for a nice way to either break the ice with "Him" about her - or not. So how about leaving an opening for "him" if he desires?
Like maybe a small "Thanks for sharing" Hallmark card. Hand it to HIM and say when you see that pretty lady again, please give this to her. Inside say something like " I enjoyed our day together. If you ever feel the urge I would love to have a coffee and just have girl talk".
If he's hesitant - he won't respond. If he is looking for an opening - you get coffee!
Good luck and I hope for enjoyment for you both.
I'm in love with you.
PLEASE stick around here. You're hilarious.
Posting Permissions
