My wife has known about my gender issues since we met. She has always been grudgingly accepting. When I dropped the bomb that I had to transition early this year, she, once again, did her 'you do what you have to do', without much discussion. We live in a best friends/roommates situation. It's more of a fiscal partnership. She has seen me, for 18 years presenting female, acting female, in mannerism and demeanor, and speaking female. She is all well and good with that.
There are still some things that absolutely set her off. Taboos that if crossed, will start an instant argument.
Boob growth. Don't talk about it. Period.
I had some hot flashes early on. I made a joke about our similarity (she's in menopause). Glad I hid all the weapons.
She refuses to gender me properly. If I ask her to, she can go off about me not being a 'real' girl. I asked her to stay gender neutral, she sad 'Is, hey butthead, gender neutral enough?'
Mentioning that I'm normal. She pulls out the F word. Freak.
Here's a really strange one. We go out somewhere daily. Coffee, dinner and a movie etc. I am absolutely not allowed to wear a dress, or heels. She calls them 'gay'. Go figure. I've got boobs and makeup, a purse, female ID, but heels are 'gay'.
We shop together. I'll buy a cute very feminine top, then look at another, and she'll say it's too feminine.
A mention of lesbianism could easily cause a war.
She goes ballistic if she sees me in my underwear. I lock the door to change. Naked is OK though.
This could go on but you get the idea. Double standards, denial, what have you. Surprisingly, our marriage is not as bad as it sounds. We enjoy each others company, do couples stuff (except sex), and watch TV holding hands. We cook together, and take holidays (twin beds, please). I've seen much worse traditional marriages.
I realize that every relationship has boundries, be it hetero, gay, trans, or other.
But my wife's objections seem to be random, and dis-jointed. If she had a big general hatred of my gender issues, it would have been simple. Separate. If she was completely accepting, I wouldn't be writing this. I have just learned thru trial and error (mostly error), what is OK, and what pushes her buttons.
Anybody else with a rational, loving, spouse who just has a few irrational 'No fly zones'? How do you deal with it. Are these serious enough to jeopardize your relationship, or just her little quirks?