Sort of a ramble and jumble of thoughts.....
I am starting to finally getting back into the swing of things after my 9 month vacation. I am still unpacking because I travel every weekend. The funny thing is all of my female clothes are unpacked, cleaned, and hung in the closet. 90% of my male clothes are still packed - it appears I do not have a need for them
I am not sure that is true but I am becoming a lot more comfortable with myself than I have been in the past. I have replaced all my guy jeans with girl jeans and I wear them all the time (the last time I wore my guy jeans it lasted about two hours, or long enough for me to wash and dry my girl jeans). I used to wear longer guy shirts to cover my girl jeans when I wore them out so it would not be so obvious but now I am even changing that, wearing shirts that no longer hide the designs or shapes of the pockets. Granted, I do not wear my sparkle jeans out yet but I am getting there but it is pretty obvious the jeans I wear are not guy jeans.
So now I am dressing and going out all the time. Typically the only "male" clothing I wear is my shirt, and even those are pink, purple, or at least as androgynous as I can get them. Today I did not even wear a guy shirt to grocery shop; I wore a light purple sweatshirt with butterflies on it (and a jacket on top - it is cold and I am not completely ready to step out).
I proudly carry a blue wristlet with a Tinker Bell key chain attached - no more wallet. My keys and key chain are the way I have always wanted them and I have been complemented on them a few times by GGs when they see them (though maybe they are mocking).
While I am feeling more comfortable with myself I wonder if I am setting myself up for a nasty fall later. I still get so nervous when I am out that someone will say something to me and I am nervous both to how I will respond and the impact it will have on my confidence. Although I have told my mother about my dressing (and received her support) the rest of my family does not know. My sister and her husband and son are coming to visit me in January and I am so nervous as my house is clearly decorated in a feminine style and is well maintained. I feel like it is a looming decision point to come out to more family or go back into the closet, redecorate the house, and hope nobody sees anything awkward.
I am so tired of hiding but so nervous about coming out.
Danni