Over the course of my adult life (about 8 years), I've purged my crossdressing cache 3 times. I've discarded 2 pairs of breast forms, a wig, and countless articles of clothing.
If you look at my posting history, you'll see I was briefly around almost 2 years ago. I'd just moved into an apartment by myself and nearly was dressed full time in the privacy of my own apartment. It felt great for a time.
Then I met someone.
Increased female companionship in my life, coupled with the burden of keeping everything a secret was too much. So I purged for the 3rd time in my life. For a while I didn't even think about dressing, I was happy to be one. One person, one gender, who I was to myself was who I was to the world. There is serenity in unity.
It's always a hiatus though. Eventually, feelings start to return. A walk through a department store always inevitably leads through a Women's section. The clothing, the mannequins, the colors, the femininity, pulls at my chest. It starts small at first, but then it grows. Eventually the feelings are so strong it's hard to breath.
And it begins again. There is still someone in my life, someone who can't find out. Not yet at least, but probably not ever. The cycles are never ending, the catharsis of dressing, the catharsis of purging.
