My wife is not a feminine type woman and feels threaten by wish to cross dressing. But I am concerned if we go to counseling that my work will find out. Am I over concerned?
My wife is not a feminine type woman and feels threaten by wish to cross dressing. But I am concerned if we go to counseling that my work will find out. Am I over concerned?
I believe that marriage counselors are not allowed to discuss their cases outside of you sessions. I think you should be ok, unless you plan on going there "dressed". Though I would check into it first.
Not sure where you live, but in the USA doctors cannot reveal your personal medical records to anyone unless under some legal order. It is a very serious breach of personal privacy. So, no info from the doctor, then how else may someone find out about your counseling? Well, if you call your HR rep to ask about your insurance coverage for counseling, then that person may know that you are doing that or at least considering doing that. But then you really do not need to call your company, just call the insurance company. They are not allowed to inform your employer about your inquiries, nor what services they are paying for under the insurance policies that they provide the employees of the company. If you need to miss part of a day from work to go to an appointment, you only need to say that you have a medical appointment, or personal matters to take care of. I would guess the only way the company may find out is if you or your wife talks to others about it, or someone sees you going into a counselors office and then gossips it back to your co-workers or company. That is not too probable. So, I think that you will be very safe in going to counseling with your wife. If that is a major concern of yours, by all means let the counselor know. You only get back what you put into your sessions, being open, honest and questioning will only help the process be more successful. Good luck.
If you go to a liscensed therapist there is client counselor priviledge and the counselor is obligated both morally and legally to keep what is said private. That is unless you reveal an intent to harm yourself or someone else. So you should be safe in going unless you or your spouse say something to someone yourselves. If someone sees at the counselors office and says anything just say that you and your wife are going through a tough time and are looking for some help to work it out.
"It takes all kinds of kinds" Miranda Lambert
Now some point a finger and let ignorance linger
If they'd look in the mirror they'd find.
That ever since the beginning to keep the world spinning
It takes all kinds of kinds.
I’ve been seeing a Therapist (she is a licensed Therapist) for about two and half years through the same medical group as my personal Physician. What we talk about is just between my Therapist and myself, even my Physician doesn’t have access to my file with my Therapist other than a brief description of a few, very few, medical diagnoses such as depression that might influence my Doctor’s diagnoses of my general health. Nothing we actually discuss, such as my cross dressing, is available to anyone outside of the Psychiatric Department.
I would be very reluctant to discuss my cross dressing with a Counselor or Therapist who was not trained in dealing with gender issues; this includes Marriage Counselors. Priests and Ministers. I’ve read too many accounts of Counselors taking sides with the wife and saying that the cross dressing was having a negative influence on the marriage and it must stop.
As a patient you have every right to expect that what you say in a counseling session will remain strictly confidential. Going in I’d ask for a written and signed declaration from the Counselor that your sessions will remain confidential. If the Counselor won’t provide such a document I’d walk out.
Babs
As Sarah has explained there should be no trouble with your work finding out.
You can always ask and stress your fears beforehand.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Hi Kirsten,
There should be no issue with you seeing a counsellor with your wife as they are bound by patient confidentiality and can have their licence revoked if they do not follow those guidelines. The only limitation of confidentiality is if you admit you are planning to engage in a capital offence then the are bound to inform the authorities.
I will agree that if you plan to see a marriage counsellor, you really need to find one who is trained in gender identity issues as they will have the training and knowledge to guide both your and your wife through this.
Hugs
Isha
Yes, you are overly concerned. Privacy is foremost in any doctor/client relationship. Your employer will never know you even went.
I agree with the comments above and even if you will be using employer paid insurance for a portion of the cost, the insurer can only report on total costs of the treatment of an employee and not the individual charges by any provider.
Kirsten, if you can give us your general location, I am sure some of the girls here can give you names of therapists who would be close by. I would recommend that you seek out only licensed psychologists who have extensive experience with transgender/crossdressing individuals. My licensed therapist is currently working with 8 other transgender individuals and I can tell you it shows. My consulting psychiatrist is also well experienced in gender issues and has agreed to supply me with the "Letter" once I choose a prescribing physician (I have an appointment on 12/4).
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.
I guess my main concern is that if the therapist is known for dealing with gender issues then I am outed
FYI I a in the Indianapolis area
And thanks to all for your support!
This is not saying that your spouse may let the cat out of the bag to someone you work with, Been down that road before.
I can only echo what the others here have already posted....the counselor cannot legally or morally tell anyone else what is disclosed in a session. Wish you all the best of luck and sending some big hugs your way!
Stephanie
Kristen,
Been there done that.
You have nothing to worry about.
The therapist cannot tell anyone about you and you are under no obligation to tell anyone which therapist you are seeing.
On the up side, it could turn out like my joint counseling with my ex; we quit going when the therapist told my ex to quit looking for things to complain about all the time.
I have been seeing my therapist for over three years and have talked to her about all kinds of things, including my dressing, and nobody knows about any of it.
As for work, I just tell them I have a Dr. appt. and that is the end of it. Thanks to HIPPA, they cannot ask any questions about why I am going.
Shelby
yes you are overly concerned. And while your wife may fear the consequences of CDing, there's no better cure for her apprehensions that going to an unbiased professional. Just make sure that the counselor you seek has experience in dealing with gender issues within relationships and does not come with some sort of "agenda", like trying to "cure" CDing.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
90% or more of licensed therapists will support your cross dressing as vital to your mental health. The parameters with which you dress are open to negotiation. Avoid "faith based" or lay people. Stick with licensed therapists.
Best Wishes for Personal Peace & Happiness
-
Helen Grandeis
My exwife and I were better off and got more useful help from an experienced family/marriage counsellor who was not a gender specialist. The young gender specialist we saw for a while pushed me down the road toward transition even tho that is not my path. Your mileage may vary, but I believe experience as a counsellor counts for more than special training in gender issues.
If the therapist is a licensed medical professional, revealing information about you is a violation of doctor patient confidentially. Not that you want to pursue it, but violation of confidentially could probably subject the therapist to a complaint (by you) to the state medical licensing board, which may be less fun for him/her than for you. Under Fedreal Law, the therapist is required to provide you with a HIPPA form for you to sign addressing what can or can not be revealed and to whom. Failure to do so, or to abide by the HIPPA confidentially agreement is, how shal I say it, a violation of Federal Law. I took the added step of asking for the diagnosis code not be "Crossdresser", but that might not be a problem now, since I believe crossdressing is no longer characterized as a mental disoeder in DSM V.
Just as a note, I'm not sure that all marriage councelors are medical professionals. If they are not, you will not be eligible for any medical/mental insurance.
Since you wife demanded counceling, I suggest you insist on selecting the councelor. It will work to your benefit.
Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-26-2013 at 07:19 PM.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Up to this point the assumption is that the counseling is via a licensed gender therapist and if it is you are reasonably safe. However, beware of "faith based" counselors who may not feel that they are under any privacy restrictions at all. They won't be very good counselors, either.
Steffi is correct, you should select the counselor.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
For those who are in the UK, if you go to a counsellor who is UKCP registered mor BACP registered, you are completely safe as far as confidentiality is concerned. Furthermore, you will be working with someone who is adequately trained.
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!
Kirsten, I believe you're over thinking this. First, see a therapist u feel knows enuff to help u and your wife. Then, go see him or her. The first session is usually introductory. Ask him/her about your and your wife's fears. If they aren't addressed so that u feel comfortable, find someone else.
If anyone asks, say u r interviewing therapist(s) to mediate between u and your wife. If u don't go back, even if someone knows that counselor, they'll just think u went to them by mistake.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Kirsten, therapists, and all doctors, are required by law to keep what you tell them, and your medical records, confidential. No one can find out unless you give consent to disclose your medical records. You're totally safe.
I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.
If you do decide to go to counseling, don't do it during working hours. What excuse would you give for taking off work?
Otherwise, unless your wife or yourself decides to tell someone, your "secret" will be quite safe.
Last edited by Shari; 11-26-2013 at 07:09 AM. Reason: spelling
Umm, I have a doctor's appointment.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
I have not done counseling but I would imagine that if you scouted one that really understood
crossdressing and brought your wife I may help her gain and understanding of crossdressers.
That is we have to do it. Just promise you will stay within the boarders you establish.