The pressure to conform (on this very board!)

[Mink]

i'm a male... and a crossdresser... hey that's what this forum is for!

i like wearing women's clothing...

i don't really dig the whole make up / shaving / wig thing...

people on here like to pretend and say Hey that's okay man we're all different!

BUT ...say i wanted to post a pic of me wearing a cute dress or whatnot...

i have a beard... and leg hair... and shorter hair

most would NOT be okay with this...

most would just be cool and not respond but man i don't quite get this

i mean i do (in one sense) ... it just looks Goofy or WRONG

but let me tell you a little something something

that's what your average person would think of someone who goes the whole hog!

why the hypocrisy?

just let me be me!

and others like me!

dammit!


it tears me up inside!

gender duck!

[Eryn]

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." [Eleanor Roosevelt]

Some have said that 6'+ girls like me can't go out. Do I let that stop me? Nope, I just head out anyway.

I happen to like being smooth, but if you like having a beard that is fine too. Enjoy the pleasure of being you!

BTW, please don't paint the entire forum with the same brush because of a few naysayers.

[CarlaWestin]

I've seen posters here that are gender queer such as yourself. I really don't think you should concern yourself with any perceived hierarchy as it's nice just to havea forum to post to period. I certainly haven't seen any posts denouncing any particular flavor here so I believe your angst is a little inflated or a response to unrelated tension or stress.

But, I might be wrong.

[Wildaboutheels]

Some folks here will resolutely maintain that there is a right or wrong way to do this CDing "thing".

And/or that an obvious MAN should not wear any obvious female clothing items out in public but it's OK at home...

Just their opinion and ONLY their opinion. So don't let it bother you in the least.

The FACT is obvious. "Partial dresser" CDers in public are THE very people who will make it more acceptable for ALL Cders as time goes on because they ARE so easily spotted. [as opposed to the folks who do everything within their power to PASS] Which comes down to trying to "fool people" when you get right down to it unless they are transitioning.

There is no right or wrong way to CD whether at home or in public. The important thing in public is to NOT slink around like a criminal or treat people badly when "dressed". I always treat people right when out and about no matter what I am wearing and I have yet to have even one bad experience in over 12 years.

[Julie Gaum]

Last I saw there were 64 posts on a similar OP yesterday. There were posts with both view points --- that we will never be accepted by "society" if we don't look and act like our feminine selves and age-dress accordingly and others point out that CDs are all different just like the diversity found in either gender, differences
within races and nationalities --- express yourself without restictions. Fully expect that if one is "way out", "different" from those who encounter you, you will elicit
varied responses that generally doesn't show acceptance. On this Forum there are no set rules so if you feel pressure to conform --- that's your own doing.
By the way there are no "average" persons out there judging CDs as being Wrong --- non-Cders see nothing unusual, see something different but care less, or see something different and react by gesture, vocally or physically; so pick where you want to be on the spectrum --- solely your choice.
Julie

[Mink]

I've seen posters here that are gender queer such as yourself. I really don't think you should concern yourself with any perceived hierarchy as it's nice just to havea forum to post to period. I certainly haven't seen any posts denouncing any particular flavor here so I believe your angst is a little inflated or a response to unrelated tension or stress.

But, I might be wrong.

yes i guess i went a bit too full force / focus on the few naysayers!

sorry! it's just the picture threads and boy mode vs girl mode thread and i get a bit miffed at feeling discluded (and maybe a bit jealous! i mean how could i not!) ... but i remember looking at one picture thread where some guy didn't shave his legs and like every single comment was about how he just HAD to shave his legs...

it's like... uh... no he doesn't!

let him do what he wants!

jesus!

[Glenda58]

Go ahead and do what you want post a pic of how you want to look. I was just like you 30 yrs ago. I changed over time most of us do some do not. So be yourself we all been there at one time or another.

[Marleena]

That was a pretty cool rant there, Mink. We come in all different flavors on this board. What appeals to you might not to me. My own peer group has given me some grief at times but WTH it's different viewpoints. Oh and some of the posters in the Picture Gallery do nothing but post pictures and contribute nothing else to the forum.

[Marcelle]

Well said Mink,

There is no right or wrong way to CD and this goes to another post about how we present ourselves to society as a whole. Each of us must strive to be true to ourselves and not others and be good and decent folk while we do so. If your thing is dressing in a skirt with hairy legs and beard and are comfortable inside your home or out to world . . . that is your thing. Embrace it and show the world that CDers are just that, good and decent people who just happen to not conform to what society is expecting. It is not for each of us to pave the way for the whole community but to be happy with ourselves as we are. Goodness we come under enough scrutiny without us turning on each other.

However, I do agree that the naysayers are few on this forum and for the most part we are supportive of all our sisters/brothers who chose where they fall in the TG spectrum. I for one choose to dress en femme because it feels right for me, but that is me. Each has to choose her/his own way.

Hugs

Isha

[AmyGaleRT]

As much as I may try to "set a good example" for myself and my sisters, I wouldn't try to limit anyone's way of expressing themselves. I only control and speak for myself in that regard.

Similarly, as much as I enjoy being able to go out en femme, I don't want to force anyone else to do so. We all have to overcome that barrier in our own minds, and some of us may not even be inclined to do so.

I recently saw an interesting blog, His Black Dress, by a guy who enjoys wearing skirts and dresses (even in public!), but decidedly does not present femme, nor does he claim to be TG. Have a look; he wears his outfits quite well. (I would enjoy wearing some of those myself! Of course, I'd wear them as part of a femme presentation, but that's my choice to do so, in fitting with my personal concept of myself.)

Not to worry, Mink. Ultimately, your life is your own to lead, regardless of what anyone might say.

- Amy

[Lucy_Bella]

I have to think that a few keep those walls up, you know the ones.. Those who find it impossible to believe that others dress for different reasons..I have no desires to be a girl and I do not want to be preceived as a girl especially in public...

Some see that as a growing issue with my cding and claim they themselves have been where I am at.. While it may be true with some it's not always the case.. I feel understanding from all with respect of each other because no one likes rejection we all know how it feels ..Who are we to reject our own when we are rejected ourselves ,stick together stand by each other ..Now there's a prospective ..

[Alice Torn]

No thought police aloud in the old America. We each have a right to present as we wish, barring exposing our privates. You have more guts than i got!

[Gillian Gigs]

I like to refer to myself as a lazy CD'er, not that I have read the book, or follow its thoughts. I wear what I want which is usually bra, cami, panties, skirt, and some type of hoses, or leggings. I almost never wear make up, wig, or form inserts. Most tops are loose fitting guy tops, or sweaters. My shoes are comfortable, which means that they are rarely heels. So what should I care what others think. If you find unaccepting pr!*ks in the world out there, you can and do find them here also. It makes me think about how someone would take their ball and bat and go home if you didn't play the game by their rules. SO WHAT! Enjoy yourself and make friends with those who have similar tastes as you. I accept you and am willing to be your nonjudging friend. I find it rather funny that even CD'ers can and still do get into pi$$ing contests with each other. Just don't do it into the wind. LOL

[Michelle789]

There is no right or wrong way to CD. If you feel like being a guy in a dress, or other feminine clothing, that's fine. If you just wish to carry a woman's handbag while dressed as a guy, that's fine too.

If you want to pass as a woman in public, that's fine too. I don't think the desire to pass is necessarily "fooling" anyone as much as it is expressing a part of us that is female (or in some cases we are really women on the inside, but that would make you TS), and therefore we want to act and be treated as a girl.

If you wish to dress privately or go out in public, that's fine too.

If you go out in public, don't do anything whether dressed completely as a guy, partially CD'ed, or passing as a woman, that you would regret. It doesn't matter how you're dressed, be it completely male, completely female, or in between. Doing something that would land you in jail, where you'll have to pay a fine, be labeled as rude, be branded as a racist or bigot, or where you'd make a complete fool of yourself, is going to make trouble regardless of how you're dressed. Being mean to people always has bad karma that comes back to bite you at some time in the future. The point is regardless of how you dress, always act polite and dignified. I always try to be on my best behavior when I go out as a guy, and when I do someday walk out in public en femme, I will act on my best behavior.

As for the naysayers, there are a small minority here. However, it only takes one naysayer to completely make you angry or to give you a negative perception of this forum. Sadly, a few bad apples do really spoil the bunch, or at least that's how we tend to perceive things.

[AllieSF]

Carla, you may not see direct comments denouncing how someone else dresses, but you will definitely see many posts by members here that continue to insist that how one dresses reflects negatively or positively back on our community as a whole. In those same comments they suggest that "one" should dress appropriately so as not to have a negative impact. That is, to me anyway, a very direct indirect way to put that peer pressure on those who do not conform. There is a current thread or two on that very topic. By saying that a bad presentation reflects negatively is the same as saying, "and please do not do that", if not why start that thread in the first place. Under those rules, someone who goes all the way and tries their best to blend in, and doesn't should stay at home too because they may offend someone's sense of style and what they think other can do.

My opinion has always been, dress and do what you want and live with the consequences. The rest of us will deal with the fallout, which in fact is minuscule if any. The more out there in all shapes and forms and presentations, over the long run, the better it is for all of us. The general populace will soon learn that the ones on the extreme, partial dressers with beards, fetish over the top sexy whatever's, and other styles are really in the minority and are also just as harmless as all the best dressed ones around here. We all have the right to do what we want and really do not need to hear our mother hens here tell us how to present ourselves.

We learn from our mistakes, and if they are not mistakes, then there just may be nothing to learn about that. We want our freedoms, so we need to give those same freedoms without restrictions to everyone else, regardless if we like their style or not. We have the "dress your age", "dress appropriately" and "your presentation can harm our community and our TS sisters or brothers" type threads several times a month. That tells me that for some people they feel strongly enough about those stated beliefs that they should bring them up on a very regular basis. That is peer pressure, trying to convince others to conform to their beliefs.

[linda allen]

It seems to me that you are demanding that everyone conform to your point of view so what's the difference. If I don't like your photo of a man in a dress, I just won't comment. What would you have me do, lie and say you look great?

[Allison_Leslie]

you are saying we would not be okay with us.. why don't you try first hon? REALLY! You are condemning us to not being supportive
yet you have not posted the pic yet.. Look.. Everyone here has already beat me to this post and said that we are all different
flavors of CD here and that's true. If that's all you want for your own experience then POST AWAY!! We wont judge! I did what you
did a few halloweens ago and kept my goatee while fully dressed and it was HILARIOUS fun!! But it awakened the need in ME at least
to try to pass, but that was for my own reasons and not for society AT ALL. I couldn't care any less what society thinks of me
I WILL do what I will do.

[Ressie]

I don't find bearded ladies attactive. But that doesn't mean one should conform to what the "majority" are doing. I had a beard or mustache during most of my life because that's what my gf liked. And it looks good on a man, but not on a crossdresser. JMHO, YMMV.

[RenneB]

I agree with the others. We come in all shapes and flavors. Post what you will within the rules and have at it. Be yourself. Remember, none of us get off this planet alive.... at least not in this timeline...

I'm just glad that this forum exists. For the longest time, I thought I was the only one in the world born this way. Now I've found many friends and am much more accepting of my lifestyle....

Renne.....

[Cynthia Anne]

Thank you Mink for giving ME something to think about! I for one do believe we are ALL equal! However do I always come off sounding that way? I do not know! I will be watching myself a little closer from now on! I'm not here to judge anyone! How could I" After all, I'm no better then anyone else!

[PretzelGirl]

We have always had members here who not only dress while still having a beard or mustache (I was there at one time), but there have been some that go out on the town. This is your life, not someone else's. And you should be able to do what you want. Anyone who doesn't like it can leave (and may get help doing that if they are too rude).

[Tracii G]

Mink do your own thing and be proud.
I get bashed on here by some for wearing womens clothes and presenting as a man does it stop me? No way.
Do I dress to as some call it "fool people"? No to that one too because I dress to please me and no one else.
Makes no difference to me if you have a beard and hairy legs and like to wear a dress.
What I'm saying is if "we" I mean the ones who do go out in public act with dignity and class thats what the public will see.
I do know there are a few here that feel that a few of us CDers don't measure up to their standards but hey I really don't care what they think.
Again be proud of being different!!

[Mink]

yes i do need to find pride in the difference and not let the few vocal minority bother me so much... i guess it just saddens me that i don't have myself as my avatar (and that shame or embarassment is MY issue alone) ... i one time went all the way and went out to a TG-friendly club and it felt very off for me... one CDer said to me "when you present like this... you are a woman!" and i thought "well gee i sure don't feel like a woman!" ... so there is that!

and i guess had i taken a pic or pics of me that night i'd have an avatar / thread material / etc ready to go... but then i'd just be reinforcing the same standard that one must conform to the CDer ideal!

there's this thought that as time goes on one WILL eventually turn to going fully enfemme with all that goes with it and until that happens you are just waiting for it to happen... maybe i will go down that path eventually in the coming years (who knows!)

it's just hard to find acceptance for what we do enough as it is without people of our own kind being very judgey!

this happened at that same TG-friendly club where i went there just in a dress with a beard and later that CDer i talked to said something along the lines of "one time i saw a guy here that was wearing a dress with a BEARD!" and i thought to myself... wait a minute... that was ME! oh god?

they acted like it was the most wrong thing!

even on here that phrase Dude in a Dress is like the ultimate insult!

[Karren H]

As much as I do attest to what's the correct way to crossdress.... in a very anti womens jeans way..... I could truly give a rats ass what anyone else wears except me! lol.... conformity... funny for a group that breaks all the rules.....

[Kelly DeWinter]

Mink;

You are being too hard on others and especially yourself, unless someone has written "Mink, you have to ...." then the only one who is putting pressure on you to conform is ... YOU ! . There are gals and guys here who dress all over the spectrum from beaded in skirts to 24/7 full on tg . Post what YOU like , how you like, sure there is a possibility you may me a minority within a minority, but hey it's about making yourself comfortable with yourself . You may find the occasional critique on some post, but in all you will find this to be probably the most diverse group on the web , with the exception to the Pastafarian Spaghetti Space Monster worshippers.