Owning it?

[PatChick]

Everyone here seems to have a complete alter ego, that I never seemed to try to explore. I've never really tried using a female voice, or gave myself a female name. My girlfriend has asked if she should call me a different name when I dress, but I don't know what to choose, or if I even want to. My name is Pat so that could work either way anyway. I guess I'm not sure if or when or how far I want to take this. I mean the thought of going out is thrilling, but scary. Also I've seen people say you have to own it, and I guess I'm not really sure what exactly that means.

[AllieSF]

Welcome to the Forum and your own personal learning curve. First, to own something is to take responsibility for it and not use excuses and weak reasons for indulging in it, whatever "it" is. I won my crossdressing in the sense that I dress the way I want, I make my own decisions, many of which may be influenced by what I read here or based on my advanced age and associated experiences. My dressing, this side of me is mine and only mine and I accept total responsibility for whatever I do from dressing poorly, embarrassing someone, including myself. I have it easier than a lot of others here, because I accept and embrace this side of me and am also at a point in my life where I can take advantage of it with little impact on others. Owning it does not mean coming out to anyone. I am not out to those that know me as a man and for now that works very well for me. They have no need to know ..... yet.

You do not need a female name and since you have one that works both ways you really do not need to make a decision now about that. As you mature into who you are, you may change your mind later and that is OK. Going out is another important area for some of us. Many here are very happy to limit their time dressed to their own safe zones and at times that fit their own schedules and those of those around you. My only recommendation is to go out when you are ready, dress down, not up and if at all possible have a sidekick with whom you can share that special moment and to cover your back if needed. Enjoy, it can be so much fun. It is for me.

[anna kate]

Hi Pat, I had chosen a name for myself and used it until my niece found me out. She said "Nobody gets to name themselves, so from now on, you will be known as Anna Kate."
I don't even try to use a female voice, I get surprised looks at times. I do speak softer when enfemme, but the baritone keeps coming through.
Let her give you a name, even if you don't like it, it will grow on you.
Going out is thrilling/scary but for me is worth it. To Own it, in my opinion, is to hold your head up and conduct yourself as though you belong, doing what you are doing. Try it, you'll like it... Even better, if the girlfriend will go with you.
Anna Kate

[Rachelakld]

Hi Pat, for me my dual personality was in the closet until about 30 years old, after that I "allowed" her to develop over years in to Rachel (keeping her in the closet got to emotionally draining).

Did you ever go in to the change rooms at school and think "I don't want to play football today", then you grudgingly get changed, coach has a few words and before you know it your running around like a pro because you "own it" (or "your in the moment").
So to "own it" is to place ones mood, emotions, logic, in to the instant, and should occure in football, white water rafting, hunting, cross dressing and many other things your interested in.

Like Anna Kate, my voice is softer in girl mode, but the voice is still deep, although I've done a couple of extra deep "Gooday Mate" when the situation calls for it or for the fun of it. I talk to my family in my normal voice regardless as to how I dress.

[Patty]

For me it's Pat or Patty.

[Brooklyn]

Choosing a name is a major statement to yourself and others that you have a cross-gender identity. "Owning it" basically speaks to being confident, which is unlikely the first time you go out (if you ever decide to do that). If you act ashamed of what you are doing, others will think you're creepy. But if you smile, look people in the eye, and act like you belong, they will go along with it in my experience.

[RADER]

Hi Pat;
Welcome to the forum.
Yes, I could not find a name for my female side; even my wife could not come
up with anything we liked. So she just called me by my regular name. She said that
what ever way I was dressed, I was still the same person, so why change names this late in life.
My Forum name is a nick name I had at work....Long story there.
Rader

[docrobbysherry]

A lot of new arrivals do whatever they think they should to fit in. Understandable. Because for many here, it's like finding the gold at the end of s---y rainbow!

But, over time u will discover, own, who and what kind of dresser u r. I was uncomfotable taking too girlie a name because I have never found my fem side. So, " Robert Sherry".

Also, while I do go out a lot now, I identify as a closet dresser. I love the freedom to dress up or down or nude if I please! Going out means compromising how I prefer to look and I never go out stress free. However, it has taken years here figure these, and the many other particular differences from me and most others here. I own them now. As u can and will in time, too!

[Jason+]

PatChick,

I have tried a couple of feminine names but never found one that really fit like Jason does. I tried a female name for a while but she just became a target for my wife to dislike so she had to go. For me owning it is being willing to accept what comes with me being me whether in a dress of pants.

[Candice Mae]

To call Me by a male name just doesn't feel right, If I'm in male mode okay but other wise I'd probably tell you to go.... Besides the name change I'm still the same personality with the same interests, I just look a lot different...

[Beverley Sims]

Something like pat works well, my name works in a similar way.

[barbara gordon]

"to own it" this meant something a little different to me. two years ago I told my soon to be ex wife. about my fem side , about the dressing . We were already stressed as a married couple and this put her into a dissapointiing path of ending our marriage. She was so angry with this that she started to out me to her friends ,our friends ,and to her family …. I quickly had to grasp at some ownership of my once deep dark secret . So I re gained possession of my cross dressing by telling my mother and my sister . It was so casual and nonchalant and it took them off guard . but it was essentially easy , I had to own it as soon as possible before my wife told them ….. Sure enough a few weeks later xw tried to dump it on them .. luckily it did not have the shock value that xw wanted ….. " Own it" Yes ,own it how ever you want to . !

[AmyGaleRT]

Pat, all crossdressers are different in how far they go, and it can evolve over time. My full femme persona is actually a fairly recent development. I'm fortunate in being able to do a good Amy-voice, but it's not necessary unless you're really trying to pass. You could use "Pat" as a femme name and no one would bat an eye; you don't have to pick a new one unless you really feel the need to. (I chose mine based on things that meant something to me.)

"Owning it," I think, means being honest with yourself about who and what you are. Also with other people, but with yourself first and foremost. You are a crossdresser; you enjoy wearing clothes designed for women. There is nothing wrong with that! As you can see, there are many, many of us out there. So hold up your head, and, whatever you wear, wear it with pride, confidence, and style!

Take things at your own pace. You don't have to choose a femme name, or develop a femme voice, or go out to be a "real" crossdresser. (But don't be surprised if your confidence improves over time as you read these forums, and you start wanting to do all these things. It did for me!)

- Amy

[Marcelle]

Hi Pat,

Yeah the name thing . . . when I first joined the forum I thought I needed a name to hide myself and as I did not have a femme name I settled on Isha which in Hebrew means "woman of strength (loosely translated that is). I was only going to use it as a place holder until I came up with a more femme name . . . but I got used to it and my wife thinks it fits well given the circumstances. So Isha it is.

Owning it. I agree with Amy on this one. I could not truly own it (and still not completely) until I accepted the fact that I am a guy who likes to wear women's clothing in public from time to time. Yeah, some in society may see it as weird and strange but it is what it is and I am doing nothing wrong. Once I got to that place, I began to be a bit more confident and looked up at others, smiled, and walked like I belonged. The comfort brings confidence and confidence is what allows you to own it IMHO.

Hugs

Isha

[Deedee Skyblue]

Everyone here seems to have a complete alter ego...

Depends on what you are saying - do we project differently, or are we actually different. I think if you did a survey (and it's been done before), a large number of us don't feel we have alter egos, we are the same person regardless of what we are wearing, though we may act somewhat differently dressed than not. This isn't that much different from how you project yourself with your boss compared to your coworkers, your friends, your family, telemarketers, police, etc. And there are some of us who are totally different and who truly have alter egos, and there are people on every point of the spectrum in between.

Deedee

[Kate Simmons]

Well, you don't really "have to" Hon but in my own case I could do no less than take ownership of myself and my feelings and am soley responsible for them.

[PatChick]

Wow. I certainly did not expect 15 responses when I woke up this morning, but thank you everyone for all the help. Most of your advice is consistent which is good that I'm not being led in 15 different directions. I'm really glad I found this site, because I have a bunch more questions for all of you, and I'm sure more will come up. I'll try not to overload the board with too many questions at once.

[Majella St Gerard]

"Owning it" means just having confidence and being comfortable with what you are wearing. Own it, walk proudly and be strong and assertive and people will treat you with respect. They might not like it but they will respect you, at least to your face anyway.

[Guy19]

I completly agree

[Lynn Marie]

Yes, I have a pretty complete alter ego. I, like many of the "girls" here, have way too many features that are dead giveaways that beneath this well painted and well dressed exterior there just might be something amiss. So my only recourse when out is a powerful show of confidence, ie, "owning it".

[AmyGaleRT]

I'm really glad I found this site, because I have a bunch more questions for all of you, and I'm sure more will come up. I'll try not to overload the board with too many questions at once.

Pat, that's what we're here for. If you feel like you're "overloading the board," you can always PM one of us with questions; many of us are happy to talk to anyone.

- Amy