Inescapable but not intigral to who I am?

[Brynna M]

So as I continually try to find out what crossdressing means in my life and myself I run into a contradiction. I can't seem to eliminate crossdressing no matter my intentions to give it up. (i've made my peace with that and no longer intend to) In that way it is a core part of me.

But at the same time it doesn't seem to influence my "self" as much as other core parts of me (I.e. engineering, martial arts ... ) Only rarely does lack of crossdressing make me eddgy or obsessed. Lack of other critical parts of my show consequences in a week.

So how is something both inescapable but not really integral to my sense of self? Is it more integral than I realize but being in the closet keeps it less manifested?

I'm curious as to opinions on the subject.

[Katy120]

Thank you your for thought provoking post. I've come to believe that there is broad spectrum of crossdressers from the occasional CD who just gets a kick out of dressing en femme and it doesn't go any deeper than that to those dress full time or almost full time and it an essential part of their being. Based on your comments I don't know exactly where I'd place you on this scale, but it does seem to me that you have worked out a balance that works for you at this time. I think each of us wants to come to some semblance of balance. Personally I'm not there yet so I am respectfully envious.

[Jenniferathome]

I often respond tot his type of question with, cross dressing is a part of me but it is not all of me. When any one part of you controls to the exclusion of all else, you are in trouble.

[Kate Simmons]

Sounds to me like you have your priorities straight my friend.

[Lynn Marie]

I like Jenniferathome's comment. Very insightful.

It's quite common and healthy for me to have more than one hobby and multiple interests. None of them define me completely and I won't be owned or enslaved by any of them either!

[linda allen]

You can eliminate crossdressing if you really want to. Just don't do it. It's like eliminating smoking or drinking. If you say you can't stop crossdressing, you're just making excuses for yourself.

On the other hand, if it's not hurting anyone, there's no harm in it as long as it doesn't get out of control. Just don't say you can't quit as an excuse for doing it.

[CarlaWestin]

I don't know, I've eliminated smoking and drinking along with a handful of other deleterious behaviors. To me, crossdressing is a special satisfying reward and such a pleasurable non corrosive experience, I would never think about eliminating it. One good thing to eliminate is unfounded guilt and unnecessary stress. You know, the evil that other people want you to have. But, I do understand that it could engulf my existence if circumstances were to change. If I were given the opportunity to be Carla 24/7 without the need to pursue a livelihood, that would be a different story. But then, this post is about balanced priorities.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Every piece of the whole, that constitutes an individual person's perception of self, is as important as the next. We may attach value and favor to those aspects of ourselves that we like, accept and acknowledge, but that does not in anyway diminish the role that those seemingly unsavory, unacceptable and unacknowledged, parts have. In other words "For good or bad. We are whom we are." The sum of our behaviors.

[Beverley Sims]

Brynna,
I think you lead enough of a full and active life, insomuch as dressing is not a major part.
I feel you probably want to purge on occasions, as you think you may escape back to all the other activities you have going around you.
Maybe you have a number of female admirers to keep your mind otherwise occupied.

Never purge as when things slow down you may want todress more frequently.
Enjoy your life for what it is.

[Brynna M]

Thanks,

I'm not so much looking for help stopping or a reason to explore crossdressing more. I'm trying to puzzle out what crossdressing is to me.

I'm still confused as to why something that isn't a major portion of my life and personality is so difficult to get rid of entirely. (I'm ok with my crossdressing but I can't deny that life would be simpler without it.) I feel like I would still be "me" without crossdressing. There is nothing else in my life I can compare to that both plays such a small part but has the same sense of compulsion from time to time. Everything else that carries that difficult to stop aspect is also a major part of my life and my sense of self. For me at least crossdressing presents that unique contradiction.

Thanks for all the thoughts.

[kimdl93]

You get to decide what is integral to your life and where this fits into the scheme of things. why would other people's opinions on this matter. CDing certainly means different things to different people. For me, yes, it has become a core part of my identity...not to the exclusion of all else, but fundamental to my identity.

[karens70]

Thanks,
I'm not so much looking for help stopping or a reason to explore crossdressing more. I'm trying to puzzle out what crossdressing is to me.

This is something I have done a lot of thinking about recently after my wife found out. I have finally got to the point where I now realise that after 30 years this 'phase' isn't going to pass! but I am still not sure what it means to me. I just know I enjoy it and it isn't going away... I have no idea where it is going. time for the guilt to pass and the fun to begin

[LelaK]

I regard my CDing as a result of the "Good Taste" that I was born with. In no way do I want to give up my good taste.