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Thread: Being Passable

  1. #26
    Member Terri Andrews's Avatar
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    We all have something that we think gives us away ,for me I am 5'8 ,medium hands and size 8 shoes ,so size is not a problem but I have a flat noise and I think it is a dead giveaway.
    The plus side is that I don"t let that stop me ,I dress to blend in and there is not much I have not experenced as Terri ,so far no problems.

  2. #27
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    im lucky in a sense that i have small hands and petite feet.i can fit in a womens 9 shoe.my hands are small.but im 6 foot which puts me out of the possibility of wearing heals....at least out. with low heals and good makeup.my wig and a conservative dress, i can pass. its the voice that scares me how do u deal with that?

  3. #28
    New Member VeroS's Avatar
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    Whoever said if you can fool some of the people some of the time you are doing ok has got it right. I feel that I am probably getting away with it if somebody calls me Madam in a shop or café. For me the main giveaways are feet, hands and voice.
    Love Veronica

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  4. #29
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    The list of visual tells is long. Not only hand size but foot size, height, adam's apple, shoulder-to-hip ratio, head and neck size etc. I guessing that the reason hand size is even being checked is that suspicion has been aroused and further investigation is being made. I agree with those that have said if your hands have to be checked then you've already reached a large measure of success. It's already been said that what we're really trying to do is fool the eye. If you're "tall" and you wear high heels or if you have narrow hips and you wear a tight skirt with no padding are you really trying to blend? It's easy to find examples of gg's who have wider shoulders, are taller, have bigger hands etc. but it's the complete package that adds up to the overall impression. You've got to be honest with yourself. Dress how you want but if you have the shoulders of an iron worker and you choose to wear a white spandex top, you're not trying to blend. If you're over 6' tall and you wear high heels, you're not trying to blend. If you have not butt shape and you wear pink yoga pants, you're not trying to blend. If you want to blend, disguise your male traits.

  5. #30
    silicone member Danielle_cder's Avatar
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    i agree i hate my hands they give me away for sure
    the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.

  6. #31
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    Well, after 30 replies posted I think you get the idea. Just go be your sweet loveable self and don't worry about what you can't change.

  7. #32
    Junior Member Jaylah414's Avatar
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    You all look so lovely. I don't know why any of you would fret.

    As for me, hands are only the beginning. I don't know how many times someone has said, "My, what big, strong hands you have!" For me, it's not the big eyes and the big teeth. Folks can tell that I ain't granny by more than my hands. Thirty-five years of hard work and competitive sports have left their mark. Right now, my biggest worry is how to get a close shave without looking like someone used my face (and other body parts) for a pin cushion. A glance at my busted up feet is a sure sign that I'll never have the pleasure of wearing open toed shoes. But, one thing I know is that I'm going to have a lot of fun trying to figure these things out.

  8. #33
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    Sooo many mannerisms to master. But whether we do so or not the whole purpose is to enjoy the person we are becoming when we dress, and that is the fun of it. I'm sure I'll never master it all!

  9. #34
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
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    There is certainly no way to hide it. Gloves work but seem out of date to me, unless attending a black tie affair. The best I've come up with is long sleeves with some large cuffs to pull partially over your hands, and don't put them out there for the world to see.
    Much Love,
    Kristyn

  10. #35
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    Blend and Enjoy

    To me, the art of passing when I went out was just doing it and building up comfort level and understand what panic and preparedness means. You will know when you are ready to venture out when you say "I've just got to do this."

    For me it is about comfort, blending and an outfit that I feel beautiful in... dress as others do and forget the stripper clothes...that may be a tell...(wink)!

    Vanny

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member Maryesther M.'s Avatar
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    While I very much enjoy CD-ing, to become passable would require a miracle which will not happen to me this side of Paradise, so I can't even try!

    M.

  12. #37
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    Really - someone feels they are "very passible" but they may be "outed" by their hands? If anyone can be "very passible" - whatever that really means - because of their appearance and dress and mannerisms, but are ultimately recognized by someone who notices hands - aren't they still "very passible" in the first place? And if a few people recognize their man hands, are they really "outed"?

    Maybe we worry too much.

  13. #38
    Member Patty-Fay's Avatar
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    I have big hands, and for this reason I always wear long sleeves when I go out, sleeves that are long enough to cover about half my hand, if possible. When my sleeves aren't quite long enough, I'll wear thick bangle on both wrists.

  14. #39
    New Member shawnablack77's Avatar
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    I've been told by a few that I was passable, and with the right makeup I think I look good enough to go out. But once out we must remember how to walk and present ourselfs. I have kinda long hands and I've read that its best to keep them closed whenever I can. I have size 10 feet, but not many people would notice that. There's some interesting articles on the web about have a fem persona. I'm still practicing along with making my voice more fem.

  15. #40
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    Talking Yep

    Bravo... I think it comes down to many factors but confidence must be one of the most important. People look for those actions or reactions that stand out. I love it when people are confident in their right to be wherever they are and don't care.

    That's what gets a passing grade from me. OWN it and I believe.

    Hope that makes sense

    Vanny

  16. #41
    Member XemmaX's Avatar
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    i think i do ok it's just my height and my posture which i feel is a dead give away.

  17. #42
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    What do you have tentacles and a hunch back? (Wink)

    I guess the point is they may not give a care about you even is you are a he/she or it. I see what appear to be sexual/gender mixes in people all the time and the one thing that hits me always is how little anyone cares these days. Except perhaps US too much about ourselves. Yes, we need to be safe and yes you need to be careful but as many times as someone has already crossed many of our paths in public and nothing happened means it is highly likely it will repeat itself regardless of such flaws we see in ourselves

    We are the next generation if CDs and folks to broaden the way for our children to more openly live their lives as whomever they want. I only have one rule, I don't want them to be mean!

    And that is the case with my kids. One may be a cd in my opinion but who cares. I keep on saying be kind to others. Does it matter what they dress like. Think how scared and lonely they may feel. How much guts it takes to be out and about.

    Everyone deserves to live their non-hate mongering lives as they wish. About six months ago he shared some stories about friends. I think he could care less now about gender stuff

    Vanny
    Last edited by Vanessa Rose; 01-24-2014 at 10:27 AM.

  18. #43
    Member Contessa's Avatar
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    I can never look as good as any woman. Most are to me gorgeous. If you are dressed your age to look like you care how you look. Then to me you pass. I don't mind if you don't mind if you aren't passible. Just keep doing better at other things that help. Having your nails done as I do can make your hands feminine. But I am 24/7 anyway. Are you one of those who disagree with men cding yourself.

    Try to look like 500,000 dollars not just 15 dollars, cause to me most women look like a million dollars.

    Tess
    [COLOR="blue"]Contessa Marie D

    I'm TG. A fem-male so I look male sometimes.

    Dressing is necessary, the type of clothes you wear not so much.

    This above all to thy own self be true!

  19. #44
    Member lesli's Avatar
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    hi Lacy,
    oh you are so right. hands are a tell. i have smallish hands for a guy and when i compare size with gg's they are rarely larger or at least not much larger than theirs. i have soft hands too from working with computers and not having to do much manual labor, but no matter my fingers are thicker and palms are wider than gg's.

    i'm 6' and love 5" heels, i so know what you are talking about with drawing attention. when i walk in a room en femme, everyone looks, it's like the jolly green giant just entered the room. at 6' 5" in heels, or taller in your case, you're going to get noticed.
    hugs,
    lesli

  20. #45
    eyah! Mink's Avatar
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    me passable? not possible!

    uh!

  21. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorja View Post
    Well, after 30 replies posted I think you get the idea. Just go be your sweet loveable self and don't worry about what you can't change.
    Bingo! I think passable comes to telling everyone else in the world that they can miss my bleep, I'm going to enjoy myself

  22. #47
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I hope not to offend, and it is certainly not my intention here. With VERY few exceptions, CDers without FFS, and HRT are going to get read if given a close enough inspection. Yes, once in a while I suppose someone may be fem looking enough thru genes or just very very good at presentation, but almost always, something will probably give us away. I do not think it is a bad thing if we go out in public even though we are read. We can still have a good presentation. I do think that sometimes there are people who are fooling themselves thinking they are passing when someone uses female pro nouns. They are likely being courteous and respectful. Perhaps they may feel you have transitioned so that you are in fact now a woman. Anwhoo... It doesn't mean we do not look good, and that we do not belong out in public. It doesn't mean that people do not look at us as women, even if they know that genetically we are not.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  23. #48
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    Well said gendermutt. While passing is important to us individually, how we conduct ourselves is more important collectively. Sadly it seems that most of the exposure mtf crossdressers get in the media, both news and entertainment, is of the more harmful, negative variety. Flamboyant drag queens, flaming gays etc. I shudder whenever I see something like this and bemoan the harm it does to furthering our desire to gain general public acceptance or at least tolerance. Over time I've managed to put together an image that generally blends in at night, from 20 feet and beyond but I'm working up the courage to do more. That's why I feel so affected when crossdressers in the media are subjected to stifled snickering and other forms of ridicule.

  24. #49
    New Member Leigh's Avatar
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    Hi Vanessa,

    I just wanted to comment on your post. I too try to teach my children to be kind. I feel that prejudice comes from lack of knowledge. My children are young 13 and 10, yet they understand that everyone is different. I have tried to teach them how hard it is for some people as they have to hide who they really are. I have talked to them about CD's, gay and lesbian relationships to try to broaden their minds while they are young. This has needed to be done in an age appropriate way, but they are starting to get the message.

    Leigh

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