Never.
I am honestly shocked by the large number of you who are married and your spouse has no idea that you CD. It is reprehensible in my mind. There is absolutely no acceptable reason for that.
I understand that it is scary to expose ourselves, but it needs to be done. Before I ever got married I had to tell my wife of everything that I had ever done that I thought might bother someone. I needed to know that my spouse accepted me even with all of the horrible things I had done in my life. So I experienced sort of a confessional time period where I exposed myself to my future spouse. It was so freeing to have her really know who I am and still accept me. Cross dressing never was one of those things as I sort of discovered it while we were married and thus she found out along with me. But there were other things. Things I have never told anyone else, and never will, but I told her.
Isn't that supposed to be part of a marriage? Maybe its just my idea of marriage.
For all of you that have not told your spouse, if I were your spouse, I obviously would not care in the least about your cross dressing, but I would most likely divorce you because your deception. I believe that people can be educated about cross dressers and can come to understand and to love us. But if you have been proven to be a liar, how can you ever earn back someone's trust?
My advice? Face your fears and tell your SOs near the very beginning of your relationship. If they accept it great, and if not, then you know you need to try and find someone else that will accept you for who you really are. It is a myth that no one will accept a cross dresser. But I think no one should accept a deceitful spouse.
Okay rant over,thanks for listening