Any advice for a shy crossdresser

[Megan.]

hi there its megan again i have been in contact with a self help group for crossdressers in my are that is england uk does anyone have any advice for me when i go in january to my first meeting i would really love to go dressed in my female clothes but i am quite a shy person any advice would be great thanks

[AmyGaleRT]

Great job, Megan! If you're really shy about going there dressed, see if the group has someplace where you can change at the meeting site. (We do that for our meetings, for attendees that need it.) Aside from that, there's no need to worry; everyone else there will understand how you're feeling, because they were once in your shoes, too! All you'll have to do is sit there, talk if you feel like doing so, and just listen to what others have to say.

Good luck at your meeting! I think you'll do fine.

- Amy

[Tracii G]

Amy is right go and have fun its a great experience to be with people that understand everything you are feeling.
I went dressed my first time and so glad I did.

[DebbieL]

The first thing to remember about any support group like this is that we've all been there. We remember what it was like that first time we went to a support meeting. My first meeting I did not go dressed, and I felt like I was missing out on some of the fun. They were still very accepting and explained rules, told me about dressing rooms, and even have me some shopping tips. By the next meeting I had my clothes in my car and was able to bring them in. By my third or fourth meeting I had planned my schedule so that I had time to change and do make-up before I arrived.

Groups like this will often have members ranging from the newest of newcomers, like yourself, to experienced veterans who are living 24/7 in their desired gender. The important thing is that they have been where you are, and are there to help support people with less experience to get where they want to be. Very much like this web site, but meeting people face to face has a different dimension to it. You will feel less alone and less unique.

[mariehart]

The first time I went to a group. I went in and was welcomed. But I panicked and left before dressing or anything. Part of it was because I am an extremely shy person and part of it was because I felt my clothes weren't good enough. I didn't have even have a wig.

Eventually I went back another time and I didn't know why I was worried. Everyone was really kind. I didn't have a wig but a blonde one was found for me and I received lots of compliments and had photos taken. I was quite young at the time. They were all heading to the pub so one of the girls took me under her wing and off we tottered down the road in our heels and was thrilled to be whistled at by some men on the way.

It was one of the best things I ever did. Unfortunately I only went back a few more times for one reason or another and I do regret that.

So go for it and don't worry. Everyone there was in the same situation once. By the end of the night you'll wonder what the fuss was about.

[Shelly Preston]

Megan, Go to the group in whichever way you feel most comfortable. I am sure they will make you feel most welcome.
We all know how nervous it can be meeting new people but since you are all there for support there is no need to worry.

Have a great time.

[Beverley Sims]

Megan,
Maybe you take it slowly, go in drab first and feel the waters.
I am sure others there will help you overcome your fears in that regard.

[Ronah]

Megan, probably most of us have been there. My first outing as Ronah was to a group near Exeter. I went dressed and sat in the car park getting up confidence to enter. Once inside I was made most welcome and the strangeness soon worked off and I enjoyed my evening. It would be surprising if the group did not have some changing facilities and I would recommend that you take Megan's clothes with you and change during the visit. Enjoy your outing as I did.

[alexis61]

Embrace your inner female! I used to be shy as well but I think it was because I was closeted and worried what others would think about me if they knew. Once I realized that its ok that I like feeling sexy, it's ok that I love high heels and watching Sex and the City, among other things, I started feeling more confident. It's a process that takes time.. I'm starting to share who I am with my wife which really helped my open the doors to the wonderful world of cross dressing and everything that comes with it.

[Eryn]

As you can see, there are two approaches, that of getting in into it by baby steps and that of embracing change by taking a big step.

I did a little of both, practicing my makeup and dress at home until I was happy with it, and then driving to my first CD group meeting 60 miles away while dressed. I sat there a block from the restaurant contemplating having the valet parking guy see me and thought "The heck with it, I've just driven 60 miles and I'm not going to turn around and go home!" I drove up, the guy handed me my ticket and said "Good Evening, Ma'am" and everything went smoothly from that point on.

Really, the fear is internal to us. That doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, but it is something that we can address. Once we conquer it we discover that the world really doesn't care how we dress!

I've never really wanted to dress on-site because I want my CD friends to perceive Eryn only, not be confused by my male self. Other people may have different requirements.

Go to the meeting. Whether you dress before or at the site you'll have a great time!

[Katey888]

Megan - there's great advice here from experienced people - I certainly can't add to that other than say: be brave - I wish I could have your courage in doing that one day... maybe sometime, but, carpe diem! You've got the meeting arranged - go for it!
Out of very general interest, what general part of the country are you in? (I'm in Hampshire btw) I'd be interested if there are groups in my area... I must look around...
Kateyx

[Rachel Morley]

If you're really shy about going there dressed, see if the group has someplace where you can change at the meeting site. (We do that for our meetings, for attendees that need it.)

I've never really wanted to dress on-site because I want my CD friends to perceive Eryn only, not be confused by my male self.

I agree with both the quotes above. Our TG support group, the River City Gems, always tries to make sure there is a place to dress at the venue that we meet at (it changes from month to month for variation in the event type that we have). This is usually important for folks that don't or can't leave their home dressed already. That said, I myself have never done this as I agree with Eryn. I don't want my CDing friends knowing me in any form other than my femme self. This is not for security reasons or anything, it's just me not wanting to be in male mode.

[Suzanne F]

I am with Rachel, I only want to be known as Suzanne by my CD friends. I say go for it! It is the one place where you know judgement is suspended. I have attended 3 support group functions and had a great time. It opened up the world to me and I go out regularly now in the mainstream. We can do it!
Hugs
Suzanne

[LaraPeterson]

Dear sweet Megan, do ONLY what is comfortable for YOU. If you can get all femmed up and go out with a smile and not be extremely nervous, go for it. If that's too much to hope for, take the cautious route as others have suggested. Just remember that this IS a support activity--other there are going to be very sympathetic. And by all means, when you go, have fun.

[reb.femme]

Hi Megan,

Whereabouts are you in the UK? I'm in the south London area. Once you get to 10 posts, PM me if you are in our neck of the woods.
Alternatively, you can tweet me from my web page.


Rebecca

[Teresa]

Megan you can't be that shy to consider going to a help group. I've shopped but not dressed, driven out at night fully dressed, walked the dog part dressed but I don't know if I would have your courage to attend a group. If you are getting good support from a partner of friends then go for it but if you are going back home to a stone wall with no one to share you experience with think hard.

[Chickhe]

Look at it this way... nobody will know your male self and it is a chance to be the person you want to be. So if you don't want to be shy, don't be shy. Just go out, decide to talk to people and do it. You are the only one who knows about your fear. My CDing in public has actually cured me of a lot of shyness because I realized I was in control of everything to do with how I am perceived. CDing really is an eye opening experience.

[Sarah L]

I am a naturally shy person as well. I grew out of my shyness in guy mode, but found it just as strong when I started going out as Sarah.

My first meeting, I took my clothes along and changed when I got there, then changed back before I left. The next meeting, I showed up in a skirt and left the same way. I wouldn't be surprised if this is how it works for you.

I never interacted much in support group meetings, I had alot to learn about the TG community and felt like I needed to listen before I spoke up.

Just relax and be yourself, no one will pressure you to do something you're not comfortable with. It won't be long before you will be glad you reached out.