Acting Feminine or Gay?

[Briana90802]

I mean no disrespect to anyone with this question, but when you are enfemme do you act feminine or effeminately gay? Hopefully this question is clear I guess I want to be perceived as a female when I'm out, not as a gay man in drag.

Any advice?

Again I can't stress enough that I mean no disrespect.

[Marcelle]

Hi Briana,

I would have to say I have styled my mannerisms (e.g., walk, gestures, expressions) based on my observations of women so they are designed to appear feminine. However, since people tend to confuse gender identity with sexuality, if they see (in my case) a guy in women's clothing acting in a feminine manner then they will most likely think effeminate homosexual guy. I don't get too wrapped up in this perception as I am what I am. If during conversation with someone and sexuality comes up, I will correct them and that is where it normally ends.

Hugs

Isha

[carhill2mn]

I try my best to act as a woman in a feminine manner. This means that I am not "over-the-top" in any of my mannerisms.

[chrissy111]

I do my best to act as a natural woman.

[DebbieL]

When I was younger, I didn't understand the difference. A gay man in drag tries to act "too feminine" and "too sexy". Even without a lisp or other affectations, the illusion is different.

Learning to act, walk, and talk like a real woman takes a lot more observation, support, and coaching. The trick is to not act TOO feminine.

If you can find a woman to give you coaching, that is the best way to learn the subtleties, she can help you think more like a woman as well.

[Beverley Sims]

No, airs or graces from me, I could never pull it off.

[Annaliese]

Act fem to blend in, not to offend fem gay is to over the top

[AllieSF]

As a person my personality and character do not change when I change my mode of dressing. My mannerisms do in that I try to tone down the male ones and emphasize the female ones. I do not think that I act overly feminine. It is probably a workable, for me at least, mix of reduced male and enhanced female. I know some MtF whatever's (across the spectrum) that sometimes do over emphasize some feminine mannerisms, mostly the hand gestures with the curled up hands and fingers as they talk, and fewer times their voice inflections. When I see those my mind remembers some of the flaming male gays who use those similar gestures and voices as part of defining who they are. So, to me at least, there is a link. However, as long as one is comfortable with who they are and how they present it makes no difference to me. My ability to accept, like or dislike is based primarily on their personalities and characters. As to whether one is gay, lesbian, trans, or not, does not enter into my perception of them. They are just human beings with whom I have had the pleasure or opportunity to get to know a little.

[Crissy Kay]

Considering what I like to wear while enfemm, I do kind of mince around at times!!

[Dianne S]

I don't consciously act differently when dressed, but my wife does say I'm quieter, more gentle and more subdued when cross-dressed.

[MsVal]

Softer, gentler, more conscientious. Does that help?

[Cheryl T]

I'm sure at times I was over the top and seemed very effeminate, but generally I'd say my body language and actions all are just feminine.

[katssun]

I try not to go overboard on the femininity, which pushes one into "effeminately gay" territory.

Real women come in all flavors too. It's may be surprising, but it's really more about correct posture and a smile. The less you think about it, the more natural it is. When you try too hard, it looks like an act.

[Majella St Gerard]

I think I come off as masculine/femme, if I had to use an adjective. I think most people think CDers are gay, they are brain washed by society to think that.

[Karren H]

Guess I have an unusual situation since my son is gay and neither he nor his boyfriend act as feminine as the stereotypical gay man... or as feminine as I act.....

[Tina_gm]

hmmm.... I don't really try to act feminine. I do have natural feminine tendencies that I simply set free. When dressed they are likely to be even more prevalent I am supposing, as I dress alone so there is no one to say whether or not I act more or less. I am just going to assume more as I am connecting in a deeper way to my feminine side. I imagine at times that it may come off looking somewhat gay.... a lot of people do see a feminine acting man and will assume that he is gay. To us, who are straight cross dressers, we see a difference that many people do not see. It is subtle, but more obvious to us.

[Tracii G]

Most of my gay male friends don't act over the top any more than I do.
Enfemme I am still me just appear to be femme but my question why would you even act over the top? Most women I know don't act that way.
My walk and mannerisms change when the wig goes on and the femme side comes out.

[devida]

Who do you want to perceive you as a female, Briana? I am pretty sure very very few gay men are going to think you are gay. Gay men don't have the walk, mannerisms, vocal tones or gestures of women. Even in drag they don't really seem like women. Anyway, if you're straight gay men aren't going to be interested in you. I also don't think most women who pay any attention to you are going to think you're gay. They might think you're a guy in a dress and they might wonder about that but they'll probably think you're just not that good at passing. Who does that leave? Straight men? Do you really care what they think? Are you dressing for them? I doubt it. You're dressing for yourself primarily. And a large number of straight men aren't actually going to pay any attention to you. You are certainly cute, but not bombshell cute and most people have been taught not to stare, to accept a few cues about a person, and then move right along. So you're now left with the stupid straight males and, believe me, you're never going to convince them of anything beyond their own prejudices. So just dress and have fun.

[lingerieLiz]

There are several movements we cant pull off well since our structure is not he same as women. I don't really try to act fem. I also don't try to be a he man. I used to be teased a lot about the way I walked which caused my hips to move like a woman's. I guess it went away since no one sees it any longer. Now I just try to move.

[MissTee]

I do hand, wrist, walk and other gestures that feel like they belong with me en femme. My wife confirms I do, and that it's not egregiously or overly dramatic. However, I don't do any of this to purposefully exaggerate or emphasize femininity. It really just comes out and feels like it belongs.

[Jilmac]

I try to be as feminine as possible because I present myself as a female. I never had any intention of doing drag or dressing in a flamboyant fashion as many transgender people are portrayed by the media. I believe the general perception of crossdressers being gay is hype purpatrated by tv writers and prodcers who are non understanding.

[Barbara Dugan]

Totally gay and If I am dressing I will try to act the most feminine and lady like, that is a very personal choice....now there is nothing wrong with flaming, that is also a very personal choice of expression. You decide your own form of presentation and acting

Honestly I've read the same concern on some gay forums, where they don't totally understand how the fem gay act this way..I guess straight acting behavior is becoming more mainstream and accepted within the gay community as well.

Lets not forget that Transgender women were on the front lines of the LBGTQ civil rights movement. I guess we will be always be together

681px-Plaque_commemorating_Compton's_Cafeteria_riot.jpg

[NathalieX66]

As long as I appear feminine, that's cool.

[Jessica giovanna]

As a beautiful bisexual crossdresser, I do find some of these statements a little, ummm...boys club....we want to dress as women, act as women...but are scared to be seen as gay? Help me out here as I am not catching on, I guess. Why all the concern about how you are perceived in public? Hell yeah I flit....I have a natural lisp...speech impediment that I have had all my life...am I flaming? Acting femme in any aspect to a knuckle dragger will automatically make you "gay". I say deal with it and move on to a place where we are all the same in wanting to be who we are....again, not trying to start something...just wish that we all could and should be comfortable in our own skins...makes for happy girls!
Ms. G

[KaceyR]

I believe the general perception of crossdressers being gay is hype purpatrated by tv writers and prodcers who are non understanding.

I see this a lot.. And that's the bigger side of what people think. The drag side I consider more as entertainers on flamboyant, exaggerated mannerisms designed to really 'put it out there' for show and comedy (entertainment) as well as dealing with extra emphasis on the modeling 'attitude' (the true drag queens, the RuPaul shows,etc). This is what's been played on in shows and broadcasts for quite some time, it's what has been made visible, so it's what's thought of by general public. General hetero CDing hasn't been as "exciting" to put out there in shows and media...so it's not as understood or considered.

When dressed they are likely to be even more prevalent I am supposing, as I dress alone so there is no one to say whether or not I act more or less.

I'm a bit similar here...dress alone so I don't have any good judge on things. But I've been finding some stuff filtering into the everyday drab...basically an issue where my body memorizes this stuff too well and tries to incorporate it into the everyday. Sometimes I realize it quickly, other times not. Walking at times I shift into the way I do for my heel walking... (in any case it's been good for my back, posture, and abs/stomache work in general . Some I guess more gentler hand movements.
My voice has been another oddity. Maybe not so much on speaking voice... But my work with trying to lighten and up my range has kind of caused me some odd control issues when singing. Before I was trying to work up a feminine voice, I already had a bit high sound. But could force a higher range while still keeping the throat (and Adam's apple) normal (resonant). But since I've tried to work a higher range with Apple lifting, my singing with the standard resonant mode has kind of ran into problems. Hasn't affected daily voice (from what I can tell) but I really have to work to not trigger falsetto when climbing octaves. Certain areas now makes my voice crack which is annoying (as I was getting good singing high w/o falsetto for some songs). Luckily, my singing is only for the car and odd Karaokes to it doesn't matter much But I was getting good into reaching some of the ranges of naturally higher ranged folk (think along the lines of Japan's anime songs and even their lady singers )

So from my view (and to answer the OP) I tend to think/act softer instead of the flamboyant for my fem goals. Maybe if I was a bigger more outgoing person to start it might affect how I might do as far as voice,etc (to do the stronger speech styles) but otherwise, I just keep it softer.