I do everything to be as passable as possible, and agree that being "over the top" is probably the fastest route to take if you want to get clocked. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but your only fooling yourself if you think your fooling everyone.
In the end though, it really doesn't matter what others think of you, gay, straight, or lesbian, just have fun with who you are.
Im not sure how I would weigh in on this one... I have been the only "man" in the house for over 20 years and have adopted many feminine caracter traits. Maybe that is why I am so gender problematic... I dont realy know how a "man" is supposed to act and therefore, I come off as more feminine even when Im in my male role. On the plus side, it seems to make more people like me and be willing to follow my lead, which as a restaurant manager is more important than most would think. Overall, I do notice some more "feminine" traits even when not thinking about it or dressed for it, like the almost cartunic upturned hand when climbing the stairs at home. I tend to bend my wrist backward, which is telltale "girly" I do it when i run as well. Or the wiggle of the hips when i walk, or when I catch myself putting my hands just under my ribs and pulled toward the front, rather than on my hips, that is sub concious, or even the way I put my hand on anothers back to let the know that I am behind them. It is a gentle sort of almost "fingernaily" way that recently I have notice that girls do more often than men...
I dont overtly try to be ultra feminine, simply to be me. If I get it wrong, my wife will be sure to sort it out, bless her.
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!
One of my most favorite people is a gay drag queen. She pulls this off better than anyone. Her style, her dress, her makeup, her shape, her walk in heels, absolutely flawless. All on top of being a wonderful friend. I just wish I could look and move like her. As it is, when dressed, I seem to naturally act at least a little feminine without even trying.
Lynn Marie
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That's a great question, I find that I sit in male mode a certain way, with my legs wide open and then I will put on a skirt and everything changes, automatically I cross my legs and my foot goes straight pointing out, or if I am doing something in the kitchen counter and then I look down and realize that I have my foot at a different angle and my toes pointing outward, and find even when cutting vegetables I am holding the knife and cutting the vegetable different. I believe it's just instinct but I don't think it is gay, I look and feel more famine. Just last week I noticed that I was watching TV and fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up I was in a position I never sleep in, almost like rolled up in a ball and my legs closed tight, almost like I didn't want anyone to look up my skirt while I was sleeping, how did I know I was dressed in fem once I fell asleep, it's a bit strange almost like you become and act like a different person without trying, it just feels natural.
Last edited by Maria 60; 12-27-2013 at 04:55 AM.
I act like me all the time I am a fem, my nails always look good, I dress like a guy and act me I dress like a woman and act like me, I have to catch myself before I mince about swishing my hips with my wrist limped femmie self but that's just me.
Actually I think women act and dress so manly anymore that its mostly guys doing the fem anyway and gay straight bi what ever I don't care, the thing that really gets on my nerves the most is the knuckle dragging red neck thats all studdly till his wife shows up, what a pud.
Really interesting question, I've honestly never noticed it before but at the same time I know I act and move in a more feminine way when im crossdressed. I have to say I enjoy knowing this quite a bit.
Other than probably just minding how I present myself (keeping legs crossed,good posture, minding what I'm showing) I don't really act very differently.
I.m not sure what that means Hon. I'm always just myself regardless of trappings. What others may perceive is totally up to them.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Sorry, I meant that when I'm dressing I may be more body conscious and just a tad more proper but I wouldn't think that I act terribly feminine or even gay. I might speak a little softer and give my hips a little swing when walking though.
It seems to me that feminine speech and mannerisms are fine if it comes naturally or authentically. Over-the-top is a dead giveaway, and the worst is a guy speaking in a falsetto voice - aarrgghh. Here are some of my observations about changing speech and mannerisms:
1) I worked at company with several openly gay men. They were always very professional at work and presented themselves as run-of-the-mill guys. But on several occasions in social settings away from work, they really turned on the gay in both speech and mannerisms. I wondered which was authentic and which was fake, or are we that strongly influenced by our surroundings?
2) Same story, only with several black women in the office. Very proper speech when working or talking to whites, but when talking among themselves in the breakroom or away from work, they resorted to ghetto-speak. Authentic or fake, which? Or both, depending.
3) Me. I'm well-educated (BA) and always try to use proper English. Most of my work has been white-collar office jobs, but for two years I worked with uneducated rednecks in a very labor-intensive blue-collar job. (no knock intended against rednecks. I am one. My co-workers were hard-working folks of high-character - they just used the speech they learned, especially when with others like them.....see the pattern here?). Anyway, one of my co-workers asked me to throw him a ball of twine, which I had already done. I said "I already done throwed it to you." I stopped and asked myself "did I just say that?" - yes, I did. It just felt natural at the time, but it concerned me a little that it rolled off my tongue so naturally.
To me, it's understandable that a person can turn on the femme when in that mode.
I recently did a google-ing to try to find out the origin of fem mannerisms in gay men. From what I observe, it's a characteristic that is present from a young age so I don't know how it is learned. My research was pretty fruitless but I did come across an interesting article that discussed how, among some gay men, there is a certain amount of rejection of the stereotypical effeminate gay man in favor of a more masculine presentation. The point of the article was to remind the reader that the progress of the LGBT movement owes much to the gay men who refused to tone down their mannerisms and faced up to a largely disapproving culture. And on a related subject, I also was recently watching you tube videos about how to attain a more perfect feminine way of walking. Putting one foot directly in front of the other is often mentioned. There is a teen aged young man who attends the church I go to who displays the aforementioned mannerisms, may well be gay and damn if he doesn't have that walk down!
I try to emulate the GGs that I have observed over the years
I thought the whole point of dressing was to present as feminine. Who cares what people think?
Julie
Briana,
I think I know where you're coming from. OK I don't get out nearly as much as many here but when I do I think my general mannerisms, movement, posture, are those of an "average" GG. Were I have an issue with my presentation is in coupling mannerisms when interacting with others to a speaking voice. Foe me it's a very fine line between being that little bit extra "touchy feely", more hand and head/eye movements that GG's tend to exhibit but having a voice like a drag queen that makes people think stereotypical "OTT screaming gay"
Often the advice to newbies is observe what GG's do, how they dress most of the time. Well I've spent a little more time listening to GG's and from my observation GG's that have the high pitched voices are in the minority. Most are far more mid ranged, not having the deeper resonances of males. So I'm working on reducing/eliminating that part of my range with perhaps a slight raising in pitch(Doe to mee/soh?). Hopefully that will give me the confidence to interact more.
So perhaps what I'm trying to say is moderation in all aspects of your presentation is what's required.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
Karren: Have the boys seen you en femme? If so, how do they react? (An intriguing situation.)
Really need a 'like button' here! I had asked the same question in an eMail of a friend CD'er as I know I don't have the voice. Very interesting answers!Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
Genny B
Dani (Genny before Transition)
All Girl!
I try to copy what I see from girls, most of my gay friends are more flamboyant than feminine if anything, that would be a bad look if I tried that!
I don't want to sound facetious or demeaning, but who gives a rat's behind about what someone thinks about how you act when you're en femme. If there is a problem, it's in them, not you. I was born with male parts that I've discovered I don't like anymore. If I can, one of these days I'll rid myself of them. I hope to add some feminine projections as well. But my genes are still gonna say I'm a guy. No matter how much my mind says otherwise, I'm stuck in this body as long as I live. If I want to flit, flirt, or otherwise act in a way that is more feminine than I ought or can, and someone wants to laugh, make jokes, or be unkind, I choose to ignore their ignorance and go on being me.
I am surprised to learn that when I am dressed/made up my body begins to act more feminine. More hips. More gestures. Olympic hair tossing (a recent favorite). In musical terms, it is like discovering a richer scale. It isn't a conscious process of 'well, now I must act like this' - rather a surprised expression.
Who knew??? Someday I shall master heels too.
Okay, the heels thing is probably a bridge too far...
As I guy, if you were to ask anyone who knows me, I am sure they would certainly say I am anything but femme. So when I dress I most certainly do like to try to act the most feminine and lady like, (both in mannerisms and voice) and that is my very personal choice of my presentation and acting.
Sarah[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]
"Sport is for men.......But Ballet is for women" ---- George Balenchine
Never stop trying!! so worth it!
Being yourself is best, and the softer more feminine side will just come out. My SO does know even when I am underdressing because I am more feminine. Observe other women and just follow their lead. Sooner or later you will ask questions frome them and usually they are more than happy to help.
When I dress I always feel very feminine. My mannerisms and deportment fall right into the right persona. The problem I have mainly is my voice but I'm working on that
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