Calling your bluff

[Teresa]

Many of us wonder how we would react if our wife calmly asks to see the lady in the closet. So you go ahead and present yourself fully dressed, makeup, wig shoes the works, she remarks on your nice makeup and complements you on your great legs and gives you a cheeky tap on your rear, she then looks you in the eye and asks " OK what now ? this is what you want ". So you reply, " let's sit by the fire, sip a drink, watch some TV ". So she replies, " We do that anyway, so what else ?". I think at this point my brain would be in neutral and my mouth free wheeling . Has this ever happened to you ?,

[reb.femme]

She gets to see me fully dressed now and again, but not a chance of any of that naughty stuff whilst en femme.

It's not something she is into unfortunately but I think I can see the reason.


Rebecca

[Cheryl T]

No bluff to be called here.
If asked "now what" I'd reply "whatever". It's not that I'm dressing to do anything special. I'm dressing to express that inner woman that has difficulty being expressed in other ways.
I'm not looking for anything "extra" and I'm quite content doing everyday, mundane things. I just enjoy being me.

[kimdl93]

I've been through the introduction, a good while ago. The answer to the first question would be "yes, this is what I want." The questions "What now?" or "What else" are misdirected. This isn't "doing" but being. I'm perfectly happy doing everyday things while dressed, because I'm being myself. We talked about what dressing as a woman means to me and delved into the murky areas of why one would feel this way.

[GaleWarning]

I'd take it as an invitation to indulge in a little fun, especially if the cheeky tap on the bum and look in her eye when she looks at you, says, "Let's go, baby!"
And we'd play.

[Eryn]

Dressing isn't sexual for me so the answer to "OK, what now" might be "Let's go shopping/dining/visiting/etc."

[Beverley Sims]

Teresa,
It never happened to me quite like that, it was well established what my expectations were very early in the relationship.
No questions were asked that needed to be answered.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm an action/adventuress when en femme. Nothing more and nothing less. My GF has always known this. Everything has it's place.

[PaulaQ]

This actually happened to me. My wife called me one day, on the way home from therapy, and told me "OK, I'm putting on my big girl panties! I'm ready to meet Paula." So I showed her Paula. I was in a nice long floral print dress, and I'd done a good job on makeup that day. She told me that I surprised her, that I didn't look so bad as she'd feared, and that I looked a lot like my sister. So I asked if we could have dinner together, and then watch TV on the couch. I'd always wanted to just to sit with her on the couch, and just be myself.

By the end of the evening, she told me she was quite uncomfortable, and went to the bedroom to cry. Six weeks later, I was asked to move out.

Be careful what you wish for.

[Suzanne F]

Paula
That was so sad. I am sorry but reading your posts it seems you have moved forward. My wife and I have had a rough weekend. She has been very supportive but we have hit a road block this week. My heart goes out to all of us and our SOs. This is not an easy journey for anyone involved. May we find peace in 2014!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Sarah Beth]

To this day I still haven't gotten my wife convinced fully that my being dressed is not about sex. That being dressed makes me happpy and has nothing to do with a happy ending. So what I have said to her few times when I was dressed and she asked the "what now" question I have said things likes I'm going to watch some tv, or I'm going to work on my paperwork. I think the less of a big deal you make of it the less of a big deal she will.

[Valarie]

My wife thought that when I came out it was just a sexual thing but over that first week I explained to her I just want to do the normal things we do but dressed. So we enjoy some hardcore Netflixing while I am dressed. She enjoys me in lingerie when we mess around and said it gets her in touch with her bisexual side. For me it is just doing everyday things, and she respects that and likes that too. It sounds strange to people that we enjoy just being at home and watching tv dressed up, but that is just life, and how we feel comfortable.

[MissTee]

We crossed this bridge a long time ago, and fortunately for us it worked out fine. We love to hang at home together, and it's natural to be dressed and cook together or just chill out. Outside the home I'm all drab and rarely underdress. I'm in and out of femme so much at home it's not even noticed anymore.

[litlejohn]

My opinion is that we all do this for a wide array of reasons, from it feels good to those who feel the need to transition. So the question of "what next" should be expected. Personally dressing in its self is for me(I'll never "pass") others need, want, more to feel comfortable in their own skin. That in mind would mean every SO also would have a wide range of their wants, needs and expectations along with time to figure that out. Most of us have known for along time what we have been wanting to do and our SO have a short time to comprehend, process, and react to it.
This goes out to all of the SO, We are the same person, we just have a side for the most part didn't share. We are blessed if you stick around for us so together we can figure out where we go together.

[LaraPeterson]

Teresa, as a matter of fact, this is EXACTLY what happened to me just a few days ago. I have a post about it if you'd like to read it. Since then, nothing has really changed. She still doesn't understand, still doesn't like it, and still doesn't want anything to do with it. On the plus side, see has realized that it is part of me that isn't going away and I think it showed her she doesn't have to feel threatened by it.

[Teresa]

Some really interesting replies there I'm sorry Paula's went pear shaped . It's so hard to put over the inner feeling cding gives you, how can you explain It's on your mind every day. I don't know if a woman ever experiences the same sort of feeling and if she doesn't she is never going to fully understand.

[Gerrijerry]

All true that follows. Many years ago my wife came home from work and found me dressed. She was upset and yelled. At the time I started to cry I was so angry at my self. I changed and nothing was said for weeks. Then one day she told me. You can dress but only on my terms. When I say ok. She had gone to therapy and this was the out come for now. The following weekend she told me I could dress but she would pick out what I could wear. I ended up in plain woman's slacks blouse bra panties woman's socks and sandals all of which she supplied. No makeup. She hand me dress that way all day. That was the start of her accepting me.

[gatorgirl]

I've only seen my SO dressed in pictures texted to me so far, but this is still so new to us. I accept this part of him and want her to be free, finally. We are taking baby steps, which I think is working because it's still truly a very vulnerable place for her and a very new place for me.

So, I'm not ready yet for full disclosure, but I'm going to be with the both of them forever...

[Di]

I'm going to be with the both of them forever...

Love that!
Do what makes you both comfortable
I also like you want her to be free.

Answer to the op Calling your bluff

Whats next....can be anything really....at home cooking, watching tv, going out to a club,for dinner,shopping, a movie....basically just life and whatever we feel like doing.

[Tracii G]

I really do feel for you ladies that have all these SO problems.
I told my present lady friend about me in the very beginning before the first date.
She has no problems with me dressed in either mode.She accepts both my entities because they belong to the same person.Nice to have someone that totally gets it.
Sure she asked the common questions are you gay? and do you want to change sex and be a woman?
All I could do was educate her in who I am and what I was looking for in life.

[suzy1]

My reaction would be "So who holds the key to the handcuffs then?"

A very corrupt[or corrupted?] Suzy

[Stephanie47]

Before entering our DADT marriage, we had THAT little discussion. It comes down to "What makes me want to wear the clothing of a woman and also appear as a woman?" If my wife ask me to be totally en femme around the house, she'd probably say the same things. For me cross dressing is a stress reliever. I would hope she'd get the point I am dressing to feel comfortable. There are many times when she find me puttering around the house in the dead of winter in cut off jeans, a tee shirt, and barefooted. It's just a case of where I want to be at any moment in time. Many times I feel comfortable wearing dress shoes, shirt and tie, and a pair of slacks. I still don't know what caused me to be a cross dresser.

[Teresa]

Cding is not a mental problem but it can give you mental problems to the point of suicidal thoughts. So my GP sent me to a clinic to get help, the specialist just verified that it wasn't an illness, in his words, " no secret, no problem !" He made a second appointment on the basis that my wife also attended, she refused so I ended up on Prozac.

[VirtuaGrl]

In my case, "calling my bluff" would entail her sending me out the front door into the world. Since sharing this side of me with my wife my dressing has been confined to the house and more specifically the bedroom. Everything is at my wife's leisure, but she has been firm in keeping me reigned in and in the closet.

Before my relationship with my wife, I went out frequently and a few of my friends knew. Now I am once again terrified of crossing the threshold and venturing out into the world again (although I would be lying if I said it wasn't always on my mind). During particularly cold weather (anything below about 10°), I have recently been underdressing with tights or hose, under the guise that it helps keep me warm, but she hasn't discovered that yet and I think even that would be halted if she did find out.