Gay... Finally!

[Rhonda Jean]

Rhonda I may be a little out of my depth here but on UK tv two English guys were featured on a program about ladyboys in Thailand, both were engaged to ladyboys and both claimed they weren't gay. What came across to me was the girls ticked all the right visual boxes perfect makeup,good boobs great legs, they were a perfect girls. The two guys picked up on that and became totally blind to their gender so in their eyes they aren't gay. I had thread with Isha, somewhere along the line her 28 year old daughter was mentioned, I thought she looks good to have a daughter of that age then my brain said , Hold on you have a son and daughter in their thirties, we'll be talking about stretch marks next. I think our brain can make a fool of us but hopefully not a fool to other people. I'm new here I hope it doesn't show too much .TERESA

I think some people will stretch their imagination in any way necessary to keep from admitting to themselves or anyone else that they're gay. Gets back to the penis thing, in my opinion. I can't for the life of me understand why its such a big deal to admit to oneself. I get being private about it. I also get being attracted only to people who look like women. I'm only attracted to those who look like women. For me, though, one who looks like a woman but has a penis is what flips my switch. Nothing straight about that.

[PaulaQ]

I think some people will stretch their imagination in any way necessary to keep from admitting to themselves or anyone else that they're gay.

I dunno Rhonda, I actually wish I'd been gay, instead of being trans. (For that matter, I really would rather have gotten cancer, than being trans!) Seriously, if I were gay, my wife and I would still be separated, but it'd be a LOT easier on her - she's told me this. For that matter, I live in the gay part of Dallas - the gayborhood. If I were a gay man, I'd have had lots of dates already I think. If nothing else, from my gay AA club. There are lots of nice guys there. There are lots of good looking guys there. I'd guess about 95% of them are gay, and they have absolutely zero interest in me. In the meantime, my wife feels like a lesbian if she stays with me. If I went to bars, I probably could get hit on sometimes at the nearby lesbian bar, Sue Ellen's.

But I am with you in that I think describing myself as "straight" is a total crock. I don't live in hetero-town, and I probably never will. So I describe myself as Queer. I am a Queer woman.

I guess my point, and the point I've been trying to make in your thread, is that *all* of these labels are in our heads anyway. Who the hell cares what the regular people think, anyway? We live outside of their world, at varying distances from it. We can pretend to be a part of it, and actually be a part of it in many respects, but we aren't them. And their little categories and pigeon-holes they try to file us in make no sense whatsoever, when you really stop to think about them.

So my feeling - and I think this is the same conclusion you've reached - is to just be myself, and anyone who doesn't like it can get the hell out of my life!

edit: I just realized that since I declare myself "queer", and live in a predominantly LGBT community, it's possible that I'm just bowing to peer pressure in a different way, and am still just as much of a conformist as ever?

[laura.lapinski]

Rhonda, I'm glad to hear you've reached a happy place. Good luck with your relationship.

I think that although I like to closet CD for fun, I am leaning more towards staying in the man role and dating a CD or transgender. I am attracted to the female form and not to the male form, but I like the fact that CD's have something extra.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm not nearly that cavalier about it. I care a lot what people think. I get along a whole lot better at my job and with family and close friends if I fit the responsible employee/father/friend mold. I actually like being all those things, too. I've managed to privately balance a trans-something lifestyle against those things for a long time. Sometimes successfully, sometimes less so, but there's some sort of balance there. Also, I like just being nice to people, and considerate of their feelings. I've had my moments where I didn't quite pull that off, but I don't think putting on a miniskirt makes it necessary for me to flip the bird to the rest of the world, even those who don't like it. It is very rewarding to me to create/leave a positive image.

I used to go to a beauty school to get my hair done and other things if I had time. I had gone this time to get color and highlights, but ended up getting roller set and a mani/pedi. I wasn't dressed to pass. I may not have even been wearing makeup. I don't remember. Anyway, where you sat to get a pedicure there was just a long bench instead of individual chairs. I sat right next to a lady who was probably in her 70's. We were all talking and having a good time. She got through before I did and as she was leaving I noticed that she called her nail tech over away from the rest of us. When the nail tech came back she said, "That lady asked me if that was a man or woman over there. I said man, and she (the customer) said, Well SHE sure is pretty for a man and SHE was just so nice!" Made my day, so, yeah, I care.

[aussie cd]

what a great story Rhonda

[mary something]

I'm very happy for you Rhonda! Good to see you living a good life!

[laura.lapinski]

Rhonda,

Yes, I completely understand what you say about caring what people think. I am the same way, and I have balanced it all by being in the closet about things. You sound like a wonderful person. I salute you for that. Keep up the good work. Keep us up to date on things once in a while if you feel like it. Thanks for sharing.

[Taylor Ray]

Great post, Rhonda!

Thanks for sharing the joy of your new relationship with the forum. I wish you the best of luck and happiness.

[Rhonda Darling]

I used to go to a beauty school to get my hair done and other things if I had time.

Rhonda (great name, by the way), I was thoroughly enjoying your story until I came to the quoted line, above. Now I'm on the horns of a dilemma. Can I get past the fact that you have your own hair sufficiently thick that, not only do you not need a wig, but you can grow it out and actually go to a salon for styling. Not fair at all, but I suppose you're a good enough soul that I can see past that inequality.

Kidding aside, I'm very happy that you shared your story. You've clearly hit a topic of great interest to many. Your writing style (self exploratory of a topic that could spin off to the vulgar, yet handled in good taste with great care) is rather enjoyable, and you've done quite well explaining your own transition, of sorts. Glad to have you back in the fold and look forward to seeing more of your comments.

Best regards,
Rhonda (the other)

[Jenn868]

congrats girl, I kno exactly where your coming from, so happy for u!

[Deborah]

The thing that we can't say OMFG yes don't knock till you try it. I'd rather have one in the part that i wasn't born with though.

[Lucy Lou]

Hi Rhonda, I agree with you about the attraction thing. I would though feel OK being with a man who liked me for what I am as well as a CD. Finding one is harder than it seems, but I live in hope.

XX lucy lou

[NathalieX66]

What else can I say?
Everyone is gay.
-the song All Apologies,Kurt Cobain (Nirvana)

I agree with PaulaQ "I dunno Rhonda, I actually wish I'd been gay, instead of being trans"......That's the exact quote I have said many times.
For one thing, if I was gay, I'd save a ton of money by not buying big wardrobes, beauty products, and permanent hair removal.

Being gay is way easier and more accepted than being trans, I think.

Rhonda, I'm glad you finally reckoned with yourself . That is an important step in life. When we accept the truth of who we really are, then there is no more denial. As for shame and guilt, I always say "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade!"

[kimdl93]

Gore Vidal once commented that there was no such thing as homosexuality, only homosexual acts. I'd probably turn that around and say there are no homosexual acts...only sexuality, heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual. Most of us have engaged in acts that might be characterized one way or another. If fact, what we do isn't nearly so important is whether we are attracted to the person we are doing it with. And in the context of intimacy between two people, its not necessary to affix a label to the acts or the participants.

Or to quote Steven Stills, "Love the one you're with! Do do do do do do do do!"