Well my wife was asking me about the pink fog and then she asked if the reason that i wanted to go out en femme was a part of the pink fog. I told her that I didn't know. After thinking about it for a bit I thought that it was because part of being feminine, at least in my mind, is being social with others.
What do you think? I've noticed that many want to adventure out into the world, to take the risk of being exposed. But for what reason? Are we thrill seeking? Or seeking something else?
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When I first started going out it was mostly about the challenge or thrill. As I became more experienced it became much more about the social aspects. At a CD social event with a mixture of GGs and CDers I usually end up in the middle of a group of GGs.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I ventured out to parties years ago, they all knew me and it was lots of fun interacting with girls that did not know.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I dont socialize as a guy so why should it be any different in a skirt? I have been out solo 3 times and found it ok. I didnt get any adverse reactions but I am not bothered about doing it again. I went to a marina and a couple of shopping centres and ordered coffee etc and on the whole it was fun but not something I would make a habit of (unless I was dressed as a nun ha ha). Being dressed at home is fine for me, and being able to wear nice things in the comfort of my home with my wife by my side is equivalent to a lottery win for me....Ellie
Like most, those first voyages out were all about the clothes, the shoes, the mystery and the excitement.
Now, for me, it is all about just being a "normal" woman in the "normal" world. I have been a member of a women's gym, I'm an active member of a couple of women's groups, I hang out with both men and my gal pals and I'm Barbara.
Today really drove it home to me. One of my GG friends sent me a beautiful femme Birthday card addressed only to Barbara. I get a lot of mail and phone calls as Barb, I don't know why this simple but lovely card had such an impact, maybe it was just the perfectly casual, perfectly "normal" nature of it, but it sudddenly meant so much to me.
Hugs,
Persephone (Barbara in the real world).
"If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.
"If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)
-.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).
I have found that I love being among people as a woman much more than as a guy. Maybe it really is part of being a girl, at least it is for me.
Patti
I just want to be myself Hon. Caring about others and sharing is a natural part. If that makes me a woman, I guess I'm guilty.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Hi Briana,
I am still very new to the whole going out "en femme". At first it was to challenge myself in an effort to get comfortable with who I was in public. Now, I find I go out more to socialize with my GG friends and just normalize the whole experience.
Hugs
Isha
Brianna, There are a lot of us CDer's who would never think to venture outside the house for a multitude of reasons but as time goes on and we hone our skills, evolve, and become more in touch with who we are IMO I believe that some of us come to a point that what we feel inside beginsto match up with what we see in the mirror. We gain an aacceptance and comfort within ourselves and then feel a need and desire to step out of the cyber world and our homes to have real human contact. I don't believe the so called pink fog has anything to do with it. It is evolution in a way. My wife used to ask me the same WHY question all the time and the day I answered the WHY DO YOU NEED TO GO OUT DRESSED question with BECAUSE I AM NOT AFRAID, THIS IS PART OF ME, AND JUST BECAUSE I CAN GO OUT!
I think she might have realized at that point that getting out for ME was freeing myself from all the years of hiding and shame I felt before I finally accepted who I was, and she accepted ME for who I am.
I dress because I want to be "just one of the girls" and they, of course go out...
It's something else than thrill seeking or fog. This isn't about an adrenaline rush...it's about being true to yourself and experiencing life. I don't get dressed so I can stare at myself in the mirror. As a social animal, I need to interact with others and I prefer that I interact as a woman. I don't consciously change who I am, but certainly want people to know that this is me.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Just as my male self would not be content to just sit at home my female self also wants to socialize. There are many levels to it. Partly it is about feedback and reinforcement about my appearance from others. Also, people treat females and the feminine differently then they do males. When that happens to me things feel "right". But for me I think the feeling of freedom and joy that comes from showing and living my true self has the biggest appeal.
Sally
I am a social person I like people....no matter what I am wearing...both sides of me are going to want to go out and interact with people. Being so close to NYC has also helped besides being the social mecca that it is,...our lifestyles are alot more accepting there
I have become more social over the last few years, and now some people around me know I like to wear skirts, it's nice to feel relaxed around them. I think I will be going out more mainstream this coming year, and it is a bit about letting this side of me out. Very hard to explain, must think about this more.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
I think our male sides would not want to be isolated and never interact with another living soul. So why why would t our gem sides want to get out in the world
I sort of feel the need to be accepted into a community. So being out with other CDers, is a very nice feeling.
Stephanie
I love to interact with females. A lot more fun and interesting than, "Go Niners!" The more I learn to be a "girl" the more I like it. I can smile, I can giggle, yes giggle, can you believe it? I can even cry, for happiness or sadness. It's so wonderful! The more I interact as a girl, the more I enjoy it. Men can be so boring, sometimes (myself included) and it can be so freeing!
I had always been curious about going out and what it would feel like to the point of being stressed out about it. I remember once while in college in the 80s and buying a pair of hose, slipping into them on the 3 hour ride home once. Just driving up the expressway with them on under some shorts. The feeling was so breathtaking I wanted to know what it would feel like the whole presentation outside the confines of a car.
I did not get bold enough to try it until 1999 when I sought out a Triess group. They told me well you're out and about now and it's all downhill from here. I'm no longer pressed or stressed about going out. It's like take it or leave it, even though I do plan on going out in the future, it's no longer something I feel I have to do, am compelled to do.
My advice is to safely try it at least a couple of times. I know for me it had to be done, or I would forever be stressed about what it would be like.
I probably will never go out dressed but have thought about it. I would have many miles to drive to really do it. The pink fog to me is different than the going out would be. The fog just kinda controls my mind and senses, going out would definitely be a nerve racking emotion. One day the gals in San Antonio might see me come walking in to their favorite dive but I doubt it anytime soon. Who knows I wake up every morning thinking about lots of things to get done that day. Maybe I'll wake up thinking about going out farther than then gate dressed one day.
This question has been asked many times on this forum and I always answer the same: its a validation of who I am. Kind of like screaming from the top of your lungs, "I am this!" without saying a word.
For me it is a must. I love being out in the mainstream and interacting wih the world as a woman. I also love meeting girls from this forum while out. It validates who I am and I have to have it now that I have experienced it. It seems so natural to me now and there is no sense of nervousness. It's just who I am!
Hugs
Suzanne
I feel its a validation to some extent yes.
I'm with Suzanne it just feels normal to go out and let my female side enjoy life.
Why stay locked up and live in fear and torment your male side?
You don't have to be the most beautiful woman in the world or dress to the nines or even worry about passing to be honest.
Do your best and go out and be happy.
The need to socialize in femme?
I don't need to go out and socialize, I WANT TO GO OUT and socialize. It's the interaction with people in mainstream venues that makes going out totally great.
" I love the life I live and I live the life I love"
I rarely dress and stay home anymore. I am fortunate to have an active local community that presents a lot of opportunities to get out. Now if only I would fall in love. sigh.
hugs rita
Dressing is not a choice.
Its a passion.
I think the feeling or necessity of going out en femme depends upon where you fall on the transgender spectrum. I've been out for strolls on occasion at night. It was for the thrill being totally en femme. I did not go out with the motivation of interacting with the public, although I did do that several times at Halloween. I found it rather boring. I did it! Now what? I now confine my femme time to my home and backyard where I can leisurely spend quiet time or do household chores. I dress for the stress relief. So going out en femme as a six foot, 190 pound man in a dress would defeat that purpose. Would I like to sit around dressed as a woman with other cross dressers? I suppose if it was a support group- yes. I couldn't imagine attending a non cross dressing event en femme. As a man I only interact with others when I have a reason or common interest.
Frankly, at my advancing age I have no need to validate who I am. I way past that hurdle.
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