So Stuck (repost)

[Jennifer Now]

The original version of this thread was deleted because religion was discussed. Which I was reminded is a site no no. So I'll do my best not to include religion, if I can help it, LOL.

So, what I was basically saying in my thread before was, for me, CDing is a strong sexual turn on for me. I find great sexual joy/pleasure in how womens clothing feels on me. And as I see it, because its sexual for me, its lust. Which is against my religious beliefs. Also, my mother does not share my desire or interest for my CDing. So, what Im stuck on is all of my life beliefs and standards make me feel that CDing is a bad/wrong thing for me to practice. But I still have this strong sexual craving to practice it.

I guess what I want help on is figuring out what I should do about my CD desires. Go ahead and try it, or find a way to overcome my desire? If you need/want some specifics so youre sure you understand my question, pease feel free to ask away.

[avant1465]

I'd spend all my time, attention and mental energy trying to figure out just WHO - and what are the circumstances - such that you should chide yourself for BEING "yourself".....

[PaulaQ]

Go ahead and try it, or find a way to overcome my desire?

There is no way to overcome your desire. Believe me, many here have tried. You are powerless over these desires. They will never go away, and may well get worse. Sorry Jennifer, that's the bad news. Look - if there was a way out of this, I'd have bought it.

So, what I was basically saying in my thread before was, for me, CDing is a strong sexual turn on for me. I find great sexual joy/pleasure in how womens clothing feels on me. And as I see it, because its sexual for me, its lust. Which is against my religious beliefs.

It is my opinion that people here often put the cart before the horse, and see that their CDing is motivated by their sexuality and sexual feelings. My belief is that this is precisely 180 degrees backwards. My belief is that wearing the clothes releases a huge rush of joy, and this is often an EXTREMELY sexual feeling.

There is a lot of effort expended to try to differentiate "I'm just a CD because it's all about sex for me, no way am I transsexual", but in fact, there are many transsexuals, like me, who experienced cross dressing early on as an extremely sexual experience. Now for me, there is no sexual experience in wearing women's clothes - they are simply my clothes. This is a common experience for many trans women I know, but certainly not all.

I mention this not because I think you are transsexual - that's unlikely (we're fairly rare), but because I think trying to say sexuality is the root of cross dressing for some is not a very convincing argument.

My belief is that we were born this way. Nobody knows why we do this. No one has a clue. There are some theories about it, and some evidence - pretty good evidence really - that there is something different in our brains that makes us different. (There's great evidence of this for transsexuals, little for CDs - but mostly nobody studies CDs because y'all don't seek medical treatment.)

Anyway, you aren't a sinner - God made you this way. I'm not a sinner for being trans. I'm also not a sinner for having crippled legs from a birth defect. I don't know why God chose the things he gave me, but he did, and I can't change them.

Please feel free to PM me if you have things you don't want to talk about in public, or just ask away in the thread.

There really isn't anything wrong with you - I promise. It's everybody else in the world, as incredible as that seems, who's wrong about you.

[Jennifer Now]

I think my biggest "problem" with CDing, is that Im still VERY afraid of the opinions of others.

(Also, Lets please not bring up the subject of sin again. I dont want my thread deleted again.)

[Lucy_Bella]

If a tree fell in the forest? I try not to get to hung up on societal and moral beliefs.. I am a good person and un like so many, I don't need damn book to tell me I am.. I do hold onto my beliefs strongly but I also know we are not perfect and if our creator had wished, he could have made us perfect instead of publishing a best seller.. I refuse to base my life around a book written thousands of years ago in a language that had 25,000 words.. Then converted to today's world in a new language that has 650,000 words..

Do as you may as long as it causes no harm to others and no laws are broken..

[Madeline80]

Is it possible that when you are dressed, you just feel more normal, confident, healthy, and "right?" Anything that makes us feel better about ourselves can lead to feeling more sexual desire.

What is your definition of lust? If you think it could cause behavior that is harmful, such as cheating on your SO, it should be avoided of course. If it is just the feeling of wanting to go out and procreate as you are wired to do, its probably not unhealthy.

I wish you luck in finding a resolution.

[PaulaQ]

I think my biggest "problem" with CDing, is that Im still VERY afraid of the opinions of others.

This is nearly everyone's biggest problem with CDing. People freak out if a guy puts on a skirt or some lip gloss. It's stupid, but it's how it is. How old are you, if I might ask. (Ballpark only - a lady doesn't have to reveal her age!) If you are under 30, people are likely to be MUCH more accepting, at least people your age. Although Del Rio is apt to be tough sledding, even if you are still in High School.

If you are in college, it's possible your school has counseling available to the students at little or no cost, and if so, you might be able to talk to a professional who could help you accept this about yourself.

Edit: the shame and guilt you are feeling is because society tells you that something you feel compelled to do is wrong. That is terribly unfair. Feeling guilt over sexual urges you have compounds this. Lots of "normal" people have real problems with their sex lives because they feel needless guilt over stuff that's natural and heathy. Mix that stuff with CDing , and imagine you feel awful. I did!

[TxCassie]

To Thy Own Self Be True! How can any us be made wrong? It's not possible. Your CD sounds part of your personality and your sexuality. It make you, you. Sexuality rarely is a commentary on one's character or moral disposition. If there were problems in either, you'd know it and more importantly, others would know it. We are made beautiful and wonderful, embrace your uniqueness honey.

Cassie

[Katie_Did GG]

Sweetie it is something generally done privately. At least in those early days. No need to share that with the parental unit for example. Some times keeping some parts or our life's private is the correct thing to do.

Is it right or wrong for you? Only you can find that answer for sure, because we aren't you no one here can know that. We can only offer up our opinions. Rest assured you are not a bad person. You are not anything negative at all.

Being mindful of your current living situation [back at home & unemployed] it may be necessary to put things on hold for now as far as dressing fully. BUT there are things you can do now. You can come here and read and share your thoughts. You can start to build a wardrobe when finances allow. Not just clothing but makeup could be on your wish list. That may be something you could try out at home without nerves and worry being a huge issue for you. Underdressing is also something you may enjoy too. Oh and stocking and heels are go starter items too. I love the sound they make on a wooden floor.

Look into free and low cost counseling. If you need some help send me a PM and I'll be glad to help you with your search. I'm in Texas too.

All your life you have heard your mum tell you what is right and wrong. And that isn't a bad thing to do as a parent. BUT as an adult we have to reevaluate those beliefs and find our own way in life. We may keep some of our parents beliefs claiming them as our own or we may find we need to change some or reject them out right.

I'd suggest you look into what makes mum view things that way. Is she simply blindly following a life that she was taught by her parents? Start making some of your own choices made on knowledge and not just "because" it is the rule. Read books and join in discussions with friends too. Join other boards if needed to find places to question what you have always held as true to see if it still holds up.

Good luck Jennifer.

[Beverley Sims]

While young there are no reasons to share your desires with any one else.
Family outlook and values may dictate something different so you have to decide for yourself what is right.
Read all the alternate advice here and then you can make your own decision without guilt.

[Daphne Renee]

I agree with the others here. just because you find it exciting doesnt make it bad. times change people change. Your parents probably believe a little different from theirs and so on. Decisions can be good or bad but you ultimately have to decide for yourself what works. Its possible you may regret some decisions but I would almost be willing to but the biggest regret was to never have made the decision in the first place.

[docrobbysherry]

I believe u would greatly benefit by seeing an experienced, professional counselor. If he/she were familiar with trans/CD issues, u may receive some excellent information. And, may help u to make the difficult choices u need to make.

One thing I mite mention. I've read so many posts like Paula's. Where sexually stimulated dressers lose the sexual excitement over time. While I'm certain that does happen, it hasn't for me! After dressing for 16 years it's as exciting as when I first began, sometimes more so. And, I'm 70.

[Jennifer Now]

Ok, here's the truth about me:
Im afraid to restart CDing because Im not mentally or emotional set where I need to be. Im a 25 year old person, with the mental and emotional mind set of a child. I still have a LOT of growing up to do. And I think I may be afraid CDing will get in the way of me growing up. Life isnt a fun pleasurable fantasy that we can live everyday. Life is difficult. And Im barely starting to learn just how difficult life can be. I know I need to become more of an adult. And I dont want/need anything interfering with my growing up. THATs why Im fighting my CD feelings back. Im afraid it will corrupt the adult I need to become to improve my life.

Does anyone know what Im talking about? Have any of you felt similar to me?

[PaulaQ]

Read some of my posts hon, especially ones from April on. Look at the threads I started. Does it look like I'm dealing with a fun and pleasurable fantasy?

Not dealing with your gender identity - whatever it is, could be part of what's holding you back. Hey I've started my life over - twice now because of gender issues.

I definitely recommend you not try to suppress this. It can really screw you up badly.

This isn't really a choice - I mean it when I say you are powerless over it.

I agree about getting counseling from someone who understands gender, and can help you accept yourself.

There is no cure for this.

[Michelle789]

And I think I may be afraid CDing will get in the way of me growing up.

I used to think that too. I used to think that CDing was getting in the way of me growing up, and I thought that I would have to give up CDing if I wanted to grow up. As it turns out, there's something deeper I need to deal with, as is evidenced by other gender symptoms, and depression that may be related to gender issues.

I agree with Paula that most likely you're not TS, but whatever your gender identity is (CD, TS, gender fluid, genderqueer, bigender, etc...) you need to deal with it now. Dealing with it, IMO, will help you to grow up. It's shoving aside your CDing and gender issues that will keep you from growing up.

Gender issues only get worse as you get older if you don't treat them properly. There is no cure, but there are many paths you to go down, and a therapist will help you to sort out exactly what is going on inside your head, to accept yourself, and what path you should take.

[Claire_tv_uk]

you're better off just letting it happen that railing against it, the sooner you know what you want to be the better,

i started in my early teens, i had all the "am i gay", "does this mean i want a sex change", "do i need to tell someone" thoughts and questions early on and resolved each one by the time i was an adult and now in my early 30s i've been carrying on with life with barely a thought about crossdressing other than the dressing itself for nearly 15 years.

[Katey888]

Dear Jennifer, I really do (still) feel for you.
I'd like to stress that the advice of everyone here to get some sort of qualified, professional counselling I fully support. Your last note where you say: Has anyone felt similar to me... I'd say yes, lots of us, but almost certainly in different ways.
If I look back on my early life and my CD nature had come out (although decades ago) it could have ruined jobs, career, relationships, family life. For me, and I suspect for others, it is possible to supress or channel the feeling and the manifestation because it is a different drive to that felt by those who have more significant gender issues. There are those here who unashamedly accept CD for purely sexual gratification - it does happen and that can continue into later life. You do need some help understanding what it driving you towards this and so I'd repeat what I'd said before: don't think of it as wrong, you're just different. Some professional counselling might help you get to understanding how different, and whether this is something you can find an accommodation for, rather than something more radical. You are young, and you have a lot of opportunity ahead of you - take care of that, for your own sake.
No-one else's experience will be exactly the same as yours - take the time and advice in finding your own way forward. My thoughts and good luck be with you
Katey x

[Aprilrain]

I wish I would have transitioned when I was 25! (sigh)... Anyway it was not in they cards for me, I was too worried about what other people thought to give my own awareness of myself much credence, I just assumed I was wrong. I'm not suggesting you need to transition, AT ALL!, I'm just saying I did but I couldn't because of all of the fears that I had at the time. I had to wait until things got so bad that I wanted to kill myself. I think anytime someone suppresses a fundemental part of themselves they hold themselves back. In a way I couldn't even begin to start growing up until I transition, it was a huge part of me that I was denying, that took a lot of energy. Part of being a grown up is making hard decisions, you can seek counsel but ultimately you are responsible for your own life, happiness, fulfillment, etc. I would suggest that you question your assumptions and the assumptions of your mother, if then through your own critical thinking and research you still agree with what you have been taught then good luck living with the inevitable conflict between your beliefs and your biological urges.

[kimdl93]

When beliefs are allowed trump reality, you're in a difficult bind. Look at the facts. CDing is not a crime. CDing does not inflict harm on anyone or deprive anyone of basic rights or needs. CDing poses no real obstacle to attaining any life goal. Look at the membership here and you'll see happily married people, successful business people and professional, great parents (and grandparents). There is no objective reason for a belief system to oppose CDing. And yet it persists because of statements written in archaic texts.

It seems to me that the problem lies not with CDing, but unchallenged beliefs you adhere to. It's ok to challenge beliefs.

[CarlaWestin]

For me, it's separating conceptual beliefs, which I've seen no actual evidence of existence,
with real feelings and emotions that I do have real evidence of existence.
By the same token that I respect others conclusions, I feel I'm entitled to the same respect and understanding.
It did take a long time to get past the personal guilt thing. It ended when I realized that it was all about other people's close mindedness.

Now I'll skate back over to where the ice is thicker.

[DaphneMiller]

I'm no expert, but I have known people at college years ago who had had a strict upbringing, and had certain moral codes imposed on them. They were the ones who, when they rebelled, did so big time. I guess they were breaking free of a restrictive life and overcompensating.

For what it's worth, discovering who you are is always difficult, especially if you've been told to be someone or something you're not for all your life. It sounds to me like you are growing as a person, and have to figure out how to balance the beliefs you have had instilled in you, against who you want to be, or who you're growing into. You have to decide if you truly really believe in what you have been brought up to believe, or if you live that way because you know no other way.

This has been difficult enough for 'normal' people I have known, never mind someone with CDing in the mix. And in my limited experience, and other members here, CDing is something which will never go away. I think it's crucial that you don't shut out this part of your life as you grow and develop.

Daphne

[donnalee]

Try to keep this thought in mind - morality and <sexuality/sexual practices - gender identity>, have little or nothing to do with each other. Morality has to do with not harming others, physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, financially or any other way. Wear what you like, be who you are, If some don't like it, it's their problem, not yours.

[Jennifer Now]

Here's something I felt this morning:
I prayed about my feelings, and I felt that my desire is a part of me. Its inscripted in my code, so to speak. I felt I heard that CDing will help me mentally, emotionally and physically. It will help me find a deeper stronger love and respect for myself. I will eventually start worrying about my self image and start losing weight and becoming healthier because of my CDing. I will make new friends through my CDing. I even heard that I will meet my future wife through CDing. And that I will even have a career with my CDing that will actually be religiously based. All I have to learn first is to control my sexual desires. After I learn to do that, then my faith will turn any lustful feelings into a passion.

So, my only real worry now is coming out.

[DaphneMiller]

Don't feel like you have to rush into anything. Take things one at a time, at a pace you're happy with, and you'll know when you're ready to come out.
A fine wine isn't ready to drink because you want it to be ready. It's just ready when it is.

You'll be in my thoughts. Hope you manage to reconcile everything and find inner peace.

Daphne

[Valarie]

So, what I was basically saying in my thread before was, for me, CDing is a strong sexual turn on for me. I find great sexual joy/pleasure in how womens clothing feels on me. And as I see it, because its sexual for me, its lust. Which is against my religious beliefs. Also, my mother does not share my desire or interest for my CDing. So, what Im stuck on is all of my life beliefs and standards make me feel that CDing is a bad/wrong thing for me to practice. But I still have this strong sexual craving to practice it.

Hi Jen I will try and answer this as best as I can without making too many religious references, I don't want my post deleted lol. This is how I felt as a teen, (26 now) Call it guilt or repressed CCD teachings, but I hated myself because I felt what I was doing would send me to "the bad place." Now it is not so sexual it is just normal and fun for me to dress and spend time with my wife. I don't know what your specific religious background is, but I see you are from Del Rio TX, I am from McAllen in the RGV and we both know how in the border areas of Texas religion is intertwined in the culture whether its Southern Baptist or Roman Catholic. If you have Netflix there is a documentary called, "Fish Out of Water." it follows a young woman that came out to friends and family that she is lesbian, she has a very religious background and explores what theologians and the Bible say about homosexuality. I am not gay, but I wish I had seen something like it when I was a teen because it really showed that many of the views about alternative lifestyle are not really based on religion, but by mankind's prejudice.

I hope this helps