Originally Posted by
JessM.
You seem to be saying that there's nothing she wants sexually. I'm dubious. I think most people just find it hard to talk about what they want. Maybe she'd like more backrubs, more footrubs, more foreplay, more orgasms for her? Does she ever get time without the kids, during the middle of the day on a Saturday, when she could explore erotica or something by herself when she's not already sleepy? Do you have a lock on your bedroom door so the two of you can get busy without worrying about the kids interrupting? I think women often don't have the drive to make sex a priority, but if you can help her figure out what really gives her intense pleasure, then you'll have a more willing partner to help you with your pleasure as well.
Alternately, since you already know that she would like you to be more active in planning date nights, really make that a priority. Find a regular babysitter -- it's a lot easier when you have a regular relationship with a sitter for Friday nights, than when you try to find someone for a one-time thing. If you can't afford that, then find another couple in a similar situation, and exchange babysitting with them each weekend. Yes, that's a lot of kids in one house, but over time the kids will learn to play together, and meanwhile both couples will be able to go out twice a month.
The point is to really put more effort into stuff that she likes -- increase the number of date nights you have, until it feels like a happy routine, not a rare treat. Don't expect an immediate pay-off, but in less than six months, if you have a strong relationship, she should notice that she feels better, and be looking for ways to make you happy too.
