A fine line

[Kagji]

In July I will be moving across the country to live with my boyfriend. I am not transsexual, but I plan on living full-time as Samantha once I get there. This is mostly for the fun of dressing and because my boyfriend enjoys a feminine form(we are both bisexual), but I wonder, will it cause unforeseen problems? I can pass very well for now, but I'm only 20. My question is, are there more experienced dressers who could give me a bit of advice on keeping it up for an extended period of time? Missouri is a rather conservative place, and things could get problematic if I'm outed in the wrong circumstances. I'd much rather avoid drama if possible.

[Sarah Marie]

Kagji! Sounds like a dream life... Although you are probably right about Missouri, so you may want to dress conservatively! Enjoy this time of your life when you can easily pass. You have plenty of time to look great! It gets a little harder as you approach middle age. I think If I could go back and start over from age 20, I would seriously look at electrolysis or other hair removal methods... perhaps a (very) little plastic surgery to feminize the features more... Sounds like you're living a dream, so enjoy it for as long as you can!!!

[Stephanie Julianna]

Dear Kagji, Please read my replies to threads. In them I tell the girls to stay mainstream. The most important things you can do is watch what GG's do on the street, in restaurants, stores and TV. AND practice. Practice your voice and speech patterns. There are some really good videos on You Tube on this. Whenever possible wear your heels. They will make you take smaller steps and always walk with one foot in front of the other until you don't even think about it. Be more expressive with your hands but don't go crazy. Even GGs can bring attention to themselves when they use their hands too much. Knees together, small bites, salads, wine and Martinis when your old enough to drink. Remember my thing about first impressions. Focus on the details. If you are going 24/7 then it's time to get your ears pierced if they are not. Thin the eyebrows and give them a nice arch. Grow your hair out and get it professionally styled and stay in shape. You're going to make a lot of girls jealous here. Not many of us had the option you have. Best of luck. Keep us up to date. Love, Steph

[Kate Simmons]

if you really want to do that, you will find out how. Being yourself and being true to yourself may require extra effort but in the end it's well worth it. Have fun.

[Beverley Sims]

Take note of all the cautions you read here and I hope you have a trouble free relationship.
I wish you well.

[Lorileah]

Depends on where in Missouri. In reality, two guys in some areas will get way MORE attention than someone who passes as female and a guy. There is one advantage you have, you are moving to a new place and no one KNOWS you and that you are a guy so if you can pull it off, it won't be as big an issue. Missouri has very few protections for LGBT people. KC and St Louis aside.

On a positive note most people in smaller towns are live and let live as long as you don't flaunt it. But know that you are moving into the Bible belt and they do take a lot of that seriously. Good luck

[LaraPeterson]

Kagji, you'll finish the way you start. It's that way in most new things we try. If you go in as a woman, stay as a woman, act as a woman, and react as a woman, no one is going to know you are not a woman. It doesn't matter what they think anyway, does it? Missouri is no different than anywhere else in the states. There are idiots galore in every zip code who just want to make other people's lives miserable for many, many different reasons.

As for problems, the only ones you'll face are the ones you make for yourself. Stephanie told you well; if you want to go unnoticed, blend, blend, blend. Then, your only big problem will be jealousy on the part of the women you interact with who don't take care of themselves.

Here's to wishing you well, lots of happiness, and a divine female experience.

[Emma500]

Hi Kagji,

Your plan to live full time as Samantha sounds fantastic and I wish you all the best. Do you know how straightforward it will be to amend documents such as your driver's licence? In terms of passing, I think having a feminine voice is really important, so would suggest you try and perfect that.

[Bria]

I will second what Lorileah said about Missouri. Even in KC there is no active support group that I am aware of. There was one in the past but it is inactive as far as I know.

Best of luck with a new relationship and a new home! Hugs, Bria

[Jennifer in CO]

I'll add...

if you haven't spent a lot of time dong RLT, do it now. When you get there, if you are presenting/living as woman, another woman (GG) is going to see right thru you. You need to have your mannerisims, actions and body language speaking "girl".

[VicSecret]

I hope he's good for you, because it sounds like a great opportunity. Stephanie Julianna has some great advice as well as others here. Go in feminine, and own it. Most importantly, be happy with yourself, and if you don't like things - change them or get out. Luck! :O

[AllieSF]

I echo starting the real life experience before you leave. One of the biggest issues will be keeping your beard growth in check everyday. I would start laser treatments now, so that you will have less to deal with later. You can always get the stragglers with electrolysis. If you ever to return more full time to male mode, no big deal with the extra benefit of no more shaving. Shaving 2-3 times a day to be passable in the sense of no beard shadow or rough stubble will definitely take a toll on your face, skin condition and comfort level. I went 3 days shaving at least twice a day and my face was burning and suffering after only 3 days! Good luck.

[lingerieLiz]

I found it very easy to pass at 20 and had the opportunity to live as a girl actually as a housewife probably. But I wasn't bi or gay at all. I was fem enough to shop and interact with girls and women as well as guys. without their knowledge of my true sex. I never went full time because I had a great job. This was the 60s and I wanted to be a guy and just dress when I chose. If this is a long term goal then you will need to find a way to block the testosterone changes. See a doctor. Take care of your skin and yes get electrolysis.

As I passed the 25 mark I became more interested in my guy life and lazy about skin care. The other thing is your figure. I was lucky to have a small waist and was easily able to wear a size 6 dress or skirt. I was also about the same height as many of the girls.

As for living in Missouri, I've been all over the state and it is about like all others. You can find hate anywhere. Over the years I've found if you are friendly to people they are friendly. I've had people discover my CDing in some of the most religiously conservative parts of the country and all were discrete and accepting. I try to be helpful to my neighbors and honest with them. Most know and think nothing of seeing me wearing fem stuff. Just keep some extra sugar and flour handy for when they need to borrow some.

[Kagji]

In Washington it's a bit expensive but rather easy, so I'll be doing it in June before I go. As for the feminine voice, I still catch hell for having one. My voice is kinda stuck in between, but if i don't think about it my normal cadence is closer to a woman's or teen girl's. Kinda lucky there.

Do you have any recommendations for electrolysis? I've seen machines for sale, but should i get it done professionally or is there a certain brand I should buy? As for the testosterone, I've changed my diet to include things that should work as antiandrogens and I take a plant-based estrogen supplement.

My beard has never been a problem, and with my genetics it won't become one until around 28-30. Still, thank you for the advice and I will remember it.

[BrendaJane]

First of all, welcome to Missouri. As you can see, from my signature and location, I'm from the St. Louis area. Just wondering, what part of Missouri are you moving to? I know St. Louis city is very LGBT friendly & several municipalities in St. Louis County have LGBT non-discrimination policies in place. Do take care & be careful.

[Kagji]

Labadie. I hear it's nice, very quiet.