It's funny. People just don't know what to make of me

[Princess Grandpa]

One of the residents in my home injured himself last year. I take him for his physical therapy a couple times a week. When we first began coming I would see the young ladies surreptitiously looking at my nails. I would overhear snatches of conversations which led me to believe I was the topic of conversation. As time went on some of the young ladies got bolder and would ask to see what I had done this week.

We had several weeks with no appointments. We were waiting on approval from the insurance company for more sessions. When we returned a couple of the young women came by to show me their nails. They had gotten nail art done. I admired their nails. I commented on how much nicer theirs came out then when I do mine.

She explained that she had hers done. She said "they used a tooth pick for the polka dots". "I used tooth picks at first" I replied "recently my wife bought small brushes that we use for the designs". Shortly after that conversation I see the two ladies chatting. "He said he has a wife. I just assumed..."

I suspect most people I encounter assume I'm gay. It's really funny watching people trying to figure me out when my wife is with me. Then again I am easily amused

Hug
Rita

[Nadine Spirit]

For pretty much all of my life people have always assumed I am gay. Even when I was not wearing anything fem at all. This all started for me, way back about 25 years ago when I got my ear pierced and people wanted to know if it was in the ear that meant I was gay. I always ask people, um, doesn't gay mean that you like to have sex with someone of the same gender as yourself, not if you wear ______?

[CynthiaD]

I usually wear nail polish when I'm off work. The first time someone sees it they often do a double-take (I'm pretty macho looking in male mode.) But I've done it so much now that almost everyone I encounter on a regular basis has seen it. No big deal anymore.

[mechamoose]

People generally confuse cross-presentation with LGBTQ issues because of the gender implications. I believe that CD and gay issues are joined at the hip. We share a common battleground.

I'm coming at CD issues from an LGBTQ background, so I'm used to 'fairy men'. It's an interesting contrast, with new issues I had not considered before...

I love confusing the Mundanes.

- MM

[Katey888]

Rita - I suspect what you experience is true of virtually all of us - probably another reason why folk misunderstand, can't deal with it, teens giggle and point, and so on...

I'm not an effeminate guy at all. That thought worries me if I ever do interact with anyone dressed, even other CDers... I can pose a bit , I'm getting better at makeup, and when all that comes together (the moon in the twelfth ascendant, Jupiter aligned with Mars and Venus...!) I'm pleased with the look and I feel feminine... I wonder if folk would think the same of me as they do of you...? I'd certainly be trying to not be overtly male... would that end up being the same as being overtly gay? Can't imagine why...

Perhaps I'd just have to go with the perspective of 'amuse and confuse' and let the muggles work it out themselves... Ahhh - screw 'em!

Katey x

[mechamoose]

If you are confusing them, you are making them *think*.

Don't feel sorry for making them question their assumptions.

"Why DID you assume I'm straight!?!!?"

- MM

[sandra-leigh]

Assumptions that I was gay started in grade 2 or grade 3. I never understood why. These days I can speculate that even back then people recognized that there was something odd about my gender (before I even knew myself) and translated that into the better known realm of sexuality.

[GeminaRenee]

I think that people generally think they know what to make of me - except that they're usually wrong. On many occasions, I've heard variations on the "straightest guy I know" theme, which never fails to amuse me. Apparently a deep voice, an outdoorsy/active vibe, and an affinity for heavy metal make me exceedingly straight. I get caught staring sometimes at women, which I'm sure reinforces the notion. When caught, I don't usually mention that I'm wondering "where can I get boots like that?", in addition to admiring her figure.

What's interesting is that this "male-ness," as it were, seems to de-emphasize the cues that actually do point to something other than what people might expect: pierced ears, smooth body, soft-hands, scads of female friends. The discovery of these details often seems to surprise people, because they are apparently incongruous with the rest of me, but no-one gives me any sort of grief about them. I think it just gets chalked up to me being a little weird, and unusually secure in myself.

Funny enough, in the context of this thread, I work in a rehab facility myself, doing activities - unusual in and of itself for a guy, to my understanding. One of the activities we do are weekly nail painting - nothing fancy, just a file, a coat or two, maybe a little decoration, and some clear coat. No-one really expected me to jump in and volunteer to paint nails, but I did, not long after I started working there. The ladies would poke fun at me, the guy trying to paint nails. Except - they turned out kinda nice, much to the collective surprise. I now have a couple of ladies who want me specifically to do their nails each week. They just can't get over it, nor can the nurses who they show them off to. Yet, no-one shows any signs of suspecting anything strange about me - I just seem to have a talent for nails that no-one knows how to explain. I just chuckle to myself and graciously accept my role. After all, you can't beat free practice!

[Krisi]

Rita, your story pretty much debunks the posts that we see so often that "John Q. Public doesn't notice when we dress."

You are in a situation where it doesn't really matter what people think of you as long as they think you treat your residents with care and compassion. Many other folks are not in that situation. I once had to fire a band member because the owner of the club we played in heard a rumor that he was gay and he "didn't want the club to turn into a gay club". That was wrong in so many ways, but it was 50 years ago and I needed to keep that job.

Obviously, you've gained the respect of these ladies and they have taken you into their inner circle. That's great.

[Beverley Sims]

Rita,
The best fun is you are able to laugh at others who wonder??????

[MissTee]

I've had some really intense conversations about nail care with groups of GG's. They know I am married. I'm sure a few think my marriage is a "cover," but after the initial stunned effect most accept I'm just a guy that likes well kept nails.

[docrobbysherry]

Rita, this, "dress in women's clothes and u must be gay", thing is so prevalent that when I began dressing 17 years ago,
I thot I must be gay!

Long ago I figured out I'm not. Now, if anyone assumes I'm gay it doesn't bother me. Because others probably think much worse things about me!

[sanderlay]

Many years ago when I was in my teens my own Mother caught me dressed in her clothes. She asked me if I was gay. (For the record I'm heterosexual.) Thinking by many persons, even some professionals, was that if you dress in female clothes you must do it to attract males. That thinking has continued to stay around even thought we now know who your attracted to, your sex, your gender identity and your gender presentation are totally separate.

[Andrea Chenowith]

Many years ago when I was in my teens my own Mother caught me dressed in her clothes. She asked me if I was gay.

"Well, I consider myself mostly lesbian..." :-)

[MsVal]

Gemina, I'll keep you in mind when I need my nails done.

Best wishes
MsVal