Whoops Apocalypse!

[reb.femme]

I wrote a post just a couple of weeks ago about coming out to my sons and the potential problems I envisaged with the disclosure, in regard to my eldest son.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...day&highlight=

With the secret now revealed, he thinks I’m some kind of weirdo. He can't understand why anyone does this. It’s not that this stance was unexpected, as with all reveals, we take this chance of rejection. I had hoped the years would have mellowed his attitude to anything out of the ordinary, but he is almost Victorian in some of his ways.

My philosophy on life when down, is to pull yourself up by the boots straps and crack on or in my femme case, by the wedge straps. I can’t deny it hurts in that I’ve had no contact with him in the last couple of days, but I have a mental fortitude of my own, insofar that life goes on, regardless.

The world will not stop spinning, but it is just a touch less warm. A bit like Chicago at the moment!

Rebecca

[Kate Simmons]

Give it time my friend. Your Son will realize you are still you, regardless of how you express yourself.

[Cynthia Anne]

That is so true Rebecca! Life goes on! Perhaps with your oldest son, someday or something will change his attitude In the mean time keep on being who you are!!

[Laura912]

Therein lies the hazard of telling everyone.

[Stephanie Miller]

I'm curious on your delivery to him.
Some, out of the blue, give it the ol' "Want to see my bra collection?"
Some, spend forever beating around the bush before throwing hints
Others try and cram a full college course GLBT course down someones throat in 10 minutes before telling.
To each there own and to every recipient is different. Just wondering.

[NicoleScott]

Encourage your son to educate himself on the subject before forming an opinion.

[Hell on Heels]

Having no kids of my own, You can disregard everything I have to say.
I don't really know either of you, but have seen other situations where
peoples children shut their parents out of their lives. I feel you shouldn't let
it go too long before you try discussing this with him again. Try reinforcing
how much he means to you. If possible, invite him to browse this forum so
that he can see how many of us "WEIRDOS" are out there. Hopefully he will
get a little education, and understand more about you, and that your crossdressing
is an important part of who you are. Best wishes to you and your family.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Beverley Sims]

Rebecca,
Maybe it will take time for him to absorb it all.
Hopefully he will come around.

[Katey888]

Time is a great healer, Rebecca, and I believe you've approached this the right way for you and him.
You've said that it took him some time to come around over his brother - I'm sure this will be no different and if you just keep being you as you were before, he'll eventually understand that.
Is this harder to understand than a brother (or anyone, for that matter) being gay? Might be. We want our parents to be the heroes of our lives - it was a huge revelation to me when I was about 14 years old that my father had been divorced before marrying my mother (divorce was a major thing here in the early '50s) but it didn't change who or how he was to me. Give him time and let him ask all the usual questions that will be nagging at him...
I wish you all well...
katey x

[kimdl93]

Yes, give him some time. Even some Victorian gentlemen have learned to reassess their beliefs. He is just learning to see his father differently. It will all work out.

[reb.femme]

Thanks to all who have taken the time to respond.

Kristyn, all views are valid. A wide, whole life experience is a qualifier for an opinion on any subject, so thanks for your input. If you need an opinion, you can always come to me for one....guaranteed, according to my wife.

I've heard that he has asked to have a chat with his gay brother tonight. To my mind, there is a lot of worth in Katey's statement, "..Is this harder to understand than a brother (or anyone, for that matter) being gay?.." However, he's an individual with a very strong family belief and if he can't accept this, then it is 'c'est la vie' time.

I'm an unrepentant pessimist, so whilst I hope for a happy outcome, I'll only believe it, if it happens.

Rebecca

[Hell on Heels]

I didn't mean for you to run right out to him, definitely give it a little time to settle. It's up to you how long
I think where I was trying to go with this is if he doesn't come to you, you, being the parent,
shouldn't just let it slide and forget about him. Hope it all works out well for both of you.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[reb.femme]

Totally agree with you Kristyn, time is the great healer...possibly. Maybe I'll have a little more insight into his thoughts in a short while. I'll pester his ear in the not too distant future for sure, but just to say I'm mentally prepared for the worst outcome too. Big thanks for your input. Really nice avatar by the way.

Rebecca

[Tina_gm]

Unfortunately, for anyone we reveal ourselves to, we have to be ready for the worst outcome. It may take time, a lot of it for him to be able to be comfortable around you again. I would suspect that it may be even far harder for children to accept than spouses. Spouses have a little more control, they can always walk away if they feel the need to or want to. Children cannot just walk away in the same vein that spouses can. Its just different. As much time as many wives and GF's often need, I suspect children, grown or not may need even more time.

[Teresa]

I don't know if I missed it but what age are your sons? I posted a thread turning the situation round slightly. What if something was going on in your son's life and he was keeping it from you? He may be going through a crisis of his own and he can't take yours on board.

[JocelynJames]

I'm thinking that this like all things will pass. He will see you are the same person as always, there's just more to you than he thought. Don't push so hard and don't worry. I too always say the earth continues to spin. -JJ

[Sophie Yang]

Rebecca,

At least your two younger sons are accepting and hopefully the oldest will eventually come around. I do not know if you are out and about much and/or belong to a socially active group in your area. When I am home and there is something going on with the group, I always extend the invitation to my two sons who are very different. The girls always make them feel a part of the group. I told my two sons shortly after they graduated from college. The oldest two years ago and the youngest this year.

In your OP you did not really elaborate on what your oldest son's issues are other than it is weird. I would just try and keep the lines of communication open. Let him know that you are still love and are there for him if he ever needs to talk to you about anything. I would also let him know that you are comfortable with who you are and would like him to be comfortable also. There was a post on here about a father who dropped by for a beer with his CD'ing son. I believe the son is a police officer. The father maybe also. Hopefully someone can dig up or search for that post and share it with you. It is not quite the same scenario as yours, but it is a good example of a father who is there for his son. If appropriate, you might want to share it with your son.

You might read Warrior Princess by Kristen Beck. It is about a boy's journey, Chris, from child hood who transitions later in life. It is a quick read. You might see some of you in the book and you might see some of your son in the book. You might ask your son to read the book as a favor to you if appropriate. No one will say that Chris was not a Man's Man. It might help shed some new insight for your son on how hard this is on some people.

Give it time. Hope things turn out for you and your son in the long run.

Hugs,
Sophie